This is what I'm talking about....
Mermaids.
Showing posts with label But I Wasn't Trying to be Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label But I Wasn't Trying to be Funny. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Modern Rustic
Any time I see something that says "modern rustic" I get all excited. I'm pretty sure that is my style... modern rustic.
Now, can someone please tell me what, exactly, that MEANS???
Now, can someone please tell me what, exactly, that MEANS???
Friday, November 12, 2010
Commission a Study....
Please commission a study... I want to know how many accidents happen on the Monday after the time change due to people trying to adjust the digital clock in their car while they are driving.....
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Make a list... but not that kind of list....
I just found out Dr. Oz has a tv show! I've only seen it once but I think he is so damn adorable. If I had a list, I'd put him on it. He's just so happy and perky.... and those adorable ears & eyebrows.
You know... a list. I used to date this guy who maintained a list. A list of people he could sleep with and I couldn't get mad about it. Do you see why we aren't dating anymore? I can't quite remember but I think his list had people on it like Halle Berry & Salma Hayek.... heck, Halle Berry might be on my list... but he took it all very seriously and was very intense about it (don't you think that would have been a clue? Why did I keep dating him?). And then he'd push me to put people on my list and I could never think of anyone... who wants to sleep with a celebrity? Talk about giving me a complex. So I'd come up with outrageous ideas (Peter Jennings & Bill Maher were both on my list) or I'd pick pro football players from teams he hated. And comedians.... Steven Wright, Howie Mandel & George Carlin all made the list at one time or another. Oh and Sesame Street characters... but not Bert or Ernie.... I'm still not sure what is going on between those two.
Ok. So who would be on your list at this point in your life? What about in the past? My, my but how we have changed....
You know... a list. I used to date this guy who maintained a list. A list of people he could sleep with and I couldn't get mad about it. Do you see why we aren't dating anymore? I can't quite remember but I think his list had people on it like Halle Berry & Salma Hayek.... heck, Halle Berry might be on my list... but he took it all very seriously and was very intense about it (don't you think that would have been a clue? Why did I keep dating him?). And then he'd push me to put people on my list and I could never think of anyone... who wants to sleep with a celebrity? Talk about giving me a complex. So I'd come up with outrageous ideas (Peter Jennings & Bill Maher were both on my list) or I'd pick pro football players from teams he hated. And comedians.... Steven Wright, Howie Mandel & George Carlin all made the list at one time or another. Oh and Sesame Street characters... but not Bert or Ernie.... I'm still not sure what is going on between those two.
Ok. So who would be on your list at this point in your life? What about in the past? My, my but how we have changed....
Monday, November 09, 2009
Monday Notes
Things of note:
Ghostbusters isn't as funny as I thought it was.
Taking three kids to a play (The Pirate Play) actually IS a good idea. All three were completely mesmerized.... even if I planned for Bugsy to nurse and nap... she wanted to watch the action. It helps that it is a one-act play and, well... PIRATES.
26 degrees is cold.
Having a meal plan is relaxing.
Hunting season is stressful.
Going to bed before 9:30pm is the new reality.
Letting your kids create a playground in the spare bedroom is a good idea.
Playing school is a fabulous idea. (I'm Mrs. Beasley and I ring a bell when we change activities.)
A new washer and dryer really is wonderful.
Spending enough time every day to read one chapter of a nice trashy novel can double as "me" time. (Even if you nurse the babe while you do it.)
Nothing is as relaxing as having all the rooms in your house tidied (notice I said "tidy" and not "clean") at one time.
Morning routine charts are good.
Alarm clocks that accidentally go off at 4:00am on non-hunting days are bad.
Cinnamon bun creamer is good.
Straightening my cowlicks and putting on mascara are my new glamour thing. (Did you hear that sister? Mascara. Me. It is a revolution.)
Danskos are excellent... especially red mary janes purchased on the cheap.
Husbands who wash their own hunting clothes are rare and treasured.
