Simple Pleasures

Oh, so I see you think you already know what this post is about… simple pleasures. You think I’m going to wax eloquent about life in the country, my favorite fishin’ hole and snacking on Hint o Lime Tostitos. Well, that’s not what this is about. (Although I do love me some Tostitos.)

This post shall be subtitled: An Essay on the Subject of Bigotry.

I’m talking to you, Downy….. you, with your sweet-smelling product encased in a bigoted bottle. That’s right. (no pun intended) Try opening and pouring from that lovely bottle when you are left-handed. The cute little swirly-gigs at the top are designed for maximum gripage for the right-handed crowd. Oh, the discrimination.

And while I’m at it… here are a few other things.

Scissors. (Do you say scissor or scissors? A pair of scissors.)
Water fountains. (At least the one at Blue Sky High School.)
Target pistols. (But that’s a good thing because who needs another expensive, useless hobby?)
Computer mice.
Keyboard number pads.
Ergonomic grip toothbrushes. (Ergonomic grip anything, usually.)
Can openers.
Fancy dinnerware. (You should see me try to use the butterdish knife at my mother-in-law’s)
College writing desks
Oh, I thought of a bunch of other things driving in my car today but, of course, I don’t have one of those suction-cup note pad thingies to write on because they only work for the RIGHT-HANDED.

In my family pretty much everyone is left-handed so I didn’t discover this discrimination until I went to school. (When I also discovered that milk comes in cartons but that’s another story…..) Now I’m married to the enemy and I secretly laugh each and every time my Sweet Boy throws a perfect pitch to the dog with his left hand. (I can even admit he throws perfectly well with his right hand.) Do I wish on him the creativity & desirable baseball playing ability that is left-handedness? Or am I cursing him with my own (how do I golf-bowl-throw-a-frisbee?) awkwardness? As he approaches one year of age we still can’t tell which hand he prefers.

I swear a solemn oath to love and accept my son…. Straight, gay, left, right or am(bi)dexterous.

A quick fairytale….

Magically, miraculously, a Fat Tire Ale appeared in my fridge. (Ok, 3 Coors Light also appeared but who cares about that?) I believe it was the beer fairy. I’m praying to the beer goddess that it happens again soon. I am going to plant a divine hops plant by the porch to entice the beer fairy to visit more often. Yeah beer!

Reasons I may never get a tattoo

1. There is no part of my body so perfect that I want to highlight it with skin art. I mean, hey, the whole package ain’t bad but if you look close, each tiny piece has flaws. If you focus on one little flawed part then pretty soon all you see are the flaws. I don’t need that.

2. I still harbor hopes of someday being a top secret spy. And everybody knows spies can’t have any obvious identifying marks.

3. My sister says they hurt.

4. I already have one… two actually. Two little black dots on my back.

5. I can’t decide what color to paint the bathroom…. And that decision can be covered up…. You see the problem.

Jelly Belly Update

Coconut and Buttered Popcorn…… need I say more?

It ain't chocolate & peanutbutter.....

So I’m eatin' jelly bellys.

I get a cinnamon one.

I grab another one and THINK it is cinnamon. So I’m thinking it will go nicely with the cinnamon one already in my mouth.

IT IS ROOT BEER.

Glack. Can you think of a worse jelly belly combo than cinnamon and rootbeer?

Nope? Me neither. But I’m still eating them so I’ll let you know if I come up with anything really disgusting. I’m pretty sure it will be buttered popcorn and something…..

Locals

Remember-

Spaghetti feed benefit Saturday, May 14th at 5:00 pm. Lots of good silent & live auction items. I will be the one accidentally bidding on things while waving to friends.

Happy Friday the 13th

And a very happy 21st birthday to my little sister.

Sister-

Stay away from the three wise men and have fun in Vegas!

xoxo
Big Sis

ps. Tell all your friends not to get married there this trip.

No Feed the Doggie

It suddenly occurs to me…. I am home on a Friday. I can actually post a pet-picture and be cool like all the other bloggers out there. So here he is…. In his favorite place…. Right next to the high chair.

Gunnar Friday 

Lewis- Where's Clark?? 

This is why I haven't been around this week.... 

Poet Laureate Montana

And, in honor of my most recent poem.....

I provide you with this link http://www.art.mt.gov/

The state of Montana is gettin' a Poet Laureate.... Nominations are due by May 13th....apps on the website.... for some reason I don't think I will be winning......

Aw, LadyBug, Thanks...

I was unofficially tagged by LadyBug for the "Turd in a Punchbowl" Party....

