Friday, September 30, 2005

Do they skip Q?

This will be my one and only post about hurricanes.

Based on my limited understand, I though hurricanes were named alternately male & female. Then each season starts with the alternate gender (I love saying alternate gender) from the previous year.

So why isn’t Rita named Reggie?

Let’s look at this, shall we:

K Katrina
L Male
M Female
N Male
O Ophelia
P Male
Q Female
R Male

Is Rita a male name in some cultures? Is it just too hard to come up with enough "Q" names? And who decides those names anyway?

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Here ya go....

Ladybug tagged me!

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

And so I give you this tidbit of fabulous writing:

She has big sexy hair but I know the reason she really loves being a cowgirl is never having to shave her legs.....

I tag Susan, Cheryl, M&Co., Sierrabella & Mary P. (sorry, too lazy to link right now.)

Monday, September 26, 2005

It's a Class Thing

How many kids are in a Class 5A school?

The biggest class we have in Montana is Double A.

I graduated from a Class C school. Do you know what that means?

1. There were 8 in my graduating class (no, not 800 or 80). And, yes, I do know where they all are today. 2 of them are reading this right now and laughing.

2. We played 6-man football. That's right. It's like basketball with helmets.

3. I had the same history/govt teacher from the 7th grade-12th grade.

4. One of my classmates got hung on a hook in the gym by the teacher in 2nd grade. (Just wanted to share that...)

5. Most of the kids I graduated with I went to kindergarten with... or met when our school consolidated with the next town over when I was in the 4th grade.

6. The schools all just consolidated again this year.

7. I was related to a lot of kids in my school.

8. I didn't date much. (But not just because I was related to everyone.... that wouldn't stop a true Redneck from dating....)

9. The school pretty much shut down during tournament time.

10. I got to wave to my sister at lunch every day when she was in kintergarden and I was in high school. I threw things at my brother... he was in junior high.

11. My teachers often called me by my aunt's name.

12. My brother passed Senior English based on the fact that "all those (my family) kids are good at English."

13. He almost failed math due to the exact same reasoning.

14. I still get twitchy and worry that people are watching me when I go back to that little town.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


Yes, I want to do Sunday Smorgasboard. Please-oh-please.

homestead321 at hotmail dot com

Movie Night at the Homestead

Last night we watched Snow Walker. (Hot Stuff's pick)

I'm pleased to report it is a lovely film and everyone enjoyed it..... even Sweet Boy.....who waved at each and every plane in the first 30 minutes and said, "Bye Guys!" Then he went to bed.

The in-laws came down with homemade pizza & I made some seriously chocolate cookies. Add a few beers (for the pizza) and some tea (for the cookies) and you have the makings of a really nice evening.

Tonight's pick.... Friday Night Lights.

We have a thing for football movies. Slaughter Rule. That one with Titans in the title and Denzel. Ok, I will admit... I had some problems "suspending reality" for Slaughter Rule.... there are several serious problems with the movie in general and it should have been more carefully researched. Anybody else see it? Know what I'm talking about?

It's A Small, Small World

I had one of those "cue the It's A Small World theme song" moments last week..... Talking to a guy on the phone who asks my hometown. Then he says his ex-wife is from there. Well, when you hail from a town with 596 people (and I'm pretty sure they had to count dogs to get the number that high) the chances are pretty good you will know who he was married too. He tells me who she is..... This woman has been married to not one, but TWO of my cousins.

I'm not sure if It's a Small World or Dueling Banjos is more appropriate here.....

Friday, September 23, 2005

And suddenly I realized, this, this is my Life.

This is in response to all those women who think they can "have it all" and not change the way they function after having kids. I used to travel a lot for work. Not so much now... but some. The last trip I took was in December 2004.

