Chemo. Round One.

Following is an email update from a family friend.

Hi all--
Nadine checked in on Tuesday, May 23 to start her first (of six, I think) rounds of chemo. Today is day 4 of the process and I'm sure you are anxious for an update. The procedure for Nadine's chemo is to start her on anti-nausea drug, followed by a "rescue" drug that is designed to protect her bladder and remaining kidney from the harsh effects of chemo. After those drugs are in her system they start her on her chemo which, depending on the day, is a mix of 2 or 3 drugs (all of which have really long names). She repeats this process for 5 days in a row and then waits for the chemo to kill the fast growing cancer cells. Unfortunately it kills off good things too so she'll lose her hair in 2-3 weeks. She will then need to regain strength and her white blood count before beginning the process all over again.

Nadine has been rather sick and has not tolerated the chemo all that well. At first the anti-nausea drug made her 'floppy' and she couldn't control her body at all. They have increased her dose to a level that makes her very sleepy...the next step will be to find the right level that will keep her feeling well AND able to interact a bit more. Momma & Dad are taking turns with the night shift and hanging in there. Reality sets in a bit more everyday...today it was the news that there is a chance that Nadine may be in the hospital for weeks on end depending on her reaction to the chemo and side effects. Nadine will hopefully get out of the hospital on Sunday or Monday...I'll keep you posted.

BUT Nadine has, and will continue, to amaze us and today is no exception... I just got off the phone with Momma who reports that Nadine has tolerated chemo extremely well today, hasn't had her anti-nausea drug since around 10 a.m., drank some ginger ale and ate one dorito (all of which stayed DOWN!), and is in a feisty mood! She also had beautiful finger and toe nails, and darling PJs, an amazing daddy who is keeping her entertained with magic tricks and making balloon animals, and an amazing momma who is giving her loving but also making
her remember her manners!

Remember to keep those cards, phone calls, and prayers a coming...

Nadine
c/o Miss Rodeo Montana 2006
PO Box 6951
Helena MT 59604

How could I have missed this??

I was just nibbling on a little deer thuringer for lunch and I noticed the label. (Now, keep in mind, this is a neon pink label that I'VE NEVER NOTICED BEFORE.) It says:

TIZER MEATS*
"WE'LL GIVE YOUR MEAT A FAIR SHAKE!"

Well, hello. The 12-year-old boy in me salutes the 12-year-old boy in you.....

So then I decided I MUST SHARE my favorite mascot. Meet Sammy. (And if you order now it will be there in time for Father's Day!!!)

*I'd like to add that Tizer Meats does an excellent job processing meat. We have all our elk & deer done there. They are quick & they treat the carcasses well (especially if you bring them in well-cleaned & cared for) and they don't mix the carcasses which is important to me.

I've got the blues....

.... well, not really (and now that I've got that old mac-n-cheese commercial stuck in your head....).... People, I need some blue advice.... as in blue paint. For Sweet Boy's room. Darn, I wish I had some pictures of his room so you could see what I'm working with.... Ok, here's my potterybarnkids inspiration.... the light blue, the dark blue, the animals in between..... except, of course, it won't be MONKEYS. No. Hot Stuff hates monkeys. It will be elk or cows or platipi (what IS the plural of platapus?) or dogs or something.

So what is your favorite blue paint? Give me names, numbers, brands..... inspire me.

Holy Shit.... Company is coming.....

So this morning I got an email from Susan saying, essentially, GAME ON PEOPLE. We are gonna take this Princess card thing and RUN with it.... oh, and by the way..... Blogging Baby is on-board too.

SHIT.

I need to clean house. You know that feeling when company is coming and you really want to impress them but you realize you won't get your house painted and new furniture before they arrive in, oh, 15 minutes?? That's how I feel. I need a funny post RIGHT NOW. Something clever. Something poignant (hell, I can't even spell that.... how can I be that?)

So, welcome to my humble home, feel free to poke around and open all the closets and cupboards.... have some iced tea or a margarita... I promise to post something funny about pregnancy, sex or things my son says in the next day or two if you'd like to check back... if not, well, the mailing address for Nadine is:

Nadine
c/o Miss Rodeo Montana 2006
PO Box 6951
Helena, MT 59604

Oh, and Susan also made a very good point.... Nadine has a little brother, Levi, who needs some loving.... so be thinking of him too.

AND PS: Our daycarista DOES NOT have cancer. Her lump turned out to be benign.... she has to do mammograms every 3 months (just like slamming your tit in the refrigerator door!) but so far she is cancer-free!!!!

Well Wishes for Nadine

Ok people.

Here's your chance to DO SOMETHING.

Many of you have read Nadine's story here and here. To recap..... cancer sucks. But, due to the generous nature of Miss Rodeo Montana 2006 I now have a PO Box and a chance to make myself feel better by getting you involved in this little girl's life.

Please send cards (especially princess cards) to:

Nadine
c/o Miss Rodeo Montana 2006
PO Box 6951
Helena MT 59604

Her first round of chemo & hospital stay is May 23-26.

I know there aren't a lot of people who read this blog but the more cards we can get to her the better I will feel..... so pass along the request and the address to anyone else who would like to participate.

If Amanda B can do it.....

See what can happen when you use your powers for good??

When all else fails.... cook.

So Phase I of Operation Making-myself-feel-better-disguised-as-compassion will consist of several actual to-do projects and recipes.

Remember this cake? When I forgot to grease the pan? Well, it is an EXCELLENT take-to-things cake.... no pan to forget, no frosting to mess. It's also oinky* enough for comfort food. I stole the recipe from Carmen.

A side note about Carmen: She & I would never be friends..... not because we wouldn't get along well either.... We would both be too geeky to make the first move. You know the "hey, you wanna come play with me?" move that most people master sometime between the ages of 2-6? Neither one of us seems to have it.... it's one of the many reasons I love reading her blog.

So, about that cake....

one chocolate cake mix (I think I usually get the kind with Hershey's syrup in it)
one box instant chocolate pudding mix (I get a big box)
4 eggs
½ c warm water
1/2 cup oil
8 ounces sour cream

Mix until satiny smooth - this is the important part, about 5 minutes. Stir in one bag of chocolate chips (or those heavenly Hershey's kisses minis). Bake in a bundt pan for 45-60 minutes, or until it tests done. This cake is best served warm, with whipped cream or ice cream, and strawberries or other fruit. It also freezes well.

*oinky -as defined by my boss- is a requirement for foods taken to people in need.

So and then #2....

I bet you thought, by the title, I was going to talk about poop. Well I'm not. Well, ok, since you asked.... just for a second. I've pooped 7 days in a row. Yes, indeed. A record. Stickers on the calendar. It all started last Wednesday when I went to see my wonderful doc..... he's a naturopath/chiropractor/accupunturist and he makes the world all right for me. I have no idea how he did it..... he pounded on my back a lot..... maybe it is psychosomatic (sp?) but who cares? I'll be scrubbing the toilet with glee this weekend because I MADE IT DIRTY.

But on to the real reason for this post.

My dear daycarista is ill. She found a lump just before Easter. Have you ever noticed how everyone knows what you are talking about when you say "found a lump" that way?? She says she was worried she was growing a third boob.

So.... the key words & phrases to take away from all this are..... cyst, lump, on mammogram since 2003, first doctor ignored, second doctor didn't, cyst looks clear, tissue around cyst is worrisome, family history, surgery today.

Sweet Boy is at home with daddy. They had big plans... hair cuts & a trip to the dump.

Then we just wait and see what the pathology report finds.....

If these things truly come in three's I'm willing to wait patiently.....

Except I'm not patient. I want to DO, DO, DO something. I might do a series of posts about this stuff. Compassion, power in a powerless situation, the kindness of strangers, really good recipes to make for the freezer.......

It's just a dream buddy, go back to sleep...

Sweet Boy woke up sobbing last night saying, "Mama, don't let Gunnar eat my pizza."

He gets that from me.... that love of pizza.

So, after getting him settled back down but before going back downstairs to watch the incredibly bad movie my husband picked out (Did you hear that? A stinker... from Hot Stuff... usually I pick the bad movies.....) I took a moment to dwell on the evening in all it's perfection.

Homestead's recipe for a perfect Sunday night:

The laundry is done. (Never mind the couch cushion slipcovers... that's a story for another post.)
The house is relatively clean and tidy.
The husband went to town to pick up pizza & a dvd.
Wilcoxson's fudgecicles for dessert.
The sister is entertaining with stories of her weekend.
The child is playing adorably.... racing around the living room pretending he is a puma or a dragon or a puma-dragon. (I have to find out where he is getting this "puma" thing.)
The mama is parked in the ugly comfy recliner with a big glass of water with lemon and a surprisingly good novel.

I'm just so content. We survived the hussle and bussle of graduation weekend (Good job Sister!!) and ate breakfast at IHOP to celebrate Mother's Day while my mom was here. We did a bit of "that" shopping.... toothpaste, laundry detergent, pet treats. I got stuff to dye the couch cushion covers (again). Hot Stuff did a bit of mowing. I pulled a few weeds. We played trucks in the dirt. I didn't worry too much about anything on my "to do" list. I read and talked to my sis while Sweet Boy napped. We ate Hershey's dark chocolate kisses and went for a little walk. I wish weekends like this could go on forever.

Go Suck An Egg.

50-50

I know I published a post about Nadine somewhere earlier in this blogging business.

Nadine just turned seven and is in the first grade. She was diagnosed and treated for a Wilms tumor on her kidney (kidney removed, radiation, chemo) last year. (Was it only last year? Yes, when she was in kindy-grade.) She was given an "all clear" on her last few appointments..... until last week.

A small jellybean of a tumor was detected.

She had surgery yesterday. My sister & I went to visit her today to give her some princess posters and to give her little brother some Color Wonder. She looks good and she is in good spirits. She gets to go home tonight.

The tumor was bigger than a golf ball.

