Dear Brother.....

Dear Brother.... I answered these for you...

1. Were you named after anyone? Well, they wanted to name you Michael...after your great-grandfather.... just be glad your last name isn't Hunt. And on that... when's the last time you actually USED your given name??

2. When was the last time you cried? I think a better question is when was the last time you TRIED???

3. Do you like your handwriting? I like your handwriting... when it is signing a big fat check written out to my name.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? I was sure you would say "Whatever is in my sister's fridge."

5. Do you have kids? Well, then, WHAT is Rowdy???

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you? I like pizza.

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Is there a number bigger than "a lot" out there???

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes, but every time you go to the dentist he comments on them, doesn't he?

9. Would you bungee jump? Can you imagine your life depending on all those little cords under the seat in your pickup??

10. What is your favorite cereal? The kind with beer on it.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? velcro. Actually... that's a funny one. Have you ever WORN shoes with ties in them? Not since those infamous blue roller skates from the early '80s....

12. Do you think you are strong? strong smelling.

13. What is your favorite ice cream? Wilcoxsen's... because it is fun to say. Actually, in all seriousness... have you HAD the special edition Girl Scout cookie ice cream?

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? how wide and funny their mouths look (when they are screaming and running while I chase them with a large piece of equipment...)

15. Red or pink? Well, after you washed them with a red sweatshirt... pink.

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself? You keep forgetting to give your big sister a lot of money and candy.

17. Who do you miss the most? Depends on when the last time was you sited in your gun.

18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? No, please send it to his boss so he knows what the hell you do all day.

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? pants? I knew I forgot something this morning...

20. What was the last thing you ate? All that candy I was going to give to my sister...

21. What are you listening to right now? Your Wife. That is the correct answer.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? puce. definitely puce. (What you get when you mix orange & baby blue)

23. Favorite smells? not your feet.

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? someone, somehow, associated with the wedding.

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you? no.

26. Favorite sports to watch? Is paint drying actually a sport??

27. Hair color? transparent.

28. Eye color? crayola.

29. Do you wear contacts? Laser eyes.

30. Favorite food? the kind someone else cooks.

31. Scary movies or happy endings?

32. Last movie you watched? Bob the Builder... Live. The musical.

33. What color shirt are you wearing? Root beer brown. they are all brown when you can't see colors.

34. Summer or winter? winter or road-construction?

35. Hugs or kisses? Hershey's kisses

36. Favorite dessert? Mohave. Oh. Wait. Penuche frosting.

39. What book are you reading now? That sex one your wife got for a shower gift.

40. What is on your mouse pad? coffee, chocolate cake crumbs

41. What did you watch on TV? last night? porn and infomercials.

42. Favorite sound? What sound does the electronic transfer of funds into my account make??

43. Rolling stones or Beatles? Uhh....Ointment or Suppositories?

44. What is the farthest you have been from home? If you go far enough west you'll always end up back on the hi-line.

45. Do you have a special talent? Inseminating cattle

46. Where were you born? Hutterite colony (seriously... ask mom.)

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back? heh-heh-heh

48. What time is it now? Time to go back to work.

Cold but Cute

MAY CAMPING

MORE PHOTOS FROM CAMPING IN THE RAIN....

Fire Safety Lessons

HEY.... do you see the paint on that kindling? I think Smokey there might have busted up a "project" to start this fire..... what? The kids and I spend many-a-day painting wood scraps and calling it art.

Summer Fun 2008

Fun Things We Have Planned (Bold & Italics have been done at least once)

Note... none of these things is complicated or takes more than an hour or so.... so we do most of them after work during the week.

1. Go to the "big" park and have a picnic
2. Dairy Queen Drive Thru
3. Frozen Yogurt at Costco
4. Fairgrounds Park
5. Spring Meadow picnic... with spinnin' chicken
6. Applebee's take away at the park (tonight!)
7. Bring a picnic lunch to mama at work when daddy has a day off during the week
8. Library
9. Carousel
10. Play in the creek
11. Go fishing at Park Lake
12. Bullman's Pizza
13. Alive at 5 (I don't love Alive at 5 but we might try to do at least one this year)
14. Wednesday night at the local brew pub (the kids are NOT invited)
15. Shakespeare in the Parks (August)

Ok.... I know there were more things on my original list but I can't remember them right now....

July Financial Checkin

Ok. My lordy. I'm over my rant from yesterday.

Over at Money Saving Mom it is time to do the July Fiscal Report.

So we will check in as well.

My June goals were to minimize the costs of attending my brother's wedding, use coupons wisely & effectively (effectively means without making myself insane), and continue tracking our budget. We tend to track more mid-month to mid-month because that's the time frame for the credit card but the mid-June bill was pretty over-the-top due to some spring projects, camping supply purchases and wedding expenses.

July's goals include figuring out how to easily and effectively (again, effectively means without making myself or those around me insane) use Quicken for budgeting, keep costs to a minimum to balance out June's costs and do a lot of fun but cheap activities with the kids.

I also took a long hard look at my closet. And realized I might have to go shopping. Let's recap. I budget $50/month to myself for clothing. I spent $109 for a dress and $20 for undergarments for the wedding. Gasp. I know. But I returned all those sandals in the photo because it was so freakin' cold I wore boots. And I spent $0 in May and $12.49 in April... so it balanced. So for July I went to Ross and got myself about 6 shirts from the clearance section. So I'm set again. I still need a pair of "weekend" shorts, another bra and a "spanx" top..... but my birthday is coming. And I plan to get new jeans this fall.

Have I mentioned I hate coupons??

But....

Here's the deal I just did.....

Background: In July if you buy CVS's 99 cent pantiliners then you get 99 cents in ECB's. So I got one of those last week. Last week CVS had buy Physician's formula mascara for $7.99 and get $7.99 in ECB (Extra Care Bucks) so I did that because I needed new mascara anyway.... the computer spewed out a $3 off on face care coupon.

So today I went in because Olay stuff was buy $20 worth and get $10 ECB's and the night cream that I love is $29.99 and was on sale for $24.99. Then I used the 99 cent & $7.99 ECB's and the $3 off skin care coupon AND a $3 off coupon from the newspaper insert. So I spent $10.01.... and the computer spewed out my $10 ECB and a $4 off a 20 dollar purchase..... so that's a good deal, right?

It's hard not to double count the ECB's.... If you roll them right you should only spend about a dollar per transaction.... but I'm just not that good at it. And I usually just get frustrated and buy what I want anyway....

And this cream will make me really beautiful and take away the sun spots on my cheeks.... so that's worth any cost.

Paradise Lost....

Is fuck you to strong in the language department?

Because, seriously, when I read articles like this one it is my first reaction.

Specifically it is this part "NBC affiliate KCRA-TV reported that some residents in the area were refusing to leave, instead locking themselves in their homes and counting on fire crews to protect them as the fire approaches." that boils my blood....

Guess why.

Because, while it isn't my husband this time, it very easily could be.

Yeah.... that guy you are paying $10/hour? The one who doesn't get hazard pay? The one who you expect to RISK HIS LIFE to protect you.... for him I say this....

GET OVER YOURSELF.

You are willing to risk someone else's life just so you can stay in your house?