Ok. Picture me (please picture me sleek & attractive & fun). I'm in the end stall of the bathroom in an airport in a major city.... an adaptor is snaking out of the stall and plugged into the ONLY wall outlet in the bathroom. A black bag containing a strange machine is hanging off the edge of the bathroom stall (why does THIS bathroom not have that handy hook on the back of the door?) and emitting an odd chugging sound. I'm STANDING in the stall (doing yoga poses & deep breathing to pass the time) praying no one is going to alert security about the bomb-machine in the concourse D bathroom. Yes, my serene & speedy pumping session was frequently interupted by the "gahwhoosh" of the fraggin' auto-toilets.

File this one under "the things we do for love."

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Daddy & me.

Daddy & me.
Originally uploaded by Homestead.
Just because you haven't had a shot of the sweetness that is my family lately.

How lucky am I to have two such wonderful guys in my life?

And, yes, that is a batman cape he's wearing.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Road Rage

The topic is Road Rage.

Here’s the deal, people. The left-hand lane? That is for passing. Passing. Here in Montana it is called the passing lane. (One other note: We have interstates, not freeways.) It is not the I’m-going-4-miles-over-the-speed-limit-so-I’ll-drive-over-here lane. Passing. You pass a vehicle and then you get the hell back over by the ditch (or barrow pit… depending.) There is no such thing as a “fast” and “slow” lane. This is Montana. It’s a big damn state. You better be going fast if you are going to get anywhere.

In this state we take our speed seriously. (Wow, that statement could be misconstrued…. Maybe I’ll post about our meth problem next….) “Montana: The Land of the $5 Speeding Ticket” became “Montana: The Land of Prudent and Reasonable” and then the state lawmakers caved to federal pressure (and the need for federal highway funds) and enacted a speed limit. I will admit it has been many years since I’ve been nailed for speeding….. but I hear tickets are between $40-100 depending on the zone and the speed.

I’ve always maintained there should be a numeric speed limit but only for out-of-staters. During the heyday of “prudent and reasonable” many non-residents splattered themselves all over Montana’s scenic highways. There may not have been a numeric speed limit but the laws of physics still apply.

Oh, and another road rage…. (Sorry, I’m just so ANGRY today?!?!) Be nice to people with horse trailers please. They can’t stop very fast (it is hard on the horses) and they are often driving a stick-shift so they roll backwards when they take off uphill. And that cute little girl you just yelled at for making a big wide turn…. That’s my sister. And she’ll kick your ass.

Sunday, September 18, 2005


I’m getting myself psyched up to sort fall toddler clothes and load the Dyson (It is THAT good, people) into the car so I can drag it & Sweet Boy to town to vacuum the rental-soon-to-be-for-sale house…. So I’m surfing a bit and via Misfit’s site I discover.


Why didn’t anyone tell me?

She named him PMS Federline. The 10-year-old boy in me is giggling already.

This baby naming business is serious. We are planning (I love it when people say the word “plan” in the same breath with anything involving children…. Especial pregnancy…. It’s like the ultimate oxymoron.) to have another kid and, while we are fairly sure we know what we will name it, I like to toss out baby names once in a while just to see Hot Stuff give me The Look.

Oh, and just so you know… Wartner has been rejected.

Friday, September 16, 2005

I have a confession...

Hello. My name is Homestead. I have a confession to make.

I read "What to Expect When You are Expecting" and just last week I threw away the ground flax seed in the door of my fridge.... ya'll know what I'm talking about....

I also got rid of the candied ginger & gingerbeer I bought to ward off the morning sickness I never had.

Oh, and while I was pregnant I ate hot dogs, deli meat & even a can of tuna.

I drank decaf.... but sometimes I didn't... if you know what I mean.

I had half a glass of wine... more than once.

I got a flu shot during my first trimester.

I went on a cream-based diet during my pregnancy. Indeed, a trip to Charleston, SC was my undoing.... she-crab soup and cheesy grits every day.

I sat in hot tubs.

I never wore maternity underpanties.

I rode horses during my first trimester, skied & fly-fished during my second trimester and fought a wildfire during my third trimester.