Most likely it is not a return of the Wilms tumor (98% chance of full recover from those little guys....) but a very aggressive, freakishly fast growing cancer that was, possibly, existing in small patches in conjunction with the Wilms tumor. Ana-something-or-other.

So she will be on chemo-radiation treatment 4 times stronger than last time.... basically the toughest stuff they've got. It goes in over the course of 4-5 days and she gets treated approximately once a month. She will most likely end up hospitalized, getting blood transfusions and isolated to prevent exposure to infection. She has a 50-50 chance.

If this doesn't work the only remaining alternative is stem cells. I, of course, offered our umbilical stem cells if they match. What's a few stem cells between friends? And I can donate blood for her. And if it comes to it... well, I'm already on the marrow donor registery if that makes any difference.

My office gathered together some cash and we will do what we can to support any fundraising efforts on her behalf. I'll be on the lookout for princess cards to mail to her and ways to give her mama & dad a break.

I try and try to think of things I can DO and I feel so helpless and vaguely selfish. I want to DO SOMETHING to make myself feel better. And, of course, there is more than a tiny bit of guilt (and, I won't lie, relief) this is happening to THEM and not US. I can only pretend to imagine what they are going through and they all appear so STRONG. I spent a few hours with them and all I want to do is curl up in a ball twined together with my sweet, sweet son and watch him sleep. They are living this day to day and moment to moment.

So, if you get a chance..... think about them.

Nadine

Hi Friends! I just wanted to send you this picture, of me and my brother Levi having a great time two weeks ago -- we were branding at our Godparents' ranch.

I met my surgeon, Dr. Harper, yesterday. He's a nice man. He made me laugh. He made me feel ok about him cutting the jelly bean out of my side.

When he asked me if I had any questions for him, I told him I really liked the clear tape stitches better than the black sewn stitches because those kind hurt when they come out.... He doesn't use any stitches that need to come out!!! So I like him a lot.

Please pray for me on Thursday -- my operation will be at 1:00 pm. Dr. Harper said I'll only have to stay in the hospital one night! That's not so bad. If you want to come see me, it will have to be Thursday night or Friday before late afternoon, ok? I'd love to see you.

Thanks for thinking of me.

Nadine

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.......

Proof the coffee I'm drinking is decaf....

I saw this bumper sticker today:

PROUD TO

BEAN

AMERICANS

And I thought, "Huh, I wonder if he grows organic lentils too....."

Who says they can't be trained.....

I've been reading about the terrible 2's (not to mention tweens.... I'm trading him in....) and all the horrors I have to look forward too.... so, I figure I better get all the work out of Sweet Boy I can before he turns two and gets too cool for mama....

Things my 23-month-and-one-day old child can do....

1. Deliver diet pepsi to his daddy when he is working in the yard.
2. Fetch a hammer.
3. Feed the dog. (Dry food)
4. Stock diet pepsi from a 12-pack onto the bottom shelf of the fridge.
5. Get his jammies from the hook in the bathroom.
6. Put his clothes in the laundry hamper. (And his dad piles his on the washer..... hmmm....)
7. Throw a ball to entertain the dog.
8. Bring his plate to the sink from the dinner table.
9. Unload the silverware from the dishwasher. (He has trouble sorting it....)
10. Put toys in the toybox.... while singing the "clean up" song.
11. Push the button to start the coffee maker.
12. Pile bark in his little wheel barrow and move it from one place to another.
13. Feed m&m's to his mama.

Now if I could just teach him how to give a decent backrub and wave a palm frond.....

A Question of Calcium

How much do you pay at the grocery for a gallon of homogenized milk? (And do you think of Greenie every time you see "homo" on the lid?)

How about a dozen extra large AA eggs?

2 pounds of cheddar cheese?

Half gallon of orange juice?

A quart of half & half?

16 ounces of sour cream?

Cottage cheese?

A pound of butter?

Any other dairy-type things?

And how much would you be willing to pay for weekly delivery of these items?

No, I'm not suddenly working for a polling company..... I'm trying to justify home-delivery.

The Hunt.

Seeing the look on his face in all three of these pictures I really can't believe his first words weren't, "What the fuck?"

Easter Pictures.... late but cute.

4 adults. Degrees in English, History, Secondary Education, Nursing, Biology/Pre-Med, Engineering (a masters even), Business and portions of master's training. Not to mention various certificates in coaching, education, massage therapy, cpr-first responder-emt, information technology and practical working experience. Still, we couldn't figure out how to get the glitter shaker to work. So we MacGuyver'ed it and all was well.

Can you feel the intensity? Can you see all those cartons of eggs?? This was before we let the kids just start chucking eggs into the colors.

I see the horizon.....

Horizontal stripes on maternity clothing..... just another thing there should be a law against....

I don't own any other clothing with horizontal stripes... and yet I have several maternity shirts in striped. Why? Who thought this was a good idea?

I'm going to have to slap a "wide load" sign on my ass before I go out this afternoon....

cc:

So I just sent my sister (and cc: my mom) an email telling sis how mature, practical, reasonable & thoughtful something was that she had written.

My mom responds with: Your email was equally as mature, reasonable, and upbeat and positive, also!

Then I email back telling her: Oh, you missed the phone call when I called her a poopless poopy head. Grown up. Uh-huh. I wanted her to go to the bank and then bring me a milkshake and she said she had to talk to you first.....

Mom's response: I did not say YOU were, I said your EMAIL was! Lovingly, your Mom

I love my family.

O is for Orange

*UPDATED*

Tuesday I got to glug the orange sticky drink that ensures I will be able to eat m&m's with reckless abandon for the rest of my pregnancy. The doc sent the gooey stuff home with me with the following instructions: Drink it really, really cold and really fast.

I slammed it down at work just so my non-childbearing coworkers could revel in the nastiness. But you know what? It isn't that bad. It's way better than drinking prune juice & mineral oil. (Please don't ask.... or I will tell you in very specific detail.) In a strange way I rather enjoy the carbonated over-sugared goodness. It's like Sunkist on speed.

The moment of karmic realization came just after my appointment when I pulled a snack out of my purse (what? It had been AT LEAST an hour since I'd eaten last....) and saw..... ORANGE CREME flavored yogurt.

I almost stopped on the way back to work for a bag of those gummy-sugar orange slices.... just to complete the orangacious-trimverate that was my day.

*UPDATED: Yes, I got the call and I passed the test! Bring on the m&m's.....

Finances... a confessional.

I was mean and unfair to my husband in the last post. I called his questions dumb. They weren't exactly.... dumb. They were.... uninformed. Anything financial FREAKS HIM OUT and he tends to take on a challenging tone of voice and get that strange darting look in his eyes. He also gets very defensive because he doesn't make much money and most of our bills are his expenses so he feels very guilty.

He's a very smart man so the whole denial of any understanding of anything financial makes me laugh. When I say things like, "Wow, I was looking at the credit card statement and we spent a lot last month on gas." He will respond with, "Oh, ok, I'll pay cash for some of my gas this month." Um, because why? So I can't track our spending at all? Because, honey, it all comes outta the same pot.

I admit to pushing his buttons. I check our bank statements on-line from work several times a week (gotta get the info there since he isn't writing it in any bank book) and I like to call him up around 1:15 in the afternoon and say, "So, what did you have for lunch at Bob's today?" I also torture him because my moderately-conservative IRA fund is doing better than his very-conservative IRA fund.

My financial philosophy is simple. Make it easy for yourself and save in little bits wherever you can.... for example, student loans. The rate is high. 8%. So I found out they'd drop it .25% if we switched to electronic payment. So, we save .25% plus 39 cents and an envelope every month, plus the cost of buying new checks sooner (and you know I have to get Hot Stuff those pricey duplicate ones AND I splurge and get him the cutesy ones from the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation.... I use the plain-Jane cheapos even though we share an account), we never have to worry about late fees and with eft you can vary the amount you pay in any given month if you want to pay extra. So Hot Stuff was ok with that switch.... he was even ok with me upping the amount we pay every month is a desparate attempt to pay something beyond just interest. (I swear the total loan NEVER goes down.) The real beauty of eft is I can sneak in extra money whenever I can and he doesn't know about it. How terrible is that?

Hot Stuff believes in having all of your money where you can get at it. If it was up to him nothing would ever get invested and we would make tiny payments on everything over long periods of time. I like to pay cash. Wait, no, I like to put it on the credit card and get airline miles for it and then pay off the card. The compromise we made was this.... He let me get a financial advisor and put a pile (oh, it was a small pile) of money into a money market. Pretty conservative stuff and we have an actually checkbook if we need to get at it. Then I set it up so once it reaches a certain amount they take anything over that amount and put it into longer term and less liquid accounts. I also set up a lovely little college fund for the children. And where was I going with this? Oh, the compromise.... the compromise is, well, there isn't one. I ask his opinion and then do whatever the hell I want anyway.... there it is in black print.... I confess I am an elitist.

Money. Finances. Jobs. Careers. These are the things that are worrying me these days. I know the worries won't ever go away but I recently made a decision to get serious about getting a new career after we have the baby. Because the 5 year plan is looking pretty bleak. I can't afford to be a stay-at-home-mom and, the way things are right now, I can't even afford to cut back to part-time (my ideal). I've been here 7 years and I'm topped out, burned out & in need of new challenges. (And more money, of course....)

So I think. And I think. And I realize the thing I need to do is figure out what I want to DO. What could I do every day that would be interesting to me? Or at least not bore me to tears? And then I can't think of anything and I think I'm a boring person with no skills and talents and I have to go eat chocolate and get over it. Ya'll know the cycle.....

Um, ok. Enough whining. End of Post. Out.

Color me Shocked.

My sister told me (in greatest confidence and after a couple vodka-lemonades) my husband is NOT ATHLETIC. What? Yes he is. He is. He has an athlete’s body and he’s very coordinated. She has played football with him and says he is very competitive and physical but not athletic. My fear, of course, is that she is right and our children are doomed to be dorks because they aren’t getting any athletic ability from me.

