Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Fat Tuesday

For today, Fat Tuesday, I will provide a story of sin and redemption.

Redemption: I finally finished cleaning the laundry room. I flylady-ed the fuck out of it. (You know. flylady.net and you can do anything for 15 minutes....) It took me about 2 weeks of saying, "Today, just don't make it any worse and clean up a few extra things...." Not so difficult when you realize my laundry room has no door and you have to pass through it to get to the bathroom... just grab something and put it away. The counter top is cleared off. The drawers are organized. The pantry is sorted. Hot Stuff's basket of doom is emptied.

Sin: Hot Stuff asked if he could take over the counter for horn season and keep his pack and gear there. Until we remodel there is no good place in our downstairs for his pack and gear and if it is in the bedroom he will be rummaging in it at 4:00 AM on weekends. So, of course, he can take over the counter.

Redemption: He took care of me and my son last night while I was sick with a snot-filled head and general misery and no theraflu and Wild Turkey to cure me.

Sin: Hot Stuff and Sweet Boy watched Primos: Big Bulls 9.

Redemption: How cute is it when a little boy says, "Big Buwl Ek says whhhoooo-hhoooo-hoooo"

Sin: Thomas the Tank Engine (battery powered wooden track) died. Sweet Boy just keeps saying, "Batries, mama, batries." Sorry, son, but no battery in the world is bringing Thomas back.

Redemption: Distraction by race car.

Sin: Target does not HAVE battery-powered wooden track Thomas.

Redemption: Ebay.

Sin: This post was much more clever in my mind.

Redemption: Blame it on the snot filling my head......

Thursday, February 23, 2006

She thinks she'll keep him....

My husband uttered the two most amazing phrases last night.
"When the Olympics are over I think we should keep the tv turned off until Sweet Boy goes to bed at 8:00. We can tape anything we really want to watch."
"Grab a bottle of lotion, take off your clothes and lay down in front of the fire. I want to give you a backrub."
Updated to add: Really, I should have known something was up. When I hugged him hello last night after work and asked if I could have my way with his body later that night he said, "Maybe" and that's a sure-fire YES if I play my cards right. And after Sweet Boy went to bed instead of turning on the tv he turned on the ipod.... to the Braveheart soundtrack. Everybody knows the Braveheart soundtrack means deep soulful conversation punctuated with much kissing and touching and romance.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Helicopter

This is Sweet Boy's Ewl-cotter. It is a Rescue Heroes thing my mom got from ebay for about $12. Drives Hot Stuff crazy with all the space it takes up. I consider it to be a spare toybox... although every once in a while I find a stray sippy cup under the dash (that's why I have "sanitize" on my dishwasher, right?) Sweet Boy loves to hide under the dashboard and bounce on the seat and throw himself backwards. He has also been known to take off the rotor and use it as a jousting device. Please note "Steeler Shrek" is currently piloting this aircraft.

And, Again, With the Photo Analysis....

1. Again, the peach walls....
2. I love the "Montana Maid" print on the wall.
3. Check out the view out the window..... and that isn't even our best view.
4. Looking at the candles I realize Sweet Boy was playing with them.... the bead bases were on different candles when it started.
5. Is the 4th flower the new baby or the dog?
6. Yes, my wood table has a formica top....

Just in Case You Don't Already Have Enough Reasons To Hate Me.....

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I’m in my husband’s pants again….


Today I’m wearing a pair of Carhardtt carpenter-style jeans that make me feel like a snowboarder…. I’m all hip in my baggy denim.

The man has more jeans than any one human being on the planet. He has one ass, why does he need 46 pairs of jeans? I might have to count just to see how many pairs of jeans he really has…. I have 5 pairs. Two pairs of Twenty X jeans that are my “good” jeans. One pair of worn out Lucky jeans for the weekend and two pairs of slightly ratty Wranglers for “work” stuff. I am planning to retire one of the Twenty X jeans because they are starting to actually wear through in spots. What do you expect? I wear them at least once a week. They are the only jeans I’ve found that are slightly trendy, comfy, sexy, low-waisted but not too low-waisted, and long enough.

