There's this motivational speaker named Dan Thurmon.  He talks about being "off balance, on purpose."

Love that concept.

The idea that balance isn't static.  To balance requires many constant tiny adjustments.

Living it.

Hair Routine

This morning as I was attempting to do battle with my humidity-curly hair I thought, "Why does my hair look so bad?  My sister got me a fabulous cut with her fabulous stylist....."  IN DECEMBER.

Yes, people, time does fly.  And my great cut was months ago. 

And I've decided part of the problem is my sunglasses might be breaking my hair at the temples.  Yes, I wear my sunglasses on my head all the time.

So let's talk haircare.....  what's your current routine?

Here is my confession:

I wash my hair almost daily.  I'd like to go to every-other-day as is recommended for longer hair but I'm a greaseball. 

I'm using up some general and generic shampoo and conditioner now.  I'm planning to go to the Kirkland brand (Costco) for everyday.  My secret love is that wonderful and expensive stuff.... Fuckyou?  Fuckme?  Fekki?  Someone help.  What's it called?  Fekkai. 

I've also succumb to my mother's advice.  She swears my daughter should comb her hair with conditioner in it in the tub.  I think it makes the hair break off.  But I got a really nice comb at Sally Beauty and it seems to be working well for both of us.  Listen to your mother.

For clarifying I add a few drops of tea tree oil to my regular shampoo every once in a while.  Works pretty well.  My sister taught me that.

I try not to put my hair up in a heavy towel turban... I've heard that makes it break.  I do use one of those dorky hair towel things from Bed, Bath & Beyond.  And I braid my hair for bed so it doesn't get shredded.  I wear baseball caps a lot and that is hard on my hair. 

Then comes styling.  I love biosilk and aveda straightening stuff.  I won't lie... I have some other stuff I'm using up.  But these are my favorites right now.  Biosilk is fantastic on Tuff's hair.  I've only used the leave-in stuff but I see there is a whole line of products.  Pricey, yes, but we've been working on the same bottle for years now.  Worth it.  Also the Aveda stuff.... worth it.

I'm not a hair dryer user... for the most part.  And I have a great curling iron and a nice enough staightener but I rarely make the effort.  Mostly I'm a smooth it down and put in a pony tail girl.  I LOVE the pony tail holders from Sephora.  LOVE.  LOVE.  LOVE.

Ok... so what about you????

Getting Stylish

Wednesday I had to pull out the stops and be cute for work. 

Ugh.

I opted for my very professional Tribal black sheath dress and jacket.  I love that jacket so much it is the only dry-clean only piece of clothing that survived the great closet clean out of 2008.

I also went with the classic heeled penny-loafer style mules and true stockings.  I couldn't find anything thigh high (in the depths of my closet in the dark) so I went with regular hose.  Ugh.  Which required a Spanx garment to prevent bulges at the waistband.  This was getting complicated.  It was so much easier to dress when I was skinny. 

Full makeup, hair up in a clippy (seriously... the effort to style it would have put me over the edge) and cute black briefcase bag.  Simple silver hoops, plain silver cuff bracelet and long 3-strand silver chain. 

I don't know how professionals do it dressed like that all day.  I was ok at my desk but very uncomfortable sitting in meetings with my above-the-knee dress creeping up.  Then I snagged my hose on my cute black briefcase bag.  And I almost launched down a set of marble steps in my cute heels.  Then a woman came around the corner off kilter (behind me as I was sitting) and whacked me in the head... knocking out my cute black clippy.  Then I had to pee.  In Spanx. 

I got myself home and peeled out of my clothes and into my jammies in record time.  My feet were cramping that night... I'm not kidding.

I was thinking it was time to take my style level up a notch but now I'm not so sure.  I was thinking leggings and boots (or capri leggings and ballet flats) with tunics/dresses.  And the perfect knit-but-dressy black pants.  But now I'm not so sure.