Hot Stuff opened and looked at our quarterly financial statements. He even asked questions (dumb ones, but questions….). This from a man who refuses to even consider balancing the checkbook and has no idea of our net worth or how our taxes get done. I was so excited I poured out our entire financial plan in a rush of words and dramatic hand gestures. He lectured me about it….. which makes me get a pained look on my face and pat him on the head like the confused mental patient he really is.

Tidbits from the weekend

My sister-in-law is serious about Easter. We dyed 72 eggs. Well, actually, we dyed 64 eggs…. My mother-in-law snagged some for the potato salad and Sweet Boy ate two that cracked before they were dyed.

I made this cake Saturday. It was amazing. Although somehow in my hurry-up-and-get-shit-done haze I forgot to oil the bundt pan. And, bigger sin, I didn’t take a picture of the result. Hot Stuff commented, “Just like a bear in the woods….” But he ate it anyway. Who knew something that looked like a pile of bear dung could be so tasty?? Next time I will grease the damn pan.

I finally remembered to get bird seed. Sweet Boy LOVES to watch the birds. His comment, “Mama, yook, kitty watchin’ buwdies wi me.” Stick to the mice, mrow-mrow.

Who knew Easter was a major gift giving holiday?? Sweet Boy made an absolute haul. I got prenatal vitamins. Hhhhmmmm.

The other day there was a smell in our house that had me yelling at the dog for rolling in calf-scours & horse shit over at the neighbor’s. Um, yeah, the dog went out and yet the smell lingered…. And lingered…. And got stronger?? Sweet Boy must be potty-trained soon.

Somehow a party accidentally happened at our house on Saturday night. Many people needed naps on Sunday afternoon.

Project Eat-A-Bean Update

We had a major mealtime setback recently. We’ve been doing pretty well with project “Eat-A-Bean” at our house. No beans, but corn & carrots are successfully navigating Sweet Boy’s digestive tract on a regular basis these days. Not perfect (he will still ask to go to bed rather than eat peas), but we had definite progress (this from the kid who won’t eat green goldfish from the rainbow packets… at least he isn’t red-green color blind). And then last week happened. Hot Stuff’s dad was in the hospital with diverticulitis (he’s home now and fine). Let’s just say our collection of fast food restaurant toys increased exponentially last week and SB now thinks “nuggets” are a food group.

As far as I know Sweet Boy ate mashed potatoes, m&m’s, crackers & tortilla chips with salsa on Sunday…. And not much else. He had eggs & corn flakes for breakfast and it all went downhill after that….. every time I turned around someone was giving him a chip or a cracker.

He has re-adapted to normal eating surprisingly easily. Although it took a day or two for me to realize when he said he wanted “eggies” he meant the brightly colored plastic kind with one m&m in each rather than the kind that come out of a chicken’s butt.

I finally had to throw all the candy in the freezer in the garage…. I froze most of it Sunday night but it was just a little too convenient in the fridge-freezer. At least now I have to put on shoes and run across the snow/muck yard to get a Reeses Peanutbutter Egg fix. Heck, dashing across the yard like that…. I’d even call it a workout.

Starting a Legacy....

Susan asked for it. The Redneck Recipe Series will commence now with......

Jello Shot Jigglers

I know. Ya'll can't wait. But first.... a disclaimer. I made these as a joke last year for Easter because my mom got me these egg jello molds.... but they were a hit so I might just make them again. My brother is in charge of the "serious" booze for the holiday... I think he's buying a 50 gallon drum of Black Velvet. By about 3:00 pm it is going to be all about the ham & BV. I'll be the one drinking seltzer. Thank you very much. (Are these the "sacrifices moms must make" those Mommy-War people keep talking about??)

Back to jello... My basic recipe is to replace one cup of water with one cup of vodka. The end. But if you want to get creative....

1 package watermelon jello
1 cup boiling water
1 cup Malibu® coconut rum
Mix hot water and jello. Add rum. Pour into 2 ounce cups. Serve after the
jello has set.

Other clever combos:
Orange or cherry jello, brandy
Peach jello, bourbon
Lime jello, tequila and triple sec
Orange jello, orange cognac/brandy (ie. grand marnier) or peach schnapps
Raspberry jello, raspberry schnapps
Tropical fruit jello, mango liqueur or dark rum
Unflavored jello + lemonade, kentucky whisky
Strawberry jello, light rum and strawberry liqueur
Apricot jello, amaretto
Grape jello, vodka

I do recall making these with "champagne" jello once..... jello you added 7-up too? Was that real or did I dream it? We always made them extra-strong and served them in little paper cup things. For a true redneck experience the paper shot cup should be held by the mouth, cleavage or other pincer-like or wedge-shaped body part of your favorite partner (hell, if you've done enough of them.... that becomes optional....).

Do you suppose future generations of my family will refer to this as "Grandma's Jello Recipe" and when they do will they say it with awe, laughter or shame?

Enjoy.

WRONG.

In celebration of Easter weekend I invite your judgement on the following....

Is it WRONG that I'm not at all concerned what preschool/kindergarten/elementary school my kids go too?

Is it WRONG that I want my house to look like an ad for Pottery Barn?

Is it WRONG that my son & I look at each other, laugh and say, "Tooted. 'Scuse me." whenever anyone in our house farts?

Is it WRONG that my son & I ate granola and m&m's for breakfast?

Is it WRONG that the real reason I don't want an SUV (not gas mileage as I claim) is because I don't want to be one of "those moms"?

Is it WRONG to remind my brother that Hot Stuff & I will be having loud sex while he is visiting us this weekend?

Is it WRONG that almost all of my son's clothing is hand-me-downs and I'm proud of that fact?

Is it WRONG that I use the word "that" too much?

Is it WRONG to slightly dread a visit from my sister-in-law?

Is it WRONG to hide my husband's Easter present in the one place he won't look? (HIS closet.)

Is it WRONG to give gifts for Easter?

Is it WRONG to buy people things they already need and CALL them gifts?

Is it WRONG to invite all of your family to dinner with the actual intention of getting them to put together a swingset?

Is it WRONG to buy your brother presents and Easter candy so he will install a new hard drive in your computer?

Is it WRONG to try to sell your brother on ebay?

The to-do listing continues.....

Things to do NOW as I head into the 3rd trimester. (I am almost there, aren’t I??)

Continue moving.
Increase yoga.
Start watching the sodium levels. I already ate my “last meals” of a few things…. The high sodium broccoli cheddar soup & pad thai I love.
Add lemon to my water from here on out. (I swear it helps with swelling.)
Accept that I am really wearing maternity clothes.
Schedule prenatal massage(s).
Set up the hammock so I have a sweet place to elevate my swollen ankles.


Things to buy for baby

Teensy-weensy diapers
Scent-free wipes
Arms-reach cosleeper (ok, you know I’m not really going to get this but I WANT it. I’ve tried justifying it by saying we NEED it because the baby will be in our room for a long time (2 bedroom house) and all….. and the mini goes to 23 lbs & the original goes to 30 lbs) But my practical side is winning out over my yuppie-wanna-be side.)
“D” batteries (this is what I learned from my first child. Have lots of D batteries on hand for the swing & bouncy seat.
Pacifiers (I have one pack but I will wait to get more until I know what this kid likes….)
Um, I probably should get a new pack of bottle nipples too…. Is it gross to reuse those kid to kid?
A new backwards-baby car mirror…. The one I have is cloudy.
A bath tub sponge mat.
I thought of one other thing to buy but I can’t remember what it is…. So it must be REALLY important. Help me out.

Things to buy for me

Stool softener.
Maxi pads.
One really great outfit to wear as a “uniform” those first months after baby. (Last time it was a pair of olive green khaki drawstring capris, my Salomon amphibians & a few white t-shirts. The tennies made me feel sporty. I started with a baggy white shirt & slowly slimmed them down as time went on… it was so nice to just have one thing to put on that I knew fit & looked ok for when people wanted to “see” me and I could keep a white t-shirt in the diaper bag for emergencies…. Actually, I kept a white t-shirt that fit both Hot Stuff & I in the diaper bag the first few months because I’m paranoid like that.)
Boobie pads. I like the Gerber kind without the sticky stuff on the backs.
New nursing bras. It appears Motherhood doesn’t have the snap-between-the-tits kind I like anymore…. At least not on-line. So I must find someone who does. HEAR ME NEW MAMA’S…. get the snap-between-the-tits kind….. no rooting around under your shirt clear up to your shoulder to hook and unhook… and if they are, um, accidentally “sprung” by your giant bazooms, well, the ones that snap at the bottom at least don’t sproing down like a roller-blind.


Things to do the last few weeks

Get out, sort and wash the boxes of tiny clothes & blankets
Install the car seat base
Set up and clean the swing, bouncy seat etc.

Notice the longest list is things to buy for me??? Obviously not my first child, isn’t it???