Kids who tidy their own bedrooms are rare and treasured.
New underpants will make up for a lot of shortcomings.
Drooly, teething, grinning babies are adorable.
Halloween candy is evil.
Fundraisers are also evil. Way evil.
The smell of grapefruit makes me very happy.
The taste of grapefruit juice (especially with vodka) makes me very happy.
Ghostbusters isn't as funny as I thought it was.
Taking three kids to a play (The Pirate Play) actually IS a good idea. All three were completely mesmerized.... even if I planned for Bugsy to nurse and nap... she wanted to watch the action. It helps that it is a one-act play and, well... PIRATES.
26 degrees is cold.
Having a meal plan is relaxing.
Hunting season is stressful.
Going to bed before 9:30pm is the new reality.
Letting your kids create a playground in the spare bedroom is a good idea.
Playing school is a fabulous idea. (I'm Mrs. Beasley and I ring a bell when we change activities.)
A new washer and dryer really is wonderful.
Spending enough time every day to read one chapter of a nice trashy novel can double as "me" time. (Even if you nurse the babe while you do it.)
Nothing is as relaxing as having all the rooms in your house tidied (notice I said "tidy" and not "clean") at one time.
Morning routine charts are good.
Alarm clocks that accidentally go off at 4:00am on non-hunting days are bad.
Cinnamon bun creamer is good.
Straightening my cowlicks and putting on mascara are my new glamour thing. (Did you hear that sister? Mascara. Me. It is a revolution.)
Danskos are excellent... especially red mary janes purchased on the cheap.
Husbands who wash their own hunting clothes are rare and treasured.
Kids who tidy their own bedrooms are rare and treasured.
New underpants will make up for a lot of shortcomings.
Drooly, teething, grinning babies are adorable.
Halloween candy is evil.
Fundraisers are also evil. Way evil.
The smell of grapefruit makes me very happy.
The taste of grapefruit juice (especially with vodka) makes me very happy.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
I don't really do fast food.
Just going INTO fast food places... well, it makes me feel like I'm slinking into some sleazy porn shop or something. Some people eat that stuff EVERY DAY.
But I was recovering from a stressful day at the legislature the other day and I though I needed Taco John's potato ole's to sooth my troubled mind....
Can I mention that there is NO TJ's like the Havre TJ's??? Those of you who have been there know what I'm talking about.... Havre doesn't have much going for it but they have a great TJ's and, of, course Rod's Drive-In (Home of the Ugly Burger) and the infamous triple-marshmallow Mountain Dew.
Oh. And then. I was out-smarted & upsold by a high school dropout with less than half her natural teeth. I went inside because I can't stand the pressure of the drive-thru.... I never know what I want to order. So I look at the menu and decide I want a burrito-type meal... because that's what I left at home when I forgot my lunch.... and I decide I don't want the #1 because, well, if it is #1 then it must be trendy OR the cheapest for them to make.... so I get a #2.... a burrito and ole's and a drink. I usually don't get a drink but they have ok lemonade at TJ's. So I go to order and I say, "#2" like I order fast food every day and am a pro... and SHE says, "small, medium or large" and I get really confused but I have to hurry because that's why they paint those places bright red-yellow-orange colors... so you hurry.... and there is a line so I just say, "Middle-sized" (Which.... interestingly... is what dad always says.... never "medium diet drink" but "middle-sized diet drink" and my sister mentioned her mate is the same way.... which supports my theory she is dating her father and icked her out totally AND she said she gets angry when they only have small and large as options.)
So anyway.... I pay and am leaving the cashier clutching my change and my receipt and a plastic card with the number 51 on it and it hits me. She just played me. Instead of regular, super-sized and extra-super-sized they've switched to small, medium and large. Who orders small? five-foot-two-inch tall women and children.... that's who. I consider myself average so I order regular... but when the options are s,m,l..... then average becomes medium. Tricky, tricky marketing.