I have no words for how stupid, immature and irresponsible you are. And if my husband or his friends and crewmates die because of you.... I have no words for how stupid, immature and irresponsible I will become. I'll come burn down your fuckin' house myself.

Here's what you do. GO TO THE SHELTER. Take you portable hard drive and your box of important memories and paper work and your dog and GET THE FUCK OUT.

Worried if your house burnt down? Here's what I've heard... call your land line. If it rings, the house stands. If you get a busy signal... it's toast.

Now. Pitter-patter, get at 'er. Go. Pack your shit. Flee.

Don't make me call you a jack ass.

Clutter: Wedding

Unclutterer is talking about wedding clutter today.

How about you? Wedding clutter? I have my dress in a box in the shed.

From the list in the post:

Napkins. We didn't have special wedding napkins.
Cookie Bags. Again. No cookie bags. Our favors were homemade seed packets full of wild flowers. Designed and printed by me.... colored (they had a cartoon image of two swooning flowers.... goofy but adorable... just like us) by all the nieces and nephews to entertain themselves at the rehearsal dinner. I'm sure I have a seed packet in the photo album. And I've seen a few gorgeous flowerbeds from the actual seeds.... so that's cool.
Candles. We went with standard, simple white candles for everything. I do have a big white pillar candle on my dresser that looks just like our wedding candle but it, um, gets burnt on a regular basis... ahem, if you know what I mean.
Champagne glasses. We didn't have special glasses. We used a pewter cup that has been handed down several generations in Hot Stuff's family... then it went to the next family members. We did get a lovely set of glasses.... which we used regularly until one broke... now the other is a flower vase and looks lovely with pincushion flowers and daisies.
Greeting cards. I confess... there may be a box of cards in the shed. I guess those could go, huh?
Wedding Programs. Again. In the album. One. Oh, and the template is on the computer.... in case anyone wants to make super-cool programs.
Cake knife. Borrowed from the reception place. Decorated with appropriate ribbons.
Guest book pen. ??? Um, I think we used sharpies. Wow. A detail I truly can't remember... at all.
Wedding favors. See flower packet info above. We also did the old birdseed baggies..... pretty sure I didn't save any.... those were traumatic to make.
Wedding planning book. Oh, is THAT how you are supposed to do it?
Cake topper. We used flowers. Although, had I had access to it... I would have used the little one my grandmother used.... that my brother just used..... it is cool and tiny and adorable.... maybe for our 25th wedding anniversary.

So how 'bout you? Silly things you saved from your wedding?

But What Happens if you slide the card

S-L-O-W-L-Y

..... still takes all your fuckin' money to fill the tank......

The Unholy Triumvirate

I like to think a stool balances best on three legs. Ya know? Even if one leg is a little shorter than the others.... with three legs it will still balance.

That's my approach.

So 'round here we struggle with balancing three main philosophies.... like a 3-legged stool.... or like 3 overlapping circles....

Green: So obvious. So trendy. So current. So hip. Cut the clutter. Stop shopping. Repurpose. Try being happy with what you have.... see, it isn't so bad. I wish there was a better word for it than green... it makes me feel so muppet-y.

Cheap: Again, with the trendy. And the price of gas. But I swear to you.... I've been doing this for years. Budget.... but not a cheapskate.... right? Because I'm not afraid to dish cash for a serious investment (or really excellent cheese).... But am I going to spring for fancy all-organic food? Probably not. But will I shell out $25/week for a CSA share? Probably.

Easy: Ok, some would call this "simple" and call me a hipster. (If you could see what I'm wearing, eating, reading and doing right now you would laugh at THAT label....) But it goes beyond simple.... simple stirs ideas of hippie and crunchy and earthy..... and sometimes my idea of simple is.... well..... mac-n-cheese and a dvd on a Friday night. So within the triumvirate balance we see microcosms of internal balance.... oh, our simple diagram of three overlapping circles just got a little more complicated, didn't it? Maybe "easy" has some tones of "slow down" or "simplify" or "just give yourself a fucking break already there, SuperMom" in it.

So I'm finding tones of these things in everything as I go about my day. Am I just using this to justify living how I want to live? Because if that is the case I'm wasting my time.... who cares? Is it a tactic to justify the slightly schizophrenic cross between hippie & redneck? Or to justify feeding my kids hot dogs? Or is it not about justification at all?

How 'bout you?

Camp Happy

 

 

You can read about it all here, here, here, and here.

Come Walk With Me

It is early in the morning and we are heading down the hill and what do we see..... a rooftop, some smoke, winter coats & green boots.... Some of us are just a little excited... Some of us are duty-bound to guard the wagon train.

Some of us are just happy to be out running with our humans...

Ah... camp life. The coffee is brewing, the kids are eating scrambled eggs & sausage and we all got to use indoor plumbing....

When it rains.... go camping

Post One of a series about our Memorial Day camping trip.

We planned..... BIG. Hot Stuff and I both took Wednesday, Thursday & Friday off from work. The plan (see, I'm trying to become a "planner") was to take the kids to daycare Wednesday morning, go out for a nice breakfast, plan our adventure, then go shopping for Sweet's birthday and any camping supplies we needed.

So steps one and two went off without a hitch. We dropped, we dined. (The No Sweat Cafe... yum-o.) We.... TRIED to plan. But, see, the weather.... it was not cooperating. It was raining and cold. So we scaled down our "go into the woods" plans to "camp at our house" which was a good idea. I'm not a seasoned camper. I don't know what to pack. So this would be good practice.

Hot Stuff got to experience some of the frustration of shopping. Hate it. We ended up going clear out to Hell... um, I mean Wal-Mart, to find a particular Transformer for Sweet....

And the rain came down.

Thursday dawned bright and early and wet. We loaded up the pickup and drove the, oh, 100 yards or so to our camp site. Only some foul language was issued while setting up the wall tent... in the rain. The kids thought it was way cool and then we walked home for lunch and naps.

And the rain came down.

We theorized we maybe should have spent the day building an ark instead of putting up a tent.

We ended doing that age-old activity of parents with children.... camping in the living room. While watching Mr. Magorium. Thank you Netflix. Oh, it wasn't a total loss.... we piled some ribbon on the floor, called it a fire, and roasted marshmallows on chopsticks.


Tuff was totally thrilled. She thinks "camping" means eating tortilla chips and marshmallows in the living room.

Friday was cold and wet. Surprised?

So we looked for alternative activities... like wearing our winter jammies all day and doing crafts.

We even planted some seeds. (Notice the use of a tin camp coffee cup. I thought it made the whole experience more authentic.)

This is what it looked like outside.... the picture does not do justice to the rain coming down.

Ok, can you see the thermometer? It says 44.6F. That was close to the HIGH temp of the day.

Stay tuned for post 2.... when we tour Camp Happy and observe a lecture on fire safety.

Redneck In Training.....

I love this girl.

Oh relax, I didn't actually make her wear that headband for the wedding. She wore piggies... with daisies hot glued on the bands. And she did NOT wear those shoes. She wore these ones in "cedar/cream/chocolate" with her heavy-weight winter tights... because it was cold.

Because A GOOD Mother....

... would take those scissors AWAY and not grab for the camera to capture her trying to cut the rose off the front of her flowergirl dress.....

Father's Day.....

What are you getting your hubby for Father's Day?

