True Love -Kaleechee Style

If you are planning a trip to Montana.....

This is a very important slice of a travel planning itinerary. If you should find yourself in Montana and in need of some pie (because, as my friend Jon-Jon says, "There's always room for Pie!") check these places out. I can personally vouch for the Log Cabin Family Restaurant in Choteau.... they have great mashed potatoes too.

The most photogenic horse in the world.

It doesn't matter what you are doing.... get out a camera and Sunny will turn towards it and pose.

Of course, my sister is her usual glamorous self.

And Sweet Boy? Well, who doesn't love a guy who wears his hat like that??

Corncicles

This is documented proof that Sweet Boy ate frozen corn while we were at the farm. Please note that he is having NOTHING to do with the mandarin orange. The "books" say you must expose a child to a new food 10, 15, sometimes 30 times before they will try it.... yeah, I've been putting a single mandarin orange slice out every meal for about eleventy-million days and every meal he licks it and makes a horrible face before he puts it-ever so carefully- on the side of his plate.

Sweet Boy & Gunnar sittin' in a tree.....

Can I use this for my Christmas card this year?

Motivation.

I made an important discovery this morning. The Holiday gas station says they will soon carry Krispy Kreme Donuts!!! (The nearest Krispy Kreme is in Billings... about 5 hours away.) I must redouble my efforts to get pregnant so I can claim a craving to justify stopping there every morning.....

Working Girls

Mary P asked..... so, well, yes, actually working cows is sorta like working girls.... but trust me... I'd take that peein'-on-a-stick pregnancy test ANY DAY over what these girls have to go through....

On a sad note.... after 18 healthy babies ALL-Z was "open" (not pregnant). It is the nature of the business but it was a sad thing for all of us. Her tag actually says ALL-Z... short for Alzheimer's. She is sort of a leader-cow and always leads them the wrong way.... girl after my own heart......

Thanksgiving at the farm.

Sweet Boy now knows how to say tractor, combine, grain cart, truck, cow, and dammit dog.

We worked cows on Thanksgiving. Yes. Indeed. Early dinner (1:00) and working cows the rest of the afternoon..... interesting. But the weather was nice so we went for it. Nothing like working cows in a sweatshirt in November. Sweet Boy wandered around and was generally helpful. For a while he walked in big circles kicking cow pies.... then he walked up and down the raised walk by the alleyway. No nap and no fussing.... who is this kid? Hot Stuff ran the "tailgate" on the squeeze chute.... and did a very fine job for a city boy. Cows aren't his favorite thing but he played along.... maybe it was the promise of beer when we were done?!?! He didn't wock Dad on the head once with the tailgate and he hardly swore at all. Brother ran the rest of the squeeze chute.... his timing is fabulous. Mom did medication and kept the dog under control. Dad did the doctor stuff.... Do you really want the details on that? Pregnancy testing... that's what we were doing. Sister brought the cows down from the barn and ran the gate. Her boyfriend did the front of the alleyway.... he did a fine job keeping the cows off Dad's back. I ran the back of the alley and did the eartag numbers. I got about 14 slivers but I didn't get the pole slammed into me or pinch my fingers once.... always a hazard when you are shoving a metal pole behind a bunch of cows that are nervous about going up the alleyway. These old girls pretty much know the drill so there aren't usually a lot of wrecks but working with animals always has surprises.

Friday we went to the river and played around. Sliding down the dirt hills & hiking. Sweet Boy had a blast.

Today we fired a big pile of branches.... much fun for the firefighters in the crew.... Now we are getting settled in to eat more leftovers and watch the Carroll College Saints football game on tv.... then we will head home to try to beat the predicted blizzard that is coming tonight.... highs in the single digits tomorrow....

Uterine?

Why does spell check try to change Hutterite to Uterine?

Because, trust me, I want to tell you about the (big-ass) Hutterite turkey my brother is bringing home but I'm not so excited to share with you about his uterine turkey.... nope. Not at all.

Knowing my brother (and the Hutterites,) chances are good the turkey is still gobbling today. Yup, I can see it now..... just pecking and pooping around in my brother's house..... making a pet out of itself..... if Brother reads this and emails me the turkey's name you know we will be having grilled cheese sandwiches for Thanksgiving.

One for the baby book....

Guess who said "Big-Ass Turkey" last night......

The Garden

Greenie sighting! Which, of course, has me cruising the pictures here and thinking about.... spring? No. How about winter-interest in the garden? I can go there. I've actually done a pretty good job of putting my yard to bed this fall. A few select planters are on the porch with fake fall foilage and flowers.... a few fake fruits & a gourd or two. Maybe I'll take some pictures next week...... The darn deer actually uprooted the fake sunflowers on the corner of the porch.... hungry little buggers. They've made short work of any and all leaves in our yard.... truly, Hot Stuff says that makes living here worth it even if nothing else does..... no raking. My big fear is Sweet Boy realizing (the hard way) the "raisins" in the yard aren't really raisins.....

Mission: Impossible

I’m on a mission. This mission has several parts but the part I’m focused on today is the health part. I’m feeling very motivated by Lala… she’s dropping pounds and feeling great. (She also just told me about gingerbread & mocha mint-flavored holiday creamers… yummy treat!) So here are the facts:

After having a baby (June 2004) I promptly lost most of the baby weight and was down to 150-155 with very little effort beyond a daily stroller walk. (See me: Smug.)

My driver’s license says I weigh 145.

By the summer of 2005 I was pretty consistently below 150.

I thought I would loose the “extra 5” when I stopped breastfeeding (October 2005). Instead I ballooned to 160+ in September 2005.

The first focus was the eating…. As in, don’t do it so much. I’ve stopped grazing at the office candy bowl. Yes, I still get a treat or two but I’m conscious of it. That helps. Now I’m ready to add Phase II…. The movement. (I can’t bear to call it exercise… I just can’t….) So here goes. In the last week:

Thursday: Swimming with Sweet Boy
Sunday: Yoga Tape (Gentle Yoga)
Wednesday: 12 minutes on the elliptical machine & abs (pathetic)
Thursday: 14 min on the tread mill. 5 run, 9 walk. Abs & stretching (much better form)

The plan for the next week: This weekend will be much shopping & eating in Spokane. Next week will be at least 2 trips to the gym (16 & 18 minutes on machines) and maybe a swim with Sweet Boy if the weather is nice. The ULTIMATE GOAL is to drop about 15 pounds (from 150) and then gain back about 8 in muscle and hover between 140-145 in a perfect world. The reality is I will always be perfectly happy if I’m just a shade under 150.

As you can see, I’m breaking into this very carefully…. And I’m ok with that. I never thought I’d be “one of those people” who have to MAKE themselves exercise. And I certainly never thought my body would look like this!! But I’m making my peace with how it is and making plans for a few minor improvements. The only thing that looks really good right now are my calves…. That’s because I do 6 sets of toe raisers (2 each of straight, duck-foot & pigeon-toed) while Sweet Boy and Hot Stuff are playing “the bedtime game” going up the stairs. I follow Sweet Boy while he shoves his sippy cup through the stair steps and Hot Stuff catches it and puts it on the next stair up. Sometimes Sweet Boy stands on the step and mimics me…. Too cute and so motivational.

So keep me motivated people.

Tatonka

So yesterday was the first day of the bison hunt here in Montana. There has been no bison hunting in 15 years. I'm sure I have an opinion on this but I haven't had time to think about it or read any of the media so I'm just feeling uninformed. I'll get back to you.....

The Shoes

Ya'll asked for it. ....

Ebay, anyone?

Seriously.

I'm thinking of auctioning my brother off on Ebay.

Somebody make me an offer.

He's 29.

He's college-educated.

He cleans up pretty well.

He likes kids.

He's hilarious.

He can fix anything.

He has a good job in Cut Bank, Montana.

He likes horses.

I'll even throw in a clean sweatshirt to make him a real bargain.

Sometimes, we call him Clem.

Guilt, Regrets, Remorse & Goals… In that order.

I believe in reflection. I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I process things mentally lately. Fall brings with it the need for me to reflect. Like Jimmy Buffett says, “I took a week off just to try to recall the whole year.” Love that song… wish I could remember the name so you could all listen to it with me.

Guilt: What’s worse than guilt? Smugness. Yep, that’s me. I’m smug. A much nastier condition than guilt. Sure, I suffer from typical raised-Catholic guilt. (My grandma could get me to do anything she wanted just by giving me a look.) But, really, when I look at my situation… I’m damn close to having it all. I have a gorgeous home (ok, it only has 2 bedrooms & 1 bathroom, pink countertops, peach carpet, a sloping floor & a bachelor packrat living under the kitchen. The décor runs a little too much toward elk prints for my personal taste but I consider that a small marriage compromise). (Side tangent: Does the punctuation inside the ( ) marks or outside? I can never remember… where is my Holt Handbook?) I have a fantastic husband (ok, he’s a little moody, he obsesses about his weight & he mumbles, but he’s funny, smart & sexy). I have a sweet & clever kid (well, ok, he doesn’t eat veggies or fruit and he loves to do “dangerous tricks” and someday he will be 2 or 16 and I will pay the price for all the naughty things I’ve ever done in this life but that’s about karma and, really, that isn’t his fault). I have a job (yes, I’d like to cut back my hours & sometimes it bores the hell out of me and sometimes it is frustrating and I wish it paid more but it has great flexibility and I love the people I work with….). I have great friends (Lala, I wish you lived closer. K- I’ll call you this afternoon… swimming then drinks at my house, I promise we’ll use the BIG wine glasses… bring Baby K’s jammies so you can spend the night.) (Side tangent: Why does MS Word change “jammies” into “jimmies” every time I type it? What the hell is a jimmies? Also, please note how I strategically got past the “I know the punctuation should go inside the quotation marks but I hate that because it looks odd” dilemma by using italics…)

Regrets: I don’t have a lot of regrets. Well, let me rephrase that… I have a lot of things in my past that I COULD regret but I choose not too. Hell, I’m a very interesting person and I wouldn’t be if I didn’t have my, um, colorful past. There are a couple of things that haven’t come-to-pass that I think about sometimes. I always wanted to raise my children in a multi-lingual household. That isn’t happening. I also mourn the general lack of ethnic diversity in Montana (Really, all we’ve got are Native Americans, unless, of course, you count Hutterites and Canadians) and I dread raising a child who might look askance at someone’s skin simply due to lack of exposure to variety.

