Fire Sex

Or, more appropriately titled… Married Fire Sex

I’m sure you are all thinking… well, now the baby is in her own room and I bet there is some trapeze-swinging wild sex going on at The Homestead. And I hate to burst your bubble but… not.

Firefighters are among the sexiest men (and women) in the world. There is nothing hotter than a smoky guy in fire pants. I’m so in love with the smoky-sweaty thing…. Mmmm…. Just like BBQ potato chips.

The problem? Along with the smokey-sexy comes the exhausted. Totally, bone-weary, hiked up a hill in 103 degree heat and battled a Really Hot Thing exhausted.

Usually Hot Stuff gets home around 10 and we watch the first part of the news together… then I go upstairs and read while he watches the weather. We do like most married couples… snuggle a few minutes, fight over the covers and fall asleep.

But last night I was reading Harry Potter and eating oreos in bed and planning to stay up to see if Harry can find the third Horacrux. Hot Stuff snuggled in beside me and then started giving me the, ehem, Extra Snuggles.

In my mind, like any reasonable married woman, I think, “Damn, I wish I hadn’t eaten oreos & milk after I brushed my teeth. Oreo breath… and what if the milk gives me gas? Are the kids asleep? Should I turn off the baby monitor? Oh, wait… she can’t hear us… we can hear her…. I should have shaved my legs… wait, we’ve been swimming a lot…. I DID shave my legs! Hurray! I wonder if he noticed. Shit, I think the sprinklers are still on…. Can I go outside naked after sex and turn the sprinklers off? I love my new haircut. I think I feel a little sexier since I’ve been walking…. Hey, wait a minute…. I feel A LOT SEXIER since I’ve been walking… or wait… maybe that’s because… I… uh…. There….. that…. Yes….”

Ok, I’ll stop now because I know my brother is reading… (Hi Bro!)

And then, of course, there is the married-haven’t-seen-each-other-much-lately-post-sex conversation….

Where are my pants? Did you shut the sprinklers off? Did I tell you I couldn’t figure out how the dog got out of the pen? What? I didn’t even tell you the dog got out of the pen? Yeah, that’s why he’s been in the house…. Well, that and the heat. I got you some nectarines for your lunch. Oh, by the way….

I love you and you are amazing.

(Honey…. I do love you and you are always worth the wait! Let’s Extra Snuggles again soon, ok?)