If I could get down to a size 7 I could get lots of hand-me-downs from my sister’s “larger” jeans… there is no way I will ever fit into her size 5’s but my body seems to be most comfortable as a size 9 no matter how many times I visit her closet and tempt my body with those cute, trendy jeans.....

Well, I mean, except now.... when I'm size 44 Fat and just really excited to be wearing jeans with a button... that I can actually button.... even if it means getting into my husband's pants... again.

The pregnancy update….

We had the ultrasound last week. The highlights: 4-chamber beating heart, no placenta previa, 2 kidneys, bladder, stomach, no obvious signs of cleft palate or spinal bifida or Down’s. I was around 19 weeks. The ultrasound indicates a July 15th due date. (LMP/Conception date says July 12th.) Who are they kidding? Sweet Boy’s ultrasound indicated a May 17th due date and he was born June 1st.

Things I thought:

Beating heart. This is huge. This is especially huge for anyone who knows the feeling of not seeing a beating heart. I know this kid is going to cause me worry until my dying day but at least this is one thing I can cross off the worry list… for now.

Whew, no spinal bifida…. I’m pretty good about taking my prenatals and always have been (they do great things for my nails & hair… everyone should take them) but, geez, what about the week I forgot them while I was on vacation….

Why did I drink all that damn water? I forgot how much I was supposed to drink so I just KEPT DRINKING. Plus all that coffee (decaf you haters) and juice. Add to that the round-about route I took to get to the ultrasound appointment and I had a very full bladder. The tech let me empty it after she looked at the placenta and then laughed at me as we got to watch it fill up again as she did the rest of the ultrasound.

I’m not gonna lie people…. it’s a cute kid. The potential of becoming a mother of two is slowly creeping up on me and taking root in my brain as a reality. Gone will be the days of smugly taking my well-behaved toddler places. I will be that haggard woman dragging around a squalling 2-year-old & a whimpering infant. Or maybe we will just stay home and watch Shrek.

Don't judge me....

I'm looking at the picture below.

Can I see the cute baby? Sure.

Do I think it is hilarious I wrote on him with a Sharpie? Absolutely.

Do I know how long it takes for that stuff to wear off? Yes. (Not that long actually.)

Can I focus on anything except the mess in the back ground? No.

Let me break it down for you.

1. Only I can see the tiny edge of stuff peaking out from under the rug... that stuff you put under them so they won't slip.

2. The cardboard box is actually me boxing up all the 2005 documents to stash in the garage. Not bad, really, but the deal is I can't seal the box until I've mailed in our tax stuff... which I haven't done yet. (And sweet hell, no, I do NOT do my own taxes. I never have. I have a lovely accountant named Peg who says doing our taxes is like a coffee break for her. How could I deny her that? Really.)

3. What color are the walls? They are antique something-or-other. Peach? Not a color I would pick.... although I couldn't say what color I WOULD pick so there ya go. In the grand remodel the walls will be painted (above the woodwork) & new carpet will be installed. Please don't get me started on the pink-toned carpet.

4. The dresser. Well, we started calling it a "buffet" when it wouldn't fit up the stairs to the bedroom and we discovered it would now be residing in the back of the living room..... It is full of movies, candles, table linens, photo albums & picture frames.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Can you read the writing on the baby's belly??

Yes, we are still celebrating. Go Steelers!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Ah, guess who just got flowers at work? Yes, yes, it's me. 4 red roses.... one for each of us..... in a gorgeous red vase with some ornate stuff around the bottom. Me likey. They will look fabulous with the new refrigerator Cupid is bringing me. (Seriously, black, silver or white?)

We've made a decision. Well, Hot Stuff decided and I agree. We are going to start dating. Each other. Our date night will be the 12th of every month. We met on the 12th and we used to try to do something on the 12th but the habit sort of fell by the wayside. Originally we were going to try to go out together once a week but getting a babysitter and then we'd feel like failures if we didn't.... so we are starting small.

Officially, we are starting tonight (I know, I know... it's the 14th.... it's all about flexibility.)