What? Father's Day? I'm his SPOUSE.... not his kid.... do I have to get him something?


Ok. Ok. Ok.

So I did have a fabulous MOTHER'S DAY.

So I suppose I should return the favor.

We are trying to be all "Dave Ramsey" at our house so a practical gift is in order. Honestly, he bought parts to repair his sprayer and that should be enough.... but I will probably spring for some other little things.

I may get him a coffee shack gift card. I pulled into the coffee shack the other day (with the remains of my $25 g/c from September) and Sweet said, "Oh, daddy takes us here all the time. Please get me a steamer, would ya?" Apparently THAT is where all the cash in the cookie jar keeps disappearing too....

Or a dvd. He has a list of ones he wants to own.

He really wants power tools... but the deWalt drill he likes best is NOT in our budget.

We will get his dad money for season college football tickets.... always a safe bet.

And my dad? Well, I took him to CostCo and bought him whatever he wanted.... he got a giant bag of pretzels and a couple of tubs of dates. He's happy. We've trimmed Hallmark-holiday gift giving in my family to the $15-$30 range.... which is nice for everyone.

Wait a minute. I bought Hot Stuff a NEW 4-WHEELER for Father's Day. Granted, it is a 1986 Yamaha.... but still.... I signed the check for it. Yeah... how much would YOU pay for it??

When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

My new sis-in-law got beautiful everyday dishes and some quite lovely china. I think she did pretty well considering she registered over the internet.

This got me thinking.

First, I got over my lust for her new dishes by realizing I love my everyday dishes. When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

Second, I thought about fancy plates. Do people outside of rural America register for china anymore? I did. Because my mother-in-law said I would regret it if I didn't. And I like my china. It's some lovely Villery-Boch white stuff with a variety of floral cake plates. Go here and look at photo 11 of 19 if you really care. I resisted registering for fancy silverware. I find this is just fine. And I'm particular about my eatin' 'tinsels..... I'm left-handed. And a lot of cutlery discriminates.

I registered for and got LOTS of glassware. I like the sound of crystal but my glasses are so delicate they regularly are broken by hand-washing.... the ones we really use are the sturdy Target cheapies. If I had it to do over again (and, if I keep breaking wine glasses I might) I'd get a couple random sets from an antique store or garage sale and mix-n-match. Everyone's favorite glassware at my mom's house are actually green wineglasses that came from ARBY'S... free with a beef and cheddar.

I recently reorganized my tiny kitchen a bit. Well, actually, I reorganized the office corner of the living room to make room for all the games which required moving all the platters and things out of the drawer in the computer hutch. They are now stashed in the cupboard over the microwave behind the cereal. The fancy china that WAS up there is now on the shelf in the bottom cupboard behind the kitchenaide and the crackers by the pitchers. The random spare food items that WERE on that shelf are now in the pantry in the laundry room. Don't ask me how all that stuff fits because I'm not really sure.... something about giving up Hamburger Helper and not replacing all the toxic cleaning supplies made everything fit in the laundry room.

All that to say... now the fancy china is more accessible and we are actually USING it. Like... I had to take the price tags off the plates on the bottom of the stack. Finally.

And we recently had tea and scones and used the tea pot. And we regularly use the little expresso cups and Asian-inspired tea cups for our snacks.

And it is fun. I like the idea my kids are learning a few refined things. Not much, granted, but at least they are learning life isn't ALWAYS served on a plastic John Deere plate.

The whole point of this post was to say: When given options I should always take the simplest one.... it will make me happiest in the long run.

So the only thing I actually needed was the hot glue gun and the alka-seltzer....

Why did I need the glue gun?

Well.... I glued flowers on a tractor.

And daisies on ponytail holders.... and a dab of hot glue on a new hat band will keep it in place.

And we seriously considered some combination of hot glue and spray starch for our hair.... the wind.... she blows. Rained on the outdoor ceremony.... but when two farming families are getting married.... well, everybody is excited about rain..... The reception was a blast and the food was great.

It was fabulous.

My hubby got drunk enough to dance but not TOO drunk to dance.... you know that place? He was in the zone.

The power strip was handy for the hairstylist.... she didn't have enough plug ins for all the hot rollers. I didn't take a single photo or video. The infamous "orange bag" was used a lot... bandaids, clear nail polish, nail file, safety pins, glue gun, sewing kit, scissors, extra ribbon, alka-seltzer, spray starch.... those kinds of items.

My niece.... Olive.... chewed up the new water bottle I got her mother for her birthday... which is pretty amazing to consider when you realize the underbite she has....

My kids rocked out until 1:00 am. Well, they napped on couches... but they loved it.

I told my dad I loved him with alka-seltzer..... he needed it.... rare for him. He rode his motorcycle up on Friday and home Saturday morning to do chores.... almost froze to death.... came back in the car.

What else?

Can't think. Tired.

The next few days will be consumed with laundry, unpacking and returning all the things we bought but didn't need.... oh, like all THREE pairs of sandals.... I wore long johns and boots under my dress.

06-07-08

I'm off to the weekend of wedding festivities.

Wish me luck.

Does it seem wrong to be taking a POWER STRIP? And an electronics bag containing: a laptop, 3 cell phones (& chargers), a curling iron, a digital camera, a video camera, a portable dvd player, ipod speakers, a hot glue gun and a baby monitor??

Or an emergency bag containing alka-seltzer, a stiptic pencil, sewing kit, hot glue, valarian tea, tissues & limes??

And, of course, welcome to the west in June.... rain gear, warm clothes, hooded sweatshirts, boots, sandals & sunscreen.

Hell... even the DOG has a bag packed.

He Decorated His Own Cake.....

Faith

Thanks for all your kind words. You guys rock.

A couple hours of weed pulling, staring at the mountains and drinking red wine and I'm feeling more balanced.

Here's the things no one tells you about a miscarriage:

1. The hormones. Even if you think you are having a even-keeled reaction to something... you are not. Trust me.

2. Write about it. Even when it hurts. Write. I went back and read what I'd written in the past and it helped.... it also made me realize... damn, sometimes I'm really funny.

3. What do you call it? "Lost a baby" makes me feel like I left a kid in the shopping cart at Walmart. "Miscarriage" sounds like I made a mistake or crashed a horse-n-buggy or something.

4. Mark your calendar. Even if it is just with a general due date.... let yourself mourn that time as well.... because you might need it... even if it is just a quiet glass of wine and some clearance holiday candy.... For some reason it comforts me to know the lost green pea just before Sweet was due near my grandma's birthday.... I know she's taking care of them all for me.

5. Target hurts. I've said this before.... Maternity clothes to the left, diapers to the right and baby gear dead ahead.... you can't avoid it and you can't do anything about it but sigh and buy some chocolate.

6. Go ahead....be a sunny-sided optimist. I've already re-stocked with pregnancy tests (from the Dollar Store, of course) and I'm carefully taking my prenatals every day....

7. Know your triggers. If being around pregnant people makes you nuts... Don't Do It. Skip baby showers.... just send a gift card. For me that has never been a problem but we have a code.... if I say I'm "going to Walmart" it means I'm probably going to try to sneak a dirty-faced waif out of some overwhelmed mama's shopping cart and make a run for it.... so stop me.