I did enjoy the HELL out of those potato ole's tho....
And later in the doctor's office I read a "Time" article about child obesity and I felt really guilty.... but we've already been down THAT road......
But I was recovering from a stressful day at the legislature the other day and I though I needed Taco John's potato ole's to sooth my troubled mind....
Can I mention that there is NO TJ's like the Havre TJ's??? Those of you who have been there know what I'm talking about.... Havre doesn't have much going for it but they have a great TJ's and, of, course Rod's Drive-In (Home of the Ugly Burger) and the infamous triple-marshmallow Mountain Dew.
Oh. And then. I was out-smarted & upsold by a high school dropout with less than half her natural teeth. I went inside because I can't stand the pressure of the drive-thru.... I never know what I want to order. So I look at the menu and decide I want a burrito-type meal... because that's what I left at home when I forgot my lunch.... and I decide I don't want the #1 because, well, if it is #1 then it must be trendy OR the cheapest for them to make.... so I get a #2.... a burrito and ole's and a drink. I usually don't get a drink but they have ok lemonade at TJ's. So I go to order and I say, "#2" like I order fast food every day and am a pro... and SHE says, "small, medium or large" and I get really confused but I have to hurry because that's why they paint those places bright red-yellow-orange colors... so you hurry.... and there is a line so I just say, "Middle-sized" (Which.... interestingly... is what dad always says.... never "medium diet drink" but "middle-sized diet drink" and my sister mentioned her mate is the same way.... which supports my theory she is dating her father and icked her out totally AND she said she gets angry when they only have small and large as options.)
So anyway.... I pay and am leaving the cashier clutching my change and my receipt and a plastic card with the number 51 on it and it hits me. She just played me. Instead of regular, super-sized and extra-super-sized they've switched to small, medium and large. Who orders small? five-foot-two-inch tall women and children.... that's who. I consider myself average so I order regular... but when the options are s,m,l..... then average becomes medium. Tricky, tricky marketing.
I did enjoy the HELL out of those potato ole's tho....
And later in the doctor's office I read a "Time" article about child obesity and I felt really guilty.... but we've already been down THAT road......
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Pondering
I know how to microwave something for 45 seconds. I know how to microwave something for 33 seconds...
... But how do you microwave something for 100 seconds??
... But how do you microwave something for 100 seconds??
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
The Unholy Triumvirate
I like to think a stool balances best on three legs. Ya know? Even if one leg is a little shorter than the others.... with three legs it will still balance.
That's my approach.
So 'round here we struggle with balancing three main philosophies.... like a 3-legged stool.... or like 3 overlapping circles....
Green: So obvious. So trendy. So current. So hip. Cut the clutter. Stop shopping. Repurpose. Try being happy with what you have.... see, it isn't so bad. I wish there was a better word for it than green... it makes me feel so muppet-y.
Cheap: Again, with the trendy. And the price of gas. But I swear to you.... I've been doing this for years. Budget.... but not a cheapskate.... right? Because I'm not afraid to dish cash for a serious investment (or really excellent cheese).... But am I going to spring for fancy all-organic food? Probably not. But will I shell out $25/week for a CSA share? Probably.
Easy: Ok, some would call this "simple" and call me a hipster. (If you could see what I'm wearing, eating, reading and doing right now you would laugh at THAT label....) But it goes beyond simple.... simple stirs ideas of hippie and crunchy and earthy..... and sometimes my idea of simple is.... well..... mac-n-cheese and a dvd on a Friday night. So within the triumvirate balance we see microcosms of internal balance.... oh, our simple diagram of three overlapping circles just got a little more complicated, didn't it? Maybe "easy" has some tones of "slow down" or "simplify" or "just give yourself a fucking break already there, SuperMom" in it.
So I'm finding tones of these things in everything as I go about my day. Am I just using this to justify living how I want to live? Because if that is the case I'm wasting my time.... who cares? Is it a tactic to justify the slightly schizophrenic cross between hippie & redneck? Or to justify feeding my kids hot dogs? Or is it not about justification at all?