Last night I accidentally got back to town from working early (bad road worries so we cut things short) so I got groceries. We put together a lovely lasagna. Tonight, well, let me set the stage:

  • The house is clean. (That's what happens when Hot Stuff works all day Saturday & Sweet Boy decides the feather duster is a COOL toy.)
  • Clean flannel sheets on the bed and all the pillows are fluffed.
  • A gorgeous lasagna -heavy on the basil- is in the fridge ready for the oven.
  • A bag of salad is waiting to be tossed & there is a cheese cake for dessert (Sara Lee). (Shut up.... it's the thought that counts.)
  • The (fake) champagne is chilling.
  • The table has a centerpiece of many candles and gorgeous red candles are placed strategically throughout the house.
  • My favorite Aveda scented oil is in the humidifier on the pellet stove... combined with the smell of lasagna? Oh, it screams seduction.
  • I shaved my legs.
  • I made a new mix of massage oil & my nails are short enough to give an honestly high-quality massage.
  • The ringer on the phone is off.
  • The bathtub is clean and I have bubbles.
  • The Boy will join us for dinner and then he goes to bed at 8:00.

Friday, February 10, 2006

One for the Road....

The last post was just too somber.... I couldn't leave it like that for the weekend when I won't be back until Tuesday.... So here's Sweet Boy..... flying his helicopter with his co-pilots.

Single Parenthood: Day 5

The mama couldn't sleep last night. A combination of lonely and fretting about work and fretting about baby. I'm going to confess something.... whenever Hot Stuff is gone I build a mound of pillows on his side of the bed and wear one of his t-shirts out of the laundry to bed. (I just have to get a semi-clean one... one time I got one he'd worn while cutting down trees.... nothing says snuggle me like the smell of chainsaw gasoline.... but BOY I slept well.)

Sweet Boy had cheesy-eggs for breakfast. He loves them. I swear, next time I make them I'm putting him on the floor and letting the dog clean his face. That stuff is like concrete when it dries.

Work & lonely will pass. Baby fretting will be cured by hearing that sweet whoosh-whoosh on the Doppler this afternoon. I invited my mother-in-law to hear it. My cousin is due around the same time I am and she emailed last night telling me how her son felt the baby kick.... at 18 weeks? She can feel movement on the outside? Wow. I feel those fluttery little kicks that could easily be confused with gas or hunger.... so I sat, concentrating with all my might, and felt.... nothing. Even though my ration brain was reminding me movement isn't reliable this early I worried. So I ate something sugary and flopped down on my left side... just like the books tell you too... something that works great..... later on. My ration brain was now yelling at me to just go to bed and go to sleep already... this wouldn' t WORK. But I tried anyway. And got.... nothing. And this morning on the way to daycare I was rewarded with about 15 thumps to the backside of my belly. Little shit... already not doing what mama wants.

And then the daycarista told me the mama due in April is having a boy. Sweet Boy won't be the only XY-chromosome bearer anymore! And then she told me the mama due the same time I am lost her baby. And I teared up thinking about her and I wondered how it happened and I wondered how she was coping and I wondered if I REALLY felt those kicks this morning....

And then I talked to one of my friends and her daughter's teacher just lost a baby. And I told my friend to remember that mama on her due date. Nobody remembers the mama on the due date. My due date was February 16th... maybe that is what has me dwelling on this so much lately. If that baby had been born the same amount late Sweet Boy was born the birthdate would have been my Grandma's birthday. My special grandma. Somehow that's a sign and a comfort to me. I think when you have a loss like that you take comfort wherever you can and you treasure that comfort like a precious thing. That's what I think.

And why is the term "lost a baby" so inadequate? It's not like I left the baby in the cart at Target. It makes me feel like that little baby's soul is just out there... lost. And no baby that was loved and wanted can just be lost like that, can they?

And then today I went to Torrie's blog and learned her baby, her precious and so long sought baby, doesn't have a heart beat. And my heart broke. So, please, if you can, go to her. Offer what comfort you can and let her know people are thinking about her.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Single Parenthood: Day 4

We got Dr. Seuss books last night!! From ebay.... lots of them.... for cheap. So we spent the whole evening reading, arranging the books in stacks, driving the books around in the dump truck & making stepping stones from the stairs to the couch. What? It beat the heck out of the available tv options....