8. Believe in signs. If red tulips or daisies make you feel better then adopt them as your memorial. Have a moment of quiet faith when you see them..... whatever it takes to keep you in the moment.

This is Now.

24-28-24-28

That’s my code.

Not to my bank account.

Of my miscarriages.

April 24, 2003
June 28, 2003
December 24, 2007
May 28, 2008

Things went bad Wednesday. I know the drill so I went in for an hcg quant. 1269.7 Wednesday and down to 246.9 this morning. Maybe I'll have some wine for our anniversary after all.

You are Invited.

When: Sunday, June 1, 2008.

Where: Our House.

What: A Birthday Party.

We will be attempting a ROCKET CAKE but with double-stuf oreo windows (because my sister likes those better than waffer cookies) and none of those silver ball things because Elle says "silver balls" and "rockets" should only be associated in pornos.

I'll be making my fabulous fruit dip and a green salad the way I like it (with fruit, stinky cheese & homemade dressing). My mother-in-law is bringing her potato salad. Love that.

Hot Stuff will be handling the grill.... burgers & dogs for all.

The toilet is clean and we'll mow the lawn Saturday. We are ready.

That was then.

I’ve been dealing with some, ahem, “health issues” the last few months…. The missed miscarriage (maybe… why is that “maybe” so important to me?), chronic sinus stuff, exhaustion… anyway after yet another round of keflex (reminds me of k-pax… I liked that movie) the doc did a thyroid test and a pregnancy blood test on May 6th. Both came back negative.. or normal… or whatever. So imagine my surprise when several weeks passed and still no period. Now, I might have challenges in the getting-and-keeping portion of birthin’ babies but my cycle? She is regular. So we headed to the dollar store. What? You DON’T buy your pregnancy tests at the dollar store? Then you are a crazy-hearted fool. So we got two. You know. And I peed. And, well, ran out of the bathroom. And made Hot Stuff go back and read the test. Because, honestly, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t. We don’t have a cat now so I don’t have the I-can-smell-wet-cat-food-at-500-yards test anymore.

And it was pink.

And we rejoiced.

And I only had one cup of coffee.

And I thought, “Damn, another ski season ruined.”

And I thought, “Hey! A winter baby. Maybe I will get to wear that gorgeous red maternity sweater yet….”

And I thought, “I need to go for a walk. I gotta get in shape.”

And I thought, “How will we fit three car seats in the Subie?”

And I thought, “I should shop for clever sheets for the twin beds…. We will put the two big kids in a room with the cute twin beds once the babe is out of our room.”

And I thought, “I better eat some ice cream. I need the dairy.”

And I thought, “Damn, my maternity clothes are in Colorado.”

And I thought, “Wow, an LMP of April 7 and a negative test on May 6 is going to make for an interesting due date.”

And I thought, “What are we going to name you? Are you a boy or a girl? Are you twins? Because third-babies-as-twins run in my family.”

And I thought, “Where are all those baby books?”

And I thought, “I think I’m having a craving.”

And I thought, “I should give all my tampons to my sister. I won’t need them for a while.”

And I thought, “Someone is going to have to surgically remove the smile from Hot Stuff’s face.”

And I thought, “I’m so glad I didn’t get rid of all those diaper rash samples. And now I can finally throw away that ovulation predictor kit that never worked for me and expired in 2004.”

And I thought, “I better burn those candles on the dresser in the bathroom so I can put the changing pad back on there.”

And I was happy.

My Tuff May 2008

Dear Daughter-

It's mid-May.... you are rapidly approaching the two-year mark. I love you very much.

I love your rosy round cheeks and your bouncy little pigtails. I love your mullet-hair... heck, to be honest, I'm just happy you HAVE hair. It's a lovely shade of pale brown with highlights that would make us millionaires if we could just figure out how to bottle the formula. I love when you insist on wearing a PINK pretty and how you cram your hat (hat-hat-hat) on your head over your piggies.

Everyone comments on your gorgeous blue eyes. Personally, I love how round they get when you are mocking me with my "gasp of terror" face just before you launch yourself from some inappropriately high point in our household.

I love the tricks you do. Like using a tortilla chip, spoon-like, to shovel salsa in your mouth while the waiter stares in horror and your auntie asks for another bowl of salsa because double (triple, quadruple, tertiary) dipping is rude. You like spicy.... every once in a while you hit a really hot bite and wipe your tongue with your hand saying, "hot-hot-hot" but it doesn't slow you down. You like pickles. You like California rolls. You are an odd little duckie.

You love your brother. You love to give him hug-hugs and you live to torture him. He handles you pretty well and has learned the fine art of the bait-n-switch. You are a clever girl but you can be distracted by shiny things.

You love books.... Good Night Moon is your favorite right now. You also love "bee-bee" which, I am embarrassed to admit, is a little McDonald's toy with purple hair.... we have two.

You accidentally went potty in the potty chair last week. The look on your face... some cross between shock and horror. I promise not to rush it but I was quite proud. You really just like sitting on the potty and having snacks but then, you like sitting anywhere and having snacks. Snacks are good... don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

You are an easy kid to like. You travel well and roll with the punches. You spent an hour shopping while mama tried on dresses for the wedding. With a very serious look on your face you move the clothes from one side to the other, pausing occassionally to look at a price tag. It is, quite possibly, the most adorable thing I've ever seen and a very frightening indicator of what lies ahead.

You like to wear your brother's light-up sandals. They are too small for him and too big for you.... can someone explain to me why they are in our house at all? You also love dress up clothes and wearing daddy's hats. Curiously, you also love being naked.... you definitely have your own style. Hold onto that, ok?

You know I'll always love you... no matter what. But sweet pea.... I also really like you. I like your style, your personality, your stubbornness and your amazing flair for living. Remember that.

Love,

Mama

When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.....

So I've talked about how I simultaneously covet the storage and am horrified by the quantity of stuff in my sis-in-law's house.

Then one of my favorite sites does an article on downsizing a family home.

I have a vision of myself when I am older. (And, in going with the theme of the poem "When I am Old I Shall Wear Purple" I try, daily, to move towards this vision of the kind of person I want to be.)

Anyway. Are you ready?

I plan to be that spunky little old lady who lives downtown. Now, granted, my downtown isn't really a hotbed of activity but I want to be able to walk the the theater, museums and various downtown events. They have some clever condos located downtown that would be funky and interesting living spaces... as well as relatively ADA accessible. I will devil my grandchildren into regular trips to Target and Costco so I don't have to drive. (You hear that kids?? I want grandchildren.... good ones... and keep 'em local, ok?) Maybe I will even be spry enough for weekend trips to our local ski area.... private lessons every Saturday morning at 10... followed by lunch on the hill and a pint of good local microbrew.... I wonder if the Senior Citizen's van has a snowboard rack?

Life, the Musical.

Sweet is doing something naughty.

I look at Sweet and say, "Stop."

He looks back, shakes his groovy thang and says, "In the Name of Loooove."


***


We are at a fairly formal party as a co-worker's house. She's a musical theater type gal with no children and a house full of doo-dads that are all highly breakable, antique, precious and expensive. I look over as Sweet stands up on a footstool, starts strumming his invisible air guitar, looks over his shoulder, channels Johnny Cash, and says, "Hit it, boys."


