Sorry for the radio silence.... I was traumatized by Victoria's Secret.
From that last post down there about cleaning my closets you will note I needed to go bra shopping. You did note that, didn't you?
Well Saturday was the day. I started the day bright and early by driving to Brady with my daughter. We stopped along the way to get coffee (dude, I needed some sort of luxury... I was about to meet my brother's future mother-in-law) and my sister. My sister got new boots. Wow. Lovely. Doc Marten's (sp?).
I'll spare you the part about watching her drink her fiber drink through a straw while I was driving. Oh, wait, I didn't just spare you that, did I?
So we went to our future sis-in-law's bridal shower (note to self: Stop calling it a baby shower..... you'll make people talk) and had a good time. Excellent punch. (Although there was no booze in it.) Good turn out. (Much to the pleasure of my brother's future mother-in-law.... I think these things reflect well on the status of the family, don't you??) Great gifts.
Then we journeyed back to the big town to see her wedding dress options. Again... I needed coffee. She looked good and the decision was made. Hope she likes the dress.... the rest of us loved it. Sis & I decided we could submit her photos to Nutrisystem and make a few bucks because the girl is looking GOOD. She's dropped about 45 pounds in the last year. A year ago I would have told you she looked good. Now she is drop-friggin-dead gorgeous. And you'd need a putty knife to scrape the grin off my brother's face.
We didn't make it to my FAVORITE store to shop the clearance before closing time. But we did hit Vickie's Secret to find me a fabulous bra. NOT. NONE fit. NONE. Nothing was even close. Not comfortable, not sexy, not supportive. Not good. Mom was busy entertaining Tuff... who was in tactile heaven with all those silky things. Sis & I were looking at each other with puzzlement.... seriously.
So we headed to the big department store at the end of the row to see what they had to offer. I wanted to check out the iBra by Wacoal because my seriously fashion forward cousin loves them. And I needed a new jog bra. Strike Out. The iBra was not working for me and the brand and style of jogger I wanted wasn't in stock. Sigh.
So I saw a cheaper on-sale-for-$18 bra that was cute. Tried it on. Perfect. Thank you very much Bali. And I got a free Estee Lauder lipstick with purchase.
The End.... Until next time.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Savemobile.org we love you.
The kids and I took the recycling in on Sunday. Zowie. We all smelled like old beer and had to wash coats after but we got it done! I had one panic moment tossing a string of #2 colored plastics in the pickup and smelling bleach... maybe I didn't rinse so well and I was wearing my favorite black jacket but all seems to be fine.
The kids are fine assistants but there is something disturbing about watching an 18-month-old totter around with a beer bottle in each hand. So we put her in charge of pop cans and milk jugs. Sweet gathered lots of red milk caps for our next project. We almost have enough. We are going to make a concentration matching game using pictures of his friends and family. Isn't that sweet enough to make you gag?
Met several people at the glass recycling at the transfer station who laughed and said they'd meet me at the plastic recycling later when they saw the milk monster in we were hauling. Several giant strings of milk jugs and two chubby-cheeked tots just make people smile.
Plastic recycling is only offered 4 times a year here.
It isn't like we make anything easy.... glass, cardboard & tin cans go to the transfer station (hurry to make it by 4:45.... damn Daylight Savings), then to the Humane Society so they can make a buck from Hot Stuff's diet caffeine-free pepsi addiction, and a final stop at the Old Armory to dump the plastic.
We were going to get a movie but we looked like ragamuffins and smelled worse so we went home and used the ball scooper toys to throw snow at the barn instead. Do we know how to have a good time or what?
The kids are fine assistants but there is something disturbing about watching an 18-month-old totter around with a beer bottle in each hand. So we put her in charge of pop cans and milk jugs. Sweet gathered lots of red milk caps for our next project. We almost have enough. We are going to make a concentration matching game using pictures of his friends and family. Isn't that sweet enough to make you gag?
Met several people at the glass recycling at the transfer station who laughed and said they'd meet me at the plastic recycling later when they saw the milk monster in we were hauling. Several giant strings of milk jugs and two chubby-cheeked tots just make people smile.
Plastic recycling is only offered 4 times a year here.
It isn't like we make anything easy.... glass, cardboard & tin cans go to the transfer station (hurry to make it by 4:45.... damn Daylight Savings), then to the Humane Society so they can make a buck from Hot Stuff's diet caffeine-free pepsi addiction, and a final stop at the Old Armory to dump the plastic.
We were going to get a movie but we looked like ragamuffins and smelled worse so we went home and used the ball scooper toys to throw snow at the barn instead. Do we know how to have a good time or what?
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
My parenting philosophy
Know the rules so you can break the rules.
This is how I parent. Heck, this is how I live.