Remorse: I think remorse really only should happen when you do something big & bad…. Like when you maim or kill someone. I mean someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Goals: Don’t ever say I’m not an over-achiever. (Ok, truth, I’m a big planner but not so good on the follow-througher part.) I like to make my goals before Thanksgiving every year. It gives me something to assess when I hit the February doledrums. My goals for the next year aren’t big. I want to downhill ski more this winter. (Do you think 18 months is too young to learn to downhill?) I want to fly fish more in the coming year. I want to have all my holiday stuff done early in December so I can enjoy the season (don’t laugh… I actually manage this most years.) I want to get pregnant. I want to de-clutter & simplify my office. I want to take more pictures. I want to remodel our house (ok, that isn’t in the next year but I thought I’d throw that out there in case anyone has some brilliant ideas….).

So, what was the point of this post again? Damn, I can’t remember. Ok, add that to the goals: Remember to take ginko biloba memory aid. I just keep forgetting.

Fashionista

So is it odd that my son went to daycare this morning wearing flannel camoflauge overalls & baby blue Robeez shoes? He also had on an elf hat & red mittens. His father says someday I will have to pay for his therapist. I say wait until you see what he's going to wear tomorrow. (Just a hint: red santa slippers)

On Guilt

October 1: Guide to Parenting.

Because it involves dwelling on the past, guilt inhibits creative action in the present. One of the most counter-productive things, therefor, you can do to either yourself or your child is feel guilty.

(Easier said than done, eh Einstein?)

Sweet Boy's 2nd Halloween

He ditched the Pooh bear in favor of a Hot Wheels case when we got to Nana's house.

Things heard at our house this week:

From Sweet Boy, “Pun-kin.” (The daycarista musta taught him that one…. It sure surprised me when he said it.)

From Sweet Boy, “Apple.” Everything round and red is an apple. The button on the car seat. The tomato on the sign at the grocery store. Apples. He finds them in the strangest places… we are in Home Depot looking at cabinets and he is saying, over and over, “Apple. Apple.” I finally give him The Look and ask, “Where?” He points up… over my head… at the giant picture on the wall over the refrigerator section… a picture of apples.

From my father-in-law, seeing the sock fuzz between Sweet Boy’s toes, “Those are sprouts for a nice toe jam sandwich.”

Also from Sweet Boy, “Ewlcopter.” He has an ewlcopter toy. Harold the ewlcopter in his Thomas Train book. On his sweatshirt & his jammies. The whale on Nana’s shirt is an ewlcopter. The ceiling fan is an ewlcopter. How clever is that? The ceiling fan.

You asked for it......

I really can't figure out how to post this.... so here it is... rough-style.

By no means have I READ all of these books.... I just write down titles as I see them or hear of them and hope, hope, hope to read them someday. The list is handy when I go to the library and need inspiration. (Note: Yes, there is a little "trash" among the "treasures." No snobbery allowed here at the Homestead.)

Ace, Jane
Present at the Creation : My Years in the State Department
Acheson, Dean
Education of Henry Adams
Adams, Henry
INVITATION TO PROVENCE
Adler, Elizabeth
A Death in the Family
Agee, James
Tuesdays With Morrie
Albom, Mitch
Tuesdays with Morrie
Alborn, Mitch
A Pattern Language
Alexander, Christopher

Alexander, Shana
Daughter of Fortune
Allende, Isabel
THE BURNING OF RACHEL HAYES
Allyn, Doug
Citizen Soldier
Ambrose

Ambrose, Steven
Have A Nice Day -No Problem A dictionary of Cliches
Ammer, C
Winesburg, Ohio
Anderson, Sherwood
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Angelou, Maya
The Heart of a Woman
Angelou, Maya
Vinegar Hill
Ansay, A. Manette

Antrim, Minna
Contours of American History
Appleman Williams, Willian
The Courtisian
Atkins, Eileen
The Handmaid's Tale
Atwood, Margaret

Auster, Paul
Secrets of the Tsil Café
Averill
20th Century Words
Ayto, J
Dictionary of Word Origins
Ayto, J

Bailey, Pear
Go Tell It on the Mountain
Baldwin, James

Baldwin, James
Notes of a Native Son
Baldwin, James
Slaves in the Family
Ball, Edward
Athena
Banville, John
The Barnhart Dictionary of Etymology
Barhart, R
A Complaint is a Gift
Barlow, Janelle & Moeller, Claus
Family Resemblance
Barrientos
Samuel Johnson
Bate, Walter Jackson
Gracefully Insane
Beam, Alex
Uncle Tom's Cabin
Beecher Stowe, Harriett
Zuleika Dobson
Beerbohm, Max
Henderson the Rain King
Bellow, Saul
The Adventures of Augie March
Bellow, Saul
The Life & Times of the Last Kid Picked
Benjamin
The Old Wives' Tale
Bennett, Arnold
An Invisible Sign of My Own
Benter, Aimee
SHEM CREEK A Lowcountry Tale
Benton Frank, Dorothea
Open House A Novel
Berg, Elizabeth
THE ART OF MENDING
Berg, Elizabeth
Girlfriends
Berry & Traeder

Berry, Wendell

Berry, Wendell
Tara Road
Binchy, Maeve
Class Action
Bingham, Clara

Blume, Judy
Midwives
Bohjalian, Christopher

Bombeck, Erma
Clare Booth Luce
Booth Luce, Clare
TECHNOLOGY AND THE CHARACTER OF CONTEMPORARY LIFE
Borgmann, Albert
The Death of the Heart
Bowen, Elizabeth
GABRIEL DU PRE mystery series
Bowen, Peter
The Sheltering Sky
Bowles, Paul
The Emperors of Chocolate
Brenner, Joel Glenn
If I Never Get Back
Brock
The Greatest Generation
Brokaw, Tom
A Walk in the Woods
Bryson, Bill
The Souls of Black Folk
Bubois, WEB

Buffett, Jimmy
On Her Own Ground
Bundles, A'Lelia
A Clockwork Orange
Burgess, Anthony
Stolen Valor
Burkett, BG

Burroughs, Augusten
The Way of All Flesh
Butler & Pritchett
Martha Inc
Byron, Chrostopher

Cady Stanton, Elizabeth
Tobacco Road
Caldwell, Erskine
The Wake of the Wind
California Cooper, J
The Wealthy Spirit
Campbell, Chellie
In Cold Blood : A True Account of a Multiple Murder and ItsConsequences
Capote, Truman

Carnegie, Dale
The Power Broker : Robert Moses and the Fall of New York
Caro, Robert
Silent Spring
Carson, Rachel
Life Al Dente
Cascone, Gina
Death Comes for the Archbishop
Cather, Willa
Melbourne
Cecil, David

Chandler, Raymond
The Wapshot Chronicle
Cheever, John
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
Chernow, Ron
The House of Morgan : An American Banking Dynasty and the Riseof Modern Finance
Chernow, Ron
Titan
Chernow, Ron
THE LADY AND THE UNICORN
Chevalier, Tracy
Utopia
Child, Lincoln
Money Dragon
Chun, Pam
Second World War
Churchill, Winston
Good Words to You
Ciardi, J

Cisneros, Sandra
Rainbow Six
Clancy, TOm

Clancy, Tom
What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day
Cleage, Pearl

Coben, Harlen

Coelho, Paulo
Disgrace
Coetzee, JM
Spirit Dive
Coffman, Michael
Children of Crisis
Coles, Robert

Colette
Christopher Collier
Collier, Christopher
My Brother Sam Is Dead
Collier, James Lincoln

Collier, James Lincoln
Blood Work
Connley, Michael
Nostromo
Conrad & Watts
Heart of Darkness
Conrad, Joseph
Lord Jim
Conrad, Joseph
The Secret Agent : A Simple Tale
Conrad, Joseph
The Miracle Strain
Cordy, Michael
The Skating Pond
Corey, Deborah Joy

Cormier, Robert
The Chocolate War
Cormier, Robert
Redcoat
Cornwell, Bernard
Point of Origin
Cornwell, Patricia
Housewrights
Corrieveau, Art
Generation X: Tales for an Acclerated Culture
Coupland, Douglas
Jurassic Park
Crighton, Michael
by Herbert Croly
Croly, Herbert
Desert Places
Crouch, Blake
Faking It
Crusie, Jennifer
Gorky Park
Cruz Smith, Martin
The Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language
Crystal, D
The Chili Queen
Dalles, Sandra
Flappers 2 Rappers, American Youth Slang
Dalzel, T
The Strange Death of Liberal England
Dangerfield & Stanksy
Breath, Eyes, Memory
Danticat, Edwidge
THE DEW BREAKER
Danticat, Edwidge
Mind Catche
Darnton, John
For Matrimonial Purposes
Daswani, Kavita

Davies, Robertson
The Bone Collector
Deaver, Jeffrey
The Day the World Came to Town
DeFede
Philosophy and Civilization
Dewey, John
Fifth Life of the Catwoman
Dexter, Kathleen
Deliverance
Dickey, James
I am Madame X
Diliberto, Gioia
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
Dillard, Annie

Diller, Phyllis
Out of Africa and Shadows on the Grass
Dinesen, Isak
Ragtime
Doctorow, EL
SWEET LAND STORIES
Doctorow, EL
Your Money or Yor Life
Dominquez & Robin
The Ginger Man
Donleavy, JP
Madame Sadyakko
Downer, Lesley
The Sherlock Holms Mysteries
Doyle, Arthur Conan
Sister Carrie
Dreiser, Theodore
American Tragedy
Dreiser, Theodore
The Rescue Season
Drury 363.3481 D
Peter Bowen series
Du Pre
The Three Musketeers
Dumas, Alexandre
River Teeth
Duncan, David James
Hallucinating
Duncker, Foucault
Welcome to Higsby
Dunn, Mark

Duplantis, Jesse
The Alexandria Quartet : Justine/Balthazar/Mountolive/Clea
Durrell, Lawrence
Perma Red
Earling, Deborah
Glamorama
Easton Ellis, Bret
Foucault's Pendulum
Eco, Umberto

Eggers, Dave
The Mill on the Floss
Eliot, George

Eliot, George
Selected Essays
Eliot, TS
James Joyce
Ellmann, Richard
Healthy Foods
Ely, Leanne 641.5622 E