***


Due to some geographical shift during the Mesozoic Era, we have a lot of large, flat rocks we refer to as "stage rocks" and neither of my children can pass one by without jumping up and belting out a song. Select favorites include Sweet singing Slaid Cleaves "whiskey & cigarettes tonight" from Horseshoe Lounge, or an original rendition of "Kitty got run over on the road... now she's flat... squished like a bug.... I really miss her." And Tuff has a pretty well developed sense of melody for the Under-2 set but we need someone to translate her songs from Klingon into English.

I hope someone Googles "Fire Chicken"

Green... but not the Environmental Kind

We spent Sunday visiting Hot Stuff's sister and family. They just finished their basement and it is wowie-zowie. I am jealous... or is it envious? Or whatever. It isn't necessarily my "style" but it is LOVELY. LOVELY. LOVELY. Dark, earthy paint shades. Insanely high ceilings (in a basement!). Giant leather sectional couch. Toy storage, toy storage, toy storage. Big screen tv. Wet bar. Wow.

They also redid a section of the kitchen.... when she described it I didn't get it but when I saw it... wow. It made her kitchen infinitely more usable and comfy.

So I came home and took blue painter tape off the trim in my decidedly not fabulous laundry room and tried to remind myself we are all different and I tried really hard not to be, well, you know.... It isn't that I want what SHE has... I just want what I want... which happens to include some of the things she has. Like storage. And a spare bedroom. And a front loading washer.

Dear Lord.... protect me from the green-eyed monster and grant me peace. (And while your at it... could you toss in a front-loader?)

Mama Day Recap

I like to spend Mother's Day weekend behaving like I would if I were a perfect mother and wife. So Saturday the boys went to town to the dump and shopping while I made Cabernet-soaked short ribs. Then we had a lovely dinner complete with wine & mashed potatoes. This sauce for the short ribs? To Die For. Amazing. I don't even LIKE short-ribs... but I love this sauce... and I make kick ass mashed potatoes.

The Mama-Weekend swag-haul was pretty sweet. I like those practical gifts. I got the promise of shopping for a platform bed.... does that seem like a good idea? And if you get a platform bed do you leave the box-spring with it and have a really tall bed? How does that work? I got a new showerhead..... we will be doing the install tonight... so if you don't hear from me for a few days, well, try to be understanding.

Sweet got me checkers. Then he and his father beat me mercilessly. Real nice. I also got a Neutrogena face vibrator.... just like the one my sister has..... I'll be all fresh-faced and dewy for the wedding next month.... speaking of.... my brother's fiance (marry him already... the word "fiance" gives me the creeps...) is back finally! I talked to him last night when he was on the way to the airport to get her.... I have not, justifiable, heard from him since.

That's all the news I'm going to print.

Redneck with a Capital R

A new episode of AMERICAN GLADIATORS is on tonight.

Everyone in our house is unnaturally excited.

Sweet has to be on his best behavior to get his Titan and Justice fix..... we don't want to see him body-slamming the little girls at daycare.

Dude.... I feel like I should make appetizers or something.

This. Is. A. Big. Day.

I must be lacking Vitamin R(ainier)

So I've been eating very carefully and very mindfully for the last few months.... trying to get rid of this I-lost-it-after-the-baby-and-somehow-it-came-back weight. It has been highly unsucessful. As in... I haven't lost a pound. This weekend I fell off the wagon.

Completely.

McGutBomb-fries-coke
Creamy stroganoff with white noodles
Beer
Chocolate chip cookies
Beer
Three egg omlette.... with creamy sauce
Hashbrowns
Real cream
Ramen noodles
Candy
Did I mention the beer?

The outcome?

Lost 5 pounds.

Change

What do you do with all your coins?

Change collects in a pottery bowl with a lid sitting on the kitchen window sill. Quarters usually go towards car washes or vending machine purchases. (Note to moms-to-be: Take change to the hospital. The maternity ward has an ice cream vending machine.)

During the holidays I stock my purse with change so the kids can each put a few coins in every red kettle we see. This is actually pretty fun but this year we didn't shop as much (I tried the "only go to each store once in the month of December" trick) and there was a shortage of kettle-workers (what IS the proper term for that? The kettle guy? Kettlists? Kettlistas?) so we didn't get rid of all the coins. After letting Sweet get filthy playing with all that change (we just call it an educational experience and wash with soap later), I cashed in everything but the quarters at the bank and we spent the $40 on Chinese take out. So much for teaching my kids about donating to the poor... kung pao chicken for everyone.

Makin A List

My sweet, sweet Hot Stuff has requested a list of things I want. Holidays & Anniversaries around here.... so help me out people... what do I really want?

A new shower head. The hard water has killed ours. Any suggestions?
A fire pit. The anti-fire guy will never get me one... but I still want one... and a box of hershey bars & graham crackers to go with it.
A gift card to my favorite local coffee drive-thru.
Some flowers (with dirt around the roots) from my favorite local green house.

Um. That's all I can think of..... help me.

Just Dinner As Usual

This is how you have to eat your applesauce when you've used your spoon to create a sculpture during dinner.

Introducing William Mullengrove.

Introducing William Mullengrove.

Does flooring exist that is uglier than this? Reminds me of corelle ware plates.

And here is my clever boy showing off a tennis ball he found under some random piece of furniture.... our Willie just loves to clean.

Not Even Once

The next round of meth ads are up.

There is some controversy...... one billboard is being taken down after complaints.

It's this one.

Yes, it's disturbing.

While you are on the site... check out the video called "Sister."

"Boyfriend" and "Friends" from Phase 3 are pretty stunning as well.

But the statisics say they are working.... what do you think?

Netflix

After exhaustive research I have concluded it would do us right to get Netflix.

Game on.

Seriously... Elle can tell you how many, many months... dare I say YEARS... I've been contemplating this.

We watch a lot of movies.

We also watch a lot of tv series on dvd since we don't get much tv reception with our rabbit ears.

So I'm makin' the move.

Getting queue'd up.

Is anyone else bothered by the word "queue"??? Nope? Just me? Okey-dokey.

This is a lot of pressure.

I have to come up with a list of movies. And put them in order. Yikes.

Muppet Treasure Island is #1.

I'm not kidding.

So come on over... I have popcorn (air-popped... none of the chemical microwave stuff).... and I'll save you a spot on the comfy couch.

My girl.

My boys.

Pick Me. Pick Me.

This is Tuff demonstrating her love of fuzziness. Cross your fingers we just entered a contest over at Wantnot.net to win a Zoobie!!!!

I love wantnot. Tuff loves fuzzy. She should win for those redneck teeth and double chins.

Move to the Country.....

The house next door is for sale!!!

I've blogged before about meeting our neighbors shortly after they moved in... well it seems they are moving out. No sign up yet but the house is listed on bigskybrokers.com.

I'm trying to get Elle to move up here. It would solve a lot of problems in her life. I even found a job for her husband. And I have a flat spot where her mama could park the rv...

Anyone else interested? 5+acres, creekside, good school system, lovely neighbors.....

Economic Stimulation

The ten-year-old boy in me snickers every time I hear the word "stimulation." hee-hee... there I go again....

So what's on your economic splurge list?

Here's what would stimulate me:

New tv. 32" flat screen anyone? Because, seriously, it's almost a need rather than a want.... what with the whole digital tuner thing happening next year.