How 'bout you?
That's my approach.
So 'round here we struggle with balancing three main philosophies.... like a 3-legged stool.... or like 3 overlapping circles....
Green: So obvious. So trendy. So current. So hip. Cut the clutter. Stop shopping. Repurpose. Try being happy with what you have.... see, it isn't so bad. I wish there was a better word for it than green... it makes me feel so muppet-y.
Cheap: Again, with the trendy. And the price of gas. But I swear to you.... I've been doing this for years. Budget.... but not a cheapskate.... right? Because I'm not afraid to dish cash for a serious investment (or really excellent cheese).... But am I going to spring for fancy all-organic food? Probably not. But will I shell out $25/week for a CSA share? Probably.
Easy: Ok, some would call this "simple" and call me a hipster. (If you could see what I'm wearing, eating, reading and doing right now you would laugh at THAT label....) But it goes beyond simple.... simple stirs ideas of hippie and crunchy and earthy..... and sometimes my idea of simple is.... well..... mac-n-cheese and a dvd on a Friday night. So within the triumvirate balance we see microcosms of internal balance.... oh, our simple diagram of three overlapping circles just got a little more complicated, didn't it? Maybe "easy" has some tones of "slow down" or "simplify" or "just give yourself a fucking break already there, SuperMom" in it.
So I'm finding tones of these things in everything as I go about my day. Am I just using this to justify living how I want to live? Because if that is the case I'm wasting my time.... who cares? Is it a tactic to justify the slightly schizophrenic cross between hippie & redneck? Or to justify feeding my kids hot dogs? Or is it not about justification at all?
How 'bout you?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Life, the Musical.
Sweet is doing something naughty.
I look at Sweet and say, "Stop."
He looks back, shakes his groovy thang and says, "In the Name of Loooove."
***
We are at a fairly formal party as a co-worker's house. She's a musical theater type gal with no children and a house full of doo-dads that are all highly breakable, antique, precious and expensive. I look over as Sweet stands up on a footstool, starts strumming his invisible air guitar, looks over his shoulder, channels Johnny Cash, and says, "Hit it, boys."
***
Due to some geographical shift during the Mesozoic Era, we have a lot of large, flat rocks we refer to as "stage rocks" and neither of my children can pass one by without jumping up and belting out a song. Select favorites include Sweet singing Slaid Cleaves "whiskey & cigarettes tonight" from Horseshoe Lounge, or an original rendition of "Kitty got run over on the road... now she's flat... squished like a bug.... I really miss her." And Tuff has a pretty well developed sense of melody for the Under-2 set but we need someone to translate her songs from Klingon into English.
I look at Sweet and say, "Stop."
He looks back, shakes his groovy thang and says, "In the Name of Loooove."
***
We are at a fairly formal party as a co-worker's house. She's a musical theater type gal with no children and a house full of doo-dads that are all highly breakable, antique, precious and expensive. I look over as Sweet stands up on a footstool, starts strumming his invisible air guitar, looks over his shoulder, channels Johnny Cash, and says, "Hit it, boys."
***
Due to some geographical shift during the Mesozoic Era, we have a lot of large, flat rocks we refer to as "stage rocks" and neither of my children can pass one by without jumping up and belting out a song. Select favorites include Sweet singing Slaid Cleaves "whiskey & cigarettes tonight" from Horseshoe Lounge, or an original rendition of "Kitty got run over on the road... now she's flat... squished like a bug.... I really miss her." And Tuff has a pretty well developed sense of melody for the Under-2 set but we need someone to translate her songs from Klingon into English.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Pot Luck
So my mom, sis & I are making a little cookbook for my brother and future sis-in-law.
Some family favorites & some easy dinner ideas and such.....
