Faith

Thanks for all your kind words. You guys rock.

A couple hours of weed pulling, staring at the mountains and drinking red wine and I'm feeling more balanced.

Here's the things no one tells you about a miscarriage:

1. The hormones. Even if you think you are having a even-keeled reaction to something... you are not. Trust me.

2. Write about it. Even when it hurts. Write. I went back and read what I'd written in the past and it helped.... it also made me realize... damn, sometimes I'm really funny.

3. What do you call it? "Lost a baby" makes me feel like I left a kid in the shopping cart at Walmart. "Miscarriage" sounds like I made a mistake or crashed a horse-n-buggy or something.

4. Mark your calendar. Even if it is just with a general due date.... let yourself mourn that time as well.... because you might need it... even if it is just a quiet glass of wine and some clearance holiday candy.... For some reason it comforts me to know the lost green pea just before Sweet was due near my grandma's birthday.... I know she's taking care of them all for me.

5. Target hurts. I've said this before.... Maternity clothes to the left, diapers to the right and baby gear dead ahead.... you can't avoid it and you can't do anything about it but sigh and buy some chocolate.

6. Go ahead....be a sunny-sided optimist. I've already re-stocked with pregnancy tests (from the Dollar Store, of course) and I'm carefully taking my prenatals every day....

7. Know your triggers. If being around pregnant people makes you nuts... Don't Do It. Skip baby showers.... just send a gift card. For me that has never been a problem but we have a code.... if I say I'm "going to Walmart" it means I'm probably going to try to sneak a dirty-faced waif out of some overwhelmed mama's shopping cart and make a run for it.... so stop me.

8. Believe in signs. If red tulips or daisies make you feel better then adopt them as your memorial. Have a moment of quiet faith when you see them..... whatever it takes to keep you in the moment.