Weekend Expense Report

Things I forgot to pack for the reunion/celebration/birthday weekend:
My camera
The anti-itch benadryl spray
Sweet's baseball cap

Things I had that were important:
sanitizer spray
wet wipes
boy bandaids
redneck stroller bug screen (a big chunk of tulle and some binder clips)
The #1 cake candle

Things we spent money on that were important but surprisingly expensive:
Bouncy house entrance fees ($10/kid)
Water.... lots of bottles of water
Homemade corn dogs
Meat on a stick
Frybread
A new t-shirt ($15)
Beer
Dinosaur Museum donations

Mournful

So I posted my resolution update.

In it... I basically moan about my weight.  Now let me clarify for those of you new to the place.

I started out life as an itty bitty thing.  My mom threw a party when I was more-pounds-than-inches.  I come from lean and tall people.  (My mother, after 4 kids, stands almost 5'10" and weighs maybe 145 in boots.)  I was 5'8" and 120 pounds when I graduated high school.  I grew another inch in college and had a dunk-tank measured body mass of less than 14%.  I was competitive (I use that term loosely.... I competed... I wasn't terribly quick so I wasn't terribly good....) in martial arts in the 116 and under category in college and after.

By the time I moved back north I was carrying about 150 pounds which, for my height and built, is exactly right.  I don't look too heavy but I'm not waif thin either.  I like 150..... or the range between 145-155 depending on how much weight training I'm doing.

Then I had some kids.  I had thin but average pregnancies with weight gains around 25 pounds for the first two and about 15 pounds for the third.  But pretty normal stuff and, with the first two, an easy time dropping the weight after.  The third one I went into heavy so I didn't gain as much.  After the third I worked my way down to 165 without a lot of sacrifice.... eating a small bowl of ice cream instead of a rice bowl of ice cream and striding around with a baby strapped to my body.

Now, for some reason, I'm up to a whooping 175.  WTF?  Then I read something like this.  Let me give you an excerpt: 

Okay folks....I hate to break this to you BUT I get tired of hearing "I just can't loose weight." You may be excluded if you have some kind of health condition/thyroid issue. I'm guilty as charged, time and time again I have been known to say "I don't know why I can't loose weight".
It's a simple science....if you want to loose weight, burn more then you consume. If you want to stay the same....eat what you burn in a day. And if you want to gain weight....eat more then you burn in a day.
You will be shocked to see how what a small amount of calories our bodies need to run in a day. I did a little research and this is what I found.....
 
First of all.... the word is lose, not loose.  It ain't The Biggest Looser.  (I know.... I eat a bowl of ice cream while watching it every Tuesday night....)
 
For the record, my BMR is 1520 and I carefully cut and monitored calories (scales and measures and everything) and didn't drop a pound.  I also cut out all sugar (for 6 weeks) and didn't shed pound one.
 
It's actually not simple science.  It's simple physics... the idea of calories in vs calories expended but for the love of guacamole.... do some better research than cut-n-paste from the first google article you find.  And don't tell me you are "practically an expert" on the subject of diet and nutrition when you make absolutely no mention of all the other factors that are known to influence weight.... factors beyond thyroid.  Weight loss is a complex subject.  That's why there are people out there making millions on it.
 
Hmmm..... let's see if we can name five factors in the next 5 seconds.  Cortisol, sleep, medications, depression, stress, digestive disorders... and I haven't googled once.   I should cut her some slack because she does talk about "medical conditions" and she admits to being guilty as charged but this fires me up. 
 
This is everything "competimommy" that makes me crazed and hurts my feelings.  I can "loose" weight so everyone should be able to do it and you aren't a good mom if you can't.  Humph.  This is why I refuse to have friends.  I bet she spends a ton of money on decorating and is secretly so insecure she considers cutting herself.  
 
But wait... enough about this condescending blog post.. maybe she didn't mean it the way it sounded... we're all guilty of that...... let's talk about me some more.  So back to the weight creep... want to know what my doc said?  It's probably a "threshhold" thing.  A combination of any or all of the following:
 
Cortisol and lack of sleep.  New research shows.... go ahead... google it.
Depo birth control shots.
Not moving enough.
Misjudging portion sizes (so typically American, right?) OR WORSE... starving yourself and slowing your metabolism. 
Breastfeeding. 
Thyroid.
Some other things he said that I can't remember now.
 