I know, you were expecting something brilliant weren't you? You wanted something from a parenting book.... maybe some Dr. Sears or the Baby Whisperer. Sorry. Not here.
In this house every rule has a collary.
Rule: Movie night is Friday night. We watch a kid dvd between 6:30-8:00. Popcorn. Eating dinner in the living room with tv trays. The whole bit. This cuts down on the "Can I watch a movie?" whining during the week. Is it Friday? No. Then you can't watch a movie. In theory this gives us something to look forward to and something to bargain with.... what? Go ahead. Tell me you never bargain with the under 36 inch set. I'll call you a liar to your face.... The key to good bargaining is follow up. A gentle reminder to behave yourself or you won't get a movie will buy me an extra 15 minutes in the grocery store.... enough time to call home and have Hot Stuff read me my list.... my perfectly organized list that is on the fridge where I forgot it. (Let me add... my perfectly organized list to make my perfectly planned and executed and nutritious meals... because.... I AM perfect. Remember that when you stop by and I'm wearing my pj's at 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, couch cushions everywhere, music blaring and my daughter is jumping off the couch with a pacifier (read: mouth guard) while my son races the little boy in the oven... somehow they always end in a tie.) Daycare time outs for serious infractions (like tackling..... not the exuberant tackle but the agressive tackle) result in the loss of movie night. The End. Hey kid, it sucks for me too. I enjoy your excitement over picking a movie. I love watching Meet the Robinson's. I like the Friday night down time to relax into a glass of wine and contemplate the weekend.
Collary: Sick kids watch dvds. When mommy has work deadlines kids watch dvds. Kids can make special dates with Nana to watch dvds. When mommy & daddy have friends over to watch movies all the kids get to watch old vhs tapes... IN THE MAMA BEDROOM. Who-hoo. Now that, my friends, is a SPECIAL TREAT.
Other house rules that are made to be broken:
No eating dinner in front of the tv. Unless it is movie night. Or Saturday morning cartoons and waffles.
Put away what you are playing with before you get out more toys. Unless.... no wait, no unless. Just do this. Or you will make mama crazy and she will have to personally put in a call to The Toy Fairy to come clear out your toys because you obviously don't want these ones anymore if you don't respect them enough to put them away. The Toy Fairy... he is a ruthless, ruthless little man with wings and glitter dust.
Cover your ding-ding in the living room...it is just polite. But mom... it's called a penis. (We actually HAVe this conversation on a regular basis...) Ok, after bath streaking to stand in front of the stove is acceptable.
No standing on the counters. (Anyone else have a monkey for a child? I'm talking about the 18-month-old here..... she scales all cabinets and counters..... right in front of my eyes!)
Use soap. No exceptions.
See... these are the rules. I'll try to think of more. Think you could/would live at my house?
This is how I parent. Heck, this is how I live.
I know, you were expecting something brilliant weren't you? You wanted something from a parenting book.... maybe some Dr. Sears or the Baby Whisperer. Sorry. Not here.
In this house every rule has a collary.
Rule: Movie night is Friday night. We watch a kid dvd between 6:30-8:00. Popcorn. Eating dinner in the living room with tv trays. The whole bit. This cuts down on the "Can I watch a movie?" whining during the week. Is it Friday? No. Then you can't watch a movie. In theory this gives us something to look forward to and something to bargain with.... what? Go ahead. Tell me you never bargain with the under 36 inch set. I'll call you a liar to your face.... The key to good bargaining is follow up. A gentle reminder to behave yourself or you won't get a movie will buy me an extra 15 minutes in the grocery store.... enough time to call home and have Hot Stuff read me my list.... my perfectly organized list that is on the fridge where I forgot it. (Let me add... my perfectly organized list to make my perfectly planned and executed and nutritious meals... because.... I AM perfect. Remember that when you stop by and I'm wearing my pj's at 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, couch cushions everywhere, music blaring and my daughter is jumping off the couch with a pacifier (read: mouth guard) while my son races the little boy in the oven... somehow they always end in a tie.) Daycare time outs for serious infractions (like tackling..... not the exuberant tackle but the agressive tackle) result in the loss of movie night. The End. Hey kid, it sucks for me too. I enjoy your excitement over picking a movie. I love watching Meet the Robinson's. I like the Friday night down time to relax into a glass of wine and contemplate the weekend.
Collary: Sick kids watch dvds. When mommy has work deadlines kids watch dvds. Kids can make special dates with Nana to watch dvds. When mommy & daddy have friends over to watch movies all the kids get to watch old vhs tapes... IN THE MAMA BEDROOM. Who-hoo. Now that, my friends, is a SPECIAL TREAT.