Penuche frosting
Pul Go Gi
Beer-cheese soup
Porcupine meatballs
Chicken enchiladas
The amazing chocolate frosting
Ramen casserole
Fisheye salad
Stovetop stuffing
Taco soup
Spinnin' chicken salad
Ziplock omlettes
Calzones
Steak sandwiches
One Ton fried rice
Hamburger pizza
Pigs in blankets (aka weiner wraps)
Cukes-n-onions salad (vinegar, water, sesame seeds, soyo sauce.... refrigerate)
Just listing all the "family favorites" has me realizing something... we are damn weird people.
Some family favorites & some easy dinner ideas and such.....
Penuche frosting
Pul Go Gi
Beer-cheese soup
Porcupine meatballs
Chicken enchiladas
The amazing chocolate frosting
Ramen casserole
Fisheye salad
Stovetop stuffing
Taco soup
Spinnin' chicken salad
Ziplock omlettes
Calzones
Steak sandwiches
One Ton fried rice
Hamburger pizza
Pigs in blankets (aka weiner wraps)
Cukes-n-onions salad (vinegar, water, sesame seeds, soyo sauce.... refrigerate)
Just listing all the "family favorites" has me realizing something... we are damn weird people.
Friday, February 15, 2008
He's a funny boy....
So the FamDamily is in the process of buying a new combine. Let me rephrase... newER combine.
And my brother is in charge.
You see the problem already, don't you??
They've been "shopping" for a deal for several years now and he found them a winner..... I won't go into the whole process because it will bore the hell out of you.... but, basically, he bought a combine -sight unseen- for, well, a price tag that would make you flinch.
So I get an email last night that says:
Well, the good news is they screwed the ad up, it's actually a 2388, not a 2188. The bad news is it's in a little rougher shape than we were hoping -
See attached photos.
ha-ha. Funny Boy.
Monday, March 28, 2005
So we are driving to the farm for Easter….
My sister, my son, my dog & a giant exercise ball… in a Toyota. I’m sure there is a country song about that….. if there isn’t, well, there will be before I am done telling the story.
We have about an hour to go and we (that would be me, the driver, in my infinite intelligence) decide to stop so I can nurse the babe a bit, let him stretch, and let the dog run around. So Sweet Boy gets a snack and becomes Mr. Happy… all giggles & flirting & standing in his car seat. Gunnar (the dog) goes for a little run, comes back and scares my sister… who isn’t expecting him to run up from the south…. She pets him and says, “Hmmm, how did he get wet? Oh shit, this isn’t wet…. It’s… oh shit.”
Yup. Fresh cow crap. There are no cows in a 50 mile radius of where we are parked…. How did he do it? How did he find any that wasn’t frozen? How did he get it behind his ears? The dog is amazing.
After a brisk snow rub-down & toweling off we allowed the dog back in the car. If I had gotten pulled over for speeding I’m pretty sure one whiff of the interior would have gotten me off the hook….. or warranted a call to social services to remove my child.
We have about an hour to go and we (that would be me, the driver, in my infinite intelligence) decide to stop so I can nurse the babe a bit, let him stretch, and let the dog run around. So Sweet Boy gets a snack and becomes Mr. Happy… all giggles & flirting & standing in his car seat. Gunnar (the dog) goes for a little run, comes back and scares my sister… who isn’t expecting him to run up from the south…. She pets him and says, “Hmmm, how did he get wet? Oh shit, this isn’t wet…. It’s… oh shit.”
Yup. Fresh cow crap. There are no cows in a 50 mile radius of where we are parked…. How did he do it? How did he find any that wasn’t frozen? How did he get it behind his ears? The dog is amazing.
After a brisk snow rub-down & toweling off we allowed the dog back in the car. If I had gotten pulled over for speeding I’m pretty sure one whiff of the interior would have gotten me off the hook….. or warranted a call to social services to remove my child.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Easter in Liquorville
My mom got me a mold to make jello jiggler eggs.... what possesses that woman? And how fun is Easter going to be at our house with Jello-shot jiggler Easter eggs??
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