Epheron, Nora
Love Medicine Erdrich
Erdrich
Edison and The Electric Chair
Essig, Mark
Middlesex
Eugenides, Jeffrey
Hard Eight
Evanovich
Hard Eight
Evanovich
A Treasury of Great American Scandals
Farquhar, Michael
Studs Lonigan : A Trilogy
Farrell & Fanning
As I Lay Dying : The Corrected Text
Faulkner, William
The Sound and the Fury : The Corrected Text
Faulkner, William
The Majors
Feinstein, John
Horned Animal Party
Ferlatte, Diane
BRIDGET JONES' DIARY
Fielding, Helen

Fielding, Henry
Crossing Brooklyn Ferry
Fields, Jennie
Paranoia
Finder, Joe

Findlay, Timothy
White Oleander
Fitch, Janet
Tender Is the Night
Fitzgerald, F Scott
Great Gatsby
Fitzgerald, F Scott
Listening to America
Flexner, S
PILLARS OF THE EARTH
Follett, Ken
WHITEOUT
Follett, Ken
The Civil War : A Narrative
Foote, Shelby
Parade's End
Ford, Madox Ford
Independence Day
Ford, Richard
Infinite Jest
Foster Wallace, David
The Magus
Fowles, John

Fox Maxer, Norma
Lucky Man
Fox, Michael
Golden Bough
Frazer, James George
COLD MOUNTAIN
Frazier, Charles
Great War and Modern Memory
Fussell, Paul
A Lesson Before Dying
Gaines, Ernest
A Lesson Before Dying
Gaines, Ernest
The Affluent Society
Galbraith, John Kenneth
Business @ the Speed of Thought
Gates, Bill

Geirach, John

Geirach, John
A Virtuous Woman
Gibbons, Kaye
Ellen Foster
Gibbons, Kaye
ECOLES DES FEMMES ('The school for wives')
Gide, Andre
The Interpreter
Glass, Susan
Evensong
Godwin, Gail
Tales of the Female Nomad
Golden Gelman, Rita
Memoirs of a Geisha
Golden,
Lord of the Flies by William Gerald Golding
Golding, William Gerald

Gordon, Barbara

Gould, Stephan J.
Mismeasure of Man
Gould, Stephen J
Vermeer
Gowing, Lawrence
Not All Tarts Are Apple
Granger, Pip
I, Claudius : From the Autobiography of Tiberius Claudius
Graves, Robert
Good-Bye to All That : An Autobiography
Graves, Robert
Unhinged
Graves, Sarah
Fire In the Turtle House
Gray Davidson, Osha
The Heart of the Matter
Green, Graham
Loving/Living/Party Going/3 Books in One Volume
Green, Henry
The Street Lawyer
Grisham, John
The Testament
Grisham, John
Oldest Living Confederate Widow
Gurganus, Allan
The Taming of Chance
Hacking
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
Hailey, Alex
Sam: The Boy Behind the Mask
Hallman, Tom

Halsey, Margaret
A Map of the World
Hamilton, Jane
The Book of Ruth
Hamilton, Jane
The Maltese Falcon
Hammett, Dashiell
I Could Tell You Stories, Sojourns in the Land of Memory
Hampl, Patricia
A Dictionary of Surnames
Hankes & Hodges
A Mathematician's Apology
Hardy, GH
The Proper Study of Mankind : An Anthology of Essays
Hardy, Henry

Harris, Robie
Abide with Me
Harrison, E Lynn
EVENTIDE
Haruf, Kent
Science - A Brief History of Time
Hawkings
The House of the Seven Gables
Hawthorne, Nathaniel

Hawthorne, Nathaniel

Hayden Herrera, Frida
Mother of Pearl
Haynes, Melinda
The Transit of Venus
Hazzard, Shirley
Stones from the River
Hegi, Ursula
Catch 22
Heller, Joseph
Sun Also Rises
Hemingway
A Farewell to Arms
Hemingway, Ernest
The Facts on File Word and Phrase Origins
Hendrickson, R

Henley, Linda
THE LIGHTED PATH
Henrique, Risha
THE LIGHTED PATH
Henruque, Risha

Hepburn, Katherine
The Happiness Code
Herrick, Amy
Skin Tight
Hiaasen
King Leopold's Ghost
Hochschild, Adam

Hodgins, Jack
Here on Earth
Hoffman, Alice
American Political Tradition and the Men Who Made It
Hofstadter, Richard
The Ants
Holldobler

Hong Kingston, Maxine

Hornby, Nick
Religion - The Reed of God
Houselander

Houston, Pam
High, Wide & Handsome
Howard, JK
Strange Empire
Howard, JK
High Wind in Jamaica
Hughes, Richard
The Lady In Kicking Horse Reservoir
Hugo, Richard
Their Eyes Were Watching God
Hurston, Zora Neale
Brave New World
Huxley
Brave New World
Huxley, Aldous
Point Counter Point
Huxley, Aldous

Ibarruri, Delores

Irving, John
The Sketch Book
Irving, Washington

Ivins, Molly
The Frontier in American History
Jackson Turner, Frederick
The Ambassadors
James, Henry
The Golden Bowl
James, Henry
The Wings of the Dove
James, Henry
Dancing with the Witch Doctor
James, Kelly
Varities of Religious Experiences
James, William

Jardine, Ray
Feel the Fear
Jeffers, Susan
History - Intellectuals
Johnson
The Elements of Mentoring
Johnson & Ridley
Never so Green
Johnson, Tim
From Here to Eternity
Jones, James
Fear of Flying
Jong, Erica

Jong, Erica
Finnegans Wake
Joyce, James
Ulysses
Joyce, James
A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man
Joynce, James
Blubber
Judy Blume
The Perfect Storm
Jung, Sebastian
BLOODSWORTH
Junkin, Tim
UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN
Kakauer, Jon
Love It Don't Leave It 26 Ways to Get What You Want at Work
Kaye, Beverly & Jordan-Evans, Sharon
The Face of Battle
Keegan, John
TWISTED
Kellerman, Jonathan
Ironweed : A Novel
Kennedy, William J

Keriousc
On the Road
Kerouac

Kerouc

Kerr, Jean
Journal of the Dead
Kersten, Jason

Key, Ellen
Sushi for Beginners
Keyes, Marian
The General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money
Keynes, John Maynard

Kimball, Nell
Why We Can't Wait
King, Martin Luther
The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon
King, Stephen
The Poisonwood Bible
Kingsolver, Barbara
Kim
Kipling, Rudyard

Klass, David

Klein, Norma
Sex, Lies and Cocoa Puffs
Klosterman, Chuck
Darkness at Noon
Koestler, Arthur
Swimmer in the Secret Sea
Kotzwinkle, William

Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth
Dr Strangelove
Kubrick, Stanley
The Structure of Scientific Revolutions
Kuhn, Thomas S
La Lenteur
Kundera
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Kundera, Milan
SHADOW DIVERS
Kurson, Robert
The Seventh Tomb of Monte Alban
Kyle Madsen, Mildred
I Know This Much Is True & She's Come Undone
Lamb, Wally
Operating Instructions : A Journal of My Son's First Year
Lamott, Anne
Sons and Lovers
Lawrence, DH
Women in Love
Lawrence, DH
The Rainbow
Lawrence, DH et al
Crow Lake
Lawson, Mary
THE MOLD IN DR. FLOREY'S COAT
Lax, Eric
Girls in Trouble
Leavitt, Caroline

Lebowitz, Fram
Single & Single
leCarre, John
The Canal House
Lee, Mark
Six Easy Pieces : Essentials of Physics Explained by Its MostBrilliant Teacher
Leighton, Robert
Food & Loathing
Lerner, Betsy

Lester, Julius
The Disappointment Artis
Lethem, Jonathan
Where the Heart Is
Letts, Billie

Leverson, Ada
The Periodic Table
Levi, Primo
Main Street
Lewis, Sinclair
Sweet Science
Liebling, AJ
NYT Home Repair Almanac
Lipinski, Edward
A Preface to Morals
Lippmann, Walter
Homeland
Lipsyte, Sam
Call of the Wild
London, Jack
Jewel
Lott, Brett
Lois Lowry
Lowry, Lois
Under the Volcano
Lowry, Malcolm

Lynch, Chris
Alien in the Mirror
Lytle, Casey
Cal
MacLaverty, Bernard
A River Runs Through It
Maclean, Norman
No Great Mischief
MacLeod, Alistair
THE SHOP ON BLOSSOM STREET
Macomber, Debbie
Boonville
Mailer Anderson, Robert
The Naked and the Dead
Mailer, Norman
A House for Mr. Biswas
Maipaul, VS
The Journalist and the Murderer
Malcolm, Janet
SERVING CRAZY WITH CURRY
Malladi, Amylya
Jefferson, the Virginian (Jefferson and His Time, Vol 1)
Malone, Dumas

Mansfield, Katherine
West With the Night
Markham, Beryl
Cien Anos de Soledad
Marquez, G Garcia
THE HILLS OF TUSCANY
Mate, Ferenc
Law of the Buy In
Maxwell, John
Bella Tuscany
Mayes, Frances

Mazer, Harry
Lay that Trumpet in Our Hands
McCarthy Susan
A Giant's House
McCracker, Elizabeth
The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter
McCullers, Carson
The Great Bridge : The Epic Story of the Building of theBrooklyn Bridge
McCullough, David
Child of My Heart
McDermott, Alice
Songs in Ordinary Time
McGarry Morris, Mary
The Cadence of Grass
McGuane, Tom
Story: Substance, Structure, Style & The Principles of Screenwriting
McKee
My Father’s Ghost
McKee Chamas, Suzy
A New Kind of Christian
McLaren, Brian
THE MEMORY OF RUNNING
McLarty, Ron
LOOP GROUP
McMurtry, Larry
My Russian
McNamer, Dee
Rim of the Weeds
McNamer, Deidra
The Rise of the West : A History of the Human Community
McNeill, William

McPhee, John
Battle Cry of Freedom : The Civil War Era
McPherson, James
The Age of Jackson
Meier?
American Language, Supplement One
Mencken, HL
Home Comforts
Mendelson, Cheryl
Loteria
Mendoza, Ruben
The Changeling
Middleton & Rowley
Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay
Milford, Nancy
Like Being Killed
Miller, Ellen
Tropic of Cancer
Miller, Henry
While I Was Gone
Miller, Sue
Red Azalia
Min, Anchee
Gravitation
Misner & Thorne & Wheeler
A Fine Balance
Mistry, Rohinton
The Deep End of the Ocean
Mitchard, Jacquelyn
A Cup of Light
Mones, Nichole