The Morning Report

Important things we did this weekend:

1. Cleaned the house. (Well, it wasn't that messy.... but I dusted & vacuumed & washed sheets & stuff like that..... Hot Stuff sorted & organized & put away.)
2. It rained a lot this weekend so we watched 4 movies... Lion King, Dreamer (very sweet), Fantastic Four (obviously a pregnancy-related choice?!?) & Lion King again (hence the title of this post).
3. MISSED Blues Clues on Sunday morning because some other stupid thing was on. (This is a special treat for Sweet Boy. It is on at 9:30 and he gets to lounge on our bed (the tv upstairs is the only one that gets the channel) and eat snacks and watch "Cous-Cous" on tv while I put away laundry or clean whatever needs to be cleaned in our bedroom... Ok, right, or lounge on the bed next to him eating rabbit crackers.)
4. Played baseball with Sweet Boy. He sort-of gets it but there were several Forest-Gump moments.
5. Read a book. A real book. Ok, I read part of it while Sweet Boy was napping..... but I'm over half way and I will finish it.
6. Went to the dump. We say Sweet Boy's daycare provider's husband there. He drives the loader. Sweet Boy was in HEAVEN watching him and cried when we left.
7. Went for a drive with my boys.
8. Saw some helicopters on display. Again.... nothing so fun as the wonder of a little kid.
9. Got deer, elk & moose license applications done. (Go sweetheart.... fill the freezer.... this vegetarian trend won't last forever....)
10. Bought new shoes. Salomon amphibians. They are the greatest. My old pair is falling apart.
11. Got a few groceries. I love going to the grocery store with Hot Stuff & Sweet Boy. Not only is negotiating the parking lot with Hot Stuff hilarious, but Sweet Boy's new game is, well, he calls it "ooker guy" which I take to mean C-ooker guy (and not H-ooker guy, right?). He sits in the cart and makes things for me. I ask for a chocolate milk shake and he does some complicated things with his hands and makes some funny noises and then hands me my shake. Then he asks if I want some cottage cheese. Mmmm. My favorite. Chocolate shake with a side of cottage cheese.
12. Went to Target with my mother in law. We meant to go to the nursery but it was closed. We bought Easter candy & Sweet Boy picked out Mr. Bubble bubble bath after we smelled them all.
13. Made more play dough. Got red food coloring everywhere. Oops. We are a walking oxiclean commercial.
14. Taught Sweet Boy how to drive the jeep. It's one of those little battery operated numbers a neighbor gave us.... he had a blast and just about mortally wounded his poor daddy. Daddy... with the broken leg.... was following him and holding onto the roll bar to keep him from running into a fence or something.
15. Planned Easter dinner with my sister. (This is her thinking: We must have stuffing. Your husband won't be happy without stuffing. (My husband hated stuffing until he had some of my mom's special recipe* stuffing. Now he loves it.) Let's have mashed potatoes. I know baked potatoes are traditional with ham but mashed feels so much more festive. (I suggested going with something other than ham..... and was met with a stunned silence.... she said the only reason she was coming to my house was for the ham & Easter candy.)) So what kind of gravy do you make with ham?? We called my brother and told him he was in charge of potatoes & booze. He said he'll be here with a burlap bag of spuds & 3 cases of PBR. Lord help us. I have to find my jello egg molds so I can make redneck jello shots.... what? It's the only way to get people involved in the egg hunt......

So that's about it for us. Nothing fabulous but just a really great weekend. It is so nice to have Hot Stuff out of the lounger and back playing with us.... he still tires quickly and has to take long time-outs to ice & rest but he's getting back to normal.

*Stove Top

Abuse

I’m being abused by both my children…

I’m being pummeled inside & out by my kids. My son got excited and accidentally let fly with a match box car and it connected quite resoundingly with the bridge of my nose. He felt really bad and covered my face with slobbery baby kisses to make me feel better.

But my inner child… my inner child is a remorseless little hellion. Enough with the pounding, pummeling, kick-boxing, lap-swimming & general gymnastics already. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE???

Sweet Boy was active. This kid is non-stop. Maybe all I remember is the end when Sweet Boy was so crowded he couldn’t kick, turn & stomp… that thought gives me hope this one will mellow out in a few weeks. Grow, baby, grow.

I’m 26 weeks. (Or something like that…. I’ve never been very good with keeping track… I always have to look it up on babycenter.com or email my cousin who is due a few days before I am.) Due July 12th. What’s the birth stone for July? A ruby? What’s the zodiac sign? And what is the temperament for that zodiac sign?

This baby likes action movies. We watched a few movies this weekend. Hot Stuff picked “Dreamer” and I picked….. “Fantastic Four.” (Sweet Boy picked “Lion King” and we danced our way through it twice…. Such great music.)

Another interesting thing…. This baby is a vegetarian. Seriously. Meat has no appeal. Hummus, however, has great appeal. So do some rather odd sweets. Peanut butter mixed with powdered sugar and served with chocolate chips or fake-out cookie dough (butter, flour, sugar & brown sugar mashed together in a bowl). What's that all about?

And the answer is.....

The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars.

Hey, I'll do anything to shower by myself once in a while.

Which side IS starboard on a laundry basket??

Internet, I’m going to let you in on a little secret (and the real reason I stay at this job)…. No one cares what time I come to work. Except today. Today is Thursday. Our morning receptionist has started taking Thursday’s off so someone has to be here to cover at 8:00 am. Today was my day. This is how it went:

5:00: Sweet Boy (wonder-sleeper who never gets up early) wakes up. Daddy was working until almost 11 last night so they didn’t get any time together so he is determined to see his dad. Now. He asks me to get him some more milk please. I’m ok with that except they are snuggling in the middle of the bed and, not being the sliver I once was, I’m having a hard time balancing myself & the dog on my edge of the bed. I bump Hot Stuff’s bum leg and he groans. Sweet Boy says, “Caewful mama, no hurt daddy, say sowwy.” So I say sorry and Sweet Boy asks, “Need kiss it daddy?” Is your heart just melting at the sweetness of a bed-headed little boy in fuzzy jammies (smelling vaguely like pee) taking care of his daddy? No? It isn’t? Then you are dead to me.
5:something-ish o-dark-thirty: Hot Stuff’s alarm goes off. He snoozes it.
14 seconds later: It goes off again and he staggers out of bed.
6:15: Hot Stuff kisses us goodbye and heads to PT. I try to sneak out of bed but Sweet Boy is awake and follows me.
6:30: I give up and plug in a video* so I can shower, get ready & drink some coffee (fear not…. It’s decaf) while I make some additions to my “todo” list for the day.
7:10: We should be leaving the house.
7:23: We really leave the house.
7:30 (7:24): We leave the garage. (Wait. It doesn’t actually take me that long to slog across the driveway… although sometimes it takes two trips….. the clock in my car is 7 minutes fast. Please don’t ask.)
7:25: See a guy wunning in the wain.
7:26: See a backhoe.
7:27: See 2 guys with a dog.
7:28: See the wimming poowl.
7:29: See a snowplow AND a schoolbus.
7:32: See the “Big Bidge” that is parked in a parking lot in 3 sections and, quite possibly, the highlight of our mornings.
7:33: See a backhoe & a dozer.
7:34: See two more schoolbuses… one with lights flashing.
7:36: Another backhoe or six.
7:38: Arrive at daycare, sign in & say good morning, take off shoes & coat & hat, stash diaper bag, kiss the mama, and head for the breakfast counter.
7:40: Leave daycare and negotiate the left-hand turn onto a 60-mile-per-hour road with heavy 8:00 traffic. This is the only really annoying part of the trip.
7:43: Make it across the railroad tracks with no trains and get through campus without hitting any under-dressed college students.
7:45: Wish I had my ipod with me. Helena radio sucks.
7:48: Complain to self about traffic. Remind self of NY’s resolution to NOT run yellow lights. Laugh about what traffic is like in Denver right now.
7:54: Arrive at work and dash into the building in the rain.
7:59: Unlock door (and congratulate myself on remembering my work keys) & turn on lights….. Exactly on time.

*Movie quote of the morning…. “Which side is starboard in a laundry basket?” Ok, name that video.

Barbie

My mother in law just sent this to me. Especially funny since I left my son playing with a Ken doll at daycare this morning.... Ken was dancing, naked, on a table while Sweet Boy sang "Twinkle, twinkle" Sorry. The following will only be funny if you are my brother.

Montana Barbies are FINALLY available!!!!

Kalispell Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

Bozeman Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of an Audi convertible, Hummer H2 or Subaru Legacy and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey" or black Labrador named Bridger. Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with an all-wheel drive Audi.

Butte Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops.

Great Falls Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Su rplus.

Havre Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt and a Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. she can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.

Browning Barbie: Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Village.

Billings Barbie: This big-haired red-head comes smelling slightly of petroleum with smiling bunny decals on her Lee press-on nai ls. Wearing a miss-matched outfit and t-shirt with the logo Catsup is Spicy! purchased at Rimrock Mall, the Billings Barbie drives a late-model Ford Escort and comes with coupons to Olive Garden and Red Lobster. Wish-he-were-workaholic, wish-he-were-cheating husband Ken is playing golf or gardening in the backyard of their tract house with views of the rims. Available at all local Casinos.

Missoula Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.

Helena Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available f rom the manufacturer.

Livingston Barbie: Similar to the Butte model except she is a working artist with enough money to buy her meth and PBRs. Livingston Barbie comes with a three-primer colored 1989 Ford F-150 pulling a Lavro drift boat and dry, frizzy, dusty hair. Pull the string on her back and she will say I hate going to Bozeman or I hate driving in Bozeman. This model is no longer available. Some may be found blowing down the freeway towards Big Timber.

Live it.

* Courtesy of Mary P.

Bath Time

I have bits and pieces of material floating around in my head (good to know there is SOMETHING in there….) but I can’t pull together a post. See, usually I scratch out posts in the morning after the boys leave and post from work where I have real internet. Yeah, well, Hot Stuff has PT at 6:30 AM every day so he is NO HELP taking Sweet Boy to daycare. So I’ve been doing the mama-scramble every day just to make it to work for 8 hours. Hence & thence…. The lack of posts, but thank you for inquiring. (Ok, nobody inquired…. Except my brother who said, “Hey why don’t you reply to my anonymous comments anymore??” It’s not all about you, dirtbag.)

So, anyway, I have a question.

What do you do while your child is in the bathtub? Sweet Boy has decided he LOVES BUBBLES. So every night is pretty much a bath-marathon these days. He will also get in the shower with me in the morning if he is awake…. The kid is a fish. So he’s splashing and playing away in the tub while I???? What? What do you DO with that time? It only takes 15 seconds to weigh and convince myself the scale must be broken. (Hey, it might not have been broken BEFORE I put my 2-ton-heifer self on there….) Then I brush my teeth & wash my face. (Shut it already. I can see Sweet Boy in the giant mirror over the sink.) Then I sort the laundry. By this point Sweet Boy is barely pruney and the water isn’t even starting to cool off and I’m bored. I sit on the uncomfortable floor and read magazines. I clean the toilet (even though I’ve decided that should be Hot Stuff’s job….. I don’t poop and, therefore, am not responsible for making it dirty.)

