Do You Keep Score??

As I was snuggling the baby in bed last night Hot Stuff and I had the following conversation:

HS: Did you give the baby her antibiotics tonight?
Me: Shit.
HS: You better do it. You haven't missed a dose yet.
Me: You do it. Seriously. How many times have you given her a dose of anitibiotics?
HS: How many times have you plowed the driveway?
Me: How many times have YOU plowed the driveway? Because I bet it is fewer times than I've given this kid antibiotics.....

I have this internal conversation going almost all the time about balance, fairness & equality. I have to have the conversation or I get bitter. I like to think of it as self-therapy.

I keep score.

I'm not proud of it but I do it. And you know what? I'm winning.

I asked my mom one time why she packed my dad's clothes & toothbrush for him. She replied, "I've never changed the oil or checked the tire pressure."

I try to keep that in mind. Balance is about what is fair at any given moment in a relationship.

Sometimes that is hard to keep in mind when I realize I change the oil in all three vehicles (well, ok, I write the check & I wrangle the two little ones while someone else does it...), I schedule all the appointments, I do all the doctor & vet trips, I wait for the repair guy, I empty the dishwasher, I do the majority of the cleaning (toilets, tub, dusting, vacuuming....), I deal with the taxes & bills, I do the budget, I balance the checkbook, I do the baby books & photo albums, I sort the too small clothes, I do the grocery shopping, I do the toilet paper shopping, I feed the baby strained peas, I buy the wedding/baby/Christmas gifts & wrap them, I buy the stamps, I wash the sheets & make the bed.... and on and on and on.... Hot Stuff handles snow removal & goes to the dump......and that, my friends, is a paragraph about me being bitter.

The reality is we have a more balanced marriage than most. Hot Stuff will grocery shop if I give him a carefully prepared list.... but he always comes home with 100 impulse buys. And Costco with him... well, I've blogged about that before..... He sweeps. He mops. He puts his dishes in the sink. He generally keeps the house tidy. He picks up the toys. He tries not to track mud into the house. He recycles his pop cans. He makes dinner for himself and the kids on a regular basis. He picks up the kids from daycare and in the summer he often drops them off. He changes diapers. He reads stories.

So if he's such a good husband and daddy why do I always keep score? I either keep score and decide things are in balance and we have the perfect situation or I keep score and I feel smug because I am super-mommy and get so much accomplished compared to him. Isn't there something about dancing backwards and in high heels?

I'll be thinking more about this.....