The thing that worries me is I seem to have reverse-body-dysmorphic-disorder.  I'll be striding along, pushing the stroller, head high, breathe deep and get rid of those rounded computer-user shoulders, cruising from Macy's to Target and somewhere around the Hallmark store I'll glance over and see my reflection in the glass and think, "Dude... she's hefty."  So sad.  So disappointing.  Also.... so mourning the loss of my cheekbones... where did they go??
 
Anyone else with me on the sensitive subject of weight???

Elle is posting resolutions.

Game on.

I haven't taken time to really think it out yet this year (I'm more of a Lenten resolver myself) but here goes.

I'm following her format here.

A. Healthy Diet. We are eating our way through the Christmas gift candy. In the great kitchen overhaul project I tossed several giant bags of, um, is it Halloween candy?? I don't know and it doesn't matter because it is gone now. I'm focusing on eating a little healthier every month without denying myself. I gave up freakin' sugar for 6 weeks in 2009 (not shedding a single pound I might remind you) and if I can do that, well, just call me Wonder Woman. So my healthy diet goal is: Eat until you are full, not until you are tired.

B. Getting rid of the stock up stuff. I figure if I moved it into this house from the old house it is now 5 years old... toss it. That's my current standard. Also ditching interesting items dumped on me by various family members.... (Mom, don't think I didn't notice the stuff you slipped in my take-home box last week....) And I purged a giant box of kitchen stuff... who knew my tiny kitchen could even HOLD a giant box of kitchen stuff? How many sippy cups do you really need anyway?

C. Purge negativity. Uh-huh. Actually, I'm feeling pretty negativity free in people in my life. I should count that as a blessing.

D. Seeing a doctor? I just saw my doctor... he was at Costco shopping with his son. Although I do promise to consider getting a colonoscopy sooner rather than later based on family history.

E. Knitting. I wish I was better at knitting. I also wish I knew how to digital scrapbook. Maybe that will be my next goal.... learning to digital scrapbook.

F. I will see my family several times this year. And I will go to a 100 year celebration for the town I graduated high school.

G. Grow my garden? How about I resolve to pull the grass in my flower beds. And I resolve to brush my dog's teeth because he is old and deserves some extra love.

H. Money. I make money resolutions weekly, don't I? I resolve to determine, once and for all, if we can afford to remodel and add on. And I resolve to put double money in the kid college funds this year. And continue our goal to have the house paid off in 8 years. And continue putting $75 per month into a special secret account to be spent on the unglamorous items in life... like a new dishwasher and new carpet. And I refuse to freak out about the new higher price of daycare.

I. Finding a position that lights my fire? My goal for 2010 is to just maintain. I just want to maintain this level of serenity and organization. I'll look for fire next year. Next week I start back with 5 days a week in the office. Total dread. Complete and total dread.

J. I will love my childen even if two-thirds of them sleep in my bed every night.

K. I will baby proof the house for Bugsy. And I will not put those goofy baby girl headbands on her head.

L. I will play loud music and dance with Tuff. Oh, and I will teach her to do a headstand.

M. I will play legos with Sweet. And I will honor his wish to only wear Wrangler jeans.

N. I will try not to nag Hot. And I will support his attempts to drop weight.... even if it means I don't get to eat pasta for the next 365 days which might kill me.

O. I will continue to add little bits of working out into my days.

N. I plan to do one fun family thing every month. January: rodeo on the 17th and dinner somewhere fun after. February: Um, I'm already out of ideas.

The Unholy Triumvirate

I like to think a stool balances best on three legs. Ya know? Even if one leg is a little shorter than the others.... with three legs it will still balance.

That's my approach.

So 'round here we struggle with balancing three main philosophies.... like a 3-legged stool.... or like 3 overlapping circles....

Green: So obvious. So trendy. So current. So hip. Cut the clutter. Stop shopping. Repurpose. Try being happy with what you have.... see, it isn't so bad. I wish there was a better word for it than green... it makes me feel so muppet-y.