And that's just the pregnancy... wait until I tell you all the things I've done to the poor kid since then!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

What to Expect When You Ask Your Friends for Advice

In response to Susan's post about That One Pregnancy Book I provide you with links to all of MY stellar pregnancy & parenting advice. I'm actually planning a beautiful, touching, inspired post that will be an open letter to a friend who is having her first baby.... but I'm not there yet.


Today is my birthday.... more about that later....

My Husband Says...

Boobcycle Review I

Boobcycle Review II

Baby Socks

Car Seats

Puny Gallbladders

The Story of Babies

Just because I can....

I'm going to post this for your reading pleasure. My apologies for the lack of formating... I did the old cut-n-paste and I don't have time to clean it up right now. This email was passed on to me by the mayor of the largest town in Montana (Billings) with a request to pass it along to college students and youth. Well, the readership here at the Homestead tends to not fit that criteria but I'll let you read it and see what you have to say....

What Are Moral Values?
by Rev. Dr. Robin Meyers
Mayflower Church, Oklahoma City

As some of you know, I am minister of Mayflower Congregational Churchin Oklahoma City, a church in northwest Oklahoma City, and professor ofRhetoric at Oklahoma City University. But you would most likely have encountered me on the pages of the Oklahoma Gazette, where I have been a columnist for six years, and hold the record for the most number of angry letters to the editor. Tonight, I join ranks of those who are angry, because I have watched as the faith I love has been taken over by those who claim to speak forJesus, but whose actions are anything but Christian.
We've heard a lot lately about so-called "moral values" as havingswung the election to President Bush. Well, I'm a great believer inmoral values, but we need to have a discussion, all over this country,about exactly what constitutes a moral value -- I mean what are wetalking about? Because we don't get to make them up as we go along,especially not if we are people of faith. We have an inheritedtradition of what is right and wrong, and moral is as moral does. Letme give you just a few of the reasons why I take issue with those inpower who claim moral values are on their side: When you start a war on false pretenses, and then act as if yourdeceptions are justified because you are doing God's will, and thatyour critics are either unpatriotic or lacking in faith, there are someof us who have given our lives to teaching and preaching the faith whobelieve that this is not only not moral, but immoral. When you live in a country that has established international rules forwaging a just war, build the United Nations on your own soil toenforce them, and then arrogantly break the very rules you set down forthe rest of the world, you are doing something immoral.When you claim that Jesus is the Lord of your life, and yet fail toacknowledge that your policies ignore his essential teaching, or turnthem on their head (you know, Sermon on the Mount, stuff like wemust never return violence for violence and those who live by thesword will die by the sword), you are doing something immoral.When you act as if the lives of Iraqi civilians are not as important asthe lives of American soldiers, and refuse to even count them, you aredoing something immoral. When you find a way to avoid combat in Vietnam, and then question thepatriotism of someone who volunteered to fight, and came home a hero,you are doing something immoral. When you ignore the fundamental teachings of the gospel, which saysthat the way the strong treat the weak is the ultimate ethical test,by giving tax breaks to the wealthiest among us so the strong will getstronger and the weak will get weaker, you are doing somethingimmoral. When you wink at the torture of prisoners, and deprive so-called "enemycombatants" of the rules of the Geneva Conventions, which your owncountry helped to establish and insists that other countries follow,you are doing something immoral. When you claim that the world can be divided up into the good guys andthe evil doers, slice up your own nation into those who are with you,or with the terrorists -- and then launch a war which enriches your ownfriends and seizes control of the oil to which we are addicted, insteadof helping us to kick the habit, you are doing something immoral. When you fail to veto a single spending bill, but ask us to pay for awar with no exit strategy and no end in sight, creating an enormousdeficit that hangs like a great m illstone around the necks of ourchildren, you are doing something immoral. When you cause most of the rest of the world to hate a country that wasonce the most loved country in the world, and act like it doesn'tmatter what others think of us, only what God thinks of you, you havedone something immoral. When you use hatred of homosexuals as a wedge issue to turn out recordnumbers of evangelical voters, and use the Constitution as a tool ofdiscrimination, you are doing something immoral. When you favor the death penalty, and yet claim to be a follower ofJesus, who said an eye for an eye was the old way, not the way of thekingdom, you are doing something immoral. When you dismantle countless environmental laws designed to protectthe earth which is God's gift to us all, so that the corporations thatbought you and paid for your favors will make higher profits while ourchildren breathe dirty air and live in a toxic world, you have donesomething immoral. The Earth belongs to the Lord, not Halliburton.When you claim that our God is bigger than their God, and that ourkilling is righteous, while theirs is evil, we have begun to resemblethe enemy we claim to be fighting, and that is immoral. We have met theenemy, and the enemy is us. When you tell people that you intend to run and govern as a"compassionate conservative," using the word which is the essence ofall religious faith -- compassion, and then show no compassion foranyone who disagrees with you, and no patience with those who cry toyou for help, you are doing something immoral. When you talk about Jesus constantly, who was a healer of the sick, butdo not hing to make sure that anyone who is sick can go to see adoctor, even if she doesn't have a penny in her pocket, you are doingsomething immoral. When you put judges on the bench who are racist, and will set womenback a hundred years, and when you surround yourself with preacherswho say gays ought to be killed, you are doing something immoral. I'm tired of people thinking that because I'm a Christian, I must be asupporter of President Bush, or that because I favor civil rights andgay rights I must not be a person of faith.