Monro, Alice
Lies of Silence
Moore, Brian
Island of the Sequined Love Nun.
Moore, Christopher
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
Moore, Christopher
Principia Ethica
Moore, GE
The Midwife's Tale
Moran Laskas, Gretchen
A Passage to India
Morgan Forster, Edward
A Room With a View
Morgan Forster, Edward
Aspects of the Novel
Morgan Forster, Edward
Howards End
Morgan Forster, Edward
Gap Creek The Story of a Marriage
Morgan, Robert
The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt
Morris, Edmund
Paradise and Song of Solomon
Morrison, Toni
Paradise
Morrison, Toni
Stones in the Summer
Mossman, Dow
The City in History
Mumford, Lewis
Under the Net
Murdoch, Iris

Myers, Walter Dean
An American Dilemma : The Negro Problem and Modern Democracy
Myrdal, Gunnar
Pale Fire
Nabokov, Vladimeir Vladimirovich
Lolita
Nabokov, Vladimeir Vladimirovich
Speak, Memory : An Autobiography Revisited
Nabokov, Vladimeir Vladimirovich
A Bend in the River
Naipaul, VS
Science and Civilization in China : Chemistry and ChemicalTechnology
Needham, John
Autobiography of Mark Twain
Neider, Charles
On Sarpy Creek
Nelson, Ira
Heather Has Two Mommies
Newman, Leslea
The Time Traveler's Wife
Niffenegger, Audrey
Little Birds
Nin, Anais
We Were the Mulvaneys
Oates, Joyce Carol
Buffalo for the Broken Heart
O'Brien
Wise Blood
O'Conner
Back Roads A Novel
O'Dell, Tawni
Christine O'Donnell
O'Donnell, Christine
Autobiographies (Collected Works of W.B. Yeats, Vol 3)
O'Donnell, William
Appointment in Samarra
O'Hara, John
Fly Fishing The River of Second Chances
Olsson, Jennifer
The English Patient.
Ondaatje, Michael
Long Days Journey into Night
O'Neill, Eugene
Peter's Choice
Orbi, Joseph
9 Steps to Financial Freedom
Orman, Suze
The Courage to Be Rich
Orman, Suze
Animal Farm : A Fairy Story
Orwell, George
Homage to Catalonia
Orwell, George
1984
Orwell, George
THE DISTANCE BETWEEN
Osborne, Eliza
THE BOOK OF SECRETS
Osho
The Schooling of Claybird Catts
Owens, James
All Over Creation
Ozeki, Ruth

P. Levi La Tregua
The Gnostic Gospels
Pagels, Elaine
Studies in Iconology Humanistic Themes in the Art
Panofsky, Erwin

Parker, Dorothy

Parker, Dorothy
Lawrence in Oaxaca
Parmenter, Ross
U.S.A. : The 42nd Parallel, 1919, the Big Money
Passos, John
The Magician's Assistant
Patchett, Ann

Paterson, Katherine
When the Wind Blows
Patterson, James
The dictionary of the Khazar
Pavic
Youth in Revolt
Payne, CD
Beginner's Luck
Pedersen, Laura
All the King's Men
Penn Warren, Robert

Penn Warren, Robert
Philosophy - The Emperor's New Mind
Penrose
The Moviegoer by Walker Percy
Percy, Walker
Mode d'employ
Perec, La vie, G
Susan Beth Pfeffer
Pfeffer, Susan Beth
My Sister's Keeper
Picoult, Jodi

Plath, Sylivia
The Open Society and Its Enemies : The Spell of Plato
Popper, Karl Raimund
A Dance to the Music of Time : First Movement
Powell, Anthony
Carpe Jugulum
Pratchet, Terry
Paradise Bay
Pratt
Heart of the Indigenous Soul
Prechetel, Martin
T. Pynchon Gravity's Rainbow
Pynchon
I Thee Wed
Quick, Amanda
Black and Blue
Quindlen, Anna

Rakoff, David
Blue Moon Circus
Raleigh, Michael
The Castle of the Flynn’s
Raleigh, Michael
ATLAS SHRUGGED
Rand, Ayn
A Theory of Justice
Rawls, John
Wicked Words
Rawson, H
Wild Card Quilt
Ray, Janisse
AFRICA
Readers, John
The Kingfisher’s Call
Reed, John
The Story Teller
Reid, Arthur
Cadillac Desert : The American West and Its Disappearing Water
Reisner, Marc
Alice Series
Reynolds Naylor, Phyllis
The Rapture of Canaan
Reynolds, Sheri
The Making of the Atomic Bomb
Rhodes, Richard
Vittorio, the Vampire
Rice, Anne
Cold Springs
Riordan, Rick
BAIT
Robards, Karen
Jitterbug Perfume
Robbins, Tom
Flesh Tones
Rose, MJ
American Pastoral
Roth
Portnoy's Complaint
Roth, Phillip

Rowland, Helen
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Rowling, JK

Runyon, Damon
Midnight's Children
Rushdie, S
The Ground beneath her feet
Rushdie, S
STRAIGHT MAN,
Russo, Richard
Holes
Sachar, Louis
The Catcher in the Rye
Salinger, JD
Susan Santag
Santag, Susan
On Language
Sapphire, William
Princess
Sasson, Jean
The Reader
Schlink, Bernhard
Drowning Ruth A Novel
Schwarz, Christine
Mistaken Identity
Scottoline, Lisa

Sedaris, David
Ideas and Opinions
Seelig, Carl

Sellman, Jane
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare
A Bright Shining Lie : John Paul Vann and America in Vietnam
Sheehan, Neil

Sher, Barbara
Larry's Party
Shields, Carol
The Pilot's Wife
Shreve, Anita
What's Heaven
Shriver, Maria
Ghost Soldiers
Sides, Hampton
Do What You Love
Sinetar, Marsha

Sitwell, Edith

Slaughter, Karin
Good Faith
Smiley, Jame
Aging with Grace
Snowden, David
Of Human Bondage
Somerset Maugham, W
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spark, Muriel
The Notebook
Sparks, Nicholas
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
Sparks, Nicholas
The Gate of Heavenly Peace : The Chinese and Their Revolution1895-1980
Spence, Jonathan
The Pilots
Spencer, James

Spong, John
AN UNFINISHED LIFE
Spragg, Mark
The Fifth Sacred Thing
Starhawk
Bittersweet
Steel, Danielle
Angle of Repose
Stegner, Wallace
Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas
Stein, Gertrude
Tender Buttons
Stein, Gertrude
Of Mice and Men
Steinbeck, John
The Grapes of Wrath
Steinbeck, John

Steinbeck, John
All Too Human
Stephanopolos, George

Stern, Laurence
Sugar Busters
Steward & Bethea
Driving Over Lemons
Stewart, Chris

Stine, RL
I Sleep at Red Lights
Stockler, Bruce
Eminent Victorians
Strachey, Lytton
Elements of Style
Strunk, William
Sophie's Choice
Styron, William
Darkness Visible : A Memoir of Madness
Styron, William
MR. LUCKY
Swain, James
Paper Wings
Swick, Marly
Gulliver's Travels
Swift
Religion and the Rise of Capitalism
Tawney, RH
Memoirs - To School Through the Fields
Taylor,
Working : People Talk About What They Do All Day and How TheyFeel About What They Do
Terkel, Studs

Thayer, Nancy
The Lives of a Cell : Notes of a Biology Watcher
Thomas, Lewis
On Growth and Form
Thompson, D'Arcy Wentworth
Making of the English Working Class
Thompson, Edward
PIRATES OF PENSACOLA
Thomson, Keith

Tomlin, Lily

Toole, John Kennedy
Sam Casey books
Tooley, SD
A Study of History
Toynbee, Arnold

Traven, B

Traver, Robert
The Liberal Imagination : Essays on Literature and Society
Trilling, Lionel
The Guns of August
Tuchman, Barbara
The Song Reader
Tucker, Lisa
Marvelous Monikers
Tuleja, T
These is My Words
Turner, Nancy
Working Fire
Unger, Zac
Separating
Updike, John

Vail, Rachel
The Strange Career of Jim Crow
Vann Woodward, Comer
Value in the Valley
Vanzant, Ayanla
One Day My Soul Just Opened Up
Vanzant, Iyanla
Yesterday I Cried
Vanzant, Iyanla

Viorst, Judith

von Ebner-Eschenbach, Marie
Expect the Unexpected
Von Oech, Roger
Crusade : A Duty Dance With Death
Vonnegut, Kurt
Cat's Cradle and Galapagos
Vonnegut, Kurt

Vowell, Sarah
The Color Purple
Walker, Alice
Billy's Boy
Warren, Patricia Nell
The Double Helix : A Personal Account of the Discovery of theStructure of DNA
Watson, James
A Handful of Dust
Waugh, Evelyn
Brideshead Revisited
Waugh, Evelyn
Scoop
Waugh, Evelyn

Waugh, Evelyn
Ashes of Victory
Weber, David
Daddy Long Legs
Webster, Jean
The Devil Wears Prada
Weisberger, Lauren
Winter in the Blood & Fool's Crow
Welch, Jim
Big Ugly
Weld, William

Wells, Carolyn
Logan’s Storm
Wells, Ken
Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
Wells, Rebecca

Wells, Rebecca
Trainspotting
Welsh, Irvine

Welty, Eudora
Dictionary of American Slang
Wentworth & Flexner
The Wedding
West, Dorothy

West, Jessamyn
The Day of the Locust
West, Nathanael
Black Lamb and Grey Falcon : A Journey Through Yugoslavia
West, Rebecca
The Age of Innocence
Wharton, Edith
Ethan Frome
Wharton, Edith
The House of Mirth
Wharton, Edith

Wharton, Edith
An Avelanche of Anoracks
White, R
Shark River
White, Randy
Principia Mathematica to 56
Whitehead & Russell
Winner of the National Book Award
Willett, Jincy
Daddy's Roommate
Willhoite, Michael
Patriotic Gore : Studies in the Literature of the American CivilWar
Wilson, Edmund
Professor and Madman
Winchester, Simon
THE PROFESSOR AND THE MADMAN
Winchester, Simon
Good Hope Road
Wingate, Lisa
Ten Perfect Fingers
Winner, Brenda
How to Make a Living Without a Job
Winter, Barbara
The Passion or Written on the Body
Winterston, Jeanette
In the American Grain
Wlliams, Carlos William
The Right Stuff
Wolfe, Tom
This Boy's Life : A Memoir
Wolff, Tobias

Wollstonecraft Shelly, Mary
Florence Nightingale : 1820-1910
Woodham-Smith, Cecil
Under the Lake
Woods, Stuart

Woodson, Jacqueline
A Room of One's Own
Woolf, Virginia
To the Lighthouse
Woolf, Virginia
Native Son
Wright, Richard
Black Boy
Wright, Richard
Wide Sargasso Sea
Wyndham & Rhys
Art of Memory
Yates, Francis
THE PRIZE
Yergin, Daniel
Banker to the Poor
Yunus, Muhammad

Zindel, Paul
Invisible Man

Secrets of the Talking Jaguar: A Mayan shaman's Journey to the

Shadow and Act

Snow Falling on Cedars

Social Science - Slouching Towards Gomorrah

The Rooms of Heaven?