Other house rules that are made to be broken:
No eating dinner in front of the tv. Unless it is movie night. Or Saturday morning cartoons and waffles.
Put away what you are playing with before you get out more toys. Unless.... no wait, no unless. Just do this. Or you will make mama crazy and she will have to personally put in a call to The Toy Fairy to come clear out your toys because you obviously don't want these ones anymore if you don't respect them enough to put them away. The Toy Fairy... he is a ruthless, ruthless little man with wings and glitter dust.
Cover your ding-ding in the living room...it is just polite. But mom... it's called a penis. (We actually HAVe this conversation on a regular basis...) Ok, after bath streaking to stand in front of the stove is acceptable.
No standing on the counters. (Anyone else have a monkey for a child? I'm talking about the 18-month-old here..... she scales all cabinets and counters..... right in front of my eyes!)
Use soap. No exceptions.
See... these are the rules. I'll try to think of more. Think you could/would live at my house?
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Closet Wars.
Rachel (Can I call her by her first name? Like I know her? Like I'm not a stalker?) has YET ANOTHER great post up. This one about cleaning the closet.
Hello, my name is K and I have a confession.... Last month I cleaned my closet and it was damn near orgasmic.
Here, for the record, is how I did it and how you, too, can do it. (wow... that was quite the grammaritmare, wasn't it?)
First. Call your sister. Or, alternately, call my sister.
A note about my sister. She has style. She has sense. She recently got tired of maintaining 3 wardrobes (one for work, one for socializing and one for weekends) so she started looking for "pieces" that can do multiple duty. Not saying she's wearing her horse-riding under armour to work or anything... but she is applying that tried-n-true concept of knowing your own style and going with basics rather than trendy.
So, first, she asked me about my style.
My style. I (with the help of my mother and my friend) developed a decent summer work style. A few pairs of nice fitting capris, a couple cute skirts & some simple tops. Add in two or three trendy tops, some nice "signature" jewelry and one great pair of slides (covered toe... can't remember the brand) and I was doing ok until the weather got cold. Winter is jeans, jeans, jeans. With a few vests, a couple sweaters & some very boring long sleeved tops. Hey... I'm a work in progress.
So, then, she assessed my, um, shape.
I'm tall. I've got that going for me. And leggy. Elegant. I like to think I'm elegant. And round. I am short-waisted AND I have scoliosis and no definable waist AT ALL. I look like one of those kid's drawing of a circle with stick legs. I lost all the baby weight after the second baby with ease.... then, somehow, in the following year I gained it all back and then some. So I'm a bit, um, "stout".... or "built like a telephone pole"... whatever works.
So then we started going through the closet.
My biggest fear was ending up naked. Seriously. I was afraid she would tell me to scrap it all and start over. My instructions to her were honesty, simplification & put-together outfits... not necessarily in that order.
So we dove in. I'll spare you the hours of giggling, tea drinking & nudity. She let me keep the two new pairs of long shorts I got on clearance at Eddie Bauer.... but the rest (including several pairs of soccer shorts.... I don't play soccer.... wtf? Soccer shorts?) went in "the bag." I got rid of the oldest and illest fitting of the "casual" pants. I narrowed the sweatshirt selection. I emptied the entire cedar chest. I culled t-shirts, undies, and socks. I realized I have exactly NO bras that fit. I let go of the wool socks I adore but that are not good for my sensitive skin. I discovered three jackets that actually fit me but I was afraid to put on because I was sure they would be too tight (who-hoo gym time & eating right.... maybe it will indeed someday pay off....). All horizontal stripes (even you, expensive dress) are gone.
I kept a few select sentimental items to be repurposed. (I'm making Christmas stockings and these fabrics will make great sock tops.... sentimental, pretty & free.)
I came out of it with 4 large trash bags of donations, lots of space, color organized and easy to find clothing and a need to go bra shopping. I'll work on that. It motivated Hot Stuff to do his closet the following weekend. We have more sex now. (What? That could be a result of a more peaceful and inviting bedroom, right?) Although he still won't let me light candles in the bedroom..... and a maglite just isn't the kind of ambiance I'm lookin' for....
Wait. Focus. Post. Not. About. Sex.
So my closets are clean. My bedroom still has ugly peach carpet but my closets are clean. I still need to paint the walls but my closets are clean.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
Hello, my name is K and I have a confession.... Last month I cleaned my closet and it was damn near orgasmic.
Here, for the record, is how I did it and how you, too, can do it. (wow... that was quite the grammaritmare, wasn't it?)
First. Call your sister. Or, alternately, call my sister.
A note about my sister. She has style. She has sense. She recently got tired of maintaining 3 wardrobes (one for work, one for socializing and one for weekends) so she started looking for "pieces" that can do multiple duty. Not saying she's wearing her horse-riding under armour to work or anything... but she is applying that tried-n-true concept of knowing your own style and going with basics rather than trendy.
