Don't eat until you're Full. Eat until you're Tired.

Fire.

I'm trying not to post about fire. Because, well, it's just such an obvious thing to be talking about, isn't it? It's fucking hot and smokey here which makes way more sense than saying fucking cold.... because since when is fucking cold?

So, yeah, shit is burning up. People are being evacuated. Nobody can breathe and my eyes feel like I've been sleeping in mascara, underwater, in an over-clorinated pool. Hell, our first day of swim lessons was canceled due to a fire evacuation. It sucks and we are living it.... but please, tourists, visit our lovely state and leave us your hard-earned dollars....

So, today, I will provide for your viewing enjoyment.... my evacuation plans.

planS... you have more than one?

Why yes.

The 5-minute plan: Grab the kids, the dog, the cell phone and the credit card and get the fuck out. The GOOD thing about this kind of natural disaster.... it is site specific. It isn't like a tornado or a hurricane where a whole town is wiped out. As long as I have the credit card I can always buy food and diapers.

The 25-minute plan: Same as above but add turning on the sprinklers, grabbing the two crates of photo albums & momentos, the jewelry box, the safe deposit box keys, guns and as many of Hot Stuff's largest elk horns as possible. I've already backed up all my photos & computer to idiot sticks and I have them stashed at work. The important paperwork (birth certificates etc) are in a safety deposit box (ok, once and for all... is it safe deposit or safety deposit??)... but, of course, both sets of keys are in my house. Must make note to take one set to work.

The 2-day plan: Rent a storage unit in town and grab the above as well as a few select antiques and other valuables. Cut down the oily evergreen tree and drag it away from the house. Move the tractor and pickup to town.

The what-I'd-really-like plan: Do you think it would be possible to send a few items TO the fires? Like, can I selectively burn up a few things? The pink recliners, for example?

Our house is extemely defensible so I'm not too worried. But there is only one way in and one way out of our neighborhood and the idea of riding out a wild fire isn't super appealing to me... call me crazy.... so we take the "be prepared" route and hope for no smoldering lightning strikes.

It's interesting. We walked through the house and in each room asked, "What's important here?" There are some things... like the arrowhead collection Hot Stuff's grandpa gave him... that are easy... but you have to decide where to draw the line. The old photo albums... but all the new ones can easily be replaced with a quick trip to snapfish so they aren't as important. I'm discovering there aren't a WHOLE lot of things that couldn't be pretty easily replaced. And there are some things (did I mention the pink recliners??) that I'd LOVE to see go.... so what does that say about me??

Who Needs Fancy Toys??

This is a shark. What? You don't see it? It's a shark I tell you. And this? This is a shark attack.

Sometimes you are a good parent in spite of yourself

This summer I’ve done more readin’ than writin’ in blog world. And I’ve learned I might be a better parent than I thought….. (assuming you can get past the chocolatey-goodness pictures below.)

A blog I love (but shall remain nameless for now because I’m about to poke fun at their parental seriousness and I don’t know them well enough to really DO that) had a recent post about moving the kiddie dishes to a lower spot so the kidlet could help herself. Thus helping the kidlet learn all sorts of Important Things. Things like Sharing and Helping and Responsibility.

And I thought: Good Idea.

And then I realized…. We already do this.

But we call it: Parenting by the Path of Least Resistance.

Sippy cups, plastic bowls & plasticware are all located in lower drawers (the drawer just above the cookie cutters & rolling pin formerly for cookies but currently for play dough). I didn’t realize I was teaching my children an important life lesson by putting these items down low. I thought I was making my life easier by letting them get their own sippy and snack bowl….. no more “But I wanted the YELLOW cup” and it’s a heck of a lot easier to dole out the m&m’s when the bowl is already lined up on the counter.

This week SB even learned to get the milk out by himself. We haven’t graduated to apple juice since we mix our own from frozen concentrate (both thrifty and easy to water down) and the apple juice container doesn’t seal up…. Yes, my gallon milk jug has an oddly-shaped bottom from being dropped repeatedly during the learning process. And, yes, I have to keep a tea towel around the door handle to give him the proper leverage to get the door open. And, no, he isn’t pouring for himself…. Yet.

Does anyone else do things ‘cause their lazy and later learn there is a bit of genius in their madness?

O-O-O Ice Cold Milk And.....

Identify that food product.

She Loves Hats.

And then, my head exploded..... igniting a new fire....

My first effort to include my offspring in an organized activity was a complete failure. I knew it would be..... that's why I put it off so long. While others were attending music classes and play groups my poor progeny was only allowed storytime at the library and a few trips for pizza at Costco as group play.

No gymnastics.

No dance lessons.

No soccer.

No t-ball.

Nothing.

Until this week. Swimming Lessons.

I was prepared.

I had sunscreen, trunks & a towel for him. And goggles in the car in case they wanted him to have those too. I had swim gear for myself & the baby. I had my mother-in-law coming to meet us after lessons. I had a picnic packed.... the plan being to do lessons, eat our picnic, then swim for fun, shower, put on jammies and then head home.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Competi-mommy. And you are wrong. I'm intensely and freakishly nervous and shy about these kinds of things. I can't explain it. I blame my parents. It was the way I was raised.... something like that. Anyway. I need to carefully think out these kinds of events or I find myself hyperventilating and hiding behind potted plants.

So I left work early to gather my children. And on the radio I hear, "We are evacuating the swimming pool.... all unattended children will be taken to the fair grounds until they can be picked up." And I think, "Huh, I wonder if lessons are cancelled??"

This, people, is my life.

*** I have "Awwww...... RESCUE PACK... Coming to the rescue...." STUCK in my head... please, amputate my brain NOW. And someone please remind me not to use DIEGO as a babysitter ever again.


*** Sweet Boy looked at me yesterday and, out of no-where, says,"Mama, boys don't have boobies." I pause. I look at him. Really. "Boys have pecto-roar-al muscles, mom. Boys have muscles." "Well, then, son, what are those little 'squito bites on your chest there??" "I don't know. But they don't have holes in them so I can't feed my baby with them.... only girls can do that."


*** Hot Stuff came home, tired, and almost tripped over the little grey stool sitting in the middle of the living room (and not in the usual spot by the doorway) and gave me "the look" about it. I said nothing and pointed. Yes, Darling Girl has a New Trick. I'm not going to be the one to stifle her creativity or her chances of becoming a performance artist so I am left with two options.... put the stool in the middle of the room or make the kid wear a helmet. On second thought... that helmet isn't such a bad idea....

*** In the name of trying to be a woman and a mommy I thought possible bringing out the bronze goddess would give me a little confidence boost so I bought some Aveeno lotion with a hint of tanner. Sweet Boy walked in the bathroom this morning and said, "Mom. It smells a little funny in here." I think I'll stick to shoe shopping or something.


*** I blasted a bit of the house with goo-gone's house wash. I'm sure that shit is toxic but, wow, did it every take the pellet stove soot stains off the porch ceiling.

*** SB, DG & I went to a little girl's birthday party on Saturday. It's a daycare friend so I didn't know anyone there beyond nodding aquaintance as we are gathing our children. Hot Stuff says, in all sincerity, "Have FUN at the party!!" I had to give him the look. There was no alcohol at this party. I spent the whole time worrying about how to put sunscreen on my little ghost-babies without looking like competi-mommy (Why aren't YOU slathering your children with at least a shot glass of sunscreen every 2 hours??? No, seriously, you don't need to do it.... it's just, well, LOOK at how pale my kids are.... I know.... I'm not sure they are mine either....) and laughing at my daughter walking like a hunch back and always heading for the water features in the yard.... but trying not to let her walk because the son in this family is several months older than DG and isn't walking and I heard the grandfather make some comment about it and LORD KNOWS that mom doesn't need my kid adding to her stress.... right? That makes sense sort-of, doesn't it??

*** Sweet Boy has a new "look" wearing his baseball cap backwards. If you ask him why he will carefully explain it is to keep the ice cream off the bill of his cap when we go to Dairy Queen. Yes, we've been to Dairy Queen twice this week. Yes, it is 95 degrees here. No, that's not so very hot to people from the South but WE AREN'T FROM THE SOUTH, are we??

*** Hot Stuff mentioned last night -as casually as possible- that he might be ready to get a pair of kittens. Good thing I've been working on my poker face.