New lap top. Dell 1330. Although I wouldn't turn down a macbook.

New washer/dryer. Front loading and stackable and sexy... because my laundry room is in the middle of my house.

New hot water heater. How romantic, right?

Giant soaking tub.... and by this I do NOT mean a new horse watering trough.

New couch. Small profile and washable with cushions that do not go flat when children jump on them.

New chairs. Modern recliners. Have you seen the horrible pink monstrosities in my living room?

New camera. Sony DSM I think.

A Larry Pirnie print. Because, Larry, if you are reading this... I love you, man.

A complete remodel of my entire house.

The reality is the money will go to paying property taxes and maybe, as a special bonus we'll get some Chinese take out and a big bottle of wine.... because I'm so practical it's almost a diagnosable disease...... But it is fun to dream, isn't it?

Horton Snorts A Who

Sweet went to his very first real live on the big screen movie event yesterday.

Highlights:

"Mom, the chair keeps folding up on me."

"Mom, did you get me BEER???" (After his mom got light-headed paying $4.50 for a tiny popcorn and a drink... he wouldn't drink the drink.... he doesn't LIKE pop..... so I got him water from the water fountain....)

"Mom, I gotta pee."

"Mom, that bird is scary but he makes me laugh too."

"Mom, that kangarangaroo is mean. Mean is not nice."

"I love you mom. You're beautiful."

Good times. Good times.

He's a keeper.

I came home after a long & trying day at work and found the house clean and a drink waiting on the end of the counter.

At our house, we call that foreplay.

Do other people have days like this???

Sorry for the radio silence.... I was traumatized by Victoria's Secret.

From that last post down there about cleaning my closets you will note I needed to go bra shopping. You did note that, didn't you?

Well Saturday was the day. I started the day bright and early by driving to Brady with my daughter. We stopped along the way to get coffee (dude, I needed some sort of luxury... I was about to meet my brother's future mother-in-law) and my sister. My sister got new boots. Wow. Lovely. Doc Marten's (sp?).

I'll spare you the part about watching her drink her fiber drink through a straw while I was driving. Oh, wait, I didn't just spare you that, did I?

So we went to our future sis-in-law's bridal shower (note to self: Stop calling it a baby shower..... you'll make people talk) and had a good time. Excellent punch. (Although there was no booze in it.) Good turn out. (Much to the pleasure of my brother's future mother-in-law.... I think these things reflect well on the status of the family, don't you??) Great gifts.

Then we journeyed back to the big town to see her wedding dress options. Again... I needed coffee. She looked good and the decision was made. Hope she likes the dress.... the rest of us loved it. Sis & I decided we could submit her photos to Nutrisystem and make a few bucks because the girl is looking GOOD. She's dropped about 45 pounds in the last year. A year ago I would have told you she looked good. Now she is drop-friggin-dead gorgeous. And you'd need a putty knife to scrape the grin off my brother's face.

We didn't make it to my FAVORITE store to shop the clearance before closing time. But we did hit Vickie's Secret to find me a fabulous bra. NOT. NONE fit. NONE. Nothing was even close. Not comfortable, not sexy, not supportive. Not good. Mom was busy entertaining Tuff... who was in tactile heaven with all those silky things. Sis & I were looking at each other with puzzlement.... seriously.

So we headed to the big department store at the end of the row to see what they had to offer. I wanted to check out the iBra by Wacoal because my seriously fashion forward cousin loves them. And I needed a new jog bra. Strike Out. The iBra was not working for me and the brand and style of jogger I wanted wasn't in stock. Sigh.

So I saw a cheaper on-sale-for-$18 bra that was cute. Tried it on. Perfect. Thank you very much Bali. And I got a free Estee Lauder lipstick with purchase.

The End.... Until next time.

Savemobile.org we love you.

The kids and I took the recycling in on Sunday. Zowie. We all smelled like old beer and had to wash coats after but we got it done! I had one panic moment tossing a string of #2 colored plastics in the pickup and smelling bleach... maybe I didn't rinse so well and I was wearing my favorite black jacket but all seems to be fine.

The kids are fine assistants but there is something disturbing about watching an 18-month-old totter around with a beer bottle in each hand. So we put her in charge of pop cans and milk jugs. Sweet gathered lots of red milk caps for our next project. We almost have enough. We are going to make a concentration matching game using pictures of his friends and family. Isn't that sweet enough to make you gag?

Met several people at the glass recycling at the transfer station who laughed and said they'd meet me at the plastic recycling later when they saw the milk monster in we were hauling. Several giant strings of milk jugs and two chubby-cheeked tots just make people smile.

Plastic recycling is only offered 4 times a year here.

It isn't like we make anything easy.... glass, cardboard & tin cans go to the transfer station (hurry to make it by 4:45.... damn Daylight Savings), then to the Humane Society so they can make a buck from Hot Stuff's diet caffeine-free pepsi addiction, and a final stop at the Old Armory to dump the plastic.

We were going to get a movie but we looked like ragamuffins and smelled worse so we went home and used the ball scooper toys to throw snow at the barn instead. Do we know how to have a good time or what?

My parenting philosophy

Know the rules so you can break the rules.

This is how I parent. Heck, this is how I live.

I know, you were expecting something brilliant weren't you? You wanted something from a parenting book.... maybe some Dr. Sears or the Baby Whisperer. Sorry. Not here.

In this house every rule has a collary.

Rule: Movie night is Friday night. We watch a kid dvd between 6:30-8:00. Popcorn. Eating dinner in the living room with tv trays. The whole bit. This cuts down on the "Can I watch a movie?" whining during the week. Is it Friday? No. Then you can't watch a movie. In theory this gives us something to look forward to and something to bargain with.... what? Go ahead. Tell me you never bargain with the under 36 inch set. I'll call you a liar to your face.... The key to good bargaining is follow up. A gentle reminder to behave yourself or you won't get a movie will buy me an extra 15 minutes in the grocery store.... enough time to call home and have Hot Stuff read me my list.... my perfectly organized list that is on the fridge where I forgot it. (Let me add... my perfectly organized list to make my perfectly planned and executed and nutritious meals... because.... I AM perfect. Remember that when you stop by and I'm wearing my pj's at 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, couch cushions everywhere, music blaring and my daughter is jumping off the couch with a pacifier (read: mouth guard) while my son races the little boy in the oven... somehow they always end in a tie.) Daycare time outs for serious infractions (like tackling..... not the exuberant tackle but the agressive tackle) result in the loss of movie night. The End. Hey kid, it sucks for me too. I enjoy your excitement over picking a movie. I love watching Meet the Robinson's. I like the Friday night down time to relax into a glass of wine and contemplate the weekend.

Collary: Sick kids watch dvds. When mommy has work deadlines kids watch dvds. Kids can make special dates with Nana to watch dvds. When mommy & daddy have friends over to watch movies all the kids get to watch old vhs tapes... IN THE MAMA BEDROOM. Who-hoo. Now that, my friends, is a SPECIAL TREAT.

Other house rules that are made to be broken:

No eating dinner in front of the tv. Unless it is movie night. Or Saturday morning cartoons and waffles.

