Mournful

So I posted my resolution update.

In it... I basically moan about my weight.  Now let me clarify for those of you new to the place.

I started out life as an itty bitty thing.  My mom threw a party when I was more-pounds-than-inches.  I come from lean and tall people.  (My mother, after 4 kids, stands almost 5'10" and weighs maybe 145 in boots.)  I was 5'8" and 120 pounds when I graduated high school.  I grew another inch in college and had a dunk-tank measured body mass of less than 14%.  I was competitive (I use that term loosely.... I competed... I wasn't terribly quick so I wasn't terribly good....) in martial arts in the 116 and under category in college and after.

By the time I moved back north I was carrying about 150 pounds which, for my height and built, is exactly right.  I don't look too heavy but I'm not waif thin either.  I like 150..... or the range between 145-155 depending on how much weight training I'm doing.

Then I had some kids.  I had thin but average pregnancies with weight gains around 25 pounds for the first two and about 15 pounds for the third.  But pretty normal stuff and, with the first two, an easy time dropping the weight after.  The third one I went into heavy so I didn't gain as much.  After the third I worked my way down to 165 without a lot of sacrifice.... eating a small bowl of ice cream instead of a rice bowl of ice cream and striding around with a baby strapped to my body.

Now, for some reason, I'm up to a whooping 175.  WTF?  Then I read something like this.  Let me give you an excerpt: 

Okay folks....I hate to break this to you BUT I get tired of hearing "I just can't loose weight." You may be excluded if you have some kind of health condition/thyroid issue. I'm guilty as charged, time and time again I have been known to say "I don't know why I can't loose weight".
It's a simple science....if you want to loose weight, burn more then you consume. If you want to stay the same....eat what you burn in a day. And if you want to gain weight....eat more then you burn in a day.
You will be shocked to see how what a small amount of calories our bodies need to run in a day. I did a little research and this is what I found.....
 
First of all.... the word is lose, not loose.  It ain't The Biggest Looser.  (I know.... I eat a bowl of ice cream while watching it every Tuesday night....)
 
For the record, my BMR is 1520 and I carefully cut and monitored calories (scales and measures and everything) and didn't drop a pound.  I also cut out all sugar (for 6 weeks) and didn't shed pound one.
 
It's actually not simple science.  It's simple physics... the idea of calories in vs calories expended but for the love of guacamole.... do some better research than cut-n-paste from the first google article you find.  And don't tell me you are "practically an expert" on the subject of diet and nutrition when you make absolutely no mention of all the other factors that are known to influence weight.... factors beyond thyroid.  Weight loss is a complex subject.  That's why there are people out there making millions on it.
 
Hmmm..... let's see if we can name five factors in the next 5 seconds.  Cortisol, sleep, medications, depression, stress, digestive disorders... and I haven't googled once.   I should cut her some slack because she does talk about "medical conditions" and she admits to being guilty as charged but this fires me up. 
 
This is everything "competimommy" that makes me crazed and hurts my feelings.  I can "loose" weight so everyone should be able to do it and you aren't a good mom if you can't.  Humph.  This is why I refuse to have friends.  I bet she spends a ton of money on decorating and is secretly so insecure she considers cutting herself.  
 
But wait... enough about this condescending blog post.. maybe she didn't mean it the way it sounded... we're all guilty of that...... let's talk about me some more.  So back to the weight creep... want to know what my doc said?  It's probably a "threshhold" thing.  A combination of any or all of the following:
 
Cortisol and lack of sleep.  New research shows.... go ahead... google it.
Depo birth control shots.
Not moving enough.
Misjudging portion sizes (so typically American, right?) OR WORSE... starving yourself and slowing your metabolism. 
Breastfeeding. 
Thyroid.
Some other things he said that I can't remember now.
 
The thing that worries me is I seem to have reverse-body-dysmorphic-disorder.  I'll be striding along, pushing the stroller, head high, breathe deep and get rid of those rounded computer-user shoulders, cruising from Macy's to Target and somewhere around the Hallmark store I'll glance over and see my reflection in the glass and think, "Dude... she's hefty."  So sad.  So disappointing.  Also.... so mourning the loss of my cheekbones... where did they go??
 
Anyone else with me on the sensitive subject of weight???