Cheap: Again, with the trendy. And the price of gas. But I swear to you.... I've been doing this for years. Budget.... but not a cheapskate.... right? Because I'm not afraid to dish cash for a serious investment (or really excellent cheese).... But am I going to spring for fancy all-organic food? Probably not. But will I shell out $25/week for a CSA share? Probably.

Easy: Ok, some would call this "simple" and call me a hipster. (If you could see what I'm wearing, eating, reading and doing right now you would laugh at THAT label....) But it goes beyond simple.... simple stirs ideas of hippie and crunchy and earthy..... and sometimes my idea of simple is.... well..... mac-n-cheese and a dvd on a Friday night. So within the triumvirate balance we see microcosms of internal balance.... oh, our simple diagram of three overlapping circles just got a little more complicated, didn't it? Maybe "easy" has some tones of "slow down" or "simplify" or "just give yourself a fucking break already there, SuperMom" in it.

So I'm finding tones of these things in everything as I go about my day. Am I just using this to justify living how I want to live? Because if that is the case I'm wasting my time.... who cares? Is it a tactic to justify the slightly schizophrenic cross between hippie & redneck? Or to justify feeding my kids hot dogs? Or is it not about justification at all?

How 'bout you?

When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

My new sis-in-law got beautiful everyday dishes and some quite lovely china. I think she did pretty well considering she registered over the internet.

This got me thinking.

First, I got over my lust for her new dishes by realizing I love my everyday dishes. When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

Second, I thought about fancy plates. Do people outside of rural America register for china anymore? I did. Because my mother-in-law said I would regret it if I didn't. And I like my china. It's some lovely Villery-Boch white stuff with a variety of floral cake plates. Go here and look at photo 11 of 19 if you really care. I resisted registering for fancy silverware. I find this is just fine. And I'm particular about my eatin' 'tinsels..... I'm left-handed. And a lot of cutlery discriminates.

I registered for and got LOTS of glassware. I like the sound of crystal but my glasses are so delicate they regularly are broken by hand-washing.... the ones we really use are the sturdy Target cheapies. If I had it to do over again (and, if I keep breaking wine glasses I might) I'd get a couple random sets from an antique store or garage sale and mix-n-match. Everyone's favorite glassware at my mom's house are actually green wineglasses that came from ARBY'S... free with a beef and cheddar.

I recently reorganized my tiny kitchen a bit. Well, actually, I reorganized the office corner of the living room to make room for all the games which required moving all the platters and things out of the drawer in the computer hutch. They are now stashed in the cupboard over the microwave behind the cereal. The fancy china that WAS up there is now on the shelf in the bottom cupboard behind the kitchenaide and the crackers by the pitchers. The random spare food items that WERE on that shelf are now in the pantry in the laundry room. Don't ask me how all that stuff fits because I'm not really sure.... something about giving up Hamburger Helper and not replacing all the toxic cleaning supplies made everything fit in the laundry room.

All that to say... now the fancy china is more accessible and we are actually USING it. Like... I had to take the price tags off the plates on the bottom of the stack. Finally.

And we recently had tea and scones and used the tea pot. And we regularly use the little expresso cups and Asian-inspired tea cups for our snacks.

And it is fun. I like the idea my kids are learning a few refined things. Not much, granted, but at least they are learning life isn't ALWAYS served on a plastic John Deere plate.

The whole point of this post was to say: When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

Baby (fat) Blues....

When thinking about my shape I always vaguely remember a section from one of those books by Madeleine L'Engle… you know, the writer of “A Wrinkle In Time.” One of the books that followed “Wrinkle” had a scene in which a young girl takes her measurements and reports that they are 20-20-20….. I feel like that. Except it is more like 42-34-38….. (thank you breast feeding). But that waist measurement!!! And I’m being generous saying 34. I’ve never had much of a waist anyway…. Short-bodied compounded by scoliosis…. And my bottom ribs are even with my hip bones….. let’s just say I don’t wear belts and look ridiculous in a bathing suit. The only thing that saves me is I am tall and I know how to dress. Lots of jackets, vests and hip-skimming tees. Scarves to draw the attention away. And I don’t wear anything with a line of close-set buttons or a zipper up the front because it follows the snake that is my spine in an s-shaped curve.