Almanac of the Dead Silko

Art and Illusion : A Study in the Psychology of PictorialRepresentation

BHG New Complete Guide to Home Repair

Biography - Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Black Hawk Down.

Blind Mans Bluff

Cantebury Tales

Charming Billy

Classical Mechanics by Herbert Goldstein.

Cloud Mountain

Confederacy of Dunces

Count of Monte Christo

Dracula

Fannie Calderon De La Barca

Hannibal

Harold Bloom's Shakespeare

In The Meantime

Knolls Medicine for MT Wilderness

Lazarus' Heart

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Never be lied to again

The Splendor of Truth (JPII)

Places I Never Meant To Be: Original Stories by Censored Writers.

Poetry - Occulta (Plunkett)

Portnoy's Complaint

Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man

Princess –Jean Sasson

Rodeo Queen History

Scull Session

Shere Hite

Success With Words

The Road To Wellville

The Bible According to Einstein

The Black Book of Communism

The Discoverers

The Invention of The Human

The Millionaire Next Door

The Mirror and the Lamp : Romantic Theory and the CriticalTradition

The Name of the rose

The Nature and Destiny of Man : A Christian Interpretation

The Oxford English Dictionary

The Postman Always Rings Twice

The Spiritual Chick’s Question Everything _Red Wheel

The Sunday Wife

Undaunted Courage,

Webster's Word Histopries

Yellow raft on Blue Water

Because it must be seen to be believed.....

Here it is.

I know you didn't believe a purse existed big enough to contain all the items in my previous post. But here it is. Notice the sexy silver trim. Sparkle is all the rage this season. And the funky flowered lining... it ain't paisley but almost.

I just got the rescue remedy stuff... it is supposed to calm you. Tranquilize me, Baby.

Can I say again how much I love Neutrogena Nail Enhancer?

But now, what you've all been waiting for (drum roll please)....

Homestead's lip gloss and book list....

Lip Gloss #1 is Mabelline Wet Shine Diamonds. Dumb name, great gloss. Mine is pink diamonds. #55. Sexy. Understated. Makes Sweet Boy sparkle when I kiss his head.

Lip Gloss #2 is Mary Kay Signature Bronzing Lip Gloss Duo in Mango/Mist. I love it. I think it was part of the summer collection. Ok, I'll admit.....I bought it when a friend had a MK party and I felt obligated to go. It was $16.50 which is way more than I would normally spend on an entire outfit... let alone one lip gloss. But it has lasted a long time and it looks great... and it has a little mirror in the lid which I love. (Note to any of you who run out and get this stuff... there is a little lip brush in the compact between the two gloss shades... it took me a while to figure that out...actually I had to read it on the bottom of the compact to figure it out...) I also love the MK lip liner in neutral. Ok, end of endorsement. Oh wait... one more thing.... Jill is a MK gal if you don't have one locally. Now, truly, end of endorsement.

My book list... oh my, are you sure you want this? I have to find it on the computer so I'll post it later today... or tomorrow.....

What's in YOUR wallet?

Klog has a post about what is in her purse right now. Cracked me up. So I decided to play. Right here. Right now. Wait. First let me say this: I used to not carry a purse at all. Or at least not much of one. It gave me a headache. But these days I’m carrying that purse/work/diaper bag combo… because I’m too lazy to carry an actual diaper bag (I have one in the car….) So here goes:

Wallet (small one…. So I can carry it in the pocket of my fleece if I’m just running into the video store or something.)
Check book
Epi-pen
Plastic horse & Matchbox racecar (What do you play with in the checkout line? Oh, THAT’s when you people are reading magazine covers and learning that Britney had her baby…. I still don’t know what that kid’s name is… and I’m embarrassed to tell you how long it took me to find out what’s-her-name is having a kid with that annoying guy from Top Gun.)
Dino-crackers (I don’t usually have these in my purse… they go in the console of the car.)
Neutrogena nail enhancer (I love this stuff.)
Pen
Flashdisk
Sometimes a daytimer
Cell phone
Baby wipes
Diaper
Spare paci
Sunglasses
Fold up fan (this is actually for my menopausal friend, but it comes in pretty handy sometimes…. Here on the frozen tundra things tend not to be air-conditioned… ever.)
Little pink zipper bag (lip gloss, spare car keys, ponytail holder, stamp cards (coffee & such), library reading list, phone list & my fishing license)
Medium orange zipper bag… these are the coolest mesh bags…. Got them at Target… they are a pencil holder set. (travel tissues, fold-up hair brush, travel lotion, travel hand sanitizer, tiny baggie of Advil/Tylenol/Excedrin, nail file, lip gloss, tampons, gum, breath mints, Shout wipes, tiny sewing kit, Immodium, decongestant, antacid, tiny sunscreen, moist wipes, bandaids, duct tape) Wow. That’s a lot of shit in a tiny bag.

Oh, and on the subject of diaper bags…. We have 4.

The car bag: In the trunk. Emergency stuff. It’s the bag we got free from the hospital.

The daycare bag: The daily stuff. Baggie of drugs (that sounds bad... better clarify... Deej's tylenol, advil, teething tablets, gas drops, benedryl, etc), swim trunks in summer, mittens/hat in winter, extra outfit, extra shoes, spare paci.

The swim bag: floaties, goggles, swim diapers, sunscreen in summer, lotion, body wash, regular diapers, towels, swim suit, change to “rent” a towel when we forget ours, plastic bag for wet stuff, membership card, jammies to put on after swimming.

The Patagonia bag: The best diaper bag from the Pata-guchi outlet in Dillon, MT. It is a narrow rectangle one-strap that goes across the body but not-really-a-messenger bag that goes everywhere. Three compartments and a sunglasses case/cell phone holder on the strap. It fits under the bleachers at football games, under the seat in an airplane, in the grandstands at a rodeo and I can pack a ton of stuff in it. Love it. And it is sexy enough for Hot Stuff to carry.

Is Neon Butt-Rash a Halloween costume or a punk rock band?

October 2005 will go down in Homestead history as the month of the ruddy bottom. Really. I think the low point was this morning at the doctor’s office when I told the receptionist he looked like a baboon in heat. Family Services will be calling. Actually, I have a question about that…. My son currently looks like what I THOUGHT a neglected baby that hasn’t had a diaper change in a week or so looks like…. So what do neglected babies who REALLY haven’t had their weekly diaper change look like? Must be some kind of awful. Poor baby is getting greased & floured like a tiny little bundt pan on a regular basis (actually, now that I think about it… his butt is the same shade as my red silicone bundt pan.) Here, in no particular order, are things this month has made me thankful for…

1. Aveeno Bath Soak.

2. Color-safe bleach. (I can’t just let him run around naked… what if he unloads on my carpet? So I put him in sweat pants naked-bottomed and he pees in them… better a GIANT load of “soiled” kid clothes than a corner-the-cat-keeps-sniffing-suspiciously.)

3. Plastic toy elk, deer & moose. (How else do you get a kid to stay in the tub for 20 minutes twice a day?)

4. Sweet Boy’s wanker. (How he entertains himself in the tub when he isn’t busy with the wildlife.)

5. The nurse “working us in” for an appointment.

6. Benadryl meltaways. (The only thing that helped him sleep on Saturday night.)

7. Numbing crotch spray… you know…. The stuff the doc tells you to get for post-partum.

8. Corn starch.

9. All those months and months of no diaper rash.

10. Our daycarista. She let him “air it out” in the linoleum play area and carefully monitored what he was eating, drinking and pooing.

11. Monostat. Because nothing says funny like the look on the face of a teenage checker when you slap a box of cooch cream and a tube of industrial strength diaper stuff on the counter. (I really should have stocked up on astroglide, gerbil flea spray & enemas while I was there….)

12. My hairdryer. Seriously, it hasn’t been turned on in years until now.

13. Hot Stuff. He took more than half of the diaper changes. Nothing says love like a baby running from a diaper and hiding behind his toybox.

14. Towels right out of the dryer. (Is there anything cuter than a smiling little face with big round eyes all wrapped up in a fluffy purple towel? When you are soaking and airing twice a day you get a lot of towel time.)

15. Giggling with my mom over the tube of monostat in my purse.

16. Squeezed lemons. (Because just drinking water & milk when you can’t have juice is boring.)

17. Tall, skinny babies. If he was chubby he’d be in a size 4 diaper and, well, those are more expensive….

18. Mupirocin ointment (Bactroban)

19. Sweet natured kids. A tear-streaked baby patting daddy’s hand saying, “nice da-dee” after a wicked diaper change tears your heart. If it doesn’t, you are a cold, dead fish.

20. Broadwater Athletic Club and Hot Springs. For some reason the pool there did not turn him into a squealing mess… and he actually healed up a little… amen for the power of natural hot water.

21. A best friend who is a nurse... and who doesn't mind if your kid whizzes on her carpet.

22. Fun tub toys. (Read: monostat applicators.)

23. The light at the end of the tunnel. If he isn’t better by Friday the doc promises to do a butt transplant.

Redneck-In-Training

Redneck-In-Training
Originally uploaded by Homestead.

Does this photo even need a post? The poor kid doesn't stand a chance, does he? And, for the record, he likes Eastman's Bowhunting Journal better than the rifle version.

Also for the record... Rifle season opened Sunday. Hot Stuff has only hunted one rifle day so far and my freezer is still empty. Here's hoping something delicious ends up in there in the next few weeks. I like elk. I don't mind deer (love deer sausage if it is done right). I don't like antelope. Ew. Prairie goats. Ew.

