Monday, April 04, 2005

The Boobcycle Review Part I: Background

The wee one is now a strapping ten-month-old. The mama has been providing the boobage from day one. I could brag about it and tell you it has been easy and I’ve loved every minute but why lie? It ain’t easy and anyone who tells you it should be is either brain-dead, lying or a man.

The process was made both easier and harder by a lactation consultant my husband refers to as “The Boob Nazi.” Good advice in class (oh yes, the nerdy ones took a baby class… more on that later) about how to turn the baby & theory on how to smoosh the ta-tas so the baby gets a yummy nipple sandwich.

But the reality ain’t the dream, people. For the first day or so I thought I was the Queen Mama and couldn’t figure out how anyone could complain about this….it was easy. My sturdy 8 pound 11 ounce guppy had it all figured out. No assembly required.

Then came day two…. Nipple Pain, Engorgement… ya’ll with wee ones know all the key words….. I am just thankful for a sister-in-law & a best friend who are nurses and mothers…. Nothing like your best friend telling you to get in a hot shower, bend over and sway the udders gently…. Hell, isn’t that how I GOT in this condition in the first place??

I gotta tell ya girls…. It takes six weeks. By week seven I was starting to see the light and not hitting the advil bottle pre-sucklage every day. Meds are good. I could watch someone slurp a popcicle without wincing. Heck, I even let the husband fool with the colossals a little…. But those first 6 weeks were hell… anybody who tells you different is WRONG.


Greenthumb said...

"Nothing like your best friend telling you to get in a hot shower, bend over and sway the udders gently…. Hell, isn’t that how I GOT in this condition in the first place??"

OMG!!! I'm rolling on the floor laughing at that one.

LadyBug said...

That was too funny.

It took two practice runs before I finally got the whole breastfeeding thing down. I had trouble with both of the girls (Trouble getting started, then engorgement, etc. with The Drama Queen. No initial troubles with Miss Attitude, but a HORRIBLE breast infection two weeks later.) But I'm proud that I stuck with it and nursed them both through their first year.

With Baby Boy, I took a tube of Lansinoh with me to the hospital and smeared that stuff on my nipples after every nursing session. I nursed him as often as he'd oblige, and my milk came in slowly. So no engorgement; no sore, cracked nipples. It was blissful. And yep, we're 9 1/2 months and still going strong.

Oh, and "Boob Nazi" and "nipple sandwich" cracked me up. Julie over at used the term "nipple sandwich," too, and it always made me giggle.

Homestead said...

LadyBug- I am SO going to try that if we have another one.... 'cause there is nothing like having the smug look wiped off your face by a baby attempting to nurse. I wish I could take credit for "nipple sandwich" but that is straight from the mouth of the Boob Nazi. Another one I like is a quote in "Brain, Child" magazine that said, "Beep, beep, here comes the nipple bus."

LadyBug said...

Oh, shame on you, girl. I was totally unprepared for "Beep, beep, here comes the nipple bus." and I almost woke the kids with my snorting through my hand and trying not to laugh.