Friday, May 30, 2008

This is Now.


That’s my code.

Not to my bank account.

Of my miscarriages.

April 24, 2003
June 28, 2003
December 24, 2007
May 28, 2008

Things went bad Wednesday. I know the drill so I went in for an hcg quant. 1269.7 Wednesday and down to 246.9 this morning. Maybe I'll have some wine for our anniversary after all.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

You are Invited.

When: Sunday, June 1, 2008.

Where: Our House.

What: A Birthday Party.

We will be attempting a ROCKET CAKE but with double-stuf oreo windows (because my sister likes those better than waffer cookies) and none of those silver ball things because Elle says "silver balls" and "rockets" should only be associated in pornos.

I'll be making my fabulous fruit dip and a green salad the way I like it (with fruit, stinky cheese & homemade dressing). My mother-in-law is bringing her potato salad. Love that.

Hot Stuff will be handling the grill.... burgers & dogs for all.

The toilet is clean and we'll mow the lawn Saturday. We are ready.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

That was then.

I’ve been dealing with some, ahem, “health issues” the last few months…. The missed miscarriage (maybe… why is that “maybe” so important to me?), chronic sinus stuff, exhaustion… anyway after yet another round of keflex (reminds me of k-pax… I liked that movie) the doc did a thyroid test and a pregnancy blood test on May 6th. Both came back negative.. or normal… or whatever. So imagine my surprise when several weeks passed and still no period. Now, I might have challenges in the getting-and-keeping portion of birthin’ babies but my cycle? She is regular. So we headed to the dollar store. What? You DON’T buy your pregnancy tests at the dollar store? Then you are a crazy-hearted fool. So we got two. You know. And I peed. And, well, ran out of the bathroom. And made Hot Stuff go back and read the test. Because, honestly, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t. We don’t have a cat now so I don’t have the I-can-smell-wet-cat-food-at-500-yards test anymore.

And it was pink.

And we rejoiced.

And I only had one cup of coffee.

And I thought, “Damn, another ski season ruined.”

And I thought, “Hey! A winter baby. Maybe I will get to wear that gorgeous red maternity sweater yet….”

And I thought, “I need to go for a walk. I gotta get in shape.”

And I thought, “How will we fit three car seats in the Subie?”

And I thought, “I should shop for clever sheets for the twin beds…. We will put the two big kids in a room with the cute twin beds once the babe is out of our room.”

And I thought, “I better eat some ice cream. I need the dairy.”

And I thought, “Damn, my maternity clothes are in Colorado.”

And I thought, “Wow, an LMP of April 7 and a negative test on May 6 is going to make for an interesting due date.”

And I thought, “What are we going to name you? Are you a boy or a girl? Are you twins? Because third-babies-as-twins run in my family.”

And I thought, “Where are all those baby books?”

And I thought, “I think I’m having a craving.”

And I thought, “I should give all my tampons to my sister. I won’t need them for a while.”

And I thought, “Someone is going to have to surgically remove the smile from Hot Stuff’s face.”

And I thought, “I’m so glad I didn’t get rid of all those diaper rash samples. And now I can finally throw away that ovulation predictor kit that never worked for me and expired in 2004.”

And I thought, “I better burn those candles on the dresser in the bathroom so I can put the changing pad back on there.”

And I was happy.

Friday, May 16, 2008

My Tuff May 2008

Dear Daughter-

It's mid-May.... you are rapidly approaching the two-year mark. I love you very much.

I love your rosy round cheeks and your bouncy little pigtails. I love your mullet-hair... heck, to be honest, I'm just happy you HAVE hair. It's a lovely shade of pale brown with highlights that would make us millionaires if we could just figure out how to bottle the formula. I love when you insist on wearing a PINK pretty and how you cram your hat (hat-hat-hat) on your head over your piggies.

Everyone comments on your gorgeous blue eyes. Personally, I love how round they get when you are mocking me with my "gasp of terror" face just before you launch yourself from some inappropriately high point in our household.

I love the tricks you do. Like using a tortilla chip, spoon-like, to shovel salsa in your mouth while the waiter stares in horror and your auntie asks for another bowl of salsa because double (triple, quadruple, tertiary) dipping is rude. You like spicy.... every once in a while you hit a really hot bite and wipe your tongue with your hand saying, "hot-hot-hot" but it doesn't slow you down. You like pickles. You like California rolls. You are an odd little duckie.