What? PLAY with my child? I do. But he would rather I didn’t. He has very complicated projects involving wind-up frogs, dumping tubs of water on his head, playing with plastic deer playing & fighting & making up, pulling on his penis & playing with the crotch cream applicators (fear not: unused) that we acquired after a particularly horrible bout of diaper rash.

He will stay in the tub until the water is icy, his lips are blue & the bubbles are gone. (And those green watermelon Elmo bubbles last a long time.) The up-side being my bathroom floor is spotless and all the drawers are very organized.

You know what this really is??? Just another reason I need a laptop.

The Butterfly Effect

If you are pregnant or, well really, if you have a pulse and a heart at all.... don't watch the "Director's Cut" ending to The Butterfly Effect. Ever.

Just thought you should know....

... someone just microwaved their lunch and now the office smells like cat food.....

WHAT are you people EATING???

I'll go quietly back to my bagel with cheese now.....

A post in which a broken leg would be a GOOD thing.

My husband is a horn-hunter. Yes, he’s a very horny guy. (Is that redundant…. Horny guy??) What is horn hunting? You go out and wander around in the deep woods looking for elk antler sheds. The “season” is generally March-April or so. Then you bring the sheds home and make your wife swear when she stubs her toe on the “decorations” in the middle of the night.

So while the boys were staggering the last mile out (took them several hours) I was talking with the wife of his friend that went with him. She was waiting dinner and getting a little worried they weren’t out yet. I made her promise not to tell Hot Stuff she was cooking an actual meal for her husband….. I don’t want him to get any ideas. We decided we’d give them an hour to check in. I actually KNEW where they had gone and had all the appropriate information to relay to search & rescue should it come to that….

I made a lovely dinner of brown rice & steamed veggies. (Don’t get any ideas… we aren’t healthy.) Hot Stuff finally called and said, “Hon, I hurt myself a little.” The last time he said this was when he stabbed himself in the leg with a machete and was calling from the emergency room…..

The good news is he was with a friend and they were on the way out and only a mile from the rig. The bad news? He hooked the toe of his snowshoe while hiking downhill fast and fell…. And heard a ‘pop’ and had searing knee pain.

Now anyone who is an athlete at any level knows when your lower leg stops and your thigh does a ‘fly by’ you’ve probably blown your acl…. Especially when accompanied by a ‘pop’ sound. ACL surgery takes around 6 months to heal. Visions of no employment this summer, food stamps, losing his insurance and living in a van down by the creek flashed in my mind.

Over the course of the next few days his knee looked like a variety of items from the melon produce section…. Cantaloupe, honeydew, grapefruit….. heck, even a watermelon. We saw the regular doc on Wednesday morning, then to the pharmacy, then to the crutch store, then to the orthopedic doc for x-rays & an exam, then back to the crutch store to get the correct size of crutches, then to get an MRI the next morning.

The regular doc didn’t want to put him through the pain of a full exam knowing the orthopedic guy would do the same thing that afternoon so we didn’t learn much there…. Except it pays to have a good regular doc…. He got us in with a top orthopedic guy in 2 hours… instead of the 3 weeks it usually takes. The orthopedic guy said, based on the exam, he didn’t think there was any ligament damage (can you say yeah???) but something looked odd on the x-ray so off to the MRI we went.

I had an OB appt with the regular doc the next day (because I’m one of those people who doesn’t believe in specialized care I guess). So he checked on the MRI and gave me the results based on the radiologist’s read. Then later we got the official word from the orthopedic doc….. HE BROKE HIS LEG. Yup. A fractured tibial plateau. And the best part??? This is actually GOOD news. No surgery. 4-8 weeks of recovery. He can fight fire this summer. He can remain employed. No unemployment and losing his insurance. No food stamps. Happy Homestead Household.

He’s on crutches for two weeks and doing physical therapy. He sees the doc again on the 31st and we go from there. So that’s what is new around here… how about you??

I finally get it.... not IT.... but it.

So I was just noodling about here* and I found this article about introverts. It explains it all. But do I still have to pretend to like social situations??

*I go here to feel connected with the world at large.... and at small.... and in-between. It makes me feel, possibly, the hickdom I exist in is just a balance for some larger coolness in the world. (You know, creating a balancing plane for some dazzling jewel surface on the other side.) It does not, however, prevent the hickies (hah... I said hickies) from crawling into my ear and melting my brain.... causing it to ooze down my neck and stain my ever-so-not-cool red Gap turtleneck.

UPDATED TO ADD: HAH! Even Dooce thinks the boy is motherfuckin' awlright. (He's pretty damn cute too.)

Hot Date... um, Cold Date.

Sunday for our monthly without-a-kid date we went to Eight Below. Probably not my first choice for movies to spend $14 on but it was the only thing showing at the new CINEMAX theater that we vaguely wanted to see. To sum up:

Um, where are we supposed to park? In the one hour parking? Ok.
They have audio-assisted devices. Very progressive.
How is this place staying open with only 6 people watching movies on a Sunday night at 7:15?
Nice cushy seats and they recline.
Nice bathrooms... no toilet paper?!?!? Oh, found some.
The arm rests fold up! Who cares what movie we are supposed to be watching?!?
Cute movie.
Tough dogs.
The prego managed to make it through the whole thing without having to pee once.
Hot Stuff did not make it.....hence forth we shall refer to him as "Tiny Tank."
All that stuff about absence makes the heart grow fonder.... it is true. Sweet Boy was cute (and still awake?) when we got home around 9:30.

I deem March a successful dating month. Next month I might even splurge on popcorn.

50 Things About Me

1. I grew up on a farm/ranch near a small town.
2. My graduating class was 8. Not 800, not 80…. 8.
3. I drove a baby blue diesel Volkswagon Rabbit 4 miles to meet the school bus starting in the fifth grade.
4. My brother still drives the Rabbit…. Although he has now moved well beyond the fifth grade.
5. My family is very proud of my brother.
6. Hey, wait a minute, this is supposed to be about me. Quit hoggin’ my time, bro.
7. My parents are married to each other… still.
8. I think this should qualify me for some kind of minority scholarship program.
9. I have one brother.
10. I have two sisters.
11. One of my sisters died when she was a baby.
12. I have long dark hair and dark eyes.
13. I am often asked if I am Native American.
14. I am Norwegian, Danish, German & some other middle-European stuff.
15. My regular makeup is grey eyeliner and lip gloss.
16. My idea of “all made up” includes adding blush/bronzer & some eyeshadow.
17. I am fairly tall. 5’9”
18. I have freakishly long legs.
19. I like to wear baseball caps… but only if they fit exactly right.
20. I almost always wear pink-framed, polarized sunglasses (they are my fishing glasses).
21. I can drive a semi truck.
22. I can’t back up with a trailer.
23. I laugh a lot.
24. I’m left-handed.
25. I always notice left-handed people on tv and in movies. It drives my husband nuts. (And why is it ON tv but IN movies??)
26. My family (immediate & extended) is really funny… they crack me up on a regular basis… whether they mean to or not.
27. I like to make lists.
28. My husband is sexy.
29. Oh, wait… sidetracked again. How about: I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince.
30. I like to use special logic.
31. It took us over a year to get pregnant.
32. We lost our first baby. S/he would have been due on my grandma’s birthday.
33. I hate saying, “lost a child.” Like you got distracted at the grocery store and left them in the spaghetti sauce row.
34. I am one of those pregnant women you love to hate. Gorgeous, energetic & tranquil.
35. I first felt my son move when listening to a loud African drum group in South Carolina.
36. He loves music with a strong beat and so do I.
37. My labor (the whole thing, from waking up to delivery) lasted 5 ½ hours.
38. Our next child may be born on the side of the road.
39. I’m ok with that.
40. I’m one of those weird people that likes bikinis, thongs, boy-cuts, boxers & commando.
41. I don’t like granny panties so much.
42. I like the flexibility of my current job.
43. But I don’t love the job itself.
44. I do love the people I work with and that is important to me.
45. When I eat triangle-shaped slices of food (pie, pizza) I eat the widest end first and save the tip for last. Then I make a wish on it.
46. I deal well with trauma.
47. I have a black belt. 1st degree Kuekiwan (sp?)
48. It goes well with my black shoes.
49. I take the eggs out of the carton in a diamond pattern. Better balance.
50. I’m allergic to latex.

Crave It.

I keep saying I am NOT having cravings or any other odd pregnancy symptoms.

I'm not.

I've always had sophisticated tastes. (Quit laughing. Now.) I've ALWAYS loved REAL hot cocoa.... made with milk & sugar & cocoa powder & vanilla. And the need for real whipped-with-a-handmixer whipped cream? Totally normal. Not a craving.

What? You DON'T drink cranberry juice out of wine glasses?

And those couple gallons of lemonade (with real lemons sliced in it).... completely every-day for me. Not a craving. Really.

The purchase of this. Oh little minty-picked item of perfect oral care. I don't mind that you look like a vibrator for a small woodland creature.... I worship you.

The Girl Scout ice cream (I blove you, Susan.) is a luxury item. It is not a craving.

The potato oles.... those might have been a craving.... I ate them so fast I can't really be sure....

Pondering.....

Hardee's has commercials about using only Angus beef.... so why doesn't The Leather Store do that?? Are you telling me you'll only eat Angus but you'll let them use just any old cow to make your leather bustier?

A few farmer moments....

City folk... pay attention. I'm gonna talk about cows now. I grew up on what would be referred to as a "wheat and cattle operation" in North Central Montana. Just telling you I'm from the Hi-Line and in my early-30's pretty much destroys my "anonomous" standings to anyone from Montana.... process of elimination will just about tell you who I am.... there just aren't that many people.