I officially added to my vd gift list because, well, not EVERY town in Montana has a Victoria's Secret but the town Hot Stuff happens to be training in does..... "thong. size M. Get me what you like, baby...." Now he will have to take his two co-workers with him to Vicky's.... poor Vicky.... she has no idea what she's in for with those monkeys in the store.

The rest of my list? a refrigerator (black, white or silver??), a lottery ticket (he gets me one for every major holiday because how could you beat that gift if we won??), Hershey's kissables, some really fine quality chocolate from The Parrot.

Life as a single parent is, amazingly, settling into a routine. I routinely curse my husband every night when he calls to tell me where they are eating dinner and we are eating frozen pizza.

The math is still killing him... it gets harder every day and he's still got a bad cold so he's miserable. And, of course, he's miserable missing us. Sweet Boy "read" him Green Eggs & Ham (still his favorite book of all time) on the phone this morning.

Tonight's excitement includes starting the Nielson ratings book tv journal thingy. (They sent me $15 to do it!!) It will be kinda like doing a food journal. I'll have to stop and think, "Do I really want to watch this if it means letting the world know it??"

One more night.....

4 things....

Greenie tagged me. I feel so honored and flattered. So here you go...

Four jobs you have had in your life:
Waitress (gawds this sucked… but I was kinda good at it in a short-skirts-and-baseball-caps-are-cute kinda way.)
Program Director/Instructor at a Martial Arts School (Easy to decide what to wear every morning, no shoes are a great excuse for a good pedicure, and, oh, being a positive influence and role model)
Sponsorship Coordinator for a ski film company (A whole lot of perks and a whole lot of assholes to work for….)
ADA/504 Coordinator & Grant Director (Who knows what an ADA/504 Coordinator is?? Ok, me neither until I discovered it was covered in my job description by “other duties as assigned.”)

Four Movies you could watch over and over:
Can I say I rarely watch movies over and over?? I have a hard enough time making it through once… I feel compelled to get up and do laundry or something and call myself productive.

The Princess Bride
Blast from the Past
The Incredibles
Shrek 2
(Thankfully I like this movie…. Because it is Sweet Boy’s favorite)

Four Places I have Lived:
The Hi-Line, Montana (Everyone should grow up in a place like this…. It makes you appreciate other places so much more……)
Colorado Springs & Boulder, Colorado (Places I lived included such appetizing names as: The Virgin Vault, Cameltoe Hump (ok, it wasn’t really called that but Lala called it that and now I can’t remember the real name.. Camel something….)
Sacramento area, California (I lived in several ‘burbs… it doesn’t matter which ones… they are all the same.)
Helena, Montana (And you know I’ll probably die here.)

Four TV Shows I like to watch:
Because Thursday night is tv night at our house….

ER (Although I watch it more out of habit than entertainment these days….)
CSI (We watch this upstairs where we get reception of ABC & CBS while we tape My Name is Earl & The Office downstairs… it is that complicated… and, yes, rabbit ears are involved.)
My Name is Earl
The Office

I also have to add I really like Grey’s Anatomy but it is on the channel that doesn’t come in very well so we rarely watch it… but Lala tapes it and sends it to me sometimes. And Hot Stuff likes Love Monkey which is funny because he HATES monkeys…. But he likes that guy who used to be on Ed.

Four Places I have been on vacation:
Oaxaca, Mexico (Go. There. Now. The most amazing art & it is just FUN.)
Sulmona, Italy (Peaceful. And so flattering when some fat guy in plaid shorts asks, “Do-vey. Il. Vino Shoppe??” What would YOU do? Respond in English or screw around with him in Italian??)
Radium Hot Springs, Canada (My favorite vacation spot. In the past we have routinely taken 3 generations of women to Radium and we’ve all come back alive…. and done our part to support the Canadian economy.)
Jamaica (Does it say something sad that this is the only really beach-y place I’ve been? Is it sadder that I went there for a marine biology class and got college credit for the trip??)

Four Websites I go to weekly:


Blog sites:
Truths & Half-Truths (and from there on to his blog list….)
LadyBug (and from there her blog list…)
A Mama’s Rant (and from there her blog list…)
Harlow & the Boys
Friday Playdate
MT Politics

Four favorite foods:
Spicy. Not insanely hot, but spicy anything… Thai, Mexican, Korean.
Sushi…. And did I post about the good sushi I had at Target in Colorado Springs in October??? Yes. Target. As in “See Spot Save.”
Foods that start with “C” like cheese & chocolate.
All those good homemade comfort foods I make when I’m really on task and have a meal plan worked out… like lasagna & pizza & tacos & calzones & chicken pot pie & spaghetti & stir fry & chili.

