We didn’t do baby school this time around. I may regret that when it comes time to breast feed. I turned out to be a brilliant breastfeeder (I’ve always wanted to say that…) but the start was, um, rocky to say the least. But I know we will muddle through with a little help from our friends…. (My best friend is a freakin’ lactation consultant and the proud mother of a pair of ta-tas that have nursed three little ones into toddlerhood….. and she’s just a phone call away….)
I almost got kicked out of baby school for comparing that little plastic thingy that shows the centimeters of dilation to a spaghetti measurer. What? That’s what it looks like. I believe the comment was, “Shit. That’d make enough spaghetti for a football team.”
Hot Stuff almost got kicked out for saying, “No fuckin’ way.” Outloud. When she showed the model of the pelvis and the model of the baby head and how that whole situation was supposed to work. He also swears he wrote “would be better with beer” on the comment card for “Daddy Boot Camp.”
The breathing. Does this actually work for anyone? Now, I did use some very serious yoga-breathing techniques but all that hoo-hoo-hee-hee stuff just made me lightheaded…. It could be that I was thinking I was still in early labor and I was actually in TRANSITION…. So, my mistake.
Don’t let your husband eat onion sandwiches. Really. There were a few choice gems that came out of Baby School…. This was one of them.
Timing contractions. I’m sure they taught us this but damned if I can remember. I think it is from the start of one to the start of the next…. And since I’ve posted about it twice today maybe I should stop obsessing and just look it up on the internet.
Slow dance your partner through her contractions. Hot Stuff says this is the biggest load of crap he’s every heard…. He couldn’t even catch up to me…. Let alone dance with me. He finally looked deeply into my eyes and said, “I’ll do whatever you need. If you need me I’ll be sitting in this chair right here.” And I went back to pacing my little lap around the room…. Pausing only to stand straddled over the toilet during contractions because I felt like I was going to pee…. Sorry, tmi, but I think people need to KNOW these things are a possibility….
Think of a flower bud opening gracefully. Yes, indeed, this is the image I am supposed to have of my cervix. You wanna know what I thought about? Some sort of sci-fi telescope aperture. You know what I’m talking about…. I wish I could find a picture….
2 comments:
Hm. Well, I'm a bit of an expert at this for the moment. Or at least, I definitely feel like one. So! Advice!
1- You'll be even better at breastfeeding this time. Even if your baby has problems learning. No worries there! Its like riding a bike. I swear.
2- It DOES look like a spaghetti measurer. That's what they should call it, really.
3- Timing is from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next. Which doesn't make any sense to me, really. I always thought that the most important span of time was that small period where I *wasn't* in intense pain. Of course, this way of timing was invented by the same people who consider you pregnant 2 weeks before you even ovulate. Go figure.
4- The slow dancing thing didn't work so well for me unless it was my only choice. I swear by kneeling on the floor with something to support my head, so I can completely and utterly relax my ENTIRE body. If any bit of me is (was...WAS!) tense, the contraction hurt about 20 times worse.
5- I didn't use the breathing they teach at Baby School. That kind of breathing is stupid because when you're in pain, you forget to stop and then you get all lightheaded. I used the breathing I learned in a relaxation/stress-relief course I took in college. DEEP breath 4 seconds long in...hold it for a millisecond...slooooowly let it out, 4 seconds long. Somehow the counting helps, too. But that could be a personal thing- my own preference. OH OH OH and the whole 'object to stare at' thing (yeah, technical term, right!) totally worked for me. I used my hubby's wedding band. Poor guy got pulled into the shower fully clothed all 3 births. *grin*
6- It will go so much easier this time around. You know exactly what to expect and you'll be more relaxed about the whole thing.
*grin*
During my first labor, Deputy Dad - trying to be helpful - was telling me, "Breathe, breathe..."
I looked him in the eyes and said, "I TRIED that. It didn't work!"
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