You love your brother. You love to give him hug-hugs and you live to torture him. He handles you pretty well and has learned the fine art of the bait-n-switch. You are a clever girl but you can be distracted by shiny things.

You love books.... Good Night Moon is your favorite right now. You also love "bee-bee" which, I am embarrassed to admit, is a little McDonald's toy with purple hair.... we have two.

You accidentally went potty in the potty chair last week. The look on your face... some cross between shock and horror. I promise not to rush it but I was quite proud. You really just like sitting on the potty and having snacks but then, you like sitting anywhere and having snacks. Snacks are good... don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

You are an easy kid to like. You travel well and roll with the punches. You spent an hour shopping while mama tried on dresses for the wedding. With a very serious look on your face you move the clothes from one side to the other, pausing occassionally to look at a price tag. It is, quite possibly, the most adorable thing I've ever seen and a very frightening indicator of what lies ahead.

You like to wear your brother's light-up sandals. They are too small for him and too big for you.... can someone explain to me why they are in our house at all? You also love dress up clothes and wearing daddy's hats. Curiously, you also love being naked.... you definitely have your own style. Hold onto that, ok?

You know I'll always love you... no matter what. But sweet pea.... I also really like you. I like your style, your personality, your stubbornness and your amazing flair for living. Remember that.



Thursday, May 15, 2008

When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.....

So I've talked about how I simultaneously covet the storage and am horrified by the quantity of stuff in my sis-in-law's house.

Then one of my favorite sites does an article on downsizing a family home.

I have a vision of myself when I am older. (And, in going with the theme of the poem "When I am Old I Shall Wear Purple" I try, daily, to move towards this vision of the kind of person I want to be.)

Anyway. Are you ready?

I plan to be that spunky little old lady who lives downtown. Now, granted, my downtown isn't really a hotbed of activity but I want to be able to walk the the theater, museums and various downtown events. They have some clever condos located downtown that would be funky and interesting living spaces... as well as relatively ADA accessible. I will devil my grandchildren into regular trips to Target and Costco so I don't have to drive. (You hear that kids?? I want grandchildren.... good ones... and keep 'em local, ok?) Maybe I will even be spry enough for weekend trips to our local ski area.... private lessons every Saturday morning at 10... followed by lunch on the hill and a pint of good local microbrew.... I wonder if the Senior Citizen's van has a snowboard rack?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Life, the Musical.

Sweet is doing something naughty.

I look at Sweet and say, "Stop."

He looks back, shakes his groovy thang and says, "In the Name of Loooove."


We are at a fairly formal party as a co-worker's house. She's a musical theater type gal with no children and a house full of doo-dads that are all highly breakable, antique, precious and expensive. I look over as Sweet stands up on a footstool, starts strumming his invisible air guitar, looks over his shoulder, channels Johnny Cash, and says, "Hit it, boys."


Due to some geographical shift during the Mesozoic Era, we have a lot of large, flat rocks we refer to as "stage rocks" and neither of my children can pass one by without jumping up and belting out a song. Select favorites include Sweet singing Slaid Cleaves "whiskey & cigarettes tonight" from Horseshoe Lounge, or an original rendition of "Kitty got run over on the road... now she's flat... squished like a bug.... I really miss her." And Tuff has a pretty well developed sense of melody for the Under-2 set but we need someone to translate her songs from Klingon into English.

I hope someone Googles "Fire Chicken"

Green... but not the Environmental Kind

We spent Sunday visiting Hot Stuff's sister and family. They just finished their basement and it is wowie-zowie. I am jealous... or is it envious? Or whatever. It isn't necessarily my "style" but it is LOVELY. LOVELY. LOVELY. Dark, earthy paint shades. Insanely high ceilings (in a basement!). Giant leather sectional couch. Toy storage, toy storage, toy storage. Big screen tv. Wet bar. Wow.

They also redid a section of the kitchen.... when she described it I didn't get it but when I saw it... wow. It made her kitchen infinitely more usable and comfy.

So I came home and took blue painter tape off the trim in my decidedly not fabulous laundry room and tried to remind myself we are all different and I tried really hard not to be, well, you know.... It isn't that I want what SHE has... I just want what I want... which happens to include some of the things she has. Like storage. And a spare bedroom. And a front loading washer.

Dear Lord.... protect me from the green-eyed monster and grant me peace. (And while your at it... could you toss in a front-loader?)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mama Day Recap

I like to spend Mother's Day weekend behaving like I would if I were a perfect mother and wife. So Saturday the boys went to town to the dump and shopping while I made Cabernet-soaked short ribs. Then we had a lovely dinner complete with wine & mashed potatoes. This sauce for the short ribs? To Die For. Amazing. I don't even LIKE short-ribs... but I love this sauce... and I make kick ass mashed potatoes.

The Mama-Weekend swag-haul was pretty sweet. I like those practical gifts. I got the promise of shopping for a platform bed.... does that seem like a good idea? And if you get a platform bed do you leave the box-spring with it and have a really tall bed? How does that work? I got a new showerhead..... we will be doing the install tonight... so if you don't hear from me for a few days, well, try to be understanding.

Sweet got me checkers. Then he and his father beat me mercilessly. Real nice. I also got a Neutrogena face vibrator.... just like the one my sister has..... I'll be all fresh-faced and dewy for the wedding next month.... speaking of.... my brother's fiance (marry him already... the word "fiance" gives me the creeps...) is back finally! I talked to him last night when he was on the way to the airport to get her.... I have not, justifiable, heard from him since.

That's all the news I'm going to print.

Redneck with a Capital R

A new episode of AMERICAN GLADIATORS is on tonight.

Everyone in our house is unnaturally excited.

Sweet has to be on his best behavior to get his Titan and Justice fix..... we don't want to see him body-slamming the little girls at daycare.

Dude.... I feel like I should make appetizers or something.

This. Is. A. Big. Day.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

I must be lacking Vitamin R(ainier)

So I've been eating very carefully and very mindfully for the last few months.... trying to get rid of this I-lost-it-after-the-baby-and-somehow-it-came-back weight. It has been highly unsucessful. As in... I haven't lost a pound. This weekend I fell off the wagon.


Creamy stroganoff with white noodles
Chocolate chip cookies
Three egg omlette.... with creamy sauce
Real cream
Ramen noodles
Did I mention the beer?

The outcome?

Lost 5 pounds.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


What do you do with all your coins?

Change collects in a pottery bowl with a lid sitting on the kitchen window sill. Quarters usually go towards car washes or vending machine purchases. (Note to moms-to-be: Take change to the hospital. The maternity ward has an ice cream vending machine.)

During the holidays I stock my purse with change so the kids can each put a few coins in every red kettle we see. This is actually pretty fun but this year we didn't shop as much (I tried the "only go to each store once in the month of December" trick) and there was a shortage of kettle-workers (what IS the proper term for that? The kettle guy? Kettlists? Kettlistas?) so we didn't get rid of all the coins. After letting Sweet get filthy playing with all that change (we just call it an educational experience and wash with soap later), I cashed in everything but the quarters at the bank and we spent the $40 on Chinese take out. So much for teaching my kids about donating to the poor... kung pao chicken for everyone.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Makin A List

My sweet, sweet Hot Stuff has requested a list of things I want. Holidays & Anniversaries around here.... so help me out people... what do I really want?

A new shower head. The hard water has killed ours. Any suggestions?
A fire pit. The anti-fire guy will never get me one... but I still want one... and a box of hershey bars & graham crackers to go with it.
A gift card to my favorite local coffee drive-thru.
Some flowers (with dirt around the roots) from my favorite local green house.

Um. That's all I can think of..... help me.

Just Dinner As Usual

This is how you have to eat your applesauce when you've used your spoon to create a sculpture during dinner.

Introducing William Mullengrove.

Introducing William Mullengrove.

Does flooring exist that is uglier than this? Reminds me of corelle ware plates.

And here is my clever boy showing off a tennis ball he found under some random piece of furniture.... our Willie just loves to clean.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Not Even Once

The next round of meth ads are up.

There is some controversy...... one billboard is being taken down after complaints.

It's this one.

Yes, it's disturbing.

While you are on the site... check out the video called "Sister."

"Boyfriend" and "Friends" from Phase 3 are pretty stunning as well.

But the statisics say they are working.... what do you think?