Growing up wheat was the major crop but cows are my dad's hobby. I can't tell you for sure how many he had in his prime but he's down to about 40 pairs this calving season. That's not very many. They are more pets than anything else. Although I'm certainly not above enjoying one of them hot off the barbeque. (Do you hear that Gunnar? People EAT their PETS. Be a good dog. Get off the couch. Now.) Dad raises mostly black Angus or Angus-crossed critters. I'll just wait for my brother to post anonymously as to WHY that is.... it sure as shit isn't because Hardee's started marketing "We use only Angus beef" or anything like that..... I think it is because they are hardy and easy-calvers... or maybe so you don't lose them in the snow.....

Calving season can start anywhere from January on..... Dad calves early because he's a vet so he will be "on call" to help other people later in the season. When he had lots of cows there was a whole complicated system involving my great-uncle's calving shed, a pickup camper and a hot plate for Dad's comfort on those cold, lonely calving nights.

When we were kids it was sometimes our job to "run a cow and calf into the barn" so the calf could be warmed up or worked on or whatever. I can only tell these stories now that I'm too old for family services to take me away. We would go out with the 4-wheeler and cart. One of us would stand with a bat while the other one tried to load the calf in the cart. (Imagine someone is taking your child away in a little red cart.... now you know who the bat was for....) Calf & kid in cart, kid with bat driving 4-wheeler, pissed off snot-nosed mama bawling and chasing cart, race for the barn and run the decoy in reverse. Kid with bat distracts cow while kid in cart wrestles calf into the barn. Whew. Once the cow was in the barn our job was done. Dad would put the calf in the "hot box" to dry off and get warm. (A hot box is a small wooden box with heat lamps in it designed to dry off a calf as quickly as possible.... ours is an ultra-fancy one... it has a neon pink hairdryer (think 1980's) attached to it for really speedy drying.) More than one rancher I know has crawled in a hot box for a quick warm nap.

If you are lucky the cow gets put in the barn BEFORE she has the calf... reducing the stress to your running skills and the cow's nerves. Then it is just a matter of waiting, watching and leaving her alone. If the cow is a heifer (this is her first calf) then you have to watch a little closer... she might have trouble delivering and she might not quite get what to do after the baby is born. (Do you hear that you boob-nazi? Even in NATURE sometimes guidance is required.)

I will forever associate Palmolive dishsoap not with Madge, the nail lady, but with my dad and the smell of cow shit and afterbirth. It was his brand. Do you really want me to go into more detail on this? I thought not. Let me leave it at this.....I know why veterinarians carry pocket watches. And, yes, calves do know how to suckle before they are actually born... there is nothing so redneck-sweet as getting to be a big girl and "check" the calf and make sure it is ok before it is born.

If things aren't progressing normally there are various assisting measures. Chains. Ratchet pulleys. C-sections. Hey... just like human babies!?!?

Then, if all goes well, you have a baby in the straw. Dad always let us tickle the newborn's nose with a piece of straw to get them to sneeze the gook out but after that you pretty much get out of the way and let the mama do her thing.

There you have it. Baby Calf 101

Clorox of the Brain

I have a very special relationship with my little brother. He's quite a sweet boy, really. No, really. He is. Really.

Here's an excerpt of some of the things that have been said in the last few days....

"It is fucking turbo-charged now." (He was referring to his recently souped-up computer... Hot Stuff asked if he was talking about his dildo.... have I mentioned how special there relationship is too???)

"Clorox THAT outta your frontal lobe." (Ok, I say this ALL THE TIME. Something about the idea of Purexing your brain.... but he has now adopted the phrase and, well, I'm a little scared but oh-so-very proud....)

"What? We have sex EVERY TIME you spend the night here." (Whoa... quick, explain that.... Hot Stuff said this.... about us.... not about my brother.... there is no Brokeback Mountain sequel being made in our house...)

"I just call her Betty." (Me referring to his -possibly mythological- girlfriend/stalker.)

"You just can't keep up with the fuckers." (Him talking about drinking with Australians.)

Oh Brother- Where Art Thou? I know there are some priceless gems I forgot to share.....

This is a trick.....

It is now 50 degrees (F) and it makes me feel all schitzophrenic. I'm trying not to get too excited.... because I know it will get cold again soon.

At -25 just breathing gives you an ice cream headache.

Then it gets above freezing and you are so climatized you open all the windows in your house and start wearing shorts and sleeping naked. It's a 75 degree temperature change in less than 10 days.... That's like 50 one day and 125 the next.....

And the mud..... oh my, the mud. I'm surprised there is any left in the driveway.... it's all in my house.

Dad is back to "normal" calving now. For a few days he was sleeping in his pickup with all the cows crammed in the little lot by the barn. A new baby won't last 15 minutes at -25.... especially if there is any wind. He managed to keep everyone alive and even had a set of twins.

There is something extremely satisfying about watching those crazy little babies run around in the sunshine -bucking & snorting & acting tough.

Fat Tuesday

For today, Fat Tuesday, I will provide a story of sin and redemption.

Redemption: I finally finished cleaning the laundry room. I flylady-ed the fuck out of it. (You know. flylady.net and you can do anything for 15 minutes....) It took me about 2 weeks of saying, "Today, just don't make it any worse and clean up a few extra things...." Not so difficult when you realize my laundry room has no door and you have to pass through it to get to the bathroom... just grab something and put it away. The counter top is cleared off. The drawers are organized. The pantry is sorted. Hot Stuff's basket of doom is emptied.

Sin: Hot Stuff asked if he could take over the counter for horn season and keep his pack and gear there. Until we remodel there is no good place in our downstairs for his pack and gear and if it is in the bedroom he will be rummaging in it at 4:00 AM on weekends. So, of course, he can take over the counter.

Redemption: He took care of me and my son last night while I was sick with a snot-filled head and general misery and no theraflu and Wild Turkey to cure me.

Sin: Hot Stuff and Sweet Boy watched Primos: Big Bulls 9.

Redemption: How cute is it when a little boy says, "Big Buwl Ek says whhhoooo-hhoooo-hoooo"

Sin: Thomas the Tank Engine (battery powered wooden track) died. Sweet Boy just keeps saying, "Batries, mama, batries." Sorry, son, but no battery in the world is bringing Thomas back.

Redemption: Distraction by race car.

Sin: Target does not HAVE battery-powered wooden track Thomas.

Redemption: Ebay.

Sin: This post was much more clever in my mind.

Redemption: Blame it on the snot filling my head......

She thinks she'll keep him....

My husband uttered the two most amazing phrases last night.

"When the Olympics are over I think we should keep the tv turned off until Sweet Boy goes to bed at 8:00. We can tape anything we really want to watch."

AND

"Grab a bottle of lotion, take off your clothes and lay down in front of the fire. I want to give you a backrub."

Updated to add: Really, I should have known something was up. When I hugged him hello last night after work and asked if I could have my way with his body later that night he said, "Maybe" and that's a sure-fire YES if I play my cards right. And after Sweet Boy went to bed instead of turning on the tv he turned on the ipod.... to the Braveheart soundtrack. Everybody knows the Braveheart soundtrack means deep soulful conversation punctuated with much kissing and touching and romance.

The Helicopter

This is Sweet Boy's Ewl-cotter. It is a Rescue Heroes thing my mom got from ebay for about $12. Drives Hot Stuff crazy with all the space it takes up. I consider it to be a spare toybox... although every once in a while I find a stray sippy cup under the dash (that's why I have "sanitize" on my dishwasher, right?) Sweet Boy loves to hide under the dashboard and bounce on the seat and throw himself backwards. He has also been known to take off the rotor and use it as a jousting device. Please note "Steeler Shrek" is currently piloting this aircraft.

And, Again, With the Photo Analysis....

1. Again, the peach walls....
2. I love the "Montana Maid" print on the wall.
3. Check out the view out the window..... and that isn't even our best view.
4. Looking at the candles I realize Sweet Boy was playing with them.... the bead bases were on different candles when it started.
5. Is the 4th flower the new baby or the dog?
6. Yes, my wood table has a formica top....

Just in Case You Don't Already Have Enough Reasons To Hate Me.....

I’m in my husband’s pants again….

Literally.

Today I’m wearing a pair of Carhardtt carpenter-style jeans that make me feel like a snowboarder…. I’m all hip in my baggy denim.

The man has more jeans than any one human being on the planet. He has one ass, why does he need 46 pairs of jeans? I might have to count just to see how many pairs of jeans he really has…. I have 5 pairs. Two pairs of Twenty X jeans that are my “good” jeans. One pair of worn out Lucky jeans for the weekend and two pairs of slightly ratty Wranglers for “work” stuff. I am planning to retire one of the Twenty X jeans because they are starting to actually wear through in spots. What do you expect? I wear them at least once a week. They are the only jeans I’ve found that are slightly trendy, comfy, sexy, low-waisted but not too low-waisted, and long enough.

If I could get down to a size 7 I could get lots of hand-me-downs from my sister’s “larger” jeans… there is no way I will ever fit into her size 5’s but my body seems to be most comfortable as a size 9 no matter how many times I visit her closet and tempt my body with those cute, trendy jeans.....

Well, I mean, except now.... when I'm size 44 Fat and just really excited to be wearing jeans with a button... that I can actually button.... even if it means getting into my husband's pants... again.

The pregnancy update….

We had the ultrasound last week. The highlights: 4-chamber beating heart, no placenta previa, 2 kidneys, bladder, stomach, no obvious signs of cleft palate or spinal bifida or Down’s. I was around 19 weeks. The ultrasound indicates a July 15th due date. (LMP/Conception date says July 12th.) Who are they kidding? Sweet Boy’s ultrasound indicated a May 17th due date and he was born June 1st.