Four places I would rather be right now:
Someplace warm, secluded and perhaps slightly tropical with a tall fruity virgin umbrella drink, a big bottle of sunscreen and Hot Stuff…. Wearing nothing but a Steelers ball cap & a smile.

Just down the street at this place that does wonderful pregnancy massage.

At the Broadwater swimming in the hot springs with Sweet Boy…. What? Pregnancy is the only time you can go to the pool and be truly, deliciously unselfconscious. You know you look great and that fabulous pregnancy glow outshines the swelling ankles, poorly pedicured toes, & moon-face that come with the territory.

Curled up in the “nest” with Gunnar, Hot Stuff, Sweet Boy & Mrow-mrow. We have this futon as a sorry consolation prize for a spare bedroom… but it has great natural light, good lamps & reading material, a level spot for snacks & drinks, and lots of fluffy pillows & down blankets.

Four people I'm tagging:
And You.

Now go… and tell me everything!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Single Parenthood: Day 3

Things are sliding downhill backwards as far as the AM routine.... Sweet Boy slept in until 9:00 this morning. I figure he's still a little out of it from being sick last week so I didn't wake him up... instead, I chose to stretch our morning together out even longer by going to Nana's work. She was just commenting about how her co-workers haven't seen him since he was a BABY. (It's true. When I was on maternity leave with him we walked to her work almost every afternoon for a little visit. It is about a mile from where we used to live & the perfect place for a potty break & a cool drink in the shade before walking home.) So my work arrival time was a stellar 10:30 am. Again I say... good thing I worked so much last weekend so I have time to burn. (That comment was really just for my brother.... he thinks I am a slothful worker whenever he catches me on IM when I'm working from home.... curious, isn't it, that he's usually at work with his feet up on his desk when he's calling me a slug....)

Sweet Boy & I went shopping last night.

I'm in search of that cheap-but-perfect black bag... the one that will hold my little purse, a few file folders, a water bottle & a snack.... comfortably but stylishly... I found three at Ross so I bought them all. My sister will help me decide.

Now, let me preface this by saying.... I talk to Sweet Boy all the time. So much so that sometimes I find myself in the grocery store saying, "Look. A tomato. What color are tomatoes? Tomatoes are red." and then I look down at my empty shopping cart and remember Sweet Boy is with his daddy and I thank my lucky stars I'm shopping at the local Vann's Thriftway where everyone knows me and not at Wal-Mart where the assistant manager has the men-in-white-coats on speed dial.

So when I ask, "Hey, do you want to look at black purses?" and Sweet Boy responds with, "No. Toys, mama." and cracks up the sales clerks it is really just an average day in the life of Homestead. We spent considerable time in the toy section but no purchases were made. Although I did note they have a lovely selection of "Chuck the Truck" 4-packs that would go nicely in the diaper bag & vehicles.

Sweet Boy talked to his daddy on the phone..... we've been practicing animal sounds and it made perfect sense when daddy asked, "What does a chicken say?" and Sweet Boy answered, "Oink. Oink." Like, duh, daddy.... everybody knows you have to ask them in the correct order and bacon trumps drumsticks any day.

2 nights down and 2 to go.....

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Single Parenthood: Day 2

I cheated a little (wait.... finish the damn sentence before you go judging me....) and brought another semi-responsible adult into my world yesterday. My sister came to work, swapped cars with me, and got Sweet Boy from daycare. Then we all met at my house and went for a lovely walk.... with only two neighbor encounters -one bad & one good- for excitement. The "bad" neighbor said some vaguely menacing things about my (on a leash) dog and his pigeons. He didn't actually say my dog was a problem but warned me to not let him run by his house. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about because my dog is penned during the day and doesn't cross the road to where his house is... but whatever. The "good" neighbor specifically came down to tell me not to let the "bad" neighbor bully me. Apparently he considers himself "The Mayor of the Gulch" and has run-ins with almost every neighbor including pulling a GUN on one, running one off the road and chasing her with a walking stick, shooting another's rooster & leaving it on someone else's doorstep. Charming. So how funny will I look going for a walk with my red fleece jacket, yuppy trek jogger stroller & a giant shotgun over my shoulder? Can I call it a cardio-weights combo workout? I think for the next few weeks I will walk the other direction even if it means sticking to the paved road with more traffic.

