In which I don't refer to The Girls as Boobages... not even once.

Breasts.

They are odd.

I mean really.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't had the opportunity to view a whole lot of them (with the exception of showering after basketball games, I guess).... but the ones I have seen on real women never look like what I imagine ideal breasts look like. I don't know what I think ideal breasts look like under the clothes & special undergarments. There is a lot to be said for special undergarments.

So I was looking at breasts this morning. Specifically, before & after pictures of lifts & reductions (don't ask... it is a long story). I realize that I have no concept of cup size. I mean, how do they decide what a "b" cup is.... I looked at the pictures.... some were big and some were little. Where is the science? I want science.

I always think I am a "b" cup. Even now, when I pop the snaps on a "d" nursing bra and amply fill a "dd" and can even successfully wear the one black nursing bra I have... and it is an "e" cup. In my head, I'm sure I am a B.

I was wearing my "b" bras when I was almost 9 months pregnant and couldn't figure out why the pregnancy books were recommending I get new, bigger bras. My best friend came to visit from out-of-state and said, "Yeah, you're a B for bbbbb-barely in there." (The good news is once she knew I was large & in-charge she sent me a bunch of nursing bras. I believe her comment was, "I would have never believed YOU could be that large." I never would have believed she & I would wear the same bras... she has a gigantious rack!)

And nipples! I saw some of the oddest nipples this morning. Really. I am flummoxed. I had to stop and say a little “thank you” to the powers that be for giving me such cute nipples. I should call my mom and tell her thanks for the genetics. Having hideous nipples is something I didn’t even know I should be worried about.

I think I will go ask my husband what he thinks…. He’s always so insightful on topics like this. Then maybe I will post the story about the first time I wore a WonderBra… it is a good one, I promise.