Put away what you are playing with before you get out more toys. Unless.... no wait, no unless. Just do this. Or you will make mama crazy and she will have to personally put in a call to The Toy Fairy to come clear out your toys because you obviously don't want these ones anymore if you don't respect them enough to put them away. The Toy Fairy... he is a ruthless, ruthless little man with wings and glitter dust.

Cover your ding-ding in the living room...it is just polite. But mom... it's called a penis. (We actually HAVe this conversation on a regular basis...) Ok, after bath streaking to stand in front of the stove is acceptable.

No standing on the counters. (Anyone else have a monkey for a child? I'm talking about the 18-month-old here..... she scales all cabinets and counters..... right in front of my eyes!)

Use soap. No exceptions.

See... these are the rules. I'll try to think of more. Think you could/would live at my house?

Closet Wars.

Rachel (Can I call her by her first name? Like I know her? Like I'm not a stalker?) has YET ANOTHER great post up. This one about cleaning the closet.

Hello, my name is K and I have a confession.... Last month I cleaned my closet and it was damn near orgasmic.

Here, for the record, is how I did it and how you, too, can do it. (wow... that was quite the grammaritmare, wasn't it?)

First. Call your sister. Or, alternately, call my sister.

A note about my sister. She has style. She has sense. She recently got tired of maintaining 3 wardrobes (one for work, one for socializing and one for weekends) so she started looking for "pieces" that can do multiple duty. Not saying she's wearing her horse-riding under armour to work or anything... but she is applying that tried-n-true concept of knowing your own style and going with basics rather than trendy.

So, first, she asked me about my style.

My style. I (with the help of my mother and my friend) developed a decent summer work style. A few pairs of nice fitting capris, a couple cute skirts & some simple tops. Add in two or three trendy tops, some nice "signature" jewelry and one great pair of slides (covered toe... can't remember the brand) and I was doing ok until the weather got cold. Winter is jeans, jeans, jeans. With a few vests, a couple sweaters & some very boring long sleeved tops. Hey... I'm a work in progress.

So, then, she assessed my, um, shape.

I'm tall. I've got that going for me. And leggy. Elegant. I like to think I'm elegant. And round. I am short-waisted AND I have scoliosis and no definable waist AT ALL. I look like one of those kid's drawing of a circle with stick legs. I lost all the baby weight after the second baby with ease.... then, somehow, in the following year I gained it all back and then some. So I'm a bit, um, "stout".... or "built like a telephone pole"... whatever works.

So then we started going through the closet.

My biggest fear was ending up naked. Seriously. I was afraid she would tell me to scrap it all and start over. My instructions to her were honesty, simplification & put-together outfits... not necessarily in that order.

So we dove in. I'll spare you the hours of giggling, tea drinking & nudity. She let me keep the two new pairs of long shorts I got on clearance at Eddie Bauer.... but the rest (including several pairs of soccer shorts.... I don't play soccer.... wtf? Soccer shorts?) went in "the bag." I got rid of the oldest and illest fitting of the "casual" pants. I narrowed the sweatshirt selection. I emptied the entire cedar chest. I culled t-shirts, undies, and socks. I realized I have exactly NO bras that fit. I let go of the wool socks I adore but that are not good for my sensitive skin. I discovered three jackets that actually fit me but I was afraid to put on because I was sure they would be too tight (who-hoo gym time & eating right.... maybe it will indeed someday pay off....). All horizontal stripes (even you, expensive dress) are gone.

I kept a few select sentimental items to be repurposed. (I'm making Christmas stockings and these fabrics will make great sock tops.... sentimental, pretty & free.)

I came out of it with 4 large trash bags of donations, lots of space, color organized and easy to find clothing and a need to go bra shopping. I'll work on that. It motivated Hot Stuff to do his closet the following weekend. We have more sex now. (What? That could be a result of a more peaceful and inviting bedroom, right?) Although he still won't let me light candles in the bedroom..... and a maglite just isn't the kind of ambiance I'm lookin' for....

Wait. Focus. Post. Not. About. Sex.

So my closets are clean. My bedroom still has ugly peach carpet but my closets are clean. I still need to paint the walls but my closets are clean.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Joiners and Loners

Love this. Relate to this. But have decided to not worry about this. Friends. Who has 'em? Who needs 'em?

Sometimes I watch my neighbors decorate their mailboxes together (green foil shamrocks this month) and wish I was more of a joiner. But I'm not.

And sometimes I look at the women I know locally who could or should be "part of my circle" and I wonder what is wrong with me. Then I look again and wonder what is wrong with them.... I don't play nice with the competimommies. And I don't exactly fit in with the granola mommies. Or the snob mommies. Or the redneck mommies.

So what's a girl to do?

I have one close long distance friend. You can find her here. I have one local friend that I should spend more time with because I really do like her and we have lots in common (including high school, offbeat families, husbands who hunt, toddlers & long legs) but we both realize we are what we are.... and neither one of us is a joiner. I imagine I will gain more "mom friends" as my kids get older. Or not.

There are times.... there are times....

Pot Luck

So my mom, sis & I are making a little cookbook for my brother and future sis-in-law.

Some family favorites & some easy dinner ideas and such.....

Penuche frosting
Pul Go Gi
Beer-cheese soup
Porcupine meatballs
Chicken enchiladas
The amazing chocolate frosting
Ramen casserole
Fisheye salad
Stovetop stuffing
Taco soup
Spinnin' chicken salad
Ziplock omlettes
Calzones
Steak sandwiches
One Ton fried rice
Hamburger pizza
Pigs in blankets (aka weiner wraps)
Cukes-n-onions salad (vinegar, water, sesame seeds, soyo sauce.... refrigerate)

Just listing all the "family favorites" has me realizing something... we are damn weird people.

40 Things in 40 Days 2008

1. Make duvet cover for master bedroom.
   
2. Clean master closets.
   
3. Take in plastic recycling.
   
4. Write thank you notes.
   
5. Send out holiday cards.
   
6. Do another issue of family newsletter.
   
7. Mail in tax stuff (bonus: by Valentine’s Day!)
   
8. Read Dave Ramsey and create a livable budget.
   
9. Pay library fines.
   
10. Schedule car shampoo.
    
11. Create recipe book for Brother.
    
12. Brush & Bathe Gunnar once a week.
    
13. Paint ceiling edges in Tuff’s room.
    
14. Do photo collage for Brother & Sis-in-Law to be.
    
15. Hang up branding iron.
    
16. Research property history.
    
17. Write Histo grant.
    
18. Sew pockets on Sweet’s bedspread.
    
19. Reorganize kid toys with rotation cycle.
    
20. Scan old photos.
    
21. Paint chalkboard wall & touch up paint chalkboard dresser.
    
22. Prime & paint laundry room/playroom cabinets
    
23. Paint laundry room/playroom blue
    
24. Hang laundry room/playroom cabinets
    
25. Schedule eye appointment
    
26. Take bags in garage to donate.
    
27. Recycle cans to Humane Society.
    
28. Clean car.
    
29. Make new dust ruffle for master bedroom.
    
30. Shop for new linoleum.
    
31. Put up coat hooks for kid coats.
    
32. Take pallets to friend for basement.
    
33. Get a hair cut.
    
34. Call to get an energy audit.
    
35. Put all kid coats in one place in shed.
    
36. Put money in IRA’s.
    
37. Sort and use up scrapbooking supplies.
    
38. Do creative project with kids and shredded crayons.
    
39. Reframe Roy Rogers pics in Tuff's room.
    
40. Order prints in black & white.

40 days of Lent. 40 things to do. A few of these might be a bit ambitious but you never know what you can do......