Hunting season is a topic for much discussion and a lot of Redneck jokes. I can't tell you the number of camo-wearing people I've seen (or sort-of seen... it is camo after all) in the last week. I was sporting my army-camo pants on Saturday in honor of the weekend.... although mine came from the clearance section of Target and setting a mouse trap is about the most blood-n-guts they will see. Hot Stuff loves to get out in the woods. He isn't so in love with killing things so he usually comes home empty-handed but his directions this season are "fill the freezer or eat rice all year." Hot Stuff loves him some rice, but every once in a while a boy needs some protein and, frankly, we just can't afford to buy meat (if that is what you call that disgusting product in cellophane & styrofoam that you can buy) at the store.

Bug Love

Let me start by saying this.... I'm Catholic. But wait... please keep reading.... I'm not one of THOSE Catholics..... Anyway, like many Catholics, I believe in signs.

A few weeks ago while driving to work I noticed a shoe in the median. I laughed to myself and thought of LadyBug and her post about why there is always only one shoe and wondering what the story was. (I'd link that post but I'm just too lazy.... Go see LadyBug... her info is somewhere in my comments... she's damn funny & writes the sweetest letters to Big Boy.)

So every day I see the shoe and think about LadyBug and toss a few good thoughts her way (and a carefree "fuck" or two because she knows I swear when I care...) but about 2 weeks ago I noticed the shoe was gone. (Why did I notice this? Well, I notice these kinds of things.)

This afternoon I was driving to town and GUESS WHAT??? Another shoe. (Different style... not the mate... I know you were wondering....) How crazy is that? I got shivers. Obviously I am supposed to be thinking about LadyBug right now. So, honey, I'm thinking about you. I know things are bleak in your world and you are feeling a little raw but you have a bunch of dopey bloggers thinking about you and now some cosmic power keeps tossing out shoes for you....

Ya gotta be feelin' the love....

Meth.

Here's a link for ya....

The Montana Meth Project.

It took me about half my vacation time to realize that NO OTHER STATES have these ads on tv or radio. Check out the 5 tv spots. What do you think? Too graphic? Dead on? We see them every night on Channel 12. And the billboards & the radio spots.

Do other states have the problem with meth that we have? It is a big deal here. Hot Stuff goes through annual training to learn how to identify a meth lab and what to do. A lot of the labs are in the back woods and the "slag" is very explosive... not to mention the lab owners.... hopped up, tweaked out and armed.

And, with that, I'm outta here.... a fun-filled weekend of work in Billings... back later next week.

I'm back... sorta.

Vacation was fabulous.

Lala says I'm the only person she knows who can call folding someone else's husband's underwear vacation. I have skills like that.

Sweet Boy loved the baby moose and taking off in the plane. The trip home was made ever-so-sweet courtesy of half a benadryl meltaway.... I'm sure the runny nose was all about teething and he didn't really NEED the benadryl but still.... a napping child makes for happy travel companions.

We went to "Pump It Up" in Colorado Springs. Been there? No, it isn't a workout place. It's full of inflatable toys. (Remind me to tell ya'll the story of googling "inflatable toys" at work while trying to find blow-up swimming pools in October to put drinks in to chill.....) Anyway. Once I got over my paranoia that the front desk guy worked a second job at Pediphiles-R-Us we had a really great time sliding on the big slide and racing around the bouncy-track like little road runners. I recommend it to all.

The down-part (besides leaving Lala & Little at the airport) was (yet again) failing in my mission to get "Mother of the Year." Yes, people, you will be seeing my real name on Parents Behaving Badly for.... wait for it.... LOCKING MY SON IN THE CAR.

Can you say "Oh my Fucking HELL" with me?

Fortunately, the Lala-husband unit was quick with the spare key and Sweet Boy was not buckled into the car seat. He actually got out of the car seat, crawled in the front seat, got his paci out of the diaper bag, and (after he got over his confusion) was playing with the steering wheel.... LOCKED IN THE CAR. I have never been so fucking horrified in my life. AND I had many family witnesses there.... so it has to go in the Christmas letter or someone will call me out on it.... I am just going to add a paypal button here for all of you who would like to donate to Sweet Boy's therapy fund. LOCKED IN THE CAR.

Bye for now.

Dear Internet,

My mama is taking me on a big bird tomorrow. I am very excited. I get to sit on her lap the whole way. She's been away for work a few days and I'm very excited to spend some quality time with her. We are going to visit my Auntie Lala and her family. Her kids are Big, Middle & Little. Little & I plan to speak Taiwanese to each other and drive our trucks in the sand box.

I'm gonna smile really nice at the flight attendant and see if if she will sneak me unlimited amounts of apple juice and maybe a cookie or two.

Mama has threatened me with the sticky orange stuff if I be naughty. So I promise to be very, very good. She says she has some special treats for on the plane. I hope they are markers. I love markers. Or maybe a baby moose. I have a baby deer but I really need a baby moose. I'm going to wear my overalls and I need a baby moose to put in the front pocket.

Mama is packing for us now and I really need to go supervise.... otherwise she might forget my blue baseball cap. I need that.

Until next time....

Love,
Sweet Boy

I'm working here.

I'm working here.
Originally uploaded by Homestead.

So sweet. So cute. So naughty.

Because I can tell you want to know MORE about me....

10 Years Ago
Putting that bachelor of arts in biology to use program directing and instructing at a martial arts school in California. In great shape but lonely and bored as hell.

5 Years Ago
In love. So in love. Still in love.

1 Year Ago
I hate pumping at work. I hate working. I wonder what Sweet Boy is doing?

Yesterday
Painting. And more painting. And cleaning. And raking. And, all the while, being assisted by the tiny dictator.

5 Snacks I Enjoy
Crackers & cheese
Fresh salsa
Chocolate things
Popcorn
Park Ave Bakery treats

5 Songs I Know All the Words To
My Little Potato
Happy Birthday
Yeah, I usually make up my own words…

5 Things I’d Do with 100 Million Dollars
Remodel the house
Open a bottomless charge account for Hot Stuff at Capital Sports
Set up educational trusts for Sweet Boy & my nieces
Create a trust to give small one-time awards to Montana residents to buy college text books… no financial or age or institution requirements…. Just a tiny boost to as many individuals as possible. The application will have one requirement, “Tell us how you intend to “pay it forward” in kindness.”
Buy really expensive cheese

5 Places I’d Run Away To
The Oregon coast
Down by the creek
San Francisco
Oaxaca, Mexico
The Canadian border
Big Hole River

5 Things I’d Never Wear
anything that needs to be ironed
colored socks (unless they are holiday ones… I have a special thing for holiday ones)
busy prints (unless maybe it was cammo?!?)
peach anything… coral is good… peach makes me look deathly
a blonde wig (ok, just that one time….)

5 Favorite TV Shows
ER
McGuyver
Cleopatra 2525 (this kills my husband)
CSI
Vegas (I just really like the clothes)
Sometimes I wish we had cable or satelite

5 Biggest Joys
Sweet Boy
Hot Stuff
Riding a horse really well (ok, I’m still waiting for that to be consistent but I have small moments of true joy)
A perfect bit of dark chocolate with a glass of good red wine
My hammock

5 Favorite Toys
Orvis flyrod
Digital camera
Skis (downhill)
Compound target bow (that I don’t own yet)
Hot Stuff

Think Globally, Drink Locally.

Susan asked if we have Starbucks. Hey, we might not have indoor plumbing… but we have Starbucks. THREE of them last I counted…. In a town with a population of about 25,000. The only storefront you can see more often is, maybe, Verizon Wireless dealers. Seriously.

I love Starbucks but, on principle, try to avoid them…. At least in Helena. There are a couple very fabulous independent coffee places in town and I try to do the right thing and support local. (This is the “don’t shit in your own back yard” theory of Redneckology. I’ll drink Starbucks in any other town….)

If you are driving Hwy 12 stop at the little coffee shack by the “Knight’s Rest” motel. I’m not even going to comment on the “Knight’s Rest” but amazingly good coffee and they give you a little mini donut too…. Such a deal. And if you are downtown go to Fire Tower Coffee or Morning Light Coffee or Park Avenue Bakery… I’ll meet you there.

Do they skip Q?

This will be my one and only post about hurricanes.

Based on my limited understand, I though hurricanes were named alternately male & female. Then each season starts with the alternate gender (I love saying alternate gender) from the previous year.

So why isn’t Rita named Reggie?

Let’s look at this, shall we:

K Katrina
L Male
M Female
N Male
O Ophelia
P Male
Q Female
R Male

Is Rita a male name in some cultures? Is it just too hard to come up with enough "Q" names? And who decides those names anyway?

Here ya go....

Ladybug tagged me!

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

And so I give you this tidbit of fabulous writing:

She has big sexy hair but I know the reason she really loves being a cowgirl is never having to shave her legs.....

I tag Susan, Cheryl, M&Co., Sierrabella & Mary P. (sorry, too lazy to link right now.)

It's a Class Thing

How many kids are in a Class 5A school?

The biggest class we have in Montana is Double A.

I graduated from a Class C school. Do you know what that means?

1. There were 8 in my graduating class (no, not 800 or 80). And, yes, I do know where they all are today. 2 of them are reading this right now and laughing.

2. We played 6-man football. That's right. It's like basketball with helmets.

3. I had the same history/govt teacher from the 7th grade-12th grade.

4. One of my classmates got hung on a hook in the gym by the teacher in 2nd grade. (Just wanted to share that...)

5. Most of the kids I graduated with I went to kindergarten with... or met when our school consolidated with the next town over when I was in the 4th grade.

6. The schools all just consolidated again this year.

7. I was related to a lot of kids in my school.

8. I didn't date much. (But not just because I was related to everyone.... that wouldn't stop a true Redneck from dating....)

9. The school pretty much shut down during tournament time.

10. I got to wave to my sister at lunch every day when she was in kintergarden and I was in high school. I threw things at my brother... he was in junior high.

11. My teachers often called me by my aunt's name.

12. My brother passed Senior English based on the fact that "all those (my family) kids are good at English."

13. He almost failed math due to the exact same reasoning.

14. I still get twitchy and worry that people are watching me when I go back to that little town.

KGrams

Yes, I want to do Sunday Smorgasboard. Please-oh-please.

homestead321 at hotmail dot com

Movie Night at the Homestead

Last night we watched Snow Walker. (Hot Stuff's pick)

I'm pleased to report it is a lovely film and everyone enjoyed it..... even Sweet Boy.....who waved at each and every plane in the first 30 minutes and said, "Bye Guys!" Then he went to bed.