I'm tired of people saying that I can't support the troops but oppose the war. I heard that when I was your age, when the Vietnam war was raging. Weknew that that war was wrong, and you know that this war is wrong --the only question is how many people are going to die before thesemake-believe Christians are removed from power? This country is bankrupt. The war is morally bankrupt. The claim of this
administration to be Christian is bankrupt. And the only people whocan turn things around are people like you--young people who are justbeginning to wake up to what is happening to them.It's your country totake back. It's your faith to take back. It's your future to takeback.Don't be afraid to speak out. Don't back down when your friends beginto tell you that the cause is righteous and that the flag should bewrapped around the cross, while the rest of us keep our mouths shut.Real Christians take chances for peace. So do real Jews, and realMuslims, and real Hindus, and real Buddhists--so do all the faithtraditions of the world at their heart believe one thing: life isprecious. Every human being is precious.Arrogance is the opposite of faith. Greed is the opposite of charity.And believing that one has never made a mistake is the mark of adeluded man, not a man of faith. And war -- war is the greatest failureof the human race -- and thus the grea test failure of faith.
There's an old rock and roll song, whose lyrics say it all: War, whatis it good for? Absolutely nothing! And what is the dream of theprophets? That we should study war no more, that we should beat ourswords into plowshares and our spears into pruning hooks. Who wouldJesus bomb, indeed? How many wars does it take to know that too many people have died? Whatif they gave a war and nobody came? Maybe one day we will find out.
Time to march again, my friends. Time to commit acts of civildisobedience, time to sing, and to pray, and refuse to participate inthe madness.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Slaughter Rule

You know my husband is a movie star, right? He was in the movie Slaughter Rule. Well, ok, he was the guy running the scoreboard for one of the scenes… but if you watch close you can see him. Running the scoreboard was one of his many jobs when he taught at a small class C school. (I’m pretty sure saying “small” and “Class C” is redundant… buy you know what I mean.) The high school has around 40 kids in grades 9-12… no, not 40 per class.... I mean in the whole high school.

Slaughter Rule is an indie film. The name comes from a (former) rule in 6-man football. When a team is up by 45 points the slaughter rule kicks in and the clock no longer stops. As in “you are getting slaughtered so we are going to speed things up here.” See, who said this wasn’t an educational site?