Clarification

I need to clarify that I didn't WRITE the post below. It was emailed to me. Just so you know I'm not taking credit for it.

And I'm not going to say I agree with EVERYTHING in the post.... but I do agree with a lot of it.

And, yes, I have been told I have a lot of isolationist tendencies.

I do believe in starting local. With a lot of things. The food we eat. The issues we deal with. The causes, charities & organizations we support.

Stepping, carefully, down off of soap box now.

Truth in Advertising

I hate the commercial on tv that has a smoke detector sound on it.... gets me every time.

I also dislike the meth commercial with the screaming girl.... it never fails to come on about 8:30 and scare the sleeping children.

And a local new radio station does one with a newborn crying.... made my milk let down every time.

Or the one that has police sirens in it.... great to hear that one by the speed trap on Henderson.

TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES....

PLEASE DISCUSS:

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicle s will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be developing alternative energies to free ourselves from oil dependency and do our part for global warming.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

Great googly-moogly. My camera is in the shop... again. It might be time to consider an upgrade.....

Snot Walrus

Those of you with kids already know what this post is about by the title. The dreaded snot walrus is visiting. It's been a while but I've got two little ones with slime running out of their faces. The littlest one, Tuff, sneezes and then just stands there, petrified, going "uh, uh, uh" until someone brings her a tissue..... play the game too slowly and she wipes it, delicately, on her sleeve. I become suspect when she comes up wanting a hug... I know she really just wants to wipe her tiny little button nose on my shoulder.

So we have used up the vapo-bath (note to self: Email Elle and ask her the name of that natural vapo stuff she was talking about...). We read the directions for the temporal scanning thermometer. We are officially out of tissues. We polished off the last bits of (expired) liquid generic motrin & tylenol. I know Sweet is watching too much tv when he grabs my face with both hands, looks me deeply in the eye, and says, "Mama. I need delsym." And he can spell it. Damn commercials. We've eaten every can of "emergency" soup in the cupboard.

The three-day weekend allowed us to wallow in it. The kids took long baths and then put on fresh jammies regardless of the time of day. We went outside (fresh air. I believe in fresh air.) with snowsuits over jammies. We watched movies and read every book in Tuff's book case. We opened a brand new pack of markers. Sweet & I are working our way through "Farmer Boy" and we made a good dent this weekend. Hot Stuff & I gave ourselves permission to read.... trashy novels and magazines.... saying we were saving our strength so we didn't come down with anything. We painted the laundry room wall black (what? How did that sneak in there? Black? In the laundry room? More later....). We didn't go ANYWHERE. Well, Hot Stuff ventured out for movies and an egg from his mom. (For baking bread.)

Tuff does this hilarious full body shudder when she takes medicine. Sweet likes to chase his with a shot of juice. Hot Stuff & I drank whiskey... medicinally, of course. Several days later and we are both still snot-free so it MUST be working.....

VD Wrap Up

It was a great evening.

Steak. Salad. Steamed veggies. Wine.

Hot Stuff got home early and the house was tidy and there were presents on the table. I got THE SWEETEST card from my son. My in-law's came down with cupcakes, cookies, candy & cards and had a glass of wine with us. My sis-in-law (you over-achiever you) sent cookies, brownies and cute homemade cards.... Which makes me feel totally guilty but we all already know I can't keep up with her in the cute-family-moments department so I've forgiven myself and I don't worry about it.

Normally I don't think of Valentine's Day as a big gift giving holiday but, like so many of my perceptions, kids are changing that a bit.... Sweet got a new puzzle, an activity pad & some candy. Tuff got watercolors (so she stops using her brother's), notepads & some candy. We love the dollar store. Hot Stuff got a new chain for his wedding ring & St. Florian medal and a gc to his favorite store. (See honey, I do listen!) I got a bracelet I've been hinting heavily about.... (Lauren's Hope Medical Id) and....

A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO GET MY CAR CARPET SHAMPOO-ed. OMG. That's true love. I love you honey. Seriously. The SMELL in my Beautiful. New. Car is completely overwhelming. I've cleaned and cleaned and can't find the source. Professional cleaning is the only thing that will fix it... I hope. I have no idea how much it cost... too much, I'm sure... but I don't care.... it MUST BE FIXED. (Preferably before the weather warms up because I have a sneaking suspicion the smell is milk-based... ew.)

That, my friends, is true love.

He's a funny boy....

So the FamDamily is in the process of buying a new combine. Let me rephrase... newER combine.

And my brother is in charge.

You see the problem already, don't you??

They've been "shopping" for a deal for several years now and he found them a winner..... I won't go into the whole process because it will bore the hell out of you.... but, basically, he bought a combine -sight unseen- for, well, a price tag that would make you flinch.

So I get an email last night that says:

Well, the good news is they screwed the ad up, it's actually a 2388, not a 2188. The bad news is it's in a little rougher shape than we were hoping -

See attached photos.

ha-ha. Funny Boy.

The Celebration of Love

Traditionally, we make lasagna for Valentine's Day.

One year, when I was preggo with Sweet, we went "out" for dinner. It was, um, an experience. Delayed seating, delayed service, rubbery lobster legs, run-outta shrimp, cold steak.... it was FUN.

And we swore... never again. (I feel kinda like Scarlet saying that... but it was fun dressing up..... I broke out the cute red maternity top (Elle... you know the one....) for the occasion... even though I was in no way large enough for maternity wear at that point.... I'd like to think sympathy for the preggers woman is what FINALLY got us service that night....)

Now we make lasagna and salad and drink wine.... except tonight.

Tonight we are having steak.

There are 3 reasons we are having steak.

1. We can't afford lasagna.
2. Steak is quick.
3. Hot Stuff is dieting.... again.

I think we are having round steaks... I can't quite remember what package I pulled out of the freezer..... We will probably stick them under the broiler.... or pan fry them. It is too miserable to dig out the bbq. Turn off the tv, turn on the ipod. Put the kids to work tearing up lettuce for the salad.

Add red wine & dark chocolate.

Serve.

The Game

We are playing the game... again. The "are my folks visiting or not" game.... I don't exactly mind this game it is just that we play it so often.

I blame my parents for my commitment issues.

No trip or project is ever scheduled until the last minute. Then it is a mad dash miserable fight scurry to get things to work out.

I like to think that has made me easy-going and flexible.

The truth is it makes me neurotic, over-planning, and unable to commit.

It isn't like they don't have good reasons.

The pickup has a flat tire. The roads are bad. The heifers are due to start calving soon.

They have to go half way by 2:00 today because dad has an mri. The plan was to come the rest of the way, spend the night, load up a bunch of junk they are taking from my work basement (a long story) and go home tomorrow afternoon.

I'm lucky my work schedule is flexible because at this point my schedule is.... "Um, I'm coming in tomorrow.... sometime. Probably early afternoon.... or in the morning.... or something...."

So we may or may not be having company tonight. They usually stay in Sweet's room and I have clean sheets for that bed but I haven't committed enough to put them on just yet....