The in-laws came down with homemade pizza & I made some seriously chocolate cookies. Add a few beers (for the pizza) and some tea (for the cookies) and you have the makings of a really nice evening.

Tonight's pick.... Friday Night Lights.

We have a thing for football movies. Slaughter Rule. That one with Titans in the title and Denzel. Ok, I will admit... I had some problems "suspending reality" for Slaughter Rule.... there are several serious problems with the movie in general and it should have been more carefully researched. Anybody else see it? Know what I'm talking about?

It's A Small, Small World

I had one of those "cue the It's A Small World theme song" moments last week..... Talking to a guy on the phone who asks my hometown. Then he says his ex-wife is from there. Well, when you hail from a town with 596 people (and I'm pretty sure they had to count dogs to get the number that high) the chances are pretty good you will know who he was married too. He tells me who she is..... This woman has been married to not one, but TWO of my cousins.

I'm not sure if It's a Small World or Dueling Banjos is more appropriate here.....

And suddenly I realized, this, this is my Life.

This is in response to all those women who think they can "have it all" and not change the way they function after having kids. I used to travel a lot for work. Not so much now... but some. The last trip I took was in December 2004.

Ok. Picture me (please picture me sleek & attractive & fun). I'm in the end stall of the bathroom in an airport in a major city.... an adaptor is snaking out of the stall and plugged into the ONLY wall outlet in the bathroom. A black bag containing a strange machine is hanging off the edge of the bathroom stall (why does THIS bathroom not have that handy hook on the back of the door?) and emitting an odd chugging sound. I'm STANDING in the stall (doing yoga poses & deep breathing to pass the time) praying no one is going to alert security about the bomb-machine in the concourse D bathroom. Yes, my serene & speedy pumping session was frequently interupted by the "gahwhoosh" of the fraggin' auto-toilets.

File this one under "the things we do for love."

Daddy & me.

Daddy & me.
Originally uploaded by Homestead.

Just because you haven't had a shot of the sweetness that is my family lately.

How lucky am I to have two such wonderful guys in my life?

And, yes, that is a batman cape he's wearing.

Road Rage

The topic is Road Rage.

Here’s the deal, people. The left-hand lane? That is for passing. Passing. Here in Montana it is called the passing lane. (One other note: We have interstates, not freeways.) It is not the I’m-going-4-miles-over-the-speed-limit-so-I’ll-drive-over-here lane. Passing. You pass a vehicle and then you get the hell back over by the ditch (or barrow pit… depending.) There is no such thing as a “fast” and “slow” lane. This is Montana. It’s a big damn state. You better be going fast if you are going to get anywhere.

In this state we take our speed seriously. (Wow, that statement could be misconstrued…. Maybe I’ll post about our meth problem next….) “Montana: The Land of the $5 Speeding Ticket” became “Montana: The Land of Prudent and Reasonable” and then the state lawmakers caved to federal pressure (and the need for federal highway funds) and enacted a speed limit. I will admit it has been many years since I’ve been nailed for speeding….. but I hear tickets are between $40-100 depending on the zone and the speed.

I’ve always maintained there should be a numeric speed limit but only for out-of-staters. During the heyday of “prudent and reasonable” many non-residents splattered themselves all over Montana’s scenic highways. There may not have been a numeric speed limit but the laws of physics still apply.

Oh, and another road rage…. (Sorry, I’m just so ANGRY today?!?!) Be nice to people with horse trailers please. They can’t stop very fast (it is hard on the horses) and they are often driving a stick-shift so they roll backwards when they take off uphill. And that cute little girl you just yelled at for making a big wide turn…. That’s my sister. And she’ll kick your ass.

PMS

I’m getting myself psyched up to sort fall toddler clothes and load the Dyson (It is THAT good, people) into the car so I can drag it & Sweet Boy to town to vacuum the rental-soon-to-be-for-sale house…. So I’m surfing a bit and via Misfit’s site I discover.

SHE HAD THE BABY.

Why didn’t anyone tell me?

She named him PMS Federline. The 10-year-old boy in me is giggling already.

This baby naming business is serious. We are planning (I love it when people say the word “plan” in the same breath with anything involving children…. Especial pregnancy…. It’s like the ultimate oxymoron.) to have another kid and, while we are fairly sure we know what we will name it, I like to toss out baby names once in a while just to see Hot Stuff give me The Look.

Oh, and just so you know… Wartner has been rejected.

I have a confession...

Hello. My name is Homestead. I have a confession to make.

I read "What to Expect When You are Expecting" and just last week I threw away the ground flax seed in the door of my fridge.... ya'll know what I'm talking about....

I also got rid of the candied ginger & gingerbeer I bought to ward off the morning sickness I never had.

Oh, and while I was pregnant I ate hot dogs, deli meat & even a can of tuna.

I drank decaf.... but sometimes I didn't... if you know what I mean.

I had half a glass of wine... more than once.

I got a flu shot during my first trimester.

I went on a cream-based diet during my pregnancy. Indeed, a trip to Charleston, SC was my undoing.... she-crab soup and cheesy grits every day.

I sat in hot tubs.

I never wore maternity underpanties.

I rode horses during my first trimester, skied & fly-fished during my second trimester and fought a wildfire during my third trimester.

And that's just the pregnancy... wait until I tell you all the things I've done to the poor kid since then!

What to Expect When You Ask Your Friends for Advice

In response to Susan's post about That One Pregnancy Book I provide you with links to all of MY stellar pregnancy & parenting advice. I'm actually planning a beautiful, touching, inspired post that will be an open letter to a friend who is having her first baby.... but I'm not there yet.

AND

Today is my birthday.... more about that later....

My Husband Says...

Boobcycle Review I

Boobcycle Review II

Baby Socks

Car Seats

Puny Gallbladders

The Story of Babies

Just because I can....

I'm going to post this for your reading pleasure. My apologies for the lack of formating... I did the old cut-n-paste and I don't have time to clean it up right now. This email was passed on to me by the mayor of the largest town in Montana (Billings) with a request to pass it along to college students and youth. Well, the readership here at the Homestead tends to not fit that criteria but I'll let you read it and see what you have to say....

What Are Moral Values?
by Rev. Dr. Robin Meyers
Mayflower Church, Oklahoma City

As some of you know, I am minister of Mayflower Congregational Churchin Oklahoma City, a church in northwest Oklahoma City, and professor ofRhetoric at Oklahoma City University. But you would most likely have encountered me on the pages of the Oklahoma Gazette, where I have been a columnist for six years, and hold the record for the most number of angry letters to the editor. Tonight, I join ranks of those who are angry, because I have watched as the faith I love has been taken over by those who claim to speak forJesus, but whose actions are anything but Christian.
We've heard a lot lately about so-called "moral values" as havingswung the election to President Bush. Well, I'm a great believer inmoral values, but we need to have a discussion, all over this country,about exactly what constitutes a moral value -- I mean what are wetalking about? Because we don't get to make them up as we go along,especially not if we are people of faith. We have an inheritedtradition of what is right and wrong, and moral is as moral does. Letme give you just a few of the reasons why I take issue with those inpower who claim moral values are on their side: When you start a war on false pretenses, and then act as if yourdeceptions are justified because you are doing God's will, and thatyour critics are either unpatriotic or lacking in faith, there are someof us who have given our lives to teaching and preaching the faith whobelieve that this is not only not moral, but immoral. When you live in a country that has established international rules forwaging a just war, build the United Nations on your own soil toenforce them, and then arrogantly break the very rules you set down forthe rest of the world, you are doing something immoral.When you claim that Jesus is the Lord of your life, and yet fail toacknowledge that your policies ignore his essential teaching, or turnthem on their head (you know, Sermon on the Mount, stuff like wemust never return violence for violence and those who live by thesword will die by the sword), you are doing something immoral.When you act as if the lives of Iraqi civilians are not as important asthe lives of American soldiers, and refuse to even count them, you aredoing something immoral. When you find a way to avoid combat in Vietnam, and then question thepatriotism of someone who volunteered to fight, and came home a hero,you are doing something immoral. When you ignore the fundamental teachings of the gospel, which saysthat the way the strong treat the weak is the ultimate ethical test,by giving tax breaks to the wealthiest among us so the strong will getstronger and the weak will get weaker, you are doing somethingimmoral. When you wink at the torture of prisoners, and deprive so-called "enemycombatants" of the rules of the Geneva Conventions, which your owncountry helped to establish and insists that other countries follow,you are doing something immoral. When you claim that the world can be divided up into the good guys andthe evil doers, slice up your own nation into those who are with you,or with the terrorists -- and then launch a war which enriches your ownfriends and seizes control of the oil to which we are addicted, insteadof helping us to kick the habit, you are doing something immoral. When you fail to veto a single spending bill, but ask us to pay for awar with no exit strategy and no end in sight, creating an enormousdeficit that hangs like a great m illstone around the necks of ourchildren, you are doing something immoral. When you cause most of the rest of the world to hate a country that wasonce the most loved country in the world, and act like it doesn'tmatter what others think of us, only what God thinks of you, you havedone something immoral. When you use hatred of homosexuals as a wedge issue to turn out recordnumbers of evangelical voters, and use the Constitution as a tool ofdiscrimination, you are doing something immoral. When you favor the death penalty, and yet claim to be a follower ofJesus, who said an eye for an eye was the old way, not the way of thekingdom, you are doing something immoral. When you dismantle countless environmental laws designed to protectthe earth which is God's gift to us all, so that the corporations thatbought you and paid for your favors will make higher profits while ourchildren breathe dirty air and live in a toxic world, you have donesomething immoral. The Earth belongs to the Lord, not Halliburton.When you claim that our God is bigger than their God, and that ourkilling is righteous, while theirs is evil, we have begun to resemblethe enemy we claim to be fighting, and that is immoral. We have met theenemy, and the enemy is us. When you tell people that you intend to run and govern as a"compassionate conservative," using the word which is the essence ofall religious faith -- compassion, and then show no compassion foranyone who disagrees with you, and no patience with those who cry toyou for help, you are doing something immoral. When you talk about Jesus constantly, who was a healer of the sick, butdo not hing to make sure that anyone who is sick can go to see adoctor, even if she doesn't have a penny in her pocket, you are doingsomething immoral. When you put judges on the bench who are racist, and will set womenback a hundred years, and when you surround yourself with preacherswho say gays ought to be killed, you are doing something immoral. I'm tired of people thinking that because I'm a Christian, I must be asupporter of President Bush, or that because I favor civil rights andgay rights I must not be a person of faith.