Things I thought:

Beating heart. This is huge. This is especially huge for anyone who knows the feeling of not seeing a beating heart. I know this kid is going to cause me worry until my dying day but at least this is one thing I can cross off the worry list… for now.

Whew, no spinal bifida…. I’m pretty good about taking my prenatals and always have been (they do great things for my nails & hair… everyone should take them) but, geez, what about the week I forgot them while I was on vacation….

Why did I drink all that damn water? I forgot how much I was supposed to drink so I just KEPT DRINKING. Plus all that coffee (decaf you haters) and juice. Add to that the round-about route I took to get to the ultrasound appointment and I had a very full bladder. The tech let me empty it after she looked at the placenta and then laughed at me as we got to watch it fill up again as she did the rest of the ultrasound.

I’m not gonna lie people…. it’s a cute kid. The potential of becoming a mother of two is slowly creeping up on me and taking root in my brain as a reality. Gone will be the days of smugly taking my well-behaved toddler places. I will be that haggard woman dragging around a squalling 2-year-old & a whimpering infant. Or maybe we will just stay home and watch Shrek.

Don't judge me....

I'm looking at the picture below.

Can I see the cute baby? Sure.

Do I think it is hilarious I wrote on him with a Sharpie? Absolutely.

Do I know how long it takes for that stuff to wear off? Yes. (Not that long actually.)

Can I focus on anything except the mess in the back ground? No.

Let me break it down for you.

1. Only I can see the tiny edge of stuff peaking out from under the rug... that stuff you put under them so they won't slip.

2. The cardboard box is actually me boxing up all the 2005 documents to stash in the garage. Not bad, really, but the deal is I can't seal the box until I've mailed in our tax stuff... which I haven't done yet. (And sweet hell, no, I do NOT do my own taxes. I never have. I have a lovely accountant named Peg who says doing our taxes is like a coffee break for her. How could I deny her that? Really.)

3. What color are the walls? They are antique something-or-other. Peach? Not a color I would pick.... although I couldn't say what color I WOULD pick so there ya go. In the grand remodel the walls will be painted (above the woodwork) & new carpet will be installed. Please don't get me started on the pink-toned carpet.

4. The dresser. Well, we started calling it a "buffet" when it wouldn't fit up the stairs to the bedroom and we discovered it would now be residing in the back of the living room..... It is full of movies, candles, table linens, photo albums & picture frames.

Can you read the writing on the baby's belly??

Yes, we are still celebrating. Go Steelers!

vd

Ah, guess who just got flowers at work? Yes, yes, it's me. 4 red roses.... one for each of us..... in a gorgeous red vase with some ornate stuff around the bottom. Me likey. They will look fabulous with the new refrigerator Cupid is bringing me. (Seriously, black, silver or white?)

We've made a decision. Well, Hot Stuff decided and I agree. We are going to start dating. Each other. Our date night will be the 12th of every month. We met on the 12th and we used to try to do something on the 12th but the habit sort of fell by the wayside. Originally we were going to try to go out together once a week but getting a babysitter and then we'd feel like failures if we didn't.... so we are starting small.

Officially, we are starting tonight (I know, I know... it's the 14th.... it's all about flexibility.)

Last night I accidentally got back to town from working early (bad road worries so we cut things short) so I got groceries. We put together a lovely lasagna. Tonight, well, let me set the stage:

• The house is clean. (That's what happens when Hot Stuff works all day Saturday & Sweet Boy decides the feather duster is a COOL toy.)
• Clean flannel sheets on the bed and all the pillows are fluffed.
• A gorgeous lasagna -heavy on the basil- is in the fridge ready for the oven.
• A bag of salad is waiting to be tossed & there is a cheese cake for dessert (Sara Lee). (Shut up.... it's the thought that counts.)
• The (fake) champagne is chilling.
• The table has a centerpiece of many candles and gorgeous red candles are placed strategically throughout the house.
• My favorite Aveda scented oil is in the humidifier on the pellet stove... combined with the smell of lasagna? Oh, it screams seduction.
• I shaved my legs.
• I made a new mix of massage oil & my nails are short enough to give an honestly high-quality massage.
• The ringer on the phone is off.
• The bathtub is clean and I have bubbles.
• The Boy will join us for dinner and then he goes to bed at 8:00.

One for the Road....

The last post was just too somber.... I couldn't leave it like that for the weekend when I won't be back until Tuesday.... So here's Sweet Boy..... flying his helicopter with his co-pilots.

Single Parenthood: Day 5

The mama couldn't sleep last night. A combination of lonely and fretting about work and fretting about baby. I'm going to confess something.... whenever Hot Stuff is gone I build a mound of pillows on his side of the bed and wear one of his t-shirts out of the laundry to bed. (I just have to get a semi-clean one... one time I got one he'd worn while cutting down trees.... nothing says snuggle me like the smell of chainsaw gasoline.... but BOY I slept well.)

Sweet Boy had cheesy-eggs for breakfast. He loves them. I swear, next time I make them I'm putting him on the floor and letting the dog clean his face. That stuff is like concrete when it dries.

Work & lonely will pass. Baby fretting will be cured by hearing that sweet whoosh-whoosh on the Doppler this afternoon. I invited my mother-in-law to hear it. My cousin is due around the same time I am and she emailed last night telling me how her son felt the baby kick.... at 18 weeks? She can feel movement on the outside? Wow. I feel those fluttery little kicks that could easily be confused with gas or hunger.... so I sat, concentrating with all my might, and felt.... nothing. Even though my ration brain was reminding me movement isn't reliable this early I worried. So I ate something sugary and flopped down on my left side... just like the books tell you too... something that works great..... later on. My ration brain was now yelling at me to just go to bed and go to sleep already... this wouldn' t WORK. But I tried anyway. And got.... nothing. And this morning on the way to daycare I was rewarded with about 15 thumps to the backside of my belly. Little shit... already not doing what mama wants.

And then the daycarista told me the mama due in April is having a boy. Sweet Boy won't be the only XY-chromosome bearer anymore! And then she told me the mama due the same time I am lost her baby. And I teared up thinking about her and I wondered how it happened and I wondered how she was coping and I wondered if I REALLY felt those kicks this morning....

And then I talked to one of my friends and her daughter's teacher just lost a baby. And I told my friend to remember that mama on her due date. Nobody remembers the mama on the due date. My due date was February 16th... maybe that is what has me dwelling on this so much lately. If that baby had been born the same amount late Sweet Boy was born the birthdate would have been my Grandma's birthday. My special grandma. Somehow that's a sign and a comfort to me. I think when you have a loss like that you take comfort wherever you can and you treasure that comfort like a precious thing. That's what I think.

And why is the term "lost a baby" so inadequate? It's not like I left the baby in the cart at Target. It makes me feel like that little baby's soul is just out there... lost. And no baby that was loved and wanted can just be lost like that, can they?

And then today I went to Torrie's blog and learned her baby, her precious and so long sought baby, doesn't have a heart beat. And my heart broke. So, please, if you can, go to her. Offer what comfort you can and let her know people are thinking about her.

Single Parenthood: Day 4

We got Dr. Seuss books last night!! From ebay.... lots of them.... for cheap. So we spent the whole evening reading, arranging the books in stacks, driving the books around in the dump truck & making stepping stones from the stairs to the couch. What? It beat the heck out of the available tv options....

I officially added to my vd gift list because, well, not EVERY town in Montana has a Victoria's Secret but the town Hot Stuff happens to be training in does..... "thong. size M. Get me what you like, baby...." Now he will have to take his two co-workers with him to Vicky's.... poor Vicky.... she has no idea what she's in for with those monkeys in the store.

The rest of my list? a refrigerator (black, white or silver??), a lottery ticket (he gets me one for every major holiday because how could you beat that gift if we won??), Hershey's kissables, some really fine quality chocolate from The Parrot.

Life as a single parent is, amazingly, settling into a routine. I routinely curse my husband every night when he calls to tell me where they are eating dinner and we are eating frozen pizza.

The math is still killing him... it gets harder every day and he's still got a bad cold so he's miserable. And, of course, he's miserable missing us. Sweet Boy "read" him Green Eggs & Ham (still his favorite book of all time) on the phone this morning.

Tonight's excitement includes starting the Nielson ratings book tv journal thingy. (They sent me $15 to do it!!) It will be kinda like doing a food journal. I'll have to stop and think, "Do I really want to watch this if it means letting the world know it??"

One more night.....

4 things....

Greenie tagged me. I feel so honored and flattered. So here you go...

Four jobs you have had in your life:
Waitress (gawds this sucked… but I was kinda good at it in a short-skirts-and-baseball-caps-are-cute kinda way.)
Program Director/Instructor at a Martial Arts School (Easy to decide what to wear every morning, no shoes are a great excuse for a good pedicure, and, oh, being a positive influence and role model)
Sponsorship Coordinator for a ski film company (A whole lot of perks and a whole lot of assholes to work for….)
ADA/504 Coordinator & Grant Director (Who knows what an ADA/504 Coordinator is?? Ok, me neither until I discovered it was covered in my job description by “other duties as assigned.”)

Four Movies you could watch over and over:
Can I say I rarely watch movies over and over?? I have a hard enough time making it through once… I feel compelled to get up and do laundry or something and call myself productive.

The Princess Bride
Blast from the Past
The Incredibles
Shrek 2 (Thankfully I like this movie…. Because it is Sweet Boy’s favorite)

Four Places I have Lived:
The Hi-Line, Montana (Everyone should grow up in a place like this…. It makes you appreciate other places so much more……)
Colorado Springs & Boulder, Colorado (Places I lived included such appetizing names as: The Virgin Vault, Cameltoe Hump (ok, it wasn’t really called that but Lala called it that and now I can’t remember the real name.. Camel something….)
Sacramento area, California (I lived in several ‘burbs… it doesn’t matter which ones… they are all the same.)
Helena, Montana (And you know I’ll probably die here.)

Four TV Shows I like to watch:
Because Thursday night is tv night at our house….