So, first, she asked me about my style.
My style. I (with the help of my mother and my friend) developed a decent summer work style. A few pairs of nice fitting capris, a couple cute skirts & some simple tops. Add in two or three trendy tops, some nice "signature" jewelry and one great pair of slides (covered toe... can't remember the brand) and I was doing ok until the weather got cold. Winter is jeans, jeans, jeans. With a few vests, a couple sweaters & some very boring long sleeved tops. Hey... I'm a work in progress.
So, then, she assessed my, um, shape.
I'm tall. I've got that going for me. And leggy. Elegant. I like to think I'm elegant. And round. I am short-waisted AND I have scoliosis and no definable waist AT ALL. I look like one of those kid's drawing of a circle with stick legs. I lost all the baby weight after the second baby with ease.... then, somehow, in the following year I gained it all back and then some. So I'm a bit, um, "stout".... or "built like a telephone pole"... whatever works.
So then we started going through the closet.
My biggest fear was ending up naked. Seriously. I was afraid she would tell me to scrap it all and start over. My instructions to her were honesty, simplification & put-together outfits... not necessarily in that order.
So we dove in. I'll spare you the hours of giggling, tea drinking & nudity. She let me keep the two new pairs of long shorts I got on clearance at Eddie Bauer.... but the rest (including several pairs of soccer shorts.... I don't play soccer.... wtf? Soccer shorts?) went in "the bag." I got rid of the oldest and illest fitting of the "casual" pants. I narrowed the sweatshirt selection. I emptied the entire cedar chest. I culled t-shirts, undies, and socks. I realized I have exactly NO bras that fit. I let go of the wool socks I adore but that are not good for my sensitive skin. I discovered three jackets that actually fit me but I was afraid to put on because I was sure they would be too tight (who-hoo gym time & eating right.... maybe it will indeed someday pay off....). All horizontal stripes (even you, expensive dress) are gone.
I kept a few select sentimental items to be repurposed. (I'm making Christmas stockings and these fabrics will make great sock tops.... sentimental, pretty & free.)
I came out of it with 4 large trash bags of donations, lots of space, color organized and easy to find clothing and a need to go bra shopping. I'll work on that. It motivated Hot Stuff to do his closet the following weekend. We have more sex now. (What? That could be a result of a more peaceful and inviting bedroom, right?) Although he still won't let me light candles in the bedroom..... and a maglite just isn't the kind of ambiance I'm lookin' for....
Wait. Focus. Post. Not. About. Sex.
So my closets are clean. My bedroom still has ugly peach carpet but my closets are clean. I still need to paint the walls but my closets are clean.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Joiners and Loners
Love this. Relate to this. But have decided to not worry about this. Friends. Who has 'em? Who needs 'em?
Sometimes I watch my neighbors decorate their mailboxes together (green foil shamrocks this month) and wish I was more of a joiner. But I'm not.
And sometimes I look at the women I know locally who could or should be "part of my circle" and I wonder what is wrong with me. Then I look again and wonder what is wrong with them.... I don't play nice with the competimommies. And I don't exactly fit in with the granola mommies. Or the snob mommies. Or the redneck mommies.
So what's a girl to do?
I have one close long distance friend. You can find her here. I have one local friend that I should spend more time with because I really do like her and we have lots in common (including high school, offbeat families, husbands who hunt, toddlers & long legs) but we both realize we are what we are.... and neither one of us is a joiner. I imagine I will gain more "mom friends" as my kids get older. Or not.
There are times.... there are times....
Sometimes I watch my neighbors decorate their mailboxes together (green foil shamrocks this month) and wish I was more of a joiner. But I'm not.
And sometimes I look at the women I know locally who could or should be "part of my circle" and I wonder what is wrong with me. Then I look again and wonder what is wrong with them.... I don't play nice with the competimommies. And I don't exactly fit in with the granola mommies. Or the snob mommies. Or the redneck mommies.
So what's a girl to do?
I have one close long distance friend. You can find her here. I have one local friend that I should spend more time with because I really do like her and we have lots in common (including high school, offbeat families, husbands who hunt, toddlers & long legs) but we both realize we are what we are.... and neither one of us is a joiner. I imagine I will gain more "mom friends" as my kids get older. Or not.
There are times.... there are times....
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Pot Luck
So my mom, sis & I are making a little cookbook for my brother and future sis-in-law.
Some family favorites & some easy dinner ideas and such.....