*** Monday night is the first night of swimming lessons. I'm planning to pack a little picnic since lessons are 5:00-5:30 and we will probably want to swim more after. I hope all goes well. SB was very brave and a great swimmer last summer... jumping off the diving board and all. Now I can't get him to put his face in the water or jump off the side into my arms. He must have realized his mortality or something. I just try to act like I love the water (you know I don't) and be an encouraging but not demanding mom. I don't plan to flip out and enroll him in expensive private once-a-week lessons for several months until he can out-swim everyone in the pool like a certain other mom I know did..... oh, have I mentioned how well my little niece is swimming these days? I can't compete but it is very hard not to try. I like to think I pick up the slack by packing a fun picnic and being a fun mom. Right? Ok, well, failing that.... I look better in my Land's End mom-suit than you do....

*** I pink-puffy-heart-with-sprinkles-on-top LOVE our portable air conditioner.

*** My amazing watering system is almost complete. Pictures soon. Now I want to rip out another section of grass and put in another flower bed because when you water them?!?! The flower beds look great.

*** Next weekend my daughter turns one. ONE. What the hell?!?!

*** Yes, thank you for asking for the birthday party we WILL be having chocolate cake. And, yes, there WILL be alcohol....

The farm got hailed out this weekend.

What does that mean?

All of the cautiously-optimistic bushels per acre predictions we've been kicking around..... gone. All the plans to take a bit of vacation time in late July and go help with harvest.... not needed.
All that beautiful wheat... beat into the ground, bent, broken and not fun to see.

But my mother, ever the optimist, reasons.... well, we aren't trying to buy land now so at least we don't have a big debt. And we don't have kids in college or big costs to cover so we will be fine for another year.

And she's right.

But it is so much fun to have a Big Harvest year. I was looking forward to hauling the kids up there for a week or so. Trying out a few new fabulous recipes on the harvest crew and leaving the kids with Grandma for a while so I could re-new my truck-driving skills out in the field. Sweet Boy is big enough to go a few rounds in the combine this year. Darling Girl is big enough to.... eat dirt while we do dinner in the field.

Instead the combine drivers will pack bigger lunches in their coolers and it will take all morning to fill a truck. I still might go up but it will be to move a truck to the corner of a new field and then go dump it a few hours later.... not the wild, unloading on the go, dunk your head in the water tank, testing how fast you can unload without overflowing the hopper, grab a gatoraide out of the freezer, beat the dust out of your grill, sunglasses-hat-jeans-boots, wearing a big black dust mask, so tired you can't move at the end of the day kind of harvest.

And for the cooking.... I know my dad will miss my signature dish... 5 Can Surprise. And the dessert-a-day club. And homemade pretzels with canned cheese. And little kids in dirty jeans and sunglasses sitting on the tailgate of a pickup eating watermelon.

There were no jugglers, ponies or magicians...

We survived the 7-year-old cousin's birthday party.

It wasn't as competi-mommy as I thought it would be.... a pleasant surprise. I was totally ready to discuss Montessori daycare, organic snacks and why my daughter doesn't know sign language.... yet. There was one passing comment about the kind of juice available (the pc kind, apparently.... some new capri suns lower in sugar than regular capri suns) but no one said a word when my 11-month-old went AFTER a piece of ice cream cake in the grass under the picnic table. She got it too... that's my girl. She was just excited she didn't have to wrestle the dog for it.

And none of the earnest mommies present speed-dialed Human Services on me! Not even once. I was careful to make sure they saw me apply sunscreen liberally and regularly. And I didn't swear.... out loud.... not even once.

Actually, mostly I made some comparisons and secretly felt superior.... my box-cake (tastes just like from scratch! with hershey's syrup right in the mix!) with homemade frosting (I could marry that frosting) might not be fashionable but... have I mentioned the frosting? So good. These parties the competi-mommies throw aren't that much different.... they just have less alcohol (the dads... doing the traditional dads-sit-around-the-cooler dance.... didn't even have beer) and more neon blue frosting.

I was appropriately and tastefully dressed in a brown t-shirt & print skirt (thanks Elle... good shopping) flashing a little "bohemian-I-may-be-a-mom-but-I-have-style" in the jewelry and sporting the dark lenses in my sunglasses so I could check out the competition.

My kids were well-behaved and used their best manners.... I figured the least I could do would be the same. Talk of dinner started around 5:15 but when nothing had happened by 7:00 and SB was asking if he could rummage in the diaper bag for "an old granola bar or some gold fishies or something...." we said our good-byes and headed for home.

Sweet Boy was over-the-moon ecstatic when we, unsolicited, pulled into McDonald's. And, yes, for those of you counting.... it was the SECOND time this week.... I like to think his Happy Meal collection will be worth a lot more if it is complete. (For those who know: We got Chicken Joe. Very exciting.) After a few nuggets & fries both backseaters were out cold for the drive home so I turned up the ipod, enjoyed the scenery and thought about Darling Girl's FIRST birthday in two weeks.... you guessed it..... Chocolate cake, spaghetti, the family & a couple of party hats.... oh, and a little alcohol too.

Single Mothers…. I Salute You.

Wednesday night… about 11:30…. Hot Stuff got a phone call. No, it wasn’t his girlfriend. It was his boss.

So. After a load of laundry, some rummaging to find his gear bag and travel toothpaste, a little good-lovin’ and a pot of coffee he left at 5:30 am to attend to his work order…. An off-area assignment to West Yellowstone.

And I begin my odyssey as a single parent for 14 days.

I was left with two directives….. make sure the kids survive and don’t forget to water the lawn. We’ll see how that goes.

Usually off-area dispatches are met with a mixture of sadness and glee. We will miss each other but Hot Stuff loves to fight fires and I love doing projects he wouldn’t approve of. So it works. But the kids are adding a new dynamic.

Sweet Boy is sad, sad, sad. He misses his daddy. It doesn’t help that the day before he left Hot Stuff gave him a “summer haircut” and he truly looks like a sad, sad, sad cancer survivor.

Being the Earnest Mommy that I am…. We’ve got lots of things Planned! ! ! Already I’ve resorted to the McD’s bribe and using Diego to buy me leg-shaving time. It doesn’t help when my normally charming daughter is doing… something. Teething? Illness? Sadness? She’s a cling-on.

To make SB happy…. I promise popcorn and fort-building behind the couch. The swimming pool/water slide and the new sand box. I will take you to places you are forbidden to go alone… the creek and the big rock pile behind the barn. Oreos on the porch and running through the sprinklers. Building a blanket-tent with the clothesline and playing “broken arm” with a REAL splint. Finger painting with pudding and chalk drawing in the shop. Pizza from Costco and movies from the library. Running around the yard with an old vacuum cleaner wand and a wrapping paper tube being “bad guys.” Picking daisies to put in old glass jars. Playing fire guys… even when you make me use the little chainsaw all the time. Sunscreen & bug repellent. Big beach towels and naps in the shade. All the summer fun you can imagine.

The Best Summer Dinner....

Last night was one of those quality nights when everything just seems to go right, ya know?

You saw how I spent the afternoon....

I called Elle while driving to get the kids.... as usual she made me laugh until I almost drove off the road.... something about growing tomato plants and major league baseball.... you had to be there.

Picked up my shining, happy children. They were glad to see me and Sweet Boy has finally (ok, it took 2 days) adjusted to ME picking him up instead of daddy. (Hot Stuff went to a 9-6 ten-days-on schedule on Monday.) We drove home and talked about swimming lessons and water colors.

Did the usual get home routine... let the dog out, get the clothes off the line, take the diaper & work bags in the house and unload, nurse the babe, admire SB's coloring.

Then I poured myself a Blackfoot brew (did I mention I got CARDED at Blackfoot?) and lit the bbq.

NOW. PAY ATTENTION. THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART OF THE POST.

I made hobo dinners. What? Never tried this? Big piece of tinfoil. Baby carrots. Thin-sliced potatoes and/or sweet potatoes (Sweet potatoes cook faster). Some sliced sweet onion. A hamburger patty. Salt & pepper. A slice of tomato on the burger (keeps it moist). Wrap up in the foil and toss on the grill. Turn once in a while. Ignore. Timing? Oh, I dunno. To get the potatoes truly cooked it takes about 40 minutes I think..... You can also do this in a camp fire or in the oven.

