On and Off Again

This weekend Hot Stuff learned what many people who regularly wear jewelry or are married already know…. Rings go on easier than they come off.

Poetic, isn’t it, that he discovered he couldn’t get his wedding ring off? I mean, hey, I don’t ever want him to WANT to take his wedding ring off, right? But….. His job makes it dangerous for him to wear his ring so he usually has it on a chain around his neck. Last week he went to a conference and decided to wear his ring on his finger. Well, apparently, that little “jam” he suffered this summer…. The one that was so insignificant he didn’t even tell me about it….. yeah… I’m pretty sure he broke his finger. I palpated it. (Lord, I love saying that.) Yes, I palpated and, while I’m no expert, I can feel a lumpy spot. (Hey, that was fun to say too.)

So we tried lube. (hee-hee) And ice. (hoo-hoo) And lubed ice tugging with a terrycloth towel. All the while I was taunting him for having TWO broken bones and cataract surgery (again) in the last six months….. words like fragile, precious, dainty and delicate. As you can see, I am one to enjoy my man’s suffering.

So we went to our favorite local jeweler…. The ones who have our credit card number on speed dial….. and they used a little tiny can open (er… circular saw) to cut his finger off…. I mean…. His ring off. Miracle of miracles they didn’t cut through the inscription. (It says “Hey, put this back on” Ok, no not really….) They measured him and figured out a plan to repair the ring (I missed that part….. small son said, “Mom, I gotta PEE.” And we were off on a mad-dashed race to find a bathroom…. Successfully.)

And all ends well….. Hot Stuff feels just horrible about having the ring cut off but, hey, in the greater scheme of things I’m still the big loser…. I LOST his great-grandmother’s wedding band…. He just got a little over-zealous about showing those conference sluts he was a married man.