Penuche frosting
Pul Go Gi
Beer-cheese soup
Porcupine meatballs
Chicken enchiladas
The amazing chocolate frosting
Ramen casserole
Fisheye salad
Stovetop stuffing
Taco soup
Spinnin' chicken salad
Ziplock omlettes
Calzones
Steak sandwiches
One Ton fried rice
Hamburger pizza
Pigs in blankets (aka weiner wraps)
Cukes-n-onions salad (vinegar, water, sesame seeds, soyo sauce.... refrigerate)
Just listing all the "family favorites" has me realizing something... we are damn weird people.
Some family favorites & some easy dinner ideas and such.....
Penuche frosting
Pul Go Gi
Beer-cheese soup
Porcupine meatballs
Chicken enchiladas
The amazing chocolate frosting
Ramen casserole
Fisheye salad
Stovetop stuffing
Taco soup
Spinnin' chicken salad
Ziplock omlettes
Calzones
Steak sandwiches
One Ton fried rice
Hamburger pizza
Pigs in blankets (aka weiner wraps)
Cukes-n-onions salad (vinegar, water, sesame seeds, soyo sauce.... refrigerate)
Just listing all the "family favorites" has me realizing something... we are damn weird people.
Monday, February 25, 2008
40 Things in 40 Days 2008
- Make duvet cover for master bedroom.
- Clean master closets.
- Take in plastic recycling.
- Write thank you notes.
- Send out holiday cards.
- Do another issue of family newsletter.
- Mail in tax stuff (bonus: by Valentine’s Day!)
- Read Dave Ramsey and create a livable budget.
- Pay library fines.
- Schedule car shampoo.
- Create recipe book for Brother.
- Brush & Bathe Gunnar once a week.
- Paint ceiling edges in Tuff’s room.
- Do photo collage for Brother & Sis-in-Law to be.
- Hang up branding iron.
- Research property history.
- Write Histo grant.
- Sew pockets on Sweet’s bedspread.
- Reorganize kid toys with rotation cycle.
- Scan old photos.
- Paint chalkboard wall & touch up paint chalkboard dresser.
- Prime & paint laundry room/playroom cabinets
- Paint laundry room/playroom blue
- Hang laundry room/playroom cabinets
- Schedule eye appointment
- Take bags in garage to donate.
- Recycle cans to Humane Society.
- Clean car.
- Make new dust ruffle for master bedroom.
- Shop for new linoleum.
- Put up coat hooks for kid coats.
- Take pallets to friend for basement.
- Get a hair cut.
- Call to get an energy audit.
- Put all kid coats in one place in shed.
- Put money in IRA’s.
- Sort and use up scrapbooking supplies.
- Do creative project with kids and shredded crayons.
- Reframe Roy Rogers pics in Tuff's room.
- Order prints in black & white.
40 days of Lent. 40 things to do. A few of these might be a bit ambitious but you never know what you can do......
Clarification
I need to clarify that I didn't WRITE the post below. It was emailed to me. Just so you know I'm not taking credit for it.
And I'm not going to say I agree with EVERYTHING in the post.... but I do agree with a lot of it.
And, yes, I have been told I have a lot of isolationist tendencies.
I do believe in starting local. With a lot of things. The food we eat. The issues we deal with. The causes, charities & organizations we support.
Stepping, carefully, down off of soap box now.
And I'm not going to say I agree with EVERYTHING in the post.... but I do agree with a lot of it.
And, yes, I have been told I have a lot of isolationist tendencies.
I do believe in starting local. With a lot of things. The food we eat. The issues we deal with. The causes, charities & organizations we support.
Stepping, carefully, down off of soap box now.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Truth in Advertising
I hate the commercial on tv that has a smoke detector sound on it.... gets me every time.
I also dislike the meth commercial with the screaming girl.... it never fails to come on about 8:30 and scare the sleeping children.
And a local new radio station does one with a newborn crying.... made my milk let down every time.
Or the one that has police sirens in it.... great to hear that one by the speed trap on Henderson.
I also dislike the meth commercial with the screaming girl.... it never fails to come on about 8:30 and scare the sleeping children.
And a local new radio station does one with a newborn crying.... made my milk let down every time.
Or the one that has police sirens in it.... great to hear that one by the speed trap on Henderson.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES....
PLEASE DISCUSS:
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicle s will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be developing alternative energies to free ourselves from oil dependency and do our part for global warming.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicle s will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be developing alternative energies to free ourselves from oil dependency and do our part for global warming.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Snot Walrus
Those of you with kids already know what this post is about by the title. The dreaded snot walrus is visiting. It's been a while but I've got two little ones with slime running out of their faces. The littlest one, Tuff, sneezes and then just stands there, petrified, going "uh, uh, uh" until someone brings her a tissue..... play the game too slowly and she wipes it, delicately, on her sleeve. I become suspect when she comes up wanting a hug... I know she really just wants to wipe her tiny little button nose on my shoulder.