Tear it open, douse appropriately with ketchup and enjoy with your favorite Blackfoot brew.

Clean up.... throw away the tin foil and remember to turn off the bbq.

Baby Update.....

It walks.

It waves.

It does "so big."

It plays peekaboo.

It climbs... everything.

It has 6.5 teeth.

It grins.

It is shy around strangers.

It babbles... constantly.

It is 11 months old.

My afternoon.

Left work a bit early and took advantage of the lovely weather to walk down to Blackfoot Brewery and get a growler.

Then next door for a baguette at Park Ave Bakery and across the way to drop off a library book.

Wearing my Smith sunglasses and capri pants, I bopped over to the parking commission to talk my way out of a parking ticket.

Then I stopped by the Post Office to mail away my lead-painted Thomas the Train toys.

Back to the parking lot to get in my Subaru -blaring NPR with the sunroof open- and go get the kids.

Stopping on the way home to sign Sweet Boy up for a swimming lesson session at The Broadwater.

Am I a yuppie or what?

Caption this Photo....

Not Bad News.....

To bring you up to date.... My friend's daughter, Nadine, has had two battles with cancer. After a very long summer last year she was declared CANCER FREE this winter.... but her spring check showed two dots on her lungs. She's at her lifetime max for treatments so this was very bad news. She had another appointment today... this is from her mom....

Dear friends:

Dr. Weiner said that he has "not bad news!" The cat scan showed that Nadine's "dots" are still in her lungs, but there are not more dots, and the two she has have not grown.... in fact they appear to have gotten smaller! The doctor cannot go so far as to say what the dots are -- or are not... but overall we feel that this is not bad news.

So we are celebrating.... and waiting again for another month. We will go back on July 5th for another scan. Your prayers are working!!!!! Thank you so much for keeping the good energy going.

Love,

Why have one party when you can have two... or three?

Wanted

Wanted: 20,30,40-something moms and mom-types for fun times. some kid play involved. some adult conversation and entire blocks of time NOT spent discussing children. (you remember... things like books, movies, politics, crazy in-laws, silly spouses, favorite underpants, art, fashion, science, what color to paint the bathroom.... whatever.) must not be perfect. must appreciate budgeting, organization, simplicity, the eternal quest to figure out what is for dinner and keeping romance alive. must be funny, smart and sometimes crude. obnoxious laughter in inappropriate settings, spelling out swear words and always having a fingernail file a plus. must be willing to jump on a trampoline, have an occasional drink and be proud about having ice cream for dinner.

Please apply soon. I really miss my friend.

Putting the "vacate" in VACATION.

COLORADO.

Can't believe how the Springs have grown.

Elle's house is lovely, as always.

Things she has I want: barista machine from Starbucks, iJoy chair, roomba, cool suspended garage storage, sexy new laptop, bamboo plant, trampoline.... um, what am I forgetting?

Did so many kid-friendly fun activities... so tired, can't even use pronouns any longer.

Noodles & Co. Yum.

Pottery Barn store.... surprisingly disappointing.

Kirkland's Home. Clever new find.

Thinking thoughtful thoughts: Lots of new ideas. Came home with lots of new ideas and plans for my space and my life and my family. Joy.

Pedicures. The girls gave the mom's pedicures. I look good in neon hot pink.

Pedicures. The boys got "Captain America" pedicures. The first thing Hot Stuff did was get out the nail polish remover.... He did concede (after sniffles and a pouty bird-perch lip) that little gold stars on toes were ok but no polish... so now I have to find some nail decals.

Grandma is permanently shaped like a pretzel from the "turn in the seat to hold Darling Girl's hand" but it kept her from screaming.

Learned Hot Stuff had the best deal on the CA trip.... just drive. Gave the shitty job... entertain the kids... to Grandma for the CO trip.

Not nearly enough time talking. We only got through family stuff... we didn't get on to chick stuff..... we need to live closer together.

Can't gather any more cohesive thoughts.... must do laundry and prepare for celebration weekend.....

Whew.

Fuck me runnin' it has been a BUSY couple-o-weeks.

In the last 16 days my kids have logged more than 56 hours of road time..... 6 states and 156 "ew, don't touch that" rest stops.

Nicest potty stop: Idaho. (I really like the tile and clean family bathroom) The nastiest? Near Hardin, Montana.

Stayed in an adorable motel in Cederville, CA and spent way too much to have a swimming pool (oh, worth every penny) in Mountain Home, ID.

Ate my own weight in Wheat Thins.

Went to "Mr Bigg's" and "Pump It Up" in Colorado Springs.

Favorite meal? Besides the latte's from Elle's new latte machine? Noodles & Co.

Discoved the baby will play for over 90 minutes if you just sprinkle cheerios all over the back seat.

We saw and discussed every piece of construction equipment, fire truck, train, school bus and airplane in a multi-state region.

Saw the Thunderbirds practicing.

Saw camels in Wyoming.

The "vacation" portion was officially wonderful. But, as Elle says, "You are the only person I know who thinks folding some other woman's husband's underwear is a vacation."

We got one buried and one graduated and, well, the circle of life continues....

The new sandbox.

Pretty Cute.... and nice flowers. Team.
SO BIG.
Yeah! Clap your hands.
See me play in the sand and NOT EAT IT???

This is her Innocent Look.

Looking at Clouds

Look Mama, I treed a bird!!!

Because he'll look cute in a black and white striped onsie.....

It's always a Bad Thing when you see a name and think, "Oh, cute baby name... must remember" and then realize you are reading the Correctional Offender Network site.

Vintage

This one is for Pickle....

www.babygoesvintage.com

We are (if, ya know, we ever get our teeny new bedroom done) going to do Darling Girl's room in vintage cowgirl/farmkid. I can't afford the stuff on the web but I'm going to scan photos from old nursery books, print them on the computer & frame them with dollar store frames....

And we have the booger beds.... twin beds/bunk beds with wagon wheel headboards. They were, honest-to-jeebus, my uncle's when he was a kid. How much more vintage can you get?? But we need to firm them up and put more slats under them because they can be, um, collapsible at the, um, most unfortunate times...... if you know what I'm saying....

Some paint. Oh lordie... what color? Here we go again.....

Put some cowgirl fabric up for curtains and throw in some Nick-n-Nora cowboy sheets from Target and call it decorated.

Several Thoughts....

Sweet Boy says (in that peculiar way he has... with heavy-long emphasis on the first B), "Daddy, why don't we have any Barbies??"

Daddy, "Uh, Boys don't play with barbies."

SB, "Yes they DO. I play with barbies at Daycarista's house. She have boy barbies and girl barbies. Paige likes the boy barbies and So. Do. I."

Daddy, "Boy barbies are called Action Figures."

Huh. Guess that makes it all ok.

_______


So I'm thinking about gender-roles... blah, blah, blah.

I was a bit uncomfortable when Darling Girl got a pink princess "my first book of words" book for Easter. I'm not particularly a Disney-hater (although I'd rather eat green glass than be caught dead in a theme park with an oversized rat) but I do understand the argument against "princess culture" or whatever you want to call it.

Here at the Homestead we try to be fair. But you have to remember it is Redneck-Fair. Boys can play dolls, dress up and tea party but you will probably hear the male contingent refer to it as "action figures, costumes and camping" so as to maintain the appropriate level of manliness.

Of course, the flip side is girls can play race cars, swords and cowboys but you will probably hear it referred to as "choking hazards, getting whacked with a wrapping paper tube and oh-shit-SB-is-sitting-on-his-sister-yelling-yee-haw-again."

I heard an interview with an 80-something pediatrician on NPR this morning (Yes, even Rednecks listen to NPR) and he said the most important thing you can teach your kids is resiliency.

So for this mother's day I'm going to set aside goals of perfection and reflections of guilt and just work towards teaching myself and my kids to be resilient.

Naked in the Light.

I confess. I have 5 pairs of khaki capris.

In light of the fact that putting a closet under the stairs in our "new" tiny bedroom will cost, oh, about $3000 dollars.... well, I've decided the best idea is to get rid of all my clothes.

So I started through my closets.

Now, let me set the stage.

I have 2 closets. One has a 54" rod and one has a 36" rod. Both are tucked under the eaves so they are very short. I know... any of you living in an old house are already jealous.... because I actually HAVE a closet.... well, soon, no more.