So when Hot Stuff called home to complain about how much math he has to do in his class (He swears it is worse than calculus....) I had a story to tell him. He was, um, less than pleased.

Sweet Boy... being the angel-boy that he is capable of being... went to bed at 8:30 and slept until 7:45 am. Not a peep.... except the cat banging on the door around midnight wanting out of his room.

We did better this morning... not that I left the house before 9:00... but I slept in until 7:30....

Monday, February 06, 2006

Chunk Light

It seems it has been a while since I've had a tuna lunch kit... the tuna now comes in a pouch that only reminds me of cat food a little bit and I got a plastic spoon instead of a wooden one that sets my teeth on edge. And I put in the whole packet of relish so that must count as a serving of veggies, right?

Single Parenthood: Day 1

I think we will have tofu hot dogs & velveeta grilled cheese sandwiches this week. Two foods I secretly love but would hate for anyone to know.....

The kid slept until 8:15 this morning. Which means I didn't get to work until 9:45. Good thing I worked 18 hours this weekend.

Hot Stuff called. He will be back Friday night. I'm counting the seconds....

Must figure out how to get to work earlier...... this morning I was up at 6:15, helped Hot Stuff gather his stuff and get out the door (good-bye's.... even long ones..... suck) by 7:00. Did a load of laundry, showered, dressed, checked email, took out the garbage, emptied the rest of my suitcase, emptied the dishwasher, fed Sweet Boy breakfast & dressed him, put the dog in the pen, loaded up the car & left the house by.... 9:00. How do people do this??

Friday, February 03, 2006

Susan wants details.... baby details. She specifically said she wanted conception details..... or was that NOT details..... here it is in quick outline form.... more next week.... I'm off shortly to Billings for work stuff this weekend..... who-hoo.

Oct 19: Return to Montana from Colorado vacation with Sweet Boy.

Oct 20 or 21st: Make a baby.

Some ridiculously early November date... a Sunday: Smell cat food... from across the house.... and, well, just know..... wait about 20 or 30 seconds and decide to pee on a stick. Yeah!

Spend all of November hoping not to miscarry.

Spend all of December laughing at how mad everyone will be we aren't telling them at Christmas.

January 6th: Call my folks and tell them. Dad says some fabulously memorable things that I wish I'd written down in more detail.... very happy. Then we went to dinner with Hot Stuff's parents and told them. (We weren't going to tell anyone but we HAD too... they were planning us into a trip to San Fran for a wedding in June.... there will be no travel for me in June.)

Various other dates: Doctor appts etc.

Feb 15th: Ultrasound

July 12th: Due Date

Feelings: I'm obviously designed to be a breeder.... no morning sickness (ok, once.... I gagged myself), no major weight gain, some bloating, no real cravings (although it is 10:00 am and I'm eating leftover hot-n-sour soup so......).

Maternity clothes: As mrtl says, "Friends don't let friends wear paisley." I wore then for 3.5 months with Sweet Boy..... If I can make it until April 1st it will only be 3.5 months for Sequel... there is NO WAY I'm making it until April 1st.... does that make all the pregnant women out there feel better? I know... it's hard to forgive me the no morning sickness thing, isn't it??

Thursday, February 02, 2006


And now, please, pause a moment, bow your heads & pray to whatever diety pleases you that Sunday's Super Bowl has the appropriate outcome.... whatever the outcome Hot Stuff will be unbearable to live with before, during and after the game.... although I do love the way he slowly unzips his fleece vest before he flashes me his Steeler-clad chest.

The Crown Prince

Because, really.... hasn't it just been TOO LONG since you've seen a little kid in prison stripes & a smashed down cowboy hat?

These are my parents....


Do you think it is bad my brother is referring to this baby as "The Sequel."????