I'm tired of people saying that I can't support the troops but oppose the war. I heard that when I was your age, when the Vietnam war was raging. Weknew that that war was wrong, and you know that this war is wrong --the only question is how many people are going to die before thesemake-believe Christians are removed from power? This country is bankrupt. The war is morally bankrupt. The claim of this
administration to be Christian is bankrupt. And the only people whocan turn things around are people like you--young people who are justbeginning to wake up to what is happening to them.It's your country totake back. It's your faith to take back. It's your future to takeback.Don't be afraid to speak out. Don't back down when your friends beginto tell you that the cause is righteous and that the flag should bewrapped around the cross, while the rest of us keep our mouths shut.Real Christians take chances for peace. So do real Jews, and realMuslims, and real Hindus, and real Buddhists--so do all the faithtraditions of the world at their heart believe one thing: life isprecious. Every human being is precious.Arrogance is the opposite of faith. Greed is the opposite of charity.And believing that one has never made a mistake is the mark of adeluded man, not a man of faith. And war -- war is the greatest failureof the human race -- and thus the grea test failure of faith.
There's an old rock and roll song, whose lyrics say it all: War, whatis it good for? Absolutely nothing! And what is the dream of theprophets? That we should study war no more, that we should beat ourswords into plowshares and our spears into pruning hooks. Who wouldJesus bomb, indeed? How many wars does it take to know that too many people have died? Whatif they gave a war and nobody came? Maybe one day we will find out.
Time to march again, my friends. Time to commit acts of civildisobedience, time to sing, and to pray, and refuse to participate inthe madness.

Slaughter Rule

You know my husband is a movie star, right? He was in the movie Slaughter Rule. Well, ok, he was the guy running the scoreboard for one of the scenes… but if you watch close you can see him. Running the scoreboard was one of his many jobs when he taught at a small class C school. (I’m pretty sure saying “small” and “Class C” is redundant… buy you know what I mean.) The high school has around 40 kids in grades 9-12… no, not 40 per class.... I mean in the whole high school.

Slaughter Rule is an indie film. The name comes from a (former) rule in 6-man football. When a team is up by 45 points the slaughter rule kicks in and the clock no longer stops. As in “you are getting slaughtered so we are going to speed things up here.” See, who said this wasn’t an educational site?

Hot Stuff taught English, literature & the occasional history class. He also mentored some independent study classes. He put on the school play one year. (That is so insane I can’t even begin to explain it…) We chaperoned the prom. We reminded the kids about curfew when we were all at the bar. (Ok… that sentence demands explanation…. There is nowhere for kids to hang out in a small town. So the kids all came to the local bar to eat chicken strips and play pool. It actually worked out pretty well because on any given night at least one teacher and several parents were having dinner at the bar and could keep an eye on things.) Hot Stuff was the athletic director and a class advisor. Being athletic director involved scheduling all the games and referees for all the sports. It meant arriving at the gym several hours before any event. He made sure things were set up and the checks were cut for the officials. (Hhmm…. That sounds a little skeevy… what I mean is he made sure the referees were paid… properly.) He ran the scoreboard for football games. I can’t tell you the number of hours we spent in the gym. Basketball, football, volleyball, track. I was often pressed into service to collect tickets, take water to referees at half time, unlock changing areas for cheerleaders & supervise the half time pop-shot. Juniors run the concession stand to make money to finance things like the prom and Junior-Senior Banquet. So the year his “kids” were juniors I spent many hours in the concession stand…. Battling the vintage popcorn machine and selling Junior Mints. I was so glad to see those kids become seniors. I was walking to the first home football game that season and I hear all the junior moms in the concession stand hollering. I’m thinking, “What school spirit. What pride.” Then I realize they are yelling…. My name. They’ve spotted me. And they KNOW I know how to run the popcorn machine. Darn.

There are many times I miss living in a tiny town. We had to drive across a creek to get to our little rented trailer…. Which was in the middle of town… and we could cut across a little foot bridge and be at the bar in about 3 minutes. Small towns have that nosy aspect. You know. You can’t fart without everyone in town knowing what you had for dinner…. That part. But there is something comforting in knowing people are watching your back even if they might be talking behind it too.

If nothing else it is a comfort to know you can be at a bar in 3 minutes… walking…. Yup, I miss small town living sometimes…..

No, Really. My taste is that bad.

I just want to state, for the record, I ALWAYS pick bad movies. I could pick a top-rated title and it would turn out to be a bomb... simply because I picked it. I have powers like that.

I'd love to give you an example if I could think of any.... Truly. They Suck. Truly. I’m struggling to remember a GOOD one I picked by myself. Sideways. I picked Sideways. It was good. Not as good as it was hyped to be. But it was good. Usually I have to stick to animated stuff… it is hard to go wrong with animated stuff.

He picked Lemony Snickett and it was quite adorable.

Other movies we’ve seen lately: Catwoman, Ocean’s 12, Million Dollar Baby, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days…. Nothing too challenging although I want to see Crash and Hotel Rwanda but those are for a serious movie night… not one of those drink-wine-and-fold-laundry movie nights.

Considering we only get NBC & WB on our tv you would think we’d watch more movies…. But I can barely think of any I want to see. Anybody seen anything good lately?

Say huh?

We are sitting at the video store. Sweet Boy is passed out cold in the car seat and we are deciding who will go in and get a movie.

Hot Stuff says, “When you pick out movies…. It’s like a big pile of elephant dump in the middle of the living room.”

He picked the flick.

Hot and Dirty

Hot, Hot, Hot
Originally uploaded by Homestead.

The one in the middle? Yeah, I'm married to him. And what, you ask, is he doing? Back-burning with a drip torch. Burns off an area so when the fire gets to it there is no fuel. That is so sexy. Rrrowr... I love that man.

Do you think.....

Do you think it is odd to let the grocery store checker bag the candy but ask her to leave out the loaf of French bread?? Yup, guess what Sweet Boy & I had for dinner last night.

Housekeeping.

I’m really not in the mood to write anything witty or eloquent (stop it, stop laughing right now) and the situation in the world just kinda has me down. I just can’t stop wondering what I would do in that situation…. So, until I get it back together, you just get random posts about comments from other posts….. might not be fun for you but it cracks me up….

Ok, the party has been postponed until the penguin movie comes out on dvd and mrtl has the baby so she can have a cocktail.

And, for the record, I did not actually suggest mrtl swath herself head-to-toe in paisley but I did offer her my dark red paisley sheets to make a toga. She graciously declined.

Yes, LadyBug, creek is pronounced “crick” in these parts and if anyone feels like arguing that point I direct you to my friend, Mr. Webster…. The dictionary.

Also, I would talk about peas and foreplay but, 1. Hot Stuff hates peas and, 2. My brother threatened to boycott my site if I didn’t “stop it already” with the X-rated stuff.

And, Mrow-Mrow, well, how many ways COULD you pronounce that? The cat does actually have a name… it is Pudge or Pudgito… but Mrow-Mrow is more fun to say.

I’ve also learned it is entirely possible I MADE UP that part about Britney having twins….. and I’m still holding out for the name Wartner but my friend, Lala, says she wants to name it Hewie.

Oh, and this is a bear bell. (Except ours is bright orange.)

Oh, let’s just talk about margaritas….

I seem to have put myself on mrtl’s “list” by posting comments about donuts. She called me a bitch (but in that nice way)… and, yet, I post comments recommending she wear head-to-toe paisley on her pregnant self and I get…. Nothing. Obviously, it is she, and not I, that has mixed priorities here.

And she sent me a lovely book of margaritas as a prize for paisley. And I thank her for that. And so I invite her and all of you to my house for drinks. We will use the fancy margarita glasses and the little stem markers my sister got me from Margaritaville.

You are Invited.

What: A party for the socially-awkward, misfits, rejects, and anyone who has, in general, ever felt uncomfortable in their skin. Or, having figured out how to be comfortable in their own skin, has felt the need to project some other image in order to somehow “fit in” in a particular situation. Oh, and for all of those who reject all those labels too.

Where: My house. We will be partying on the veranda…..and the front porch, driveway and horse-shoe pit…. All the way down to the creek.

When: All day, every day…. But if you stay more than 3 days you have to help me clean the barn.

What to bring: Dip. Lots and lots of dip. Pets, children & spouses are welcome.

What to leave home: Grouchy spouses and your uncomfortable shoes.

Possible topics for discussion:
That new penguin movie.
English novels.
Smackdown: Barney vs. Clifford.
Truly great undergarments.
Sex.
Real Childcare.
The properties of the perfect coffee cup.
Cute plant markers (and why can’t I think of any ideas to make some).
Donuts.
Why my bathroom is purple.

Other things I have done that make ya’ll shake your heads….

….besides just finding out Britney Spears is having babies. (And I still hope she names one of them Wartner.)

I’ll keep the list short(er) by limiting it to this week…

1. Got lost looking for m&co. She’s here. (But got offers of martinis…so that’s good, right?)
2. Challenged LadyBug to use frozen peas in foreplay. (What? What?)
3. Seriously considered making a mitten out of the mouse Mrow-Mrow left on the porch. (It was that big people.)
4. Wore paisley. Ok, I didn’t really.
5. Attached a bear bell to my son so he can’t sneak away from me in the yard.
6. Drank wine from a bottle with a screw top. (Wishing Tree)
7. Left a dirty diaper in my sister’s sweatshirt pocket.
8. Used a labeler to make a naughty message and put it under Hot Stuff’s pillow.

Moms everywhere.

I just found out Brittney Spears is going to have a baby!!!! Twins even!

Survivor

Survival tip of the day: If you are using iodine tablets to purify water, lemon-lime Gatorade covers the taste the best.

Sonata

My brother's best friend died this week.

Yin & Yang

On the way to work this morning I saw three little bambi babies playing with their mommas.

On NPR I heard a guy on a Montana call-in show actually say we should bill the people of New Orleans who didn't evacuate. Yes, bill them for their rescue because they should have evacuated. Um, how? Ok, wait, I need to take a deep cleansing breath and just NOT GO THERE.

There is is people. The yin and yang of living here. How do you keep the balance?