Things I may have said this week.....

"Why can't she just find a nice little transgendered boy to play with?  Why does she want to be friends with those snotty little girls with the snotty mothers?"

"Son.  Truly.  Sometime in the distant future when you look back on your second grade class picture know that I love you.  And I demonstrated that love by letting you wear those goofy-ass shorts with that shirt and those socks for picture day."

"We sit when we eat suckers."

"Hell yes.  Coffee helps women not be depressed.  The New York Times says it so it must be true."

"Please.  If you love me.  Bring me back some gingerbread from that fantastic bakery in Bozeman."

"But I like salted caramels.  And the NYT says I need my coffee so I don't get depressed...."

"I know I said I want to support small local coffee shops but the drive-thru I usually go to when I need a treat has gotten too f-ing strange..... let's go to Starbucks."

"Surely today is Friday."

"Boots.  I need boots.  Riding boots."

"Fuck-a-nuck."