So we have used up the vapo-bath (note to self: Email Elle and ask her the name of that natural vapo stuff she was talking about...). We read the directions for the temporal scanning thermometer. We are officially out of tissues. We polished off the last bits of (expired) liquid generic motrin & tylenol. I know Sweet is watching too much tv when he grabs my face with both hands, looks me deeply in the eye, and says, "Mama. I need delsym." And he can spell it. Damn commercials. We've eaten every can of "emergency" soup in the cupboard.
The three-day weekend allowed us to wallow in it. The kids took long baths and then put on fresh jammies regardless of the time of day. We went outside (fresh air. I believe in fresh air.) with snowsuits over jammies. We watched movies and read every book in Tuff's book case. We opened a brand new pack of markers. Sweet & I are working our way through "Farmer Boy" and we made a good dent this weekend. Hot Stuff & I gave ourselves permission to read.... trashy novels and magazines.... saying we were saving our strength so we didn't come down with anything. We painted the laundry room wall black (what? How did that sneak in there? Black? In the laundry room? More later....). We didn't go ANYWHERE. Well, Hot Stuff ventured out for movies and an egg from his mom. (For baking bread.)
Tuff does this hilarious full body shudder when she takes medicine. Sweet likes to chase his with a shot of juice. Hot Stuff & I drank whiskey... medicinally, of course. Several days later and we are both still snot-free so it MUST be working.....
So we have used up the vapo-bath (note to self: Email Elle and ask her the name of that natural vapo stuff she was talking about...). We read the directions for the temporal scanning thermometer. We are officially out of tissues. We polished off the last bits of (expired) liquid generic motrin & tylenol. I know Sweet is watching too much tv when he grabs my face with both hands, looks me deeply in the eye, and says, "Mama. I need delsym." And he can spell it. Damn commercials. We've eaten every can of "emergency" soup in the cupboard.
The three-day weekend allowed us to wallow in it. The kids took long baths and then put on fresh jammies regardless of the time of day. We went outside (fresh air. I believe in fresh air.) with snowsuits over jammies. We watched movies and read every book in Tuff's book case. We opened a brand new pack of markers. Sweet & I are working our way through "Farmer Boy" and we made a good dent this weekend. Hot Stuff & I gave ourselves permission to read.... trashy novels and magazines.... saying we were saving our strength so we didn't come down with anything. We painted the laundry room wall black (what? How did that sneak in there? Black? In the laundry room? More later....). We didn't go ANYWHERE. Well, Hot Stuff ventured out for movies and an egg from his mom. (For baking bread.)
Tuff does this hilarious full body shudder when she takes medicine. Sweet likes to chase his with a shot of juice. Hot Stuff & I drank whiskey... medicinally, of course. Several days later and we are both still snot-free so it MUST be working.....
Friday, February 15, 2008
VD Wrap Up
It was a great evening.
Steak. Salad. Steamed veggies. Wine.
Hot Stuff got home early and the house was tidy and there were presents on the table. I got THE SWEETEST card from my son. My in-law's came down with cupcakes, cookies, candy & cards and had a glass of wine with us. My sis-in-law (you over-achiever you) sent cookies, brownies and cute homemade cards.... Which makes me feel totally guilty but we all already know I can't keep up with her in the cute-family-moments department so I've forgiven myself and I don't worry about it.
Normally I don't think of Valentine's Day as a big gift giving holiday but, like so many of my perceptions, kids are changing that a bit.... Sweet got a new puzzle, an activity pad & some candy. Tuff got watercolors (so she stops using her brother's), notepads & some candy. We love the dollar store. Hot Stuff got a new chain for his wedding ring & St. Florian medal and a gc to his favorite store. (See honey, I do listen!) I got a bracelet I've been hinting heavily about.... (Lauren's Hope Medical Id) and....
A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO GET MY CAR CARPET SHAMPOO-ed. OMG. That's true love. I love you honey. Seriously. The SMELL in my Beautiful. New. Car is completely overwhelming. I've cleaned and cleaned and can't find the source. Professional cleaning is the only thing that will fix it... I hope. I have no idea how much it cost... too much, I'm sure... but I don't care.... it MUST BE FIXED. (Preferably before the weather warms up because I have a sneaking suspicion the smell is milk-based... ew.)
That, my friends, is true love.
Steak. Salad. Steamed veggies. Wine.
Hot Stuff got home early and the house was tidy and there were presents on the table. I got THE SWEETEST card from my son. My in-law's came down with cupcakes, cookies, candy & cards and had a glass of wine with us. My sis-in-law (you over-achiever you) sent cookies, brownies and cute homemade cards.... Which makes me feel totally guilty but we all already know I can't keep up with her in the cute-family-moments department so I've forgiven myself and I don't worry about it.