Hot Stuff taught English, literature & the occasional history class. He also mentored some independent study classes. He put on the school play one year. (That is so insane I can’t even begin to explain it…) We chaperoned the prom. We reminded the kids about curfew when we were all at the bar. (Ok… that sentence demands explanation…. There is nowhere for kids to hang out in a small town. So the kids all came to the local bar to eat chicken strips and play pool. It actually worked out pretty well because on any given night at least one teacher and several parents were having dinner at the bar and could keep an eye on things.) Hot Stuff was the athletic director and a class advisor. Being athletic director involved scheduling all the games and referees for all the sports. It meant arriving at the gym several hours before any event. He made sure things were set up and the checks were cut for the officials. (Hhmm…. That sounds a little skeevy… what I mean is he made sure the referees were paid… properly.) He ran the scoreboard for football games. I can’t tell you the number of hours we spent in the gym. Basketball, football, volleyball, track. I was often pressed into service to collect tickets, take water to referees at half time, unlock changing areas for cheerleaders & supervise the half time pop-shot. Juniors run the concession stand to make money to finance things like the prom and Junior-Senior Banquet. So the year his “kids” were juniors I spent many hours in the concession stand…. Battling the vintage popcorn machine and selling Junior Mints. I was so glad to see those kids become seniors. I was walking to the first home football game that season and I hear all the junior moms in the concession stand hollering. I’m thinking, “What school spirit. What pride.” Then I realize they are yelling…. My name. They’ve spotted me. And they KNOW I know how to run the popcorn machine. Darn.

There are many times I miss living in a tiny town. We had to drive across a creek to get to our little rented trailer…. Which was in the middle of town… and we could cut across a little foot bridge and be at the bar in about 3 minutes. Small towns have that nosy aspect. You know. You can’t fart without everyone in town knowing what you had for dinner…. That part. But there is something comforting in knowing people are watching your back even if they might be talking behind it too.

If nothing else it is a comfort to know you can be at a bar in 3 minutes… walking…. Yup, I miss small town living sometimes…..

No, Really. My taste is that bad.

I just want to state, for the record, I ALWAYS pick bad movies. I could pick a top-rated title and it would turn out to be a bomb... simply because I picked it. I have powers like that.

I'd love to give you an example if I could think of any.... Truly. They Suck. Truly. I’m struggling to remember a GOOD one I picked by myself. Sideways. I picked Sideways. It was good. Not as good as it was hyped to be. But it was good. Usually I have to stick to animated stuff… it is hard to go wrong with animated stuff.

He picked Lemony Snickett and it was quite adorable.

Other movies we’ve seen lately: Catwoman, Ocean’s 12, Million Dollar Baby, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days…. Nothing too challenging although I want to see Crash and Hotel Rwanda but those are for a serious movie night… not one of those drink-wine-and-fold-laundry movie nights.

Considering we only get NBC & WB on our tv you would think we’d watch more movies…. But I can barely think of any I want to see. Anybody seen anything good lately?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Say huh?

We are sitting at the video store. Sweet Boy is passed out cold in the car seat and we are deciding who will go in and get a movie.

Hot Stuff says, “When you pick out movies…. It’s like a big pile of elephant dump in the middle of the living room.”

He picked the flick.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Hot and Dirty

Hot, Hot, Hot
Originally uploaded by Homestead.
The one in the middle? Yeah, I'm married to him. And what, you ask, is he doing? Back-burning with a drip torch. Burns off an area so when the fire gets to it there is no fuel. That is so sexy. Rrrowr... I love that man.

Do you think.....

Do you think it is odd to let the grocery store checker bag the candy but ask her to leave out the loaf of French bread?? Yup, guess what Sweet Boy & I had for dinner last night.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


I’m really not in the mood to write anything witty or eloquent (stop it, stop laughing right now) and the situation in the world just kinda has me down. I just can’t stop wondering what I would do in that situation…. So, until I get it back together, you just get random posts about comments from other posts….. might not be fun for you but it cracks me up….

Ok, the party has been postponed until the penguin movie comes out on dvd and mrtl has the baby so she can have a cocktail.

