This post is dedicated to Pickle.... may the escape be quick.
Remember that moment in baby school....the moment you realized the plastic thing with holes in it wasn't a spaghetti measurer with a jumbo measurement to feed a whole football team.... the moment you realized..... OH MY GOD.... THAT'S THE DILATION CHART. And then you suck it up and go ahead and have the baby anyway because, well, too late now... you're already knocked up....
Ok, this post is straight-up coochie recovery advice. For those moments AFTER the sweet bambino is home and the phone rings and you realize there is NO WAY you can jump off the couch to answer it. Here are things I've heard or done... in no particular order:
1. The frozen maxi pad. Spritz maxi with water, freeze, and, "aaahhh." My doc says this was his job when his son was born. Order pizza, be quiet, and make sure there was a supply of frozen mouse mattresses in the freezer.
2. Sit on your boppy. That sort of sounds like a curse doesn't it.... "No, you sit on MY boppy...."
3. That spray. The numbing stuff with the red lid (or maybe the lid is blue). Lidocain. In the first aide section. And it's great later for boo-boos.
4. The peri bottle. Don't leave that bad boy at the hospital... it makes a great tub toy later on too.
5. Plain old over-the-counter pain relievers.
Ok... that's all I can remember... anybody else?
3 comments:
I agree with everything. I would spritz the maxi with witch hazel though.
Umm...do they still do that "Twilight Sleep" thing? And seriously, my poor, unstretched bajingo is looking upwards at the Pickle, who is currently bashing my cervix, and shaking her poor, unstretched head and saying, "No way in hell, bambino."
--Sarah
PS I am totally printing this for my records. Yes, I have records. First time mom here.
Pre-pickle Escape-Route Preparation (perineal massage).
Colace.
Post a Comment