Normally I don't think of Valentine's Day as a big gift giving holiday but, like so many of my perceptions, kids are changing that a bit.... Sweet got a new puzzle, an activity pad & some candy. Tuff got watercolors (so she stops using her brother's), notepads & some candy. We love the dollar store. Hot Stuff got a new chain for his wedding ring & St. Florian medal and a gc to his favorite store. (See honey, I do listen!) I got a bracelet I've been hinting heavily about.... (Lauren's Hope Medical Id) and....
A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO GET MY CAR CARPET SHAMPOO-ed. OMG. That's true love. I love you honey. Seriously. The SMELL in my Beautiful. New. Car is completely overwhelming. I've cleaned and cleaned and can't find the source. Professional cleaning is the only thing that will fix it... I hope. I have no idea how much it cost... too much, I'm sure... but I don't care.... it MUST BE FIXED. (Preferably before the weather warms up because I have a sneaking suspicion the smell is milk-based... ew.)
That, my friends, is true love.
He's a funny boy....
So the FamDamily is in the process of buying a new combine. Let me rephrase... newER combine.
And my brother is in charge.
You see the problem already, don't you??
They've been "shopping" for a deal for several years now and he found them a winner..... I won't go into the whole process because it will bore the hell out of you.... but, basically, he bought a combine -sight unseen- for, well, a price tag that would make you flinch.
So I get an email last night that says:
Well, the good news is they screwed the ad up, it's actually a 2388, not a 2188. The bad news is it's in a little rougher shape than we were hoping -
See attached photos.
ha-ha. Funny Boy.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Celebration of Love
Traditionally, we make lasagna for Valentine's Day.
One year, when I was preggo with Sweet, we went "out" for dinner. It was, um, an experience. Delayed seating, delayed service, rubbery lobster legs, run-outta shrimp, cold steak.... it was FUN.
And we swore... never again. (I feel kinda like Scarlet saying that... but it was fun dressing up..... I broke out the cute red maternity top (Elle... you know the one....) for the occasion... even though I was in no way large enough for maternity wear at that point.... I'd like to think sympathy for the preggers woman is what FINALLY got us service that night....)
Now we make lasagna and salad and drink wine.... except tonight.
Tonight we are having steak.
There are 3 reasons we are having steak.
1. We can't afford lasagna.
2. Steak is quick.
3. Hot Stuff is dieting.... again.
I think we are having round steaks... I can't quite remember what package I pulled out of the freezer..... We will probably stick them under the broiler.... or pan fry them. It is too miserable to dig out the bbq. Turn off the tv, turn on the ipod. Put the kids to work tearing up lettuce for the salad.
Add red wine & dark chocolate.
Serve.
One year, when I was preggo with Sweet, we went "out" for dinner. It was, um, an experience. Delayed seating, delayed service, rubbery lobster legs, run-outta shrimp, cold steak.... it was FUN.
And we swore... never again. (I feel kinda like Scarlet saying that... but it was fun dressing up..... I broke out the cute red maternity top (Elle... you know the one....) for the occasion... even though I was in no way large enough for maternity wear at that point.... I'd like to think sympathy for the preggers woman is what FINALLY got us service that night....)
Now we make lasagna and salad and drink wine.... except tonight.
Tonight we are having steak.
There are 3 reasons we are having steak.
1. We can't afford lasagna.
2. Steak is quick.
3. Hot Stuff is dieting.... again.
I think we are having round steaks... I can't quite remember what package I pulled out of the freezer..... We will probably stick them under the broiler.... or pan fry them. It is too miserable to dig out the bbq. Turn off the tv, turn on the ipod. Put the kids to work tearing up lettuce for the salad.
Add red wine & dark chocolate.
Serve.
The Game
We are playing the game... again. The "are my folks visiting or not" game.... I don't exactly mind this game it is just that we play it so often.
I blame my parents for my commitment issues.
No trip or project is ever scheduled until the last minute. Then it is a mad dash miserable fight scurry to get things to work out.
I like to think that has made me easy-going and flexible.
The truth is it makes me neurotic, over-planning, and unable to commit.
It isn't like they don't have good reasons.
The pickup has a flat tire. The roads are bad. The heifers are due to start calving soon.
They have to go half way by 2:00 today because dad has an mri. The plan was to come the rest of the way, spend the night, load up a bunch of junk they are taking from my work basement (a long story) and go home tomorrow afternoon.
I'm lucky my work schedule is flexible because at this point my schedule is.... "Um, I'm coming in tomorrow.... sometime. Probably early afternoon.... or in the morning.... or something...."