I also have a dresser with 2 large drawers (one for socks and unmentionables and one for jammies and workout clothes). I have a small plastic tub for winter gear, a plastic drawer for swimwear and various other unmentionables and a stack of about 8 sweatshirts.

All this has to fit into.... nothing. No closet.

Ok, well, the 36" rod closet has 60 white plastic hangers containing knit shirts.... t-shirts, long sleeved t's, sleeveless.... surely some of those can go, right? And pants... I've weeded out a lot of my black pants... well, actually, all but one pair. So that's a start. I have 3 pairs of wear-to-work jeans.... but one pair is pretty ratty so they can be retired. I have 4 pairs of weekend jeans.... surely one of those can go. I trashed all of my old workout t-shirts..... I don't work out anymore so why bother? I can get rid of a lot of shorts if I can find 1-2 pairs of decent ones to replace them. I should get rid of some jammies... I have more jammies than anything... pretty funny for someone who prefers to sleep in the buff, eh?

Ok, people, how many and what types of clothing do you have? What do you really need? And what do you really wear??

Best baby gift idea I've seen in a while.....

Overheard at The Homestead:

Our neighbor is mowing his lawn.
Yeah?
His mower is bigger than yours.
Compensating.

I don't really love oak cabinets.

I have a tiny addiction to apartmenttherapy.com and their nursery site.

Why? I don't have an apartment. My decorating style is trying-to-avoid-clutter-and-failing or trying-to-pick-a-paint-color-and-failing.

We have a little-little interior remodel going on that will leave us with a small living room and a 10x12 bedroom with no closet.... seems ideal, no?

So I was thinking as long as we are going to truly do this to add a bedroom I might as well get serious (finally.... it HAS been 3 years) about painting. I love to paint. I hate picking the color.

And if I'm painting I really should re-think the accessories in the room to get that more modern and serene look I'm going for..... Modern Primitive. That's my style.

And I want bookshelves. Because most of our books are in big rubbermaid tubs in the feed-shed turned storage-shed/closet.

But anyway.

I snapped a photo of my kitchen and realized I have the perfect accessory. It's one-of-a-kind and fits my decorating style perfectly.

In case you can't tell:

This photo was taken on "the day from hell" actually. 72 hours of almost constant body contact with me, her favorite teething object. Seriously. The only time I could put her down was in the water in the kitchen sink (see my baking). Otherwise:

Because what would the weekend be without movies?

Night at the Museum. I will admit I don't usually like Ben Stiller. Sorry, I don't. But this movie was pretty cute and Sweet Boy absolutely loved it. And I'm all about movies we can watch as a family. And I don't care what you say.... my son is brilliant. At one point he looked at me and said, "Mom, does that dinosaur think he's a DOG???" Oh, we've been having fun with that the last few days... pretending we are dinosaur-dogs and dinosaur-cats and dinosaur-frogs... because, really, what is more fun than hopping around and roaring??

Deja vu. Denzel. Need I say more??

Earnest Mommy Strikes Again....

I need to have an earnest mommy moment here.

The last time I had a real blow-out one over potty seats.... the kid promptly quit needing the Dora seat and, last I checked, was perfectly capable of using the toilet without a step stool or cartoon character throne.

My, er, production is down.

Background: With Sweet Boy I pumped 3 times a day at work and if I didn't get 12-15 ounces a day I was a freakin' wreck. With Darling Girl I pump twice a day on work days and hope for about 10-12 ounces a day. If I need to "catch up" I will toss in an extra 3-4 ounce session on the weekends. She eats more solids and just doesn't need as much milk at daycare it seems.

But my Bessie-sessions lately have been yielding about 6 ounces a DAY and, while I have lots of frozen stock pile, I am starting to worry. She's 9.5 months so I guess she could wean but I'd rather not.... she is already slimming down with all the crawling she does... once she is walking she will need all the extra calories she can get.... my little turbo-girl.

I changed the valves on the pump.... always the first thing you should do... it's like checking to make sure the computer is plugged in before calling customer service.

I added at least 16 additional ounces of water to my day. I already drink a ton of water naturally and breast feeding makes me drink a ton more.... seriously, when I came back to work our water guy even commented on it.... we use 2 additional 5 gallon bottles when I'm around....

Then I started drinking a cup of mother's milk tea every afternoon. Two days into that and, maybe it is psychosomatic, but things are picking up.... it tastes like what I imagine licking the cat's ass would taste like but whatever.... I'll make any sacrafice for motherhood and blah, blah, blah..... Besides... you can make anything taste better if you put in enough milk & sugar.....

I haven't gotten so bad that I'm taking Fenugreek yet (although I tried that with Sweet Boy) but I am considering it. Again with the.... maybe it is psychosomatic.... and I do believe it makes your sweat smell like maple.... but, hey, I don't mind smelling like the back booth at IHOP if it means (insert noble sacrifice everything mama tone here) my child can be on the boob a few more months (read: I'm too cheap to buy formula).

So take a note Sarah (oh and did you see the colace, perineal massage & witch hazel comments in the last post?? I recommend them all... even though I don't like the smell of witch hazel) here are the things to stash in your mommy arsenal should you find yourself needing them: Mother's Milk Tea (Traditional Medicinals I think? They also make "Smooth Move" if you find the colace isn't doing it for you....) and Fenugreek capsules. There is a 'scription medicine that has an off-label use as a production booster but I can't remember what it is....

Gosh... with my teas & herbals and my holistic Hyland's teething tablets and my last post about not using toilet cleaner.... ya'll will be thinking I'm all green and tree-huggery and stuff.... I better go spray something with Round Up or bleach or something..... and hide my Birkenstocks.....

There should be a 12-step program, I swear.

It really is a sickness. The budget. It's like I have obsessive-compulsive binge-n-purge budgeting habits.

I was so proud I only spent $50 at the bull's-eye store last month... and then, this weekend, we dropped $100 there**.... and then.... we went to Shopko and spent TWENTY DOLLARS on a pair of sandals for Sweet Boy. TWENTY DOLLAR SANDALS. (Any applications I had in to be in those cool mommy gangs were just REJECTED.)

I make shopping lists and then decide -mid-store- that "We don't really need that." Right. We don't really need pit stick... let's just go all free and natural and jungle and native.... skip the razor blades & shaving gel too. We can brush with baking soda... it's good enough for Grandpa so it is good enough for us.... heck, we're rednecks let's just skip the toothbrushes too.

Hello. My name is Homestead and I have walked out of stores without half the things on my list because I can't stand to spend the money.

Wait. I must pause mid-rant to say this.... We don't use toilet bowl cleaner. It is bad for the dog and it is bad for the kids. The kids who clean the toilet. What? Your 2-year-old doesn't clean your toilet? Then you, my friend, are doing something wrong. Toss in a little vinegar & baking soda, call it a science project and let the little fiends scrub away. Seriously. They are so fascinated by the toilet they want to play in it all the time? Let them. I say... why fight nature?

I wake up late at night worrying about budgets. (Nah, that's not true.... I wake up late at night with strange cravings for powdered-sugar donuts.... but rarely do I wake up obsessed about how much they would cost..... it just sounds so nice and dramatic.....)

And the returns. This makes my husband crazy. Please tell me other seemingly sane people do this?!?! Buy things. Take them home. Decide you can't afford them or can't stand the clutter. Return them.

My life took a big turn for the better in October when I swore off Target clearance end-caps (unless I really, really need it) and gave in to my list-making ways and just kept a running list of "things we need should you see them on a great sale" and wrote down the amounts we will spend on various holidays (Hot Stuff is the master of the last-minute $100 Father's Day gift.... No. No. No. Not in this budget) and birthdays and then let myself thrill in the hunt.

Yes... the hunt. I love the bargain and I love finding it. (Thank you Grandma, bless your soul.) I've just managed to trick my brain into thinking getting the slipcover (I've been shopping for 3 years now...) I love (Pottery Barn) cheap on Ebay somehow makes me superior to all those fools who pay retail. I also like to look down my nose and feel superior about reduced clutter and how much more earth-friendly it is to not buy things. Oh, hell, I just like to feel superior....

Hot Stuff got me a power ball ticket (a week early) for Mother's Day and if I win that 68 million.... THEN what's gonna happen??

**I did, however, buy TWO booster carseats, stuff for our trip the end of May (window roller shades, travel aquadoodle, travel pillows) and my ONLY impulse buy was a $1.14 batman toothbrush.

Book-O-Rama

So Mary P. hosted a book love-in for the month of April. In case you were interested in what we’re reading here at the Homestead…. I thought I’d just quickly type up my list. It isn’t long. And. I. Can’t. Remember. What. I. Read. This. Month. At all.

So, um, here’s the short version….

To the Nine’s –Janet Evanovich
The 9th (imagine that) in a series about Stefanie Plum…. So easy to read.

Full Tilt –Janet Evanovich
Another one by Janet. Really, I just read this one because I knew it would be quick and it would boost my book-count. Hee-hee.

The Fiery Cross –Diana Gabaldon
I finally finished it. I’ve been working my way slowly through this one for a long time. I like her “Scottish Sci Fi” books but I have to take them slowly over time or I get bored. And I’m still boggled by how you spell fiery.

Lord John & the Private Matter –Diana Gabaldon
I didn’t finish this one. I like this character in the other books but this book just didn’t do it for me.

Something by Sandra Brown. You know. Something.

How to Organize Just About Everything (again… the title??) by some guy who is on a popular tv show we don’t get. But I liked the book…. More of a reference book for most but I read it cover-to-cover.

Some cheesy Louis L’amour paperback I read while at my parent’s house.

The tooth section of The Portable Pediatrician AND What to Expect During the First Year. Seriously. Because isn’t it odd my daughter’s top SIDE teeth came in before the front ones??

The Weekend In Movies

Smokin' Aces: Brutally violent and hilarious. How's that? Loved this but I realize it might not be for everyone.

Stranger Than Fiction: Lovely little flick. Cute. Easy to understand. Will Ferrell playing an IRS auditor... which is.... interesting.

On the Agenda for the Weekend

Well.... looks like Montana might be having a legislative special session again.... $36,000/day. Wow.

So to, ahem, celebrate.... we are going to have a party. You're invited. The theme?

Engine Turtles & Tequila.

Sweet Boy is going to invite the Engine (Ninja) Turtles because we are having pizza and he tells me they like pizza..... he knows this because his Engine Turtle undies also have pizza slices on them.... go figure. I made pizza dough last night so it will probably be little mini pizzas and do-it-yourself toppings..... and margaritas in a bucket or milk in a sippy cup.... your choice.

Come on over.

Later this weekend we will watch Qubo.... Sweet Boy's term for Saturday morning cartoons.... regardless if they are NBC's qubo ones or not. He likes Scooby Doo and Batman... good thing they are on one of the two tv channels we get. Yes, we believe in the old-fashioned "Saturday Morning Cartoons" thing.... no cartoon network 24/7 animation at our house.... no sir. We are PURISTS. Saturday mornings mean cartoons and breakfast on a tray in front of the tv.... waffles, fried-egg and bacon sandwiches or cheerios. Yes. We are traditionalists.

Then maybe we will go to the swimmy pool for a while. That always makes for good naps. The nicer weather might make for a good weekend to play in the barn or maybe start doing some timbers for the flower beds. Ideally, I will make it through the whole weekend without going to town a single time.... perfection.

Yes.... a leisurely weekend at the homestead. I can't wait.

Play Time At the Homestead

Sweet Boy’s newest thing is to play “Diego Animal Rescue” with me. Now, granted, without cable/satellite tv we could have prevented his exposure to the world of Dora but -knowing the only cultural things he will get from my side of the family include insanity & a really bad rez accent- we figure Dora is about the only chance the boy has of cultural exposure…. Especially now that Imus is off the air.

So we play animal rescue and, “Mama, you be’s the shark and I will rescue you” and we play and play, stopping only to sing along loudly when a song we like comes on the radio. (I take it back… cultural exposure includes singing along with Tim McGraw…. Loudly, in a gawdawful Southern accent.)

And while we are playing I sing, “Dora, Dora, Dora the Librarian” because that’s what Elle sings when she plays Dora and, like so many things Elle says, it sorta rolled around the edges of my brain until it became firmly lodged front and center… probably right in front of the part of my brain that knows where I hid that last bottle of really good tequila.

Except you kinda have to sing it (bright and pippy) like this, “Dor-la, Dor-la, Dor-la, the li-BRARE-ian” and I wish I could read music so I could write music so you could get the catchy, catchy tune and then it would be permanently etched on your brain too…. Like that time you accidentally saw your middle school math/pe teacher wearing nothing but a jock strap and knee-high socks with red bands around the calves…. Sorry, but I will never look at red bands the same way again.

And it goes along fine until Sweet Boy runs out of animals he knows (this takes a long, long time….) and he starts making up animals…. “Mama, you be’s a gur-lunga-lunga and I will rescue you.”

Um. Just what sound does a gur-lunga-lunga make and do they enjoy tequila??

It's not fun... It's an Obsession.

I may or may not be completely budget obsessed right now because I may or may not have had an UNBELIEVABLE cell phone bill last month. Oops. I promise to try to do better and love as I should. Amen.

I was going through the credit card bill last night. Here is my version of fiscal responsibility...

Me, standing at the (cleared-off-completely-every-night-for-2-weeks-and-it-might-be-making-me-crazy-because-I-can-see-how-insanely-pepto-colored-it-is) kitchen counter eating chocolate chips out of a jar and reading off the various things we've spent money on this month.

*** I need to clarify something here.... most money-management gurus will tell you to cut up the cards to get a handle on your finances..... The Homestead (please-Lord-tell-me-I-dress-better-than-Suze-Orme) school of fiscal responsibility says to have one bonus-earning card and put EVERYTHING on it... then pay it off fully EVERY MONTH. Otherwise you have to try to remember what you spent cash on and run around looking for receipts under the seat of your car and in the lint-trap in the dryer and, well, that just isn't conducive to uninterupted chocolate chip eating.

Hot Stuff is drinking caffeine-free diet pepsi (can I get an "Ick" here??) and complaining I know every dollar he spends and he has no idea what I buy.... like the $8 he spends every day for lunch at Bob's Valley Market. I remind him I take my lunch to work and he doesn't want to know how much I spend at Costco keeping him stocked with caffeine-free diet Ick and ham.

This month I spent $54.89 at Target... a record low. A little bit of Easter clearance & a few important things like baby gifts, dish soap and m&m's. I made up for it by spending $319.99 at Costco.... which totally freaked me out until I remembered about $100 of that was stuff I got for my mom with coupons and she gave me cash for it and I stocked up on diapers & wipes & dog food to donate to the Humane Society. Whew. $127.19 at the local grocery store. Two trips to McDonald's and one night of Jade Garden take out. We were pretty frugal this month.... I was trying to skim the last little bit of money needed to do our IRA's out of the family budget. Of course, there are a bunch of charges for food & drink when Hot Stuff was out of town for training and the state only reimburses at $23/day so we ate it on those expenses and he spends way too much on sunflower seeds, diet pop & eating lunch out but he tries..... and next month I'm going to have to justify the $80 I spent on couch and chair slipcovers ($80 shipped... Pottery Barn.... totally worth it) and $12 (You pay $10 and get a $12 card) for coffee drinks (Buy 6 and the 7th is free) not because I need it but because I want it. And we had $35 this month in movie rentals... but that just provides fuel for my "Let's get NetFlix" plan. Although I did discover the library has the entire "Gilmore Girls" series on dvd so that could keep me occupied for a good chunk of re-run season.

I also finally got it together and switched Qwest & Northwestern Energy to checkfree so I can say "screw you and your 41 cent stamps too" to the post office... at least until I mail Christmas cards. And I've started paying all doctor's bills by phone with the credit card because, well, I might as well get some reward points for that ear infection, right?

Does anyone know of a fabulous FREE rewards credit card? Currently we have an American Express Delta card that costs $55/year (which is just stupid) and I'm switching to the free Costco American Express points card but is there a better deal out there??

So that's the boring budget report for last month....

Blazes....

We went to the farm this weekend and, driving home on Sunday, we came upon a road block. Yes.... a closed road. With a cop. In North-Central Montana.

The deputy at the road block was pretty closed-mouthed about what was going on but he did mention he'd been called in at 7:30 that morning because officers had been on duty all night. And we'd already heard some gossip from a neighbor about a high speed chase.

The news is slowly coming out about a 13-year-old boy from Havre, a stolen car, a gas drive-off, high-speed chase, shots fired....

I'm going to go out on a limb here and call this another victim of the Virginia Tech shootings. Anybody with me on this thought process? According to the local gossip, the kid had some "issues with authority" and was "one to avoid." I can just hear the theme music, "Going Down in a Blaze of Glory" playing in his head as he was flying across those highway miles thinking about all the attention the Virginia Tech guy got.... maybe I'm wrong but.....

I pray for this kid. And the police officers. And all the other kids and families in these tiny communities. Just like I continue to pray for the families of the 33 who died in Virginia. Yes, I said 33. I pray for the shooter and his family just like any others. I think the bible part is "Love the sinner, not the sin." The reality part is..... both of these young men were somebody's little boys. I look at my own little ones, hug them tight and think, "What if...." What if something goes wrong in their brains? They ARE inheriting mental illness from both sides of the family..... Will I be strong enough and brave enough to see it and, more importantly, do something about it?

I'm easy.

I'm very happy right now.

I got a new free travel wipes case in the giant box of Huggies wipes I got at Costco. A new travel case. I think I'll put it in Hot Stuff's car... no, wait, the other diaper bag..... Oh, I'm just not sure.... Yes, people, my life has come to this... glee over butt-wipe.

The Great Pickle Escape

This post is dedicated to Pickle.... may the escape be quick.

Remember that moment in baby school....the moment you realized the plastic thing with holes in it wasn't a spaghetti measurer with a jumbo measurement to feed a whole football team.... the moment you realized..... OH MY GOD.... THAT'S THE DILATION CHART. And then you suck it up and go ahead and have the baby anyway because, well, too late now... you're already knocked up....

Ok, this post is straight-up coochie recovery advice. For those moments AFTER the sweet bambino is home and the phone rings and you realize there is NO WAY you can jump off the couch to answer it. Here are things I've heard or done... in no particular order:

1. The frozen maxi pad. Spritz maxi with water, freeze, and, "aaahhh." My doc says this was his job when his son was born. Order pizza, be quiet, and make sure there was a supply of frozen mouse mattresses in the freezer.
2. Sit on your boppy. That sort of sounds like a curse doesn't it.... "No, you sit on MY boppy...."
3. That spray. The numbing stuff with the red lid (or maybe the lid is blue). Lidocain. In the first aide section. And it's great later for boo-boos.
4. The peri bottle. Don't leave that bad boy at the hospital... it makes a great tub toy later on too.
5. Plain old over-the-counter pain relievers.

Ok... that's all I can remember... anybody else?

Drugs or No Drugs

Just reading on Blogging Baby... er, Parent Dish..... about natural birth vs, well, unnatural I guess..... Ok, ok... medicated vs non-medicated.

Again.... I bang my drum and shout, "Everyone is different and even each child is different."

My first labor:

Woke up at 1:30 am. Hospital around 4:30 am. IV & interthecal around 6:40. No time for epidural. Baby at 6:58 am. (Shift change is at 7:00.... I don't recommend this.)

Interthecal meds (morphine? What the hell is in that?) made me Sick with a capital S-Ick. Headache and passing out whenever I tried to stand up..... literally.... for about 18 hours.


My second labor:

Woke up at 4:30 am. Hospital around 7:30 am. No time for an IV. Baby at 8:03 am. (Nice fresh nurses from 7:00 am shift change... excellent.) I still have the half filled out epidural consent form that Hot Stuff was working on when things got serious.


We already know the hospital is remodeling and the new maternity area is on the 4th floor.... which means Baby #3 (if there is one) will be born in the elevator. I just hope the nurses take me seriously when I tell them I'm, um, kinda fast in the labor department.... it must be the laughing and joke-cracking that throws them off..... with #2 they told me I had plenty of time and they put me in the "rule-out" room.... hah!

Now.... what was best for ME? Obviously.... labor #2 when I was up and showered by 9:15 am.... much better than passing out between the toilet and the tub like #1.

But what is best for YOU?? It's like Jimmy Buffett says.... "Only Time Will Tell...."

Houston, we have teeth.....

Thank the sweet little baby Jeebus for Hyland’s Teething Tablets. After three days and three long, long nights I remembered Hyland’s…. and it hit my like a can of V-8…. I had a bottle leftover from Sweet Boy’s youth….. in the daycare bag! Horray. I have no idea what is in those things but they work better than a shot of tequila and a warm bath….which I’d tried already anyway.

Truly. I know I talk a lot about how different kids are…. But I don’t remember Sweet Boy ever having this kind of trouble with teeth….. we’ve got it all…. Loosey-goosey poop, fever-then-gone, red cheeks, drool, chewing, clingy, gnawing, whimpering, crying, listless (so listless) and crabby (OH the Crabby)…. And it has been going on for days. I kept her home from daycare on Monday… mostly because I like our daycarista too much to subject her to Her Royal Crabbiness.

And the girl wanted her mama. For about 72 hours I was in constant contact with her…. She sat on my lap while I peed. She showered with me. She held my hand while she was in the car seat. She slept on my chest. I love a girl but by Monday morning I needed a little space.

So.

I put her in the kitchen sink. Tossed in a few toys and kept the water warm. Happy baby. She splashed enough to soak the window & the floor (we call that “cleaning windows” and “mopping” at the Homestead) and we all managed to survive the day with a minimum of tequila.

And now. Now. NOW.

She has TWO New Teeth…. NOT the top center teeth… but on the outside…. Combine this with her love of hanging her head off my knees so she can look at the world upside-down and it becomes obvious we’ve been calling her Vampire Bat for three days now. Or Fang. Or Redneck Jack-o-lantern. Or Backwards Beaver. Poor Pumpkin. I have to remember to write this in her baby book……

Super Hero.

Overheard at our house…. “I’m Spiderman and Baby Sister is my pet Chubby Spider.”

Going to the Chapel....

At dinner last night Sweet Boy announced, “Jack & I are married.” Hot Stuff looked at me over SB’s head and mouthed, “I’m not sure I like where this is going….”

Jack is Sweet Boy’s imaginary friend. Mostly, Jack is a big boy who fights fires and knows how to fly…. Very similar to Sweet Boy except the “big” part…. So I, being the open-minded mama I am, asked, “Are you married to Jack?” and Sweet Boy responded, “Oh, no, mama… I’m married to (insert unintelligible noise that sounds like Gluhg-gluhoo). She’s my husband.” Can you tell we’ve been having many fascinating dinner conversations about relationships at our house?

So then I, preparing for that teenage time when I need to grill my children about where they go and who they are with, ask, “Who did Jack marry?” “Oh,” says SB, “Jack isn’t really married.” “So he’s single and not married… like Uncle Techno?” (Sorry, Brother, couldn’t think of a better pseudonym for you… Pyro? Psycho? Turbo? Dude?)

“Oh no,” says SB, “Uncle Techno is married.”

Really.

“…. To Auntie Wissa.”

Brother, you are so dead in the water on this one… she’s already ahead of you on the “bless us” list (although you are both behind Smokey… dad’s dog) and Sister & I will keep her and dump you if you break up….. You might as well get her a ring…..

Imus

I admit. I'd never really heard of Imus until last week.... but now I gotta ask....

Does anyone else think he looks like an old lesbian??***

***Homestead ducks... but figures it is worth saying because when she mentioned it while talking with an old lesbian the old lesbian laughed.....

Another weekend, Another movie

Anybody seen "The Good Shepherd".... and, if you have, can you please explain it to me?

It's not that I was falling asleep (teething baby).
It's not that I was drinking BV&7up (teething baby).
It's not that the movie was almost 3 HOURS long and I wasn't able to settle down to watch it (teething baby).

I feel like I missed something really obvious while watching it. But there was no "ah-hah" moment for me. I never did get it. After several crucial-seeming scenes I'd look at Hot Stuff and say, "huh?" and he'd just pour me another drink or reach over and pat the baby sleeping on my chest.

So, anybody have a quick Cliff-notes style review of the movie for me???

Not in the running for 2007 either....

Yes, that is a huckleberry stem on her face from the fresh-made huckleberry ice cream my sister was feeding her. There goes mother-of-the-year AGAIN.

Regrets

One of my biggest parenting regrets? No, it isn't the 3-diapers-in-24-hours rule or the insane amount of effort we've put into a simple swingset project..... I don't have pictures of me with my kids. I told Hot Stuff and he, being the go-to-it guy he is, responded:

** Thanks to Gunnar for blocking the privates in that middle photo so I didn't have to blur them out.

Maybe just a little Don King in the bloodline......

3 More Movie Reviews

1. Blood Diamond. Loved it. Although I've heard if you know what a real South African accent sounds like this one will make you cringe.

2. The Pursuit of Happyness. Jada Pinkett Smith is a lucky woman. Will Smith just might be on the short list of my favorite male celebrities.

3. Happy Feet. Ok, I didn't exactly sit and watch this one but what I saw was pretty cute.

For some reason opening a Dove promises chocolate with the message "Watch the sun rise" just isn't all that inspirational when you have a kid that doesn't sleep between 4-5:30am........

Other Daycare Things....

Let's talk about crazy things we've seen while looking for daycare.....

Daycarista told me the story of another in-home care place with 14 kids and a house about the size of Daycarista's upstairs.... about 900 sq feet. The other daycare said they were licensed. Ya think?

My friend, K, told me about going to a daycare (with an appointment so they had time to tidy up if they wanted...) and sitting on the couch to interview. The place was knee-deep in toys (I'm sorry but if there are too many toys they just can't all be clean) and when she left she realized she'd been sitting in something very wet..... ew. (Aside for those who know... the daycare, oddly enough, was run by our former FIRST GRADE teacher... uh-huh. Crazy is as crazy does...)

I don't know much about daycare. I went with the recommendation of a good friend with three little girls, visited, fell in love and then begged for a spot. Initially we were turned down because she had another little one coming back in January (this was August) and wouldn't be able to handle that many little ones at one time. So I asked for coverage until January. Hot Stuff's job that year only had him working 10 months so he had January & February off and stayed at home. My plot worked, daycarista fell in love with Sweet Boy and just couldn't let him go. Ha-ha. I found out later she actually restructured some of her part-timers to 3 days a week rather than 5 half-days a week so she could bring in extra help on those three days and accommodate everyone.

I like all the other kids.... although there is only one other (part-time kindergarten) boy. But I like to think that will bring out Sweet Boy's feminine side. I've already learned "boy polish" is clear with blue sparkles.

Her rates are reasonable. Daycare for two kids (one potty-trained, one under 2) just went up $4 to $36/day.... which is cheaper than the state-subsidized care here in town. She feeds them breakfast, lunch & snack. She teaches them colors & letters. They read a lot and do puzzles and draw. They have cats, a dog, bunnies, mules, horses & chickens. The yard is giant and beautifully kept with a swing set and lots of nice play toys. They have a schedule and rules and know what to expect. They always come home smelling like sunscreen in the summer. They only seem to watch tv during the morning while they are waiting for all the kids to get there or for special occasions. The playroom is clean, clean, clean and Sweet Boy came home singing the clean up song and picking up his toys.

Daycarista really has managed to have a home that allows thinking adults to co-exist with a whole lotta little kids. There are lots of books and toys but things have a place and they get put away before the next set of toys come out.

ONE CRUE GIRL.....

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????

Your blog link hasn't worked in, oh, a long time..... but I saw your comment the other day......

Why, yes, my eyes really are brown....

BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY FULL OF SHIT!!!

Even though the daycarista said I didn't need to do it..... overachiever that I am.... I wrote an eating plan for my daughter.... Read it and laugh..... It really runs out of me sometimes...

EATING PLAN
APRIL 2007

Milk
CHILD is breast fed at this time. Mother will provide breast milk (fresh and/or frozen). Milk to be given to the child via bottle or sippy cup at the discretion of the provider. CHILD has not been introduced to cow milk. Formula may be provided to CHILD at the discretion of the provider but the parents are trying to avoid this if possible.

Solids
CHILD eats most table foods at this point either ground, mashed or chopped as needed. She can be supplemented with jar/tub baby food as needed to meet her daily intake requirements at the discretion of the provider. CHILD is a good eater and will generally eat whatever is provided for her. There are no specific dietary restrictions or requirements for CHILD. She enjoys eating table foods and likes to eat what she sees everyone else eating. Things to avoid are the usual allergy & choking hazards for a child her age as discussed between the provider and parents. There is no family history of food allergy and no special allergy precautions are necessary. She has been introduced to wheat, egg yolks (but not whites), cottage cheese, yogurt & cheese. She has not been formally introduced to meat products as of the writing of this plan (although she has had some occasionally) but there are no set limitations regarding this and, most likely, she will be eating meat regularly in the next few weeks, prepared (chopped, shredded or ground) as needed. She has been introduced to most fruits and vegetables and this list is communicated verbally between the provider and the parents as it expands and changes.

Juice/water
CHILD drinks juice (watered-down) and water from a sippy cup and may be provided liquids at the discretion of the provider.

Frequency
Mother will nurse CHILD as close to am drop off time as possible. Occasionally mother will stop by to nurse during the day but this will be communicated to the provider ahead of time so her regular bottle/cup feeding schedule is not disrupted. CHILD may be fed bottle/cup and/or solids throughout the day at the discretion of the provider with solid feedings following the general eating plan of the daycare as a whole (breakfast, lunch, snack). CHILD may or may not want solids for breakfast (due to nursing prior to drop off) and breakfast can be provided at the discretion of the provider. Any variations from this general plan will be discussed verbally by the provider and parents.

Baby Likes Food

So I got my daycarista in "trouble" this week.

She's state-licensed which means the state inspectors visit her. This week the inspector informed her she needs a written eating plan for the 8+-month-old (that's my daughter). Pretty tough to do since she's breast-fed and, last I checked, my tits don't have an ounce-gauge printed on the side. She also, ahem, doesn't eat baby food.

WHAT??? NO BABY FOOD?

Well, I supplement her with purchased baby food at home if, say, the meal I've prepared (and I use those terms "meal" and "prepared" so loosely....) is missing something or is something she can't eat. Like the lunch we had fried egg and bacon sandwiches... she had toast and baby food from a plastic tub.... because, much as I love her, she doesn't get fried eggs or meat.... yet.

But the girl prefers to feed herself and she prefers to eat what everyone else is eating.... and who am I, parenting the path of least resistance, to say no?? Besides... it makes us eat better. She only has two teeth so the babyfood grinder gets a workout and she likes to "feed herself" so sometimes it is messy. (I can't wait for spring so I can take the high chair outside and just hose it off....) But, really, we mostly eat things she can have.... tortillas, noodles, sweet potatoes, corn, apples, cooked carrots, cottage cheese, yogurt, smooshed peas, grilled cheese, graham crackers. So far I haven't found anything (including green peppers) that she won't eat.... I don't eat bananas but she loves them mushed up. I haven't figured out how to give her "salad" type stuff yet but she loves ground up steamed spinach.

So different from her picky "I-won't-eat-a-bean" brother.

I will write a "letter" to put in the diaper bag noting her general eating habits and "plan" to satisfy the state inspector but it got me wondering.... how do other people feed their kids?

So do/did your kids eat a lot of purchased baby food? When did you stop giving them the jar/tub stuff? What were your big worries? Any great recipe suggestions?

3's

3 creative kid projects for the weekend.
1. Made flubber (thanks for the recipe Elle)
2. Made a fort out of a cardboard box
3. Hauled some dirt in a plastic dump truck (What? Not creative, I know.... but it beats telling you we made a volcano in the toilet bowl (vinegar & baking soda) and then scrubbed it....)

3 movies we watched this weekend.
1. Holiday (cutesy & a definite stretch... but worth it for Jack Black's eyebrows)
2. Everyone's Hero (adorable and the "About Chris" (Reeves was a director) piece was lovely)
3. Catch a Fire (OH. MY. Thought provoking and well done. Love Tim Robbins even if Hot Stuff doesn't appreciate his politics and peta....)

3 things I cooked this weekend.
1. waffles. yummy, vanilla waffles
2. fried egg & bacon sandwiches
3. Guinness pot roast (with lovely sweet potatoes, onions & carrots soaked in the broth)

3 places I went this weekend.
1. Target (to get glue for the flubber)
2. the grocery store (alone... it was like a trip to the spa)
3. Kid Fest (bouncy houses and demos of stuff.... fun but I was offended by the expense of all the 3-minute runs at the bounce houses and super-slide.... it was worth it to see the giant grin on Sweet Boy's face.... but a trip to the park would have been cheaper... And it made me miss Elle and our excellent workout at the Bouncy place in Colorado....

3 things I didn't do but had on my list.
1. Go for a walk (busy or lazy on Saturday and rainy on Sunday)
2. Go to the swimming pool
3. Mop

3 things I did just for myself.
1. Worked in the flower beds... just pulling grass & planning
2. Read (Still slogging through The Fiery Cross.. and still amazed fiery isn't spelled firey....)
3. Sipped Crown Royale while chatting with my husband

What the???

Legislative Update

I think the legislative schedule should be:

Jan 1: Convene.
Jan 2: Have a token house & senate session. Take some pictures. Have a potluck.
Jan 3: Deconvene the session.
Jan 4: Free Conference Committee.
Jan 5: Everyone go home.

Seriously. The way this session is working out everything is going to be decided by 6 individuals (2-3 of whom I truly believe might benefit from HB5's building program at Warm Springs... they are that certifiable) during Free Conference Committee at the end so why bother with the whole process part?

Just keep watching.

26 things... because I haven't thought of 40 yet...

1. Put new batteries in watches. DONE.
2. Take paperwork to safety deposit box.
3. Drop off boxes of donations at Good Sam’s. DONE.
4. Recycle plastics (March 3-8). DONE.
5. Plant basil seeds. WHO AM I KIDDING? IT IS STILL WINTER.
6. Paint kitchen window frame blue. (LATER... I HAVE TO TAKE IT APART.)
7. Clean pantry and donate anything we will never eat.
8. Set up budget in Quicken. DONE.
9. Prepare black & white baby photos with photoshop. DONE.
10. Print, frame & hang baby photos. DONE. Dollar Store frames and SO ADORABLE.
11. Clean craft drawers and donate unused items.
12. Attend gardening classes. WENT TO THE NURSERY.... THEY ARE REMODELING SO WON'T START UNTIL LATE APRIL.
13. Make brownies. DONE.
14. Watch Bare Escentuals dvd and learn how to use new makeup.
15. Vacuum the car. DONE.
16. Hem closet curtains.
17. Fix baby-proof cabinet lockers in kitchen.
18. Find a perfect new diaper bag for daycare.
19. Label photos & put in albums.
20. Mail package to Elle.
21. Do a “photo shoot” of kids.
22. Help Sweet Boy paint rocks for the garden.
23. Put up baby gates. DONE.
24. Bleach white tea towels or toss them. DONE.
25. Get estimates for putting a wall in the living room (to make a bedroom).
26. Work on baby book.

On dirty floors

Do you ever put a used dryer sheet on the baby’s round little belly and call her “mini-swiffer” while she rolls around the kitchen?

Have you ever used a golf ball cleaner to clean muddy shoes?

Sunday my son was on his back on the kitchen floor flapping his arms & legs…. When I asked what he was doing he said, “Making angels.”

Is anyone else seriously confused when they drop baby food on the floor at someone else’s house and the dog isn’t there to clean it up? How do you people keep your floors clean??

Have you ever used a vacuum attachment on the dog?

How many square feet of floor can you vacuum before the dirt-cyclone in the clear canister of the vacuum stops swirling? Me? About ten…. And I vacuum a lot.

I’ve been trying to teach the dog to wipe his paws before he comes in the house. It’s true, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Why don’t they call linoleum and tile samples by names that would really help me decide… like “mud” or “dirt yard” or “soot-n-horseshit” or “black-n-white dog”??

Have you ever taken the garbage out in your pajamas and a pair of 4-buckle overboots… with no shoes underneath?

Any ideas how to clean the socks of a 2-year-old when his boots “got mucked down ‘n I walked outen a them” Fear not… I tossed them.

Does anyone else let their kid pee on the side of the shop just so he won’t track across the freshly cleaned floors to get to the bathroom? How about your husband?

How can there be 14 pairs of muddy boots on the porch when there are only 3 sets of feet (and one set of knees) capable of making muddy boots in the household??

Ah, yes, ‘tis the season of mud & muck in our neighborhood….

The project for this week....

I was going to make you do Easter baskets..... yes, mine are done. I hit the $1 store and spent twenty bucks.... that, combined with the week-after-Easter clearance from last year and I'm pretty much set. I need to get some glow-in-the-dark pacifiers for DG's basket & more m&m's for the plastic eggs... I'm not sure, um, WHERE the first two bags of m&m's went....

I only have 4 baskets to do... my two little nieces & my two kids. We re-use the baskets every year.... who needs all that cluttery crap?

So, for you project this week.... cue dread music...

The JUNK DRAWER.

This is mine. It is by "my" chair in the living room. Yes, it has two packs of dental floss. No, I don't use floss... I use the Oral-B hummingbird. Wait, wait... let me straighten it up....

Ah, there. Isn't that better? Yes, my drawer has paint samples.... I've been planning to paint the living room for, oh, two years or so now. The little books are actually baby books... I try to write at least once a week a little bit about what the kids are doing... they each have one. Yes, the last time I wrote in them was early February. Hoof Alive.... greatest nail stuff ever. Nippers and floss for Hot Stuff. The little soldier men when back to the little soldier men tin.... although there will be more toys hiding in there by the end of the week. Baby face stick.... for chubby chapped cheeks. Various finger nail tools.... Lovely gardener's friend hand creme.... I like it and it is that time of year.... time to switch to gardening stuff and try to stave off the greyness of the rest of this season we call "wind," er, early spring.....

There's a coherent thought in here somewhere....

I've been pretty lazy about checking up on other blogs lately.... mostly because, while I rarely post comments, it really bothers me I CAN'T post comments as myself in blogger these days.... and every time I've tried to fix it I've been screwed over by my dial-up connection. (And, please, let's not get into why I have dial-up.... it will make me cry.)

So anyway, I was cruising around and found this post by Candace at Suburban Misfit. No, I'm not considering shutting down this blog.... (Honestly, I consider a lot of what I write here to be the only baby-book material my children will get.) But I've been kicking around a post about writing and improved writing for a while.... and she kinda covers that for me. Most bloggers wax poetic on their bloggaversary about how much their writing has improved and how poor their early posts seem now that they've had writing practice..... yeah, not so much over here. My writing has actual gotten worse. And my clever, quick wit seems to have left the building... permanently.... I feel like I'm standing on an empty street corner shouting, "No, really, I'm funny..... I am. I'm really funny!" Looking at the last year or so of posts I can only pick out a handful I really like.... most are just frantic scribbles.

But I think I need those frantic scribbles and I plan to ride out this crazy phase (into the next crazy phase) and hope to put up a decent post every ten posts or so.....

I had a really funny post planned in my head about the new Cetaphil cleanser I got at Costco but DOOCE beat me too it. It's just as well... her post was damn clever and well written. Mine would have gone something like this:

Got new face cleanser for in the shower.... looks & feels (but doesn't smell or taste) just like.... um..... boy juice.... you know. Now whenever I'm in the shower with Hot Stuff I can't help darting my eyes back and forth between him and the bottle and wonder.....

I mean, really, didn't you ever have a guy in college tell you it was really great for your skin??

Luscious, sleek, spoked-wheeled goodness... I covet thee.

I admit it.

I covet the double-joggers of other mom's at the playground.

Yes, my crappy single jogger is a Yakima. Awesome yuppie-mama name brand... but it was really designed to be a great bike cart... and then they decided to multi-task it and put a handle on it and call it a jogger.... but I can't complain.... it was free.

And, honestly, when you have two kids stacked in there like cord wood sticking their fingers out the sides where the previous owner decided to cut large jagged holes in the clear plastic.... well, it just ain't as sexy.

Besides I have to drive to the playground and buying an expensive piece of baby gear just because we are having a bit of early spring-like weather and I am dreaming of the days when I was in shape (a shape described as something other than "dough-blob" anyway) would be a serious waste of cash, right??

Hearing.

Wow. Is my music collection lacking.... I haven't bought a cd (ok, or downloaded anything for the ipod) in ages.

I'm still grooving to Pavlo and David LaMotte lately.

Anyone have any new suggestions?