ER (Although I watch it more out of habit than entertainment these days….)
CSI (We watch this upstairs where we get reception of ABC & CBS while we tape My Name is Earl & The Office downstairs… it is that complicated… and, yes, rabbit ears are involved.)
My Name is Earl
The Office

I also have to add I really like Grey’s Anatomy but it is on the channel that doesn’t come in very well so we rarely watch it… but Lala tapes it and sends it to me sometimes. And Hot Stuff likes Love Monkey which is funny because he HATES monkeys…. But he likes that guy who used to be on Ed.

Four Places I have been on vacation:
Oaxaca, Mexico (Go. There. Now. The most amazing art & it is just FUN.)
Sulmona, Italy (Peaceful. And so flattering when some fat guy in plaid shorts asks, “Do-vey. Il. Vino Shoppe??” What would YOU do? Respond in English or screw around with him in Italian??)
Radium Hot Springs, Canada (My favorite vacation spot. In the past we have routinely taken 3 generations of women to Radium and we’ve all come back alive…. and done our part to support the Canadian economy.)
Jamaica (Does it say something sad that this is the only really beach-y place I’ve been? Is it sadder that I went there for a marine biology class and got college credit for the trip??)

Four Websites I go to weekly:

Helenair.com
Mt.gov
Epinions.com

Blog sites:
Truths & Half-Truths (and from there on to his blog list….)
LadyBug (and from there her blog list…)
A Mama’s Rant (and from there her blog list…)
Dooce
Sierrabella
Harlow & the Boys
Mrtl
Friday Playdate
DaycareDaze
M&Co.
MT Politics


Four favorite foods:
Spicy. Not insanely hot, but spicy anything… Thai, Mexican, Korean.
Sushi…. And did I post about the good sushi I had at Target in Colorado Springs in October??? Yes. Target. As in “See Spot Save.”
Foods that start with “C” like cheese & chocolate.
All those good homemade comfort foods I make when I’m really on task and have a meal plan worked out… like lasagna & pizza & tacos & calzones & chicken pot pie & spaghetti & stir fry & chili.

Four places I would rather be right now:
Someplace warm, secluded and perhaps slightly tropical with a tall fruity virgin umbrella drink, a big bottle of sunscreen and Hot Stuff…. Wearing nothing but a Steelers ball cap & a smile.

Just down the street at this place that does wonderful pregnancy massage.

At the Broadwater swimming in the hot springs with Sweet Boy…. What? Pregnancy is the only time you can go to the pool and be truly, deliciously unselfconscious. You know you look great and that fabulous pregnancy glow outshines the swelling ankles, poorly pedicured toes, & moon-face that come with the territory.

Curled up in the “nest” with Gunnar, Hot Stuff, Sweet Boy & Mrow-mrow. We have this futon as a sorry consolation prize for a spare bedroom… but it has great natural light, good lamps & reading material, a level spot for snacks & drinks, and lots of fluffy pillows & down blankets.

Four people I'm tagging:
You.
You.
You.
And You.

Now go… and tell me everything!

Single Parenthood: Day 3

Things are sliding downhill backwards as far as the AM routine.... Sweet Boy slept in until 9:00 this morning. I figure he's still a little out of it from being sick last week so I didn't wake him up... instead, I chose to stretch our morning together out even longer by going to Nana's work. She was just commenting about how her co-workers haven't seen him since he was a BABY. (It's true. When I was on maternity leave with him we walked to her work almost every afternoon for a little visit. It is about a mile from where we used to live & the perfect place for a potty break & a cool drink in the shade before walking home.) So my work arrival time was a stellar 10:30 am. Again I say... good thing I worked so much last weekend so I have time to burn. (That comment was really just for my brother.... he thinks I am a slothful worker whenever he catches me on IM when I'm working from home.... curious, isn't it, that he's usually at work with his feet up on his desk when he's calling me a slug....)

Sweet Boy & I went shopping last night.

I'm in search of that cheap-but-perfect black bag... the one that will hold my little purse, a few file folders, a water bottle & a snack.... comfortably but stylishly... I found three at Ross so I bought them all. My sister will help me decide.

Now, let me preface this by saying.... I talk to Sweet Boy all the time. So much so that sometimes I find myself in the grocery store saying, "Look. A tomato. What color are tomatoes? Tomatoes are red." and then I look down at my empty shopping cart and remember Sweet Boy is with his daddy and I thank my lucky stars I'm shopping at the local Vann's Thriftway where everyone knows me and not at Wal-Mart where the assistant manager has the men-in-white-coats on speed dial.

So when I ask, "Hey, do you want to look at black purses?" and Sweet Boy responds with, "No. Toys, mama." and cracks up the sales clerks it is really just an average day in the life of Homestead. We spent considerable time in the toy section but no purchases were made. Although I did note they have a lovely selection of "Chuck the Truck" 4-packs that would go nicely in the diaper bag & vehicles.

Sweet Boy talked to his daddy on the phone..... we've been practicing animal sounds and it made perfect sense when daddy asked, "What does a chicken say?" and Sweet Boy answered, "Oink. Oink." Like, duh, daddy.... everybody knows you have to ask them in the correct order and bacon trumps drumsticks any day.

2 nights down and 2 to go.....

Single Parenthood: Day 2

I cheated a little (wait.... finish the damn sentence before you go judging me....) and brought another semi-responsible adult into my world yesterday. My sister came to work, swapped cars with me, and got Sweet Boy from daycare. Then we all met at my house and went for a lovely walk.... with only two neighbor encounters -one bad & one good- for excitement. The "bad" neighbor said some vaguely menacing things about my (on a leash) dog and his pigeons. He didn't actually say my dog was a problem but warned me to not let him run by his house. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about because my dog is penned during the day and doesn't cross the road to where his house is... but whatever. The "good" neighbor specifically came down to tell me not to let the "bad" neighbor bully me. Apparently he considers himself "The Mayor of the Gulch" and has run-ins with almost every neighbor including pulling a GUN on one, running one off the road and chasing her with a walking stick, shooting another's rooster & leaving it on someone else's doorstep. Charming. So how funny will I look going for a walk with my red fleece jacket, yuppy trek jogger stroller & a giant shotgun over my shoulder? Can I call it a cardio-weights combo workout? I think for the next few weeks I will walk the other direction even if it means sticking to the paved road with more traffic.

So when Hot Stuff called home to complain about how much math he has to do in his class (He swears it is worse than calculus....) I had a story to tell him. He was, um, less than pleased.

Sweet Boy... being the angel-boy that he is capable of being... went to bed at 8:30 and slept until 7:45 am. Not a peep.... except the cat banging on the door around midnight wanting out of his room.

We did better this morning... not that I left the house before 9:00... but I slept in until 7:30....

Chunk Light

It seems it has been a while since I've had a tuna lunch kit... the tuna now comes in a pouch that only reminds me of cat food a little bit and I got a plastic spoon instead of a wooden one that sets my teeth on edge. And I put in the whole packet of relish so that must count as a serving of veggies, right?

Single Parenthood: Day 1

I think we will have tofu hot dogs & velveeta grilled cheese sandwiches this week. Two foods I secretly love but would hate for anyone to know.....

The kid slept until 8:15 this morning. Which means I didn't get to work until 9:45. Good thing I worked 18 hours this weekend.

Hot Stuff called. He will be back Friday night. I'm counting the seconds....

Must figure out how to get to work earlier...... this morning I was up at 6:15, helped Hot Stuff gather his stuff and get out the door (good-bye's.... even long ones..... suck) by 7:00. Did a load of laundry, showered, dressed, checked email, took out the garbage, emptied the rest of my suitcase, emptied the dishwasher, fed Sweet Boy breakfast & dressed him, put the dog in the pen, loaded up the car & left the house by.... 9:00. How do people do this??

Susan wants details.... baby details. She specifically said she wanted conception details..... or was that NOT details..... here it is in quick outline form.... more next week.... I'm off shortly to Billings for work stuff this weekend..... who-hoo.

Oct 19: Return to Montana from Colorado vacation with Sweet Boy.

Oct 20 or 21st: Make a baby.

Some ridiculously early November date... a Sunday: Smell cat food... from across the house.... and, well, just know..... wait about 20 or 30 seconds and decide to pee on a stick. Yeah!

Spend all of November hoping not to miscarry.

Spend all of December laughing at how mad everyone will be we aren't telling them at Christmas.

January 6th: Call my folks and tell them. Dad says some fabulously memorable things that I wish I'd written down in more detail.... very happy. Then we went to dinner with Hot Stuff's parents and told them. (We weren't going to tell anyone but we HAD too... they were planning us into a trip to San Fran for a wedding in June.... there will be no travel for me in June.)

Various other dates: Doctor appts etc.

Feb 15th: Ultrasound

July 12th: Due Date

Feelings: I'm obviously designed to be a breeder.... no morning sickness (ok, once.... I gagged myself), no major weight gain, some bloating, no real cravings (although it is 10:00 am and I'm eating leftover hot-n-sour soup so......).

Maternity clothes: As mrtl says, "Friends don't let friends wear paisley." I wore then for 3.5 months with Sweet Boy..... If I can make it until April 1st it will only be 3.5 months for Sequel... there is NO WAY I'm making it until April 1st.... does that make all the pregnant women out there feel better? I know... it's hard to forgive me the no morning sickness thing, isn't it??

XL

And now, please, pause a moment, bow your heads & pray to whatever diety pleases you that Sunday's Super Bowl has the appropriate outcome.... whatever the outcome Hot Stuff will be unbearable to live with before, during and after the game.... although I do love the way he slowly unzips his fleece vest before he flashes me his Steeler-clad chest.

The Crown Prince

Because, really.... hasn't it just been TOO LONG since you've seen a little kid in prison stripes & a smashed down cowboy hat?

These are my parents....

Hhmmmm.

Do you think it is bad my brother is referring to this baby as "The Sequel."????