So we may or may not be having company tonight. They usually stay in Sweet's room and I have clean sheets for that bed but I haven't committed enough to put them on just yet....
I blame my parents for my commitment issues.
No trip or project is ever scheduled until the last minute. Then it is a mad dash miserable fight scurry to get things to work out.
I like to think that has made me easy-going and flexible.
The truth is it makes me neurotic, over-planning, and unable to commit.
It isn't like they don't have good reasons.
The pickup has a flat tire. The roads are bad. The heifers are due to start calving soon.
They have to go half way by 2:00 today because dad has an mri. The plan was to come the rest of the way, spend the night, load up a bunch of junk they are taking from my work basement (a long story) and go home tomorrow afternoon.
I'm lucky my work schedule is flexible because at this point my schedule is.... "Um, I'm coming in tomorrow.... sometime. Probably early afternoon.... or in the morning.... or something...."
So we may or may not be having company tonight. They usually stay in Sweet's room and I have clean sheets for that bed but I haven't committed enough to put them on just yet....
Monday, February 04, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Christmas at the Farm... I just found this pictures.
Subtitled: Why yes, that IS a gun sticking out of the back of his sweatshirt.
Subtitled: The photo BEFORE Grandpa taught him how to shoot the angel of the top of the tree.
Subtitled: The photo BEFORE Grandpa taught him how to shoot the angel of the top of the tree.
Too much talk, not enough pictures.
Subtitled: Redneck Christmas
Subtitled: Jay-zus... look at that carpet.
Subtitled: Jay-zus... look at that carpet.
Activities
I want high speed internet. Ya'll have NO IDEA how jealous I am... or is it envious?
And I am dreading entering that "activities" phase of childhood. So far I can get away with $3.00 worth of rides on the carousel and a promise to eat ice cream as soon as we get home. I figure I have another year.
Ok.... this is kind of petty but do any of you feel compelled to "keep up with the Jones's" when it comes to activities? Let me throw out two scenarios.
Scenario 1: Preschool. My son will be 4 on June 1st. He is not in preschool. He is not going to be in preschool. He is going to be one of those disadvantaged Kindergarteners. How bad should I feel about this? And is it ok, when someone asks if he is in preschool, to look at them cooly and respond, "We are home-schooling him for preschool. We just don't feel preschools have high enough standards for him. He's advanced, you know.... but I'm sure they are fine for your kids." Is that bitchy? Because my alternative is to just look at them and blink slowly.
Scenario 2: The friends or family with kids in multiple activities every season. How many activities are too many? My kids are still little enough that a trip to the library with a cookie break at the bakery is reason to celebrate. We are simple. Or maybe it should read: We are Simple. We spent $30 for 6 swim lessons this summer..... my sis-in-law's two kids each have a private swim lesson every week year-round. We can afford (in time and money) maybe one activity per kid per season. ONE. And keep your summers open, kiddies, because you are going to the farm to work... if you are lucky they will pay you with a truck load of wheat. Am I talking out my ass? Will I live to eat these words in a few years? And will they taste like chicken? (If so... I might as well toss in Hot Stuff's words of wisdom.... There will be no video games in this house. Mmm... maybe them there words WILL taste like chicken.)
And I am dreading entering that "activities" phase of childhood. So far I can get away with $3.00 worth of rides on the carousel and a promise to eat ice cream as soon as we get home. I figure I have another year.
Ok.... this is kind of petty but do any of you feel compelled to "keep up with the Jones's" when it comes to activities? Let me throw out two scenarios.
Scenario 1: Preschool. My son will be 4 on June 1st. He is not in preschool. He is not going to be in preschool. He is going to be one of those disadvantaged Kindergarteners. How bad should I feel about this? And is it ok, when someone asks if he is in preschool, to look at them cooly and respond, "We are home-schooling him for preschool. We just don't feel preschools have high enough standards for him. He's advanced, you know.... but I'm sure they are fine for your kids." Is that bitchy? Because my alternative is to just look at them and blink slowly.
Scenario 2: The friends or family with kids in multiple activities every season. How many activities are too many? My kids are still little enough that a trip to the library with a cookie break at the bakery is reason to celebrate. We are simple. Or maybe it should read: We are Simple. We spent $30 for 6 swim lessons this summer..... my sis-in-law's two kids each have a private swim lesson every week year-round. We can afford (in time and money) maybe one activity per kid per season. ONE. And keep your summers open, kiddies, because you are going to the farm to work... if you are lucky they will pay you with a truck load of wheat. Am I talking out my ass? Will I live to eat these words in a few years? And will they taste like chicken? (If so... I might as well toss in Hot Stuff's words of wisdom.... There will be no video games in this house. Mmm... maybe them there words WILL taste like chicken.)
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