And, for the record, I did not actually suggest mrtl swath herself head-to-toe in paisley but I did offer her my dark red paisley sheets to make a toga. She graciously declined.

Yes, LadyBug, creek is pronounced “crick” in these parts and if anyone feels like arguing that point I direct you to my friend, Mr. Webster…. The dictionary.

Also, I would talk about peas and foreplay but, 1. Hot Stuff hates peas and, 2. My brother threatened to boycott my site if I didn’t “stop it already” with the X-rated stuff.

And, Mrow-Mrow, well, how many ways COULD you pronounce that? The cat does actually have a name… it is Pudge or Pudgito… but Mrow-Mrow is more fun to say.

I’ve also learned it is entirely possible I MADE UP that part about Britney having twins….. and I’m still holding out for the name Wartner but my friend, Lala, says she wants to name it Hewie.

Oh, and this is a bear bell. (Except ours is bright orange.)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Oh, let’s just talk about margaritas….

I seem to have put myself on mrtl’s “list” by posting comments about donuts. She called me a bitch (but in that nice way)… and, yet, I post comments recommending she wear head-to-toe paisley on her pregnant self and I get…. Nothing. Obviously, it is she, and not I, that has mixed priorities here.

And she sent me a lovely book of margaritas as a prize for paisley. And I thank her for that. And so I invite her and all of you to my house for drinks. We will use the fancy margarita glasses and the little stem markers my sister got me from Margaritaville.

You are Invited.

What: A party for the socially-awkward, misfits, rejects, and anyone who has, in general, ever felt uncomfortable in their skin. Or, having figured out how to be comfortable in their own skin, has felt the need to project some other image in order to somehow “fit in” in a particular situation. Oh, and for all of those who reject all those labels too.

Where: My house. We will be partying on the veranda…..and the front porch, driveway and horse-shoe pit…. All the way down to the creek.

When: All day, every day…. But if you stay more than 3 days you have to help me clean the barn.

What to bring: Dip. Lots and lots of dip. Pets, children & spouses are welcome.

What to leave home: Grouchy spouses and your uncomfortable shoes.

Possible topics for discussion:
That new penguin movie.
English novels.
Smackdown: Barney vs. Clifford.
Truly great undergarments.
Real Childcare.
The properties of the perfect coffee cup.
Cute plant markers (and why can’t I think of any ideas to make some).
Why my bathroom is purple.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Other things I have done that make ya’ll shake your heads….

….besides just finding out Britney Spears is having babies. (And I still hope she names one of them Wartner.)

I’ll keep the list short(er) by limiting it to this week…

1. Got lost looking for m&co. She’s here. (But got offers of martinis…so that’s good, right?)
2. Challenged LadyBug to use frozen peas in foreplay. (What? What?)
3. Seriously considered making a mitten out of the mouse Mrow-Mrow left on the porch. (It was that big people.)
4. Wore paisley. Ok, I didn’t really.
5. Attached a bear bell to my son so he can’t sneak away from me in the yard.
6. Drank wine from a bottle with a screw top. (Wishing Tree)
7. Left a dirty diaper in my sister’s sweatshirt pocket.
8. Used a labeler to make a naughty message and put it under Hot Stuff’s pillow.

Moms everywhere.

I just found out Brittney Spears is going to have a baby!!!! Twins even!


Survival tip of the day: If you are using iodine tablets to purify water, lemon-lime Gatorade covers the taste the best.

Friday, September 02, 2005


My brother's best friend died this week.

Yin & Yang

On the way to work this morning I saw three little bambi babies playing with their mommas.

On NPR I heard a guy on a Montana call-in show actually say we should bill the people of New Orleans who didn't evacuate. Yes, bill them for their rescue because they should have evacuated. Um, how? Ok, wait, I need to take a deep cleansing breath and just NOT GO THERE.

There is is people. The yin and yang of living here. How do you keep the balance?