Here are my contributions:

Turd in a punchbowl
Resembles Cher in a way
Turd in a punchbowl
Sell it on Ebay

Turd in a punchbowl
Constipation is no fun
Turd in a punchbowl
Try some Fiber One

And now I pass the torch. If you want to give it a try.... the deal is this: You leave "Turd in a punchbowl" as lines 1 & 3 and create your own lines for 2 & 4.

This one is for Greenie

Ok, I’m going to share a very special personal breakfast recipe with all of you.

Vanilla yogurt (I prefer Mountain High low-fat)
Fiber One cereal
Chocolate sauce

Mix & eat.

This recipe does several important things.

1. It helps with regularity. (A problem I and, apparently, many other bloggers suffer)
2. It makes your work-mates laugh. (Chocolate for breakfast and all…)
3. It gives a good and yummy chocolate fix.
4. It gives an all-important dairy fix.
5. Fiber One doubles as squirrel food.

See people, chocolate… it IS an important part of a healthy breakfast.

Identify those birds. Part II. 

Identify those birds. Part I. 

Now we have a smoking ban… again.

The guv just signed the new smoking ban into effect. Beginning October 1st there will be no smoking in public places with the exception of designated hotel rooms. The ban has a provision for casinos and bars… they will be given 4 years to “ease into” the ban on smoking. There is also a provision that no town can have a smoking ban that is more strict than the statewide ban.

The city of Helena passed a smoking ban several years ago. Much ado has been made nationally about how the heart attack rates were reduced during that time… I would post a link to the study but I don’t know the address. The ban was repealed based on a technicality and then recently reinstated… now I guess it will be repealed again because it is more strict than the statewide ban.

I have a couple of points to offer up for consideration.

1. The state just enacted an increased tax on cigarettes. So, we are hoping to raise some cash for education and whatnot by taxing cigs… and then we ban them everywhere? (Or is the point of the tax to get people to quit?)

2. Before the original Helena ban, a friend of mine who is required to frequent taverns for his job was very excited… he doesn’t like coming home smelling like an ash tray and the smoke hurts his eyes. After the ban went into effect he was lamenting the loss of income from the gaming machines. So are we hurting the -admittedly shakey- Helena economy beyond the bar & casino owners? (Go ahead, apply multipliers and all that stuff I vaguely remember from my college economics class.... although the most striking thing from that class was my prof's red Chuck's & her amazingly cool accent.)

3. Oh, and "I only smoke when I drink" cigarette sales in bars are a major source of income, right? (So are we actually hurting education by taking away a healthy (ha, no pun intended) source of income (see tax in #1) for schools?)

3. What does this do to businesses that rely on OTHER businesses allowing smoking as a “draw” for themselves? I’m talking about the smoke free casinos & bars that advertise themselves as such. I know we often frequent The Brewhouse because there is no smoke… so will they actually lose business because of this now that we can go anywhere?

4. What about the freedom to make your own rules for your own business? You know what I’m talking about. Slippery slope and all.

What do ya'll think?

URTHEIS... Part II

Craig (mtpolitics.net) says, “Montana is a small town with long streets.” This was proven true yet again by my “URTHEIS” post. Not only did someone post the meaning of the plate, but the actual OWNER of the vehicle posted! Yeah!

So, URTHEIS, the green Cherokee (or bluish Camry?) with the perplexed looking driver that was tailgating you on Benton frowning at your license plate the other morning… that was me. And next time I see you around town I am honking. Be prepared.


PS. It was not “Urt, He IS”… as a tribute to my tiny son’s alter ego. It means “You’re the Eyes” and it is a Grateful Dead Song.

Hi. My name is Urt. I'm gonna be a dirt farmer when I grow up... 

A Truly Clever Post....

... will have to wait.

I'm ok. A combination of computer problems, travel, family illness, busy-ness, death, and, well, you know, life.... keep getting in the way. I promise something vaguely clever in the next week or so....

For now I will leave you with a poem STOLEN. I don't have the proper credits but this poem is by Ginger Andrews and a friend gave it to me... I don't know the source beyond that tidbit.... just know I'm wearing my red dress and ya'll are invited over for cake later.....

"The Cure"
by Ginger Andrews

Lying around all day
with some strange new deep blue
weekend funk, I'm not really asleep
when my sister calls
to say she's just hung up
from talking with Aunt Bertha
who is 89 and ill but managing
to take care of Uncle Frank
who is completely bedridden.
Aunt Bert says
it's snowing there in Arkansas,
on Catfish Lane, and she hasn't been
able to walk out to their mailbox.
She's been suffering
from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.
The cure for the mulleygrubs,
she tells my sister,
is to get up and bake a cake.
If that doesn't do it, put on a red dress.