Thursday, August 04, 2005

Reality Fuckin’ TV.

And now, people, you will see why I don’t blog very often…. This is my Life.

Scene:

A small kitchen… clean & uncluttered but definitely “lived in.” A 30-something woman in a black skirt & white tanktop is piling bags of groceries on the counter. As she piles, she pulls out various, seemingly random, food items to cook.

A small boy child, approximately 14 months, is playing in the kitchen. We see the boy child, unobserved by the mother, put his pacifier in a travel coffee cup, put the lid on it & put it in a drawer. As the scene continues to unfold, the boy child puts various objects in travel coffee cups, carefully puts on the lid & stashes them in the drawer.

The woman discovers a large plastic disk blocking one of the gas stove top lines…. She realizes THIS is why that burner hasn’t been working and calls the gas company to cancel her service call.

The phone rings and the woman begins a conversation with her sister. The conversation includes much talk about helicopters and fire. Meanwhile, the woman is cutting up bacon and putting it in a big pot to fry.

The woman, let’s refer to her as “mama,” runs around the corner into the laundry room to catch the small boy feeding dinosaur crackers to the dog. Mama can’t help but laugh at this adorable demonstration of sharing. She marvels at what an excellent choice she made in pets. This dog is bomb-proof…. He will tolerate anything.

The bacon burns. The smoke detector goes off. The sister (on the phone) laughs. Mama notes that all the smoke will just make Smokey, the firefighter husband, feel more comfortable when he gets home.

Mama adds green onions to the pot. The house stinks. The baby sneaks a full sippy cup of milk into the coffee cup drawer.

The dog goes out. The cat comes in. The daddy arrives smelling like wood smoke and gasoline from fighting fires & running a chainsaw. Mama dumps broccoli into the pot. The bacon grease splatters. The little boy runs to his daddy, babbling, and crawls up in his lap.

The daddy goes out to set the sprinklers. The mama stirs rice into the pot. The cat goes out. The dog comes in. The little boy takes daddy’s keys off the table and, you guessed it, puts them in a travel mug in the drawer.

The little boy goes outside to help his daddy. The mama goes upstairs to change out of her work clothes. The dog eats a piece of broccoli off the floor.

The daddy puts the little boy in his high chair and looks at the mail. The mama adds egg to the pot and gives the little boy slivers on nectarine. She wonders about the location of his sippy cup. The dog waits patiently to receive slivers of nectarine.

The mama ladles fried rice into bowls and the family sits down to eat. The little boy makes a big, giggling production out of blowing on his rice to cool it. He very carefully piles bits of rice on his spoon. Then he carefully takes them off and eats them. The baby does not enjoy the broccoli stems…. The dog does.

The family discusses the important questions of the day. Where was the fire? How big? Did you call in bucket drops? Should we go swimming tomorrow night? Which part of the lawn should we water next? Where IS that sippy cup of milk? What should we have for dinner tomorrow night? Do you want to play cribbage or read magazines after the baby is in bed? Would you like a drink? Do you think the little boy is eating enough vegetables? Do you want to get him ready for bed or do the dishes?

The baby is wrangled out of the high chair and sent to take a bath with daddy. Mama cleans up the dinner dishes. Soon, the little boy comes streaking out of the bathroom…. Completely naked and giggling…. Mama & “the butt bird” chase him back into the bathroom. He pees on the floor.

Mama wipes up the bacon grease & washes the stove. She marvels at having 4 working burners again. The dog cleans up the floor & high chair seat. A clean, naked baby… wrapped in a towel…. Gets a diaper & spidey-jammies in the living room. The daddy wonders where the blue paci is hiding.

The little boy shows daddy “somersaults” and how to climb up on the coffee table. He throws the ball for the dog and helps mama knock down some blocks. He goes outside to help daddy move the sprinklers. He mooches sips of mama’s iced tea.

The daddy & the baby play the “goodnight game” on the stairs. The baby sticks his hands through the stair spaces and the daddy grabs them and tickles him and growls. The baby gut-laughs and squeals and crawls up another step. The mama reads books & snuggles the little boy.

The little boy goes to bed with a little grin….. spidey-bottom sticking up in the air & soft, spikey-hair smelling clean. The mama turns on the fan & shuts the door partway. Goodnight little man.

The mama goes downstairs and adds a bit of vodka, cranberry juice and lemon to her tea. The daddy gets out the cribbage board. Mama plays well but she is defeated by ONE POINT. Usually they play two games but tonight they were interrupted by the phone a few times. They watch the fire report on the news and go to bed.

Scene fades to black.

5 comments:

Leesa said...

This is adorable. I love it. Great post.

Susan said...

This is so lovely. What a nice cozy evening you had. I wish you really WERE on TV--I would tune in every night.

M&Co. said...

That sounds a lot like my life. Except there are two kids. And a lot more screaming and chasing and crying going on. O.K. well maybe it's the way I wish my life was.

SierraBella said...

What a lovely and nostalgic story!
This is something I'd also love to see on reality TV... both love and a hook to watch the next episode- just where will the mama find all the items stashed in the sippy cups?

Greenthumb said...

BRAVO!!